Re: Robynn, what is different now post-op

[Guest guest]

Gem,

I totally appreciate you being here on list! Your advice and experience really helps me. You are also inspiring. You make me feel that this journey is going to be worth it and that there is a real chance that I can succeed.

Thanks!

in OR

[Guest guest]

Gem,

I totally appreciate you being here on list! Your advice and experience really helps me. You are also inspiring. You make me feel that this journey is going to be worth it and that there is a real chance that I can succeed.

Thanks!

in OR

[Guest guest]

Ok. I can do that. It's good to know this part of the equation, because I don't want to be unprepared.

Your comment about watching how thin people eat is a good one. I've done that for a while, and I often thought, "Aren't they starving too death?!?" when I see them (particularly thin women) eat so little. I imagine the reduced stomach will get me in the habit of that ...and that in the beginning at least, I'll feel sufficiently sated. And then, with time, when the tummy is a little less tiny, I'll have the good habits in place. And I'll stick to those good habits.

I can see that this support group is going to be a critical component to my success. For one thing, some of the things said are so dead on that I can't help but recognize it as truth. I, too, frequently delude myself as to how much I am eating. I think that I didn't eat much during the day...but then I recount it and realize that I've consumed a lot more than I originally thought I had. I have kept food diaries in the past, and they definitely help you to stay honest.

I like what you said about support groups. I've been in personal therapy in the past...and right now, I've been in therapy for about 9 months (partly due to a separation with my husband that I initiated). I have been surprised at how the dynamic of having other people weigh in on the same issue has really hit me deeply...in a way that therapy doesn't always. There is something about being around people who "get it", and who have been there...or who ARE there...that makes it harder to avoid the truth about myself. Truly, Gem...reading your e-mail the other day, well...it was a watershed moment. It opened up all kinds of things, and made me come to the oh so important realization that I have used my weight as my pentulimate excuse for so many things...because it is somehow easier to think that all I have to do is shed a few pounds, and I'll be fixed. Fine. Perfect.

The reality is that I need to get rid of this weight so that I can focus on some deeper, more difficult areas of my own growth. I need to get rid of food as drug, so that I can approach my grief and emotional issues head on...and not avoid it in a carbo-induced haze. Even though, in many respects, all of that is somewhat obvious...and I've probably even consciously realized this in the past...this is the first time that it clicked. It was a watershed moment for me. An epiphany. And I think that epiphany is going to help me actually get started on this journey: the journey that begins with weight loss, but that ends (after lots of work) with self-actualization.

I am excited and hopeful. And I want to thank you for your help, your honesty, and your insight. I am going to get there, this time. I am sure of it. And once I'm there, I'll fight like mad to keep myself moving forward in a positive direction...because, well...who needs the alternative?gemellodigiovanni wrote:

Robynn:You are asking some very key questions. I have been post-op for 18 months. I reached goal on 10/16/04 (-153 lbs). Wow, the time has flown by.Yes, I believe we all have the fear of taking our eye off the ball. I still have that fear. The difference now is support groups. Some people have asked why I still attend since I've reached goal. Well, I have to tell you that I need support groups as much now as ever. I know that I cannot do this by myself. I need to be reminded on a regular basis that I matter, that I am responsible for my actions, and that I can succeed.In support groups (online and in person) I get fresh perspectives on our common struggles, but I also feel the joy of celebrating others' successes and my own. Sharing my story not only

helps me, but hopefully inspires others, just as others have inspired me.The most important thing about support groups is that it keeps me in check. If things start to go haywire, I can reach out for help. The sooner I refocus, the less damage is done. Dealing with a 2 lb weight gain is so much more easy than a 50 lb weight gain.I have to admit that I love Carnie . I think she is so brave and beautiful (inside and out). She was my original inspiration. However, I think she's got a particularly difficult situation. I believe that she needs a support group like we have. I also cannot fathom having to be accountable for my weight in front of the world media. In that respect, being an anonymous nobody makes this somewhat easier. We are all free to be as anonymous as we feel comfortable in our support groups.To answer your question, yes, I've lost and

gained hundreds of pounds over the years. I'm an expert at losing, just as I'm sure we all are. The maintenance is the scary part, which is where I am now. And the struggle is much more emotional than physical. I know what to do food wise. I'm still learning how to be me--emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.And if you can believe it, I have to eat MORE calories to maintain my weight. I can't stay in a weight loss mode forever. I log all of what I'm eating on fitday.com to make sure that I'm in balance (intake and output).Dr. Fisher (Kaiser Richmond) and I had a wonderful talk during my last visit. I told him that I'm "white knuckling" my maintenance right now. He said that I should just go with the fear because that will keep me mindful. And that is another key: MINDFUL LIVING. He said that it is normal for me to be spending so much mental

and emotional capital on maintenance, but that with time, it will become less taxing, more natural.Mindful eating and living is the huge difference in the way I live my life. I know that my "auto pilot" is seriously flawed. I used to be able to convince myself that I wasn't eating that much because I was never mindful of how much I was consuming. Now I am keenly aware of how much I consume. Being brutally honest with myself about what I'm eating helps me to keep things under control.But it's not all bad. Now that I'm at maintenance, I can have little treats that I never thought I'd be able to have. For example, last week my supervisor took me out for lunch. I had a New York steak (yum) to get in all of my protein. Then I ordered chocolate cake for dessert. I had two fork fulls, and I savored those two bites with gusto. Everyone at the table could tell how much

I enjoyed those bites. I took the rest of the piece of cake home, and enjoyed it for dessert for three more meals.By tracking my caloric intake on fitday.com, I was able to enjoy this without guilt and take care of my nutritional needs. The huge difference is that I don't need to eat the whole cake to feel satisfied. One regular piece of cake now lasts three to four meals, and I only have a treat like that once every two or three months. This way I don't feel deprived. And it feels normal.Dr. Fisher suggested long ago that I observe normal weighted people and pattern my behavior around food on their way of eating. That has been a real eye opener. Normal weighted people don't always clean their plates. They stop eating when they are full. They only eat what they want; they never eat stuff they don't like just to clean the plate. They eat just enough cake to

satisfy them; they don't need 3, 4 or 5 pieces to fill them up. They don't hide what they eat; they eat out in the open with nothing to hide.Does having a smaller tummy make me crave food less? No. What makes me crave food less is eating the way we are told to eat. If I eat my protein and drink my water and do my exercises, I don't feel the need to binge. However, if I eat too many carbs, the carbaholic in me takes over, and I crave more carbs. But I've found the way to beat that cycle. When I crave carbs, I eat protein, and that serves to even me out, and in no time, I'm back on track.Well, I feel like I'm rambling. I hope this helps.Gemello-153 lbs / at goal> Thank you, Gemello (great name, by the way!)> > And thanks, Pam,

for your welcome. Gem and , how long have you been post-op? Do you mind sharing your stories for a newby like me? I am so excited about the prospect, now that I finally have made the decision to go forward.> > I can't remember who sent the link to the Carnie video clips, but I watched them all last night. Even missed West Wing for it, so you know I'm getting serious!! : ) Thank you for the tip. They were very informative and powerful. The one with the six people telling their stories really got to me. Man do I relate.> > I like this notion that WLS is a tool...and that you can use it to finally succeed where dieting and exercising alone has failed.> > My one fear, and perhaps some of you veterans can address this issue...is that I'll somehow take my eye off the ball again. You know? I mean, in my prior weight

loss efforts, I was dedicated for long enough to lose large amounts of weight (80 lbs, twice...as I indicated in my prior post). But, i could never get down to goal...or if I got there (or close), I started getting complacent, and the pounds would creep back on. Sometimes LEAP back on. So...is there some difference now? i mean, I assume most of you have had unsuccessful attempts in the past...why is this different? > > I understand the physiology, the fact that you aren't as hungry, and so it's a lot easier. I guess that sense of constant deprivation I get when I'm in a major diet mode may ironically be lessened..even though in some strange way, one is "MORE" deprived (on a permanent basis) when you have the surgery. Is it just that if you overeat you'll feel crappy..or is it the psychological knowledge that you've done this huge, draconian thing...and so you need to stick

to it? Or is it that the weight comes off faster, and so you see the results, and that makes it all worthwhile?> > What helps you to keep it off? THe last diary entry that Carnie wrote said that "keeping it off" is now as hard as "getting it off" used to be. Is that because the stomach gradually increases in size, even if you are very careful about the quantities you eat? She has a new book called, "I'm still hungry"...and I've heard about the "post-honeymoon" stage...and the fact that some people regain the weight. I know you can circumvent ANY program if you try hard enough. You can overeat a little bit, day after day...and gradually stretch your pouch...or you can eat little bits all day long. So, I know there are ways...> > But, i guess what I'm wondering is whether you guys have ever lost weight before...and gained it back? What is

different this time? does the diminished tummy make you less prone to think about food...to crave it?> > So many questions....> Thanks!> Robynn