RE: mother/selfimage/dieting

January 25, 2004

I agree with Tory here in that I saw my P.E. teachers doing the same thing,

working out part of the day but not the entire day and also trying as best

as they could to promote good nutrition and overall health habits. Sometimes

teachers have to impart information to a mass of students and I think that

they do the best they can in most cases to get that information out, even if

sometimes their methods might not appeal to certain individuals.

Just a comment on that too from an article in the L.A. Times magazine--hope

no one minds. A writer had an article on her weight gain and self-image

while pregnant (she had gone up to 198 at 5'5 " and gotten down to 170 after

the birth), but couldn't shake the pregnancy weight. She had been tied up in

body image as some of us were and feminism and finally got down to 128, but

she had some interesting quotes: " Body image is a stubborn and complex

thing, created by every experience we've ever had. It can't be reshaped

quickly or easily by anything--not politics or therapy, or even the love in

a child's eyes.

For most of us, reconciling the trilogy of thinking, feeling and doing is

tricky, and rarely do we reach any kind of permanent stasis. " I guess each

one of us needs to shape and mold our own body image with what we desire and

no one else.

I think that we all need to find what works for US individually and to go

forward with our own programs and not the desires of anyone in the past,

hard as that might be sometimes. We're all here to support each other in our

efforts and I think that we all have each others' best interests at heart on

the list. I sort of missed the discussion that Lyn tabled with the child's

weight issues or questions about that, but I think that we all are here for

each other in whatever struggles or questions we might have.

My computer has been down somewhat while we get the info transferred to a

new one (massive task...) and I'm planning a Spiderman party today for my 5

year old, so I may not post as often as I'd like but I support all of you

out there.

I'm taking an online Spanish class and the teacher made a comment at the

in-person orientation that the computer screen is just that, a board or a

screen with NO nuances of speech or no facial expressions and that sometimes

things written on here might seem harsh or out of character and the person

doesn't mean it that way. Since we have no face to face contact to back up

or explain our questions or comments, sometimes a person might take it the

wrong way.

I think that we all have each other's best interests for success on here and

we have shoulders to lean on for any slips or struggles, just my opinion

anyway!!! Good list and good support for us on our journeys!! Sorry if this

is too long...

RE: mother/selfimage/dieting

While I don't agree with her methods, most PE teachers work out with one

or maybe two classes a day as to do it with every class would put too

much stress on their bodies. Kids don't think about that. We (as kids)

just see the teacher " making us run " while they aren't, despite the fact

that they may very well have run the period before or will run later in

the day. Most of our PE teachers will work out with their kids, just not

every hour.

I do think it's time to let go of the frustrations you experienced in

grade school over exercise. Right now this is about you, not your gym

teacher from years ago. Is holding on to anger and resentment going to

benefit your body? No. But getting out there and finding your own

relationship with physical exercise IS going to benefit you and take you

WAY beyond those resentments. I think many of us with weight issues grew

up hating exercise; hating how we felt as we missed the ball in class

and the " cool kids " yelled at us, hating how it felt to try to run with

a painful stitch in our sides, hating giving it our all and it didn't

even match the half-hearted efforts of the athletic kids. But we need to

say to ourselves that the past is in the past. We're adults now. We have

January 25, 2004

Nothing shared from the heart is ever " too long. " Please don't

apologize.

I've been thinking a lot about this particular topic today and even

discussed it with my husband. There are always going to be things in our

lives that contribute to how we react to things. My own weight issues

have some root in things that happened in my childhood. I had a mother

who made it very clear that my weight was a HUGE issue for her. I always

felt like my brother and sisters were more valued than I was because

they were so much more attractive than I was. I had the same experiences

many of us have had; being picked last in PE, being made fun of when I

couldn't hit the ball in volleyball, giving it my all and still getting

the " attempted-D " grade on the Physical Fitness test, being made fun of,

etc. All of those things are a part of who I am and what shaped my self

image.

But are those things that made me fat? Well no. What made me fat was

that I ate more calories than I burned off, simple as that. Certainly

those experiences contributed to my overeating, but ultimately my own

behaviors were responsible for my weight gain. The " blame " lies with me

and only with me. Why? Because once I can identify and voice that

something happened that hurt me and partially shaped my attitudes, then

it is up to me to take control over it. I am at a crossroads once I

recognize that a PE teacher made me feel bad, my mom hurt me, or it was

painful to be chosen last. One road is the corner of " Blame " and

" Excuses. " I can take that road and blame everyone and everything in my

life for my weight loss. But who is suffering? Me. I am the only one

left suffering from these situations.

OR...I can take the roads " Self Control " and " Change " and become a

catalyst for change in my own life. I believe wholeheartedly that once I

recognize the " why " of a situation it is my responsibility, as an adult,

to do something about it. Sometimes I may not be able to do it on my

own. I might need a support system, or even professional help, but I

must take the right road if I am ever to become a whole person.

So if you're trudging down the roads " Blame " and " Excuses " stop now and

take control of your life and remove ALL power from those in your past

who have hurt you. Do an about face and make a change!

> RE: mother/selfimage/dieting

>

> While I don't agree with her methods, most PE teachers work

> out with one or maybe two classes a day as to do it with

> every class would put too much stress on their bodies. Kids

> don't think about that. We (as kids) just see the teacher

> " making us run " while they aren't, despite the fact that they

> may very well have run the period before or will run later in

> the day. Most of our PE teachers will work out with their

> kids, just not every hour.

>

> I do think it's time to let go of the frustrations you

> experienced in grade school over exercise. Right now this is

> about you, not your gym teacher from years ago. Is holding on

> to anger and resentment going to benefit your body? No. But

> getting out there and finding your own relationship with

> physical exercise IS going to benefit you and take you WAY

> beyond those resentments. I think many of us with weight

> issues grew up hating exercise; hating how we felt as we

> missed the ball in class and the " cool kids " yelled at us,

> hating how it felt to try to run with a painful stitch in our

> sides, hating giving it our all and it didn't even match the

> half-hearted efforts of the athletic kids. But we need to say

> to ourselves that the past is in the past. We're adults now. We have

>

January 26, 2004

Hey Tory!!

Good post here, such a deep subject here isn't it?? For alot of us, we can

follow a " diet " or weight loss program and the weight comes off but for it

to STAY off sometimes we need to face triggers and issues from the past and

let them go.

There are SO many factors in the backgrounds of those of us that are

struggling with weight issues and it's so darn complex.

I think that the more we think about it and delve into it, the better

equipped we are to let go of it and move on as adults.

When I think about it, I come up with issues and reasons I never even really

atributed to the weight troubles.

With my mom, she'd buy cupcakes and small bags of chips, etc. for my

brothers but not for me because I had some extra weight--looking back on it,

I sure wish I looked like that NOW, lol!! It wasn't a whole lot of extra

weight but it seemed to concern her and for a long time I'd really wonder

why I liked having alot of food in my cupboards when I got my own house.

Since I've been an adult, I've gone up and down and each time she'd say good

things when I was down but could tell the " ups " didn't really make her

happy. Now that I'm down again (or almost to goal) for the last time, she'll

say that I'm " getting there " and I just think to myself, whatever. I'm

making ME happy and being healthy also, plus wanting to set good examples

for my kids too.

Keep sharing the insights because I know I need them!!