Guest guest Posted April 10, 2001 Report Share Posted April 10, 2001 You know I have to tell you a story. I was just washing the dishes and I realized something we all have in common. And at this point I am sending a huge pat on the back to all of you for what fine parents you are. Let me tell you a short story (I'll try to make it short!!) that illustrates my new findings! The caretaker at our school is a good friend of mine. He has a son in Grade 1 (who's name just happens to be Adam as well--I think the name is jinxed!) But anyway, a week ago at his parent/teacher interviews the teacher noted that he has had a lot of problems focusing on his work, and that he is not able to retain information, and she is only able to get work out of him when she sits beside him. As a result she wants to bring him to (what we call) SBST. (it's an informal meeting, beginning stages, where just the special ed. teacher, principal, classroom teacher formally document concerns and possibly come up with some strategies). Very low key type of thing (in comparison to IEP meetings etc.). So what happens?? His wife leaves the meeting, in his words, in hysterics. The kids were being babysat by his parents. The wife goes into the in laws' house and absolutely rips into this poor child. She says (and I quote) " Do you know what people think of me now?? They think I'm a bad mother. How can you do this to me? You know what I have?? A STUPID son. Everyone knows now my son is STUPID " (add in a few swear words and you got exactly what she said to this six year old). Now flash to the caretaker coming to me for advice (I teach special ed.). So I try to get an idea of where the kid is at, but he doesn't have a clue (can he read? I don't know--you get the idea). So I volunteered to go to his son's school and meet with the teacher to devise a remedial program he could do at home with his son. But I can't do that unless I know where the weaknesses are. So flash to meeting the teacher after school yesterday. She was great and said, in my 'teacher' opinion all the right things. She knows her stuff. She did say that since the parent teacher night, Adam had been acting really badly. (Of course, we didn't tell her what his mother had said to him) but I certainly blasted my friend when we left. I said if no one else is going to be an advocate for your son, then YOU DO IT. He needs to be protected from his own mother. Flash to today. My friend went home and told his wife what his son's behaviour has been like since she flipped on him. The wife says " So, that's the teacher's problem, she can deal with him " . (totally missing the point--personally I would have been reduced to tears of guilt at that point). OK so today he goes to the meeting. I got up early this morning and wrote a long list of things he should discuss and ask for during the meeting. He was very grateful and said that it helped a lot. The school recommended a pediatric assessment (now that's not a call we would make at this point, but obviously there are some health issues, he has skin rashes and is frequently sick, so I can see the possibility). So he calls his wife at work and she says " that's bull---- I'm not wasting MY time " . He finally does some standing up and says too bad. So she calls the pediatrician and he says that he can do the assessment. Now that's far fetched. I have been down all these roads with my Adam and the regular ped. can't do that. I mean they don't have the proper facilities to do a hearing test or vision test. And if this is the regular ped. what exactly is he going to assess? Hasn't he seen the kid all the way along and could probably write a summary without examining him?? Is he really going to find something (like ADHD or a hearing problem) that he hasn't seen or picked up on already???? So that leads me back to our pat on the back. (I tried to make the story short). When I last talked to him today he said he had a splitting headache and was overwhelmed (I gave him a few activities that he could do with his son to help in his learning). I said " welcome to my world but multiply that by at least a 100 and factor in I'm a single mother doing all of this. " So as I washed the dishes tonight, I thought about this mother who is into heavy denial which compared to what we go through, is PEANUTS!! And I thought to myself, you know what?? God (or who ever you believe in) only gives these special, loving kids that we have to the ones who can handle it. Have you ever had someone say " I don't know how you do it?? " I have, lots of times. But you know what?? God (or again, whoever) gave us these wonderful gifts, these special joys in our lives because He knew we would do everything and more to love and care for them. So my hats are off to all of you. You care and go so far for your children. They are lucky to have you!!!!! Debby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2001 Report Share Posted April 10, 2001 That poor child. Unless Dad stands up to her (or leaves her), that poor child may be doomed. RSS-Support wrote: > You know I have to tell you a story. I was just washing the dishes and I realized something > we all have in common. And at this point I am sending a huge pat on the back to all of you > for what fine parents you are. > > Let me tell you a short story (I'll try to make it short!!) that illustrates my new > findings! The caretaker at our school is a good friend of mine. He has a son in Grade 1 > (who's name just happens to be Adam as well--I think the name is jinxed!) But anyway, a week > ago at his parent/teacher interviews the teacher noted that he has had a lot of problems > focusing on his work, and that he is not able to retain information, and she is only able to > get work out of him when she sits beside him. As a result she wants to bring him to (what we > call) SBST. (it's an informal meeting, beginning stages, where just the special ed. teacher, > principal, classroom teacher formally document concerns and possibly come up with some > strategies). Very low key type of thing (in comparison to IEP meetings etc.). > So what happens?? His wife leaves the meeting, in his words, in hysterics. The kids were > being babysat by his parents. The wife goes into the in laws' house and absolutely rips into > this poor child. She says (and I quote) " Do you know what people think of me now?? They > think I'm a bad mother. How can you do this to me? You know what I have?? A STUPID son. > Everyone knows now my son is STUPID " (add in a few swear words and you got exactly what she > said to this six year old). > > Now flash to the caretaker coming to me for advice (I teach special ed.). So I try to get an > idea of where the kid is at, but he doesn't have a clue (can he read? I don't know--you get > the idea). So I volunteered to go to his son's school and meet with the teacher to devise a > remedial program he could do at home with his son. But I can't do that unless I know where > the weaknesses are. > > So flash to meeting the teacher after school yesterday. She was great and said, in my > 'teacher' opinion all the right things. She knows her stuff. She did say that since the > parent teacher night, Adam had been acting really badly. (Of course, we didn't tell her what > his mother had said to him) but I certainly blasted my friend when we left. I said if no one > else is going to be an advocate for your son, then YOU DO IT. He needs to be protected from > his own mother. > > Flash to today. My friend went home and told his wife what his son's behaviour has been like > since she flipped on him. The wife says " So, that's the teacher's problem, she can deal with > him " . (totally missing the point--personally I would have been reduced to tears of guilt at > that point). > > OK so today he goes to the meeting. I got up early this morning and wrote a long list of > things he should discuss and ask for during the meeting. He was very grateful and said that > it helped a lot. The school recommended a pediatric assessment (now that's not a call we > would make at this point, but obviously there are some health issues, he has skin rashes and > is frequently sick, so I can see the possibility). So he calls his wife at work and she says > " that's bull---- I'm not wasting MY time " . He finally does some standing up and says too > bad. > > So she calls the pediatrician and he says that he can do the assessment. Now that's far > fetched. I have been down all these roads with my Adam and the regular ped. can't do that. I > mean they don't have the proper facilities to do a hearing test or vision test. And if this > is the regular ped. what exactly is he going to assess? Hasn't he seen the kid all the way > along and could probably write a summary without examining him?? Is he really going to find > something (like ADHD or a hearing problem) that he hasn't seen or picked up on already???? > > So that leads me back to our pat on the back. (I tried to make the story short). When I last > talked to him today he said he had a splitting headache and was overwhelmed (I gave him a > few activities that he could do with his son to help in his learning). I said " welcome to my > world but multiply that by at least a 100 and factor in I'm a single mother doing all of > this. " > > So as I washed the dishes tonight, I thought about this mother who is into heavy denial > which compared to what we go through, is PEANUTS!! And I thought to myself, you know what?? > God (or who ever you believe in) only gives these special, loving kids that we have to the > ones who can handle it. Have you ever had someone say " I don't know how you do it?? " I have, > lots of times. But you know what?? God (or again, whoever) gave us these wonderful gifts, > these special joys in our lives because He knew we would do everything and more to love and > care for them. > > So my hats are off to all of you. You care and go so far for your children. They are lucky > to have you!!!!! > > Debby > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2001 Report Share Posted April 10, 2001 That poor child. Unless Dad stands up to her (or leaves her), that poor child may be doomed. RSS-Support wrote: > You know I have to tell you a story. I was just washing the dishes and I realized something > we all have in common. And at this point I am sending a huge pat on the back to all of you > for what fine parents you are. > > Let me tell you a short story (I'll try to make it short!!) that illustrates my new > findings! The caretaker at our school is a good friend of mine. He has a son in Grade 1 > (who's name just happens to be Adam as well--I think the name is jinxed!) But anyway, a week > ago at his parent/teacher interviews the teacher noted that he has had a lot of problems > focusing on his work, and that he is not able to retain information, and she is only able to > get work out of him when she sits beside him. As a result she wants to bring him to (what we > call) SBST. (it's an informal meeting, beginning stages, where just the special ed. teacher, > principal, classroom teacher formally document concerns and possibly come up with some > strategies). Very low key type of thing (in comparison to IEP meetings etc.). > So what happens?? His wife leaves the meeting, in his words, in hysterics. The kids were > being babysat by his parents. The wife goes into the in laws' house and absolutely rips into > this poor child. She says (and I quote) " Do you know what people think of me now?? They > think I'm a bad mother. How can you do this to me? You know what I have?? A STUPID son. > Everyone knows now my son is STUPID " (add in a few swear words and you got exactly what she > said to this six year old). > > Now flash to the caretaker coming to me for advice (I teach special ed.). So I try to get an > idea of where the kid is at, but he doesn't have a clue (can he read? I don't know--you get > the idea). So I volunteered to go to his son's school and meet with the teacher to devise a > remedial program he could do at home with his son. But I can't do that unless I know where > the weaknesses are. > > So flash to meeting the teacher after school yesterday. She was great and said, in my > 'teacher' opinion all the right things. She knows her stuff. She did say that since the > parent teacher night, Adam had been acting really badly. (Of course, we didn't tell her what > his mother had said to him) but I certainly blasted my friend when we left. I said if no one > else is going to be an advocate for your son, then YOU DO IT. He needs to be protected from > his own mother. > > Flash to today. My friend went home and told his wife what his son's behaviour has been like > since she flipped on him. The wife says " So, that's the teacher's problem, she can deal with > him " . (totally missing the point--personally I would have been reduced to tears of guilt at > that point). > > OK so today he goes to the meeting. I got up early this morning and wrote a long list of > things he should discuss and ask for during the meeting. He was very grateful and said that > it helped a lot. The school recommended a pediatric assessment (now that's not a call we > would make at this point, but obviously there are some health issues, he has skin rashes and > is frequently sick, so I can see the possibility). So he calls his wife at work and she says > " that's bull---- I'm not wasting MY time " . He finally does some standing up and says too > bad. > > So she calls the pediatrician and he says that he can do the assessment. Now that's far > fetched. I have been down all these roads with my Adam and the regular ped. can't do that. I > mean they don't have the proper facilities to do a hearing test or vision test. And if this > is the regular ped. what exactly is he going to assess? Hasn't he seen the kid all the way > along and could probably write a summary without examining him?? Is he really going to find > something (like ADHD or a hearing problem) that he hasn't seen or picked up on already???? > > So that leads me back to our pat on the back. (I tried to make the story short). When I last > talked to him today he said he had a splitting headache and was overwhelmed (I gave him a > few activities that he could do with his son to help in his learning). I said " welcome to my > world but multiply that by at least a 100 and factor in I'm a single mother doing all of > this. " > > So as I washed the dishes tonight, I thought about this mother who is into heavy denial > which compared to what we go through, is PEANUTS!! And I thought to myself, you know what?? > God (or who ever you believe in) only gives these special, loving kids that we have to the > ones who can handle it. Have you ever had someone say " I don't know how you do it?? " I have, > lots of times. But you know what?? God (or again, whoever) gave us these wonderful gifts, > these special joys in our lives because He knew we would do everything and more to love and > care for them. > > So my hats are off to all of you. You care and go so far for your children. They are lucky > to have you!!!!! > > Debby > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2001 Report Share Posted April 10, 2001 That poor child. Unless Dad stands up to her (or leaves her), that poor child may be doomed. RSS-Support wrote: > You know I have to tell you a story. I was just washing the dishes and I realized something > we all have in common. And at this point I am sending a huge pat on the back to all of you > for what fine parents you are. > > Let me tell you a short story (I'll try to make it short!!) that illustrates my new > findings! The caretaker at our school is a good friend of mine. He has a son in Grade 1 > (who's name just happens to be Adam as well--I think the name is jinxed!) But anyway, a week > ago at his parent/teacher interviews the teacher noted that he has had a lot of problems > focusing on his work, and that he is not able to retain information, and she is only able to > get work out of him when she sits beside him. As a result she wants to bring him to (what we > call) SBST. (it's an informal meeting, beginning stages, where just the special ed. teacher, > principal, classroom teacher formally document concerns and possibly come up with some > strategies). Very low key type of thing (in comparison to IEP meetings etc.). > So what happens?? His wife leaves the meeting, in his words, in hysterics. The kids were > being babysat by his parents. The wife goes into the in laws' house and absolutely rips into > this poor child. She says (and I quote) " Do you know what people think of me now?? They > think I'm a bad mother. How can you do this to me? You know what I have?? A STUPID son. > Everyone knows now my son is STUPID " (add in a few swear words and you got exactly what she > said to this six year old). > > Now flash to the caretaker coming to me for advice (I teach special ed.). So I try to get an > idea of where the kid is at, but he doesn't have a clue (can he read? I don't know--you get > the idea). So I volunteered to go to his son's school and meet with the teacher to devise a > remedial program he could do at home with his son. But I can't do that unless I know where > the weaknesses are. > > So flash to meeting the teacher after school yesterday. She was great and said, in my > 'teacher' opinion all the right things. She knows her stuff. She did say that since the > parent teacher night, Adam had been acting really badly. (Of course, we didn't tell her what > his mother had said to him) but I certainly blasted my friend when we left. I said if no one > else is going to be an advocate for your son, then YOU DO IT. He needs to be protected from > his own mother. > > Flash to today. My friend went home and told his wife what his son's behaviour has been like > since she flipped on him. The wife says " So, that's the teacher's problem, she can deal with > him " . (totally missing the point--personally I would have been reduced to tears of guilt at > that point). > > OK so today he goes to the meeting. I got up early this morning and wrote a long list of > things he should discuss and ask for during the meeting. He was very grateful and said that > it helped a lot. The school recommended a pediatric assessment (now that's not a call we > would make at this point, but obviously there are some health issues, he has skin rashes and > is frequently sick, so I can see the possibility). So he calls his wife at work and she says > " that's bull---- I'm not wasting MY time " . He finally does some standing up and says too > bad. > > So she calls the pediatrician and he says that he can do the assessment. Now that's far > fetched. I have been down all these roads with my Adam and the regular ped. can't do that. I > mean they don't have the proper facilities to do a hearing test or vision test. And if this > is the regular ped. what exactly is he going to assess? Hasn't he seen the kid all the way > along and could probably write a summary without examining him?? Is he really going to find > something (like ADHD or a hearing problem) that he hasn't seen or picked up on already???? > > So that leads me back to our pat on the back. (I tried to make the story short). When I last > talked to him today he said he had a splitting headache and was overwhelmed (I gave him a > few activities that he could do with his son to help in his learning). I said " welcome to my > world but multiply that by at least a 100 and factor in I'm a single mother doing all of > this. " > > So as I washed the dishes tonight, I thought about this mother who is into heavy denial > which compared to what we go through, is PEANUTS!! And I thought to myself, you know what?? > God (or who ever you believe in) only gives these special, loving kids that we have to the > ones who can handle it. Have you ever had someone say " I don't know how you do it?? " I have, > lots of times. But you know what?? God (or again, whoever) gave us these wonderful gifts, > these special joys in our lives because He knew we would do everything and more to love and > care for them. > > So my hats are off to all of you. You care and go so far for your children. They are lucky > to have you!!!!! > > Debby > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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