Guest guest Posted November 27, 2009 Report Posted November 27, 2009 Jolene, your being good at your job as a fitness instructor has NOTHING to do with how you 'look'!! One's talent does NOT mean that you have to BE what is created - fashion designers are not runway models, construction workers are not houses, cooks are not food, teachers are not books etc. etc. You are NOT a cardboard cutout of a person, you have an ability to observe and instruct. People choose to utilize those talents or not, their choice. If they are so shallow as to allow an image in their heads to stop themselves from using what you have to offer, well that's their choice. It sounds like you ARE doing a great job so why consider letting that go? Could it be that the problem is more in how you 'see' yourself than how others really do see you? Consider this, your continuing to do what you do best - fitness instructor - is an inspiration and perhaps a healthier example than people get otherwise. Its not how you look but how you feel - within your body as well as how you feel about your body. If you had a client arrive who looked just like you do now, how would you react to her? With a drill instructor attitude or sympathy towards HER needs? Such insight could be helpful for you too :) If you were 'instantly' in perfect shape would have NO problems? Would everyone 'love' you more? We have too long seen ourselves 'wrapped' in junk food - a package of Oreos on one hip, a pizza on our tummy, a peanut butter cup on each cheek etc. But the reality is more that those layers of what we think of as excess body are swaddling of comfort and protection. When we can see that for what it really is, we can then redirect what we do in a better, more meaningful way. I bet you instruct on breathing, slow and deep to relax and 'oxygen pack' for body needs. Perhaps you can use that same coaching for helping you redirect your energies towards BUILDING 'IE' in your life. You know that no one makes muscle 'instantly', and the same is true about such a change as IE requires of us all. Hang in there, keep posting and if you can just focus on ONE 'IE' suggestion at a time, it won't be long before you are 'hopping' along the IE trail! BEST to you, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > I am fairly new to this list...within the last month. Haven't posted much - > have been trying to read, absorb and learn. Purchased the book IE and am > probably 1/3 of the way through. > > > > My problem is this: My " work " is at a gym. I teach aerobics - 13 classes a > week. This is my main source of income. And it's great to get paid to > exercise. But I think the gym mentality (I could talk for hours here) > really messes with me..... > > > > Recent posts have mentioned fashion mags, Marie Osmond, Bertenelli, > etc. It's so hard being FACED with that every day at work. If everyone > there was interested in being the best they could be, it would be one thing. > But there is so much competition to be the skinniest, weigh the least, have > the most muscles, be the strongest (I grabbed heavier DB's than you), who is > the tannest, etc. It makes me sick. > > > > I am in no way blaming my life-long food addiction and bingeing disorder > with my 3-year job as a fitness instructor.... > > > > I've been overweight my whole life - was 240 on Jan. 1st, 2006 and lost 80 > pound, ending at 160. I've regained weight and am just feeling out of > control. > > > > I can't seem to get back " in control " - when I lost weight the first time it > was through External methods (calorie counting), which in my rational brain, > I knew was just a " bandaid " ....b/c if I don't really deal with the " why " > then the " how " is meaningless....make any sense? So the regain of weight > really isn't a shock to me...... > > > > I really want to embrace the IE way.....throw my scale out, my diet books, > out, etc. > > > > But I am in a BIND! I need to lose weight NOW for my job. I don't have > time to mess around....this is an emergency. I can't be up in front of > people like this. > > > > To make a long story short, I think I need to quit my job. But I'm good at > it! And I don't have any other way (right now) to earn money. I'm feeling > like, " Do I make a leap of faith and quit my job (based on principle and > needing to get my head straight?) " and pray that another job will come along > for me.....or do I keep slugging it out teaching aerobics and trying to work > on my issues. > > > > Blah! I am so lost, and so alone, and so frightened and so out of > control....the IE way sounds like JUST what I need.....but I just don't feel > like I have that kind of time.... > > > > I'm rambling.....just needed to post how difficult this is in my line of > work. I initially lost the weight and wanted to help others change their > life, so got into this " career " ....but now I see this " career " messes with > me even more mentally....and even though I lost the 80 pounds, I obviously > did not lose the " cause " , the " why " , the " mental aspect " ....b/c the pounds > are rearing their ugly heads again....nothing fits....and at this weight, > I've regained 20-30 pounds.....I feel like I do not deserve to be up in > front of groups of people leading them in exercises! > > > > I'm a great fitness instructor - very good at my job - but I feel like if I > were a class member looking at me, I would think " Why should I come to her > classes? They are OBVIOUSLY not working for HER! " > > > > Frustrated..... > > > > Jolene > > > > ------------------------------ > > It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; > > what is essential is invisible to the eye. > > -Antoine de Saint-Exupery (The Little Prince) > Quote
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2009 Report Posted November 27, 2009 Hi, I know this might not sound possible, it maybe it isn't, but I wonder if you could talk to the higher management at the health club and see if you can advertise your personal training services to people who are interested in following an IE approach like you are. I love the gym but don't go right now because I was using my exercise in a "diety" sort of way; was counting calories, etc. I want to go back very badly but I'd LOVE to do it only for health and fun. I'd LOVE to take a spin class without the pressure to be Lance Armstrong, but rather to spin at a kind of "touring/sightseeing" cycling pace if you know what I mean :.) If only you could do your job in line with what makes exercise fun and healthy without feeding into the diet/weight obsession. If you could, you'd really be contributing to making the health club a much, much better environment for everyone. I know there's so much pressure to do it the other way, so I don't know if you could, but it might be worth talking to some of the higher managment and making your case. Also, as aa fitness instructor, if you're exercising more than you can maintain throughout your life, as a lifestyle, you probably realize that when you do less, you'll gain some weight. If I were you, since I'm on a roll with advice giving, lol, I'd do only as much as I wanted for health, fun, and at a level I knew I could maintain forever :.) I see you teach classes rather than personal training; could you do more personal training and less classes so that you aren't exercising an extreme amt. because that is such a hard amount of exercise to maintain throughout your life-time, and I'm not sure it really is healthier on the body and joints to do that much. I think it's not. I'm going back to the gym soon because I miss swimming and spinning, but I'm going to speak right up about IE to anyone who tries to talk "diet" to me!!!! I think the health club needs a revamping; lots more focus on health and wellbeing and lots less on dieting. It would be wonderful for health club personnel to recommend approaches like IE, and Overcoming Overeating. Laurie Subject: Yes, butTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Thursday, November 26, 2009, 8:20 PM I am fairly new to this list...within the last month. Haven’t posted much – have been trying to read, absorb and learn. Purchased the book IE and am probably 1/3 of the way through. My problem is this: My “work†is at a gym. I teach aerobics – 13 classes a week. This is my main source of income. And it’s great to get paid to exercise. But I think the gym mentality (I could talk for hours here) really messes with me..... Quote
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2009 Report Posted November 27, 2009 Hi Katcha, I LOVE your post to Jolene; it was so uplifting to read it :.) Laurie Subject: Re: Yes, butTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Friday, November 27, 2009, 10:31 AM Jolene, your being good at your job as a fitness instructor has NOTHING to do with how you 'look'!! One's talent does NOT mean that you have to BE what is created - fashion designers are not runway models, Quote
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2009 Report Posted November 27, 2009 Lori, You are very wise....I don’t know if it’s possible to advertise at my gym....but I certainly “teach” classes with a different slant than other instructors. A lot of my clients know my personal battle with food and that I used to weigh 240. They know I battle it every day and I am honest with them. I would LOVE to learn more about IE and actually start to practice it. Right now I know all about it, but am not doing it. Probably time to take at least one small step and do one small thing. True insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. You would think 40 years of dieting and re-gaining would have taught me something! It’s like Shel Silverstein’s book “The Missing Piece”. I know there is something missing from the whole process....and I think IE could be it. You are wise to suggest Personal Training. I have thought about that as well. I will dig deeper into thinking about getting certified to do that. I would make a good trainer, because I am different and I have walked their path. And I would not preach that 130 pounds on a 5’6” is too fat (yes I’ve heard trainers say that) and I would not preach that someone needs to put in “guilt miles” because they ate too much desserts (yes, heard that also). The gym is a very difficult place for someone like me to work....a bit like an alcoholic working in a bar..... Thanks for your advice Lori! J You are wise. Jolene Re: Yes, but Hi, I know this might not sound possible, it maybe it isn't, but I wonder if you could talk to the higher management at the health club and see if you can advertise your personal training services to people who are interested in following an IE approach like you are. No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.709 / Virus Database: 270.14.84/2530 - Release Date: 11/27/09 01:58:00 Quote
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2009 Report Posted November 27, 2009 Katcha, Wise, wise, wise. Loved your response. I think I want to quit because it’s running away. Avoidance and denial are powerful and I want to hide from everyone and hide from me...the mirrors....my fat body.....Quitting is hiding. Quitting is running. I do want a fit/normal weight body instantly. I don’t even want perfection. I just want ‘normal’ and fit and healthy. And I do want it yesterday. I’m tired of trying and failing. I’m tired of my own excuses. I’m tired of me. I’m tired of getting myself off track. I’m. tired. Okay....my IE steps for today (I am having issues with committing to IE because I think it’s just too slow)....but I will try..... 1. Eat when I’m hungry. 2. Stop at satisfied. (Begin to play with the ‘number’ scale of fullness.) 0-2 – famished, should never get to this point 3-4 – gently hungry, stomach is gurgling or growling, feeling it’s time to eat 5-6 – comfortably satisfied, I could eat more, but I am no longer hungry 7-8 – too full, ate too much 9-10 – gorged, feeling sick, uncomfortably full (What type of hunger/full ‘scale’ do you others use? This is one I just made up....) 3. Do not weigh on the scale. Am not throwing it out at this point. 4. Get movement every day. Every. Day. (Along this vein....begin to seriously consider cutting down on my workload of teaching aerobics. 13 classes a week is too many. I’m getting burnt out. Cut it down to a manageable/comfortable load. Teach only what I love to teach and makes my body and soul happy. On the other days, get in movement “for me” – things I “love” to do. **Self-note, I will have to find another small part time job to make up for loss of $$$.** (I need to bring in a certain amount of money into the family budget, and aerobics teaching pays WELL!) Thanks again for your wisdom and advice! I really appreciate your time. Jolene Re: Yes, but Jolene, your being good at your job as a fitness instructor has NOTHING to do with how you 'look'!! One's talent does NOT mean that you have to BE what is created - fashion designers are not runway models, construction workers are not houses, cooks are not food, teachers are not books etc. etc. You are NOT a cardboard cutout of a person, you have an ability to observe and instruct. People choose to utilize those talents or not, their choice. If they are so shallow as to allow an image in their heads to stop themselves from using what you have to offer, well that's their choice. It sounds like you ARE doing a great job so why consider letting that go? Could it be that the problem is more in how you 'see' yourself than how others really do see you? No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.709 / Virus Database: 270.14.84/2530 - Release Date: 11/27/09 01:58:00 Quote
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2009 Report Posted November 27, 2009 Hi Jolene, thank you for the compliment. If you were a personal trainer at my gym, you would definitely be the only one I'd want to have a session with!! It would be wonderful to feel unjudged and have the focus of the workout be so positive! Laurie Subject: RE: Yes, butTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Friday, November 27, 2009, 11:30 AM Lori, You are very wise....I don’t know if it’s possible to advertise at my gym....but I certainly “teach†classes with a different slant than other instructors. Quote
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2009 Report Posted November 27, 2009 Jolene, one of the main focuses of IE is body image, the work of loving yourself and seeing yourself as beautiful at any weight your body chooses to be. I think that looking at bodies as good or bad based on their shape or size is what's pulling you down right now. I would personally love to have a fitness instructor who loved her body as it was, and focused on health, not weight. That would be very freeing for a lot of gym goers, I would think. I would think you might even be able to market yourself this way. There are a lot of people who would like to go to the gym, but feel too fat to go. Having an instructor that focuses on feeling good, not on weight loss, not on the message that you're not okay the way you are, would be a welcome addition to any gym. If you love what you do, if you can love it in your current body, if you can love it with the acceptance of the thought of gaining more weight, then it's the job for you. Give it a try. Embrace it. I am always reading other people's minds. I project my thoughts onto them. I think " they must be thinking " when in fact I'm the one thinking those mean things against myself. If I address my own mean thoughts, then suddenly, I no longer think others are thinking them. And if they are, too bad for them to have such unhealthy attitudes toward diversity. I am currently reading When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies, and they say that another thought or feeling is always behind what they call " Bad Body Thoughts. " I didn't fully believe that until I started looking behind each bad body thought I had. What was happening around that moment? Even though the thoughts didn't seem connected, my bad body thoughts would just disappear at the mere delving into my thoughts and feelings. I guess they must have been connected after all. I would definitely recommend that book to anyone who struggles with just letting their bodies be what they'll be with our love and acceptance. Good luck, Sara his list...within the last month. Haven't posted much - > have been trying to read, absorb and learn. Purchased the book IE and am > probably 1/3 of the way through. > > > > My problem is this: My " work " is at a gym. I teach aerobics - 13 classes a > week. This is my main source of income. And it's great to get paid to > exercise. But I think the gym mentality (I could talk for hours here) > really messes with me..... > > > > Recent posts have mentioned fashion mags, Marie Osmond, Bertenelli, > etc. It's so hard being FACED with that every day at work. If everyone > there was interested in being the best they could be, it would be one thing. > But there is so much competition to be the skinniest, weigh the least, have > the most muscles, be the strongest (I grabbed heavier DB's than you), who is > the tannest, etc. It makes me sick. > > > > I am in no way blaming my life-long food addiction and bingeing disorder > with my 3-year job as a fitness instructor.... > > > > I've been overweight my whole life - was 240 on Jan. 1st, 2006 and lost 80 > pound, ending at 160. I've regained weight and am just feeling out of > control. > > > > I can't seem to get back " in control " - when I lost weight the first time it > was through External methods (calorie counting), which in my rational brain, > I knew was just a " bandaid " ....b/c if I don't really deal with the " why " > then the " how " is meaningless....make any sense? So the regain of weight > really isn't a shock to me...... > > > > I really want to embrace the IE way.....throw my scale out, my diet books, > out, etc. > > > > But I am in a BIND! I need to lose weight NOW for my job. I don't have > time to mess around....this is an emergency. I can't be up in front of > people like this. > > > > To make a long story short, I think I need to quit my job. But I'm good at > it! And I don't have any other way (right now) to earn money. I'm feeling > like, " Do I make a leap of faith and quit my job (based on principle and > needing to get my head straight?) " and pray that another job will come along > for me.....or do I keep slugging it out teaching aerobics and trying to work > on my issues. > > > > Blah! I am so lost, and so alone, and so frightened and so out of > control....the IE way sounds like JUST what I need.....but I just don't feel > like I have that kind of time.... > > > > I'm rambling.....just needed to post how difficult this is in my line of > work. I initially lost the weight and wanted to help others change their > life, so got into this " career " ....but now I see this " career " messes with > me even more mentally....and even though I lost the 80 pounds, I obviously > did not lose the " cause " , the " why " , the " mental aspect " ....b/c the pounds > are rearing their ugly heads again....nothing fits....and at this weight, > I've regained 20-30 pounds.....I feel like I do not deserve to be up in > front of groups of people leading them in exercises! > > > > I'm a great fitness instructor - very good at my job - but I feel like if I > were a class member looking at me, I would think " Why should I come to her > classes? They are OBVIOUSLY not working for HER! " > > > > Frustrated..... > > > > Jolene > > > > ------------------------------ > > It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; > > what is essential is invisible to the eye. > > -Antoine de Saint-Exupery (The Little Prince) > Quote
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2009 Report Posted November 27, 2009 Hi Jolene, It sounds like you are going through a lot of intense emotions and confusion around the situation with your job.It is good that you are open-minded to the possibility of leaving, yet not being impulsive about it.....sometimes we need to talk things out like this until we get enough clarity/intuition to make a decision. Something you said reminds me of a thought process I go through alot. It was what you said in the last paragraph - the voice that says " Why would anybody want to take my class if I am not thing? " I think this is the critic in you - as well as the critic in me and all of us. What I have learned from my struggles with food and weight is that there are some voices and thoughts in my head that are just not worth listening to. Maybe for you that critic is one of them? The critic can be so destructive and the truth is that if you are good at what you do and you enjoy it you will likely succeed. I like to exercise and I know personally that I would not stop doing a program I liked just because I thought it wasn't making the instructor thin. Everybody has a different metabolism so everyone will have different effects from exercise programs. If it is working for THEM, they will spread the word, you will get a good reputation, and they will come back! Don't listen to you critic . Good luck with everything, > > I am fairly new to this list...within the last month. Haven't posted much - > have been trying to read, absorb and learn. Purchased the book IE and am > probably 1/3 of the way through. > > > > My problem is this: My " work " is at a gym. I teach aerobics - 13 classes a > week. This is my main source of income. And it's great to get paid to > exercise. But I think the gym mentality (I could talk for hours here) > really messes with me..... > > > > Recent posts have mentioned fashion mags, Marie Osmond, Bertenelli, > etc. It's so hard being FACED with that every day at work. If everyone > there was interested in being the best they could be, it would be one thing. > But there is so much competition to be the skinniest, weigh the least, have > the most muscles, be the strongest (I grabbed heavier DB's than you), who is > the tannest, etc. It makes me sick. > > > > I am in no way blaming my life-long food addiction and bingeing disorder > with my 3-year job as a fitness instructor.... > > > > I've been overweight my whole life - was 240 on Jan. 1st, 2006 and lost 80 > pound, ending at 160. I've regained weight and am just feeling out of > control. > > > > I can't seem to get back " in control " - when I lost weight the first time it > was through External methods (calorie counting), which in my rational brain, > I knew was just a " bandaid " ....b/c if I don't really deal with the " why " > then the " how " is meaningless....make any sense? So the regain of weight > really isn't a shock to me...... > > > > I really want to embrace the IE way.....throw my scale out, my diet books, > out, etc. > > > > But I am in a BIND! I need to lose weight NOW for my job. I don't have > time to mess around....this is an emergency. I can't be up in front of > people like this. > > > > To make a long story short, I think I need to quit my job. But I'm good at > it! And I don't have any other way (right now) to earn money. I'm feeling > like, " Do I make a leap of faith and quit my job (based on principle and > needing to get my head straight?) " and pray that another job will come along > for me.....or do I keep slugging it out teaching aerobics and trying to work > on my issues. > > > > Blah! I am so lost, and so alone, and so frightened and so out of > control....the IE way sounds like JUST what I need.....but I just don't feel > like I have that kind of time.... > > > > I'm rambling.....just needed to post how difficult this is in my line of > work. I initially lost the weight and wanted to help others change their > life, so got into this " career " ....but now I see this " career " messes with > me even more mentally....and even though I lost the 80 pounds, I obviously > did not lose the " cause " , the " why " , the " mental aspect " ....b/c the pounds > are rearing their ugly heads again....nothing fits....and at this weight, > I've regained 20-30 pounds.....I feel like I do not deserve to be up in > front of groups of people leading them in exercises! > > > > I'm a great fitness instructor - very good at my job - but I feel like if I > were a class member looking at me, I would think " Why should I come to her > classes? They are OBVIOUSLY not working for HER! " > > > > Frustrated..... > > > > Jolene > > > > ------------------------------ > > It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; > > what is essential is invisible to the eye. > > -Antoine de Saint-Exupery (The Little Prince) > Quote
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2009 Report Posted November 28, 2009 Hi Jolene, I think I've mentioned it to you once before, but I work in a gym as a personal trainer so I completely understand what you're going through. I've been working here for a little over a year, and actually began IE for the first time a couple weeks before I started. Well after a couple of months I started feeling a lot of pressure to lose some weight. I felt like if I'm going to be training people then I should LOOK like I know what I'm talking about or else no one is going to want to work with me. So I stopped doing IE, and I immediately went on a diet. I dieted from January to June and lost about 10lbs. I then went on vacation and realized that I still had a completely messed up relationship with food. I thought about it the whole time, ate like crazy, worried excessively about gaining the weight back, fought with my boyfriend about it, and almost ruined the entire vacation because I was so caught up with food and my weight. It was at that point that I realized I could never diet again so in July I picked back up with IE and never looked back. Before my vacation, people at the gym would comment on how great I looked, etc. I know I gained some weight from vacation bc my eating was completely out of control, so it was really hard to go back to work with no intentions of dieting to get it off. Coming off a diet, I did gain weight when I first (re)started IE. I had to go through the process of legalizing food and proving to myself that I had full permission to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I wanted all the food that I had restricted for so long, and it was hard to eat food that I normally ate while on diets whether I truely did enjoy them or not. I continued working out bc I like doing it, but I know I gained weight bc of how my clothes fit. I started feeling embarrassed at work bc I thought people most likely noticed the weight gain and were judging me bc of it. I even went through the same thing as you thinking I should maybe quit my job and go into something completely different bc it was putting too much pressure on me. Let me tell you, I am so glad I didn't. Four months later, I can honestly say I think my weight is going back down a bit. I don't know bc I haven't weighed myself since June, but I can tell by the way my clothes fit. It might also have to do with the fact that my self-esteem has improved so much so I just feel better in general and more positive. I've even been working out so much harder than I ever did while trying to lose weight. It's so much easier without the pressure of HAVING to lose weight. I love pushing myself really hard and getting through tough workouts. It makes me feel so strong and powerful, and I love that feeling. It's also so comforting to know that I can give my body rest when it needs it without feeling guilty (well I'm still working on the guilt, but it's getting better!). I've become so much happier with my job and have realized that looking " perfect " is not a requirement to be a great trainer. You have to have a passion for it and the desire to help others. It sounds like you're a great instructor, and I'm sure you've improved many peoples lives. You said that everybody knows about the weight you've lost and how much you've acheived. I'm sure you're a huge source of inspiration for many people, and that is an amazing thing. Don't let " feeling fat " get in the way doing something you truely love. I agree that you should cut down on the number of classes, but I do not think you should quit. I know this is really long, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that starting IE can be a VERY scary thing. I thinking working in a gym and starting IE is an even scarier thing bc there is so much focus on the body. I am 4 months into my journey, and I'm so glad that I have decided to make this my way of life. I feel like I am becoming truely healthy, physically AND mentally. As time goes on, I hope that I'll be able inspire others to do the same. I thinking working at a place like a gym gives us a lot of power to spread the word about IE to those that need it the most. Dieting is so unhealthy, and I am so glad that I will NEVER pass those messages on to any of my clients ever again. I am so determined to continue on this IE journey bc I hope that my success will help others struggling with all the things that I used to. Sorry this was so long and probably very scattered. Long story short, I think that many people are already inspired by you and look up to you. It sounds like you are good at what you do, and I don't think you should quit. Starting IE is scary, but so worth it. I think if you embrace IE and give it the time it needs, you will feel so much better and live a much more enjoyable life. Not only that, but you already in a position of power to inspire other people. By embracing IE, you are going to be spreading such a positive, healthy message that has the potential to help so many other people. > > I am fairly new to this list...within the last month. Haven't posted much - > have been trying to read, absorb and learn. Purchased the book IE and am > probably 1/3 of the way through. > > > > My problem is this: My " work " is at a gym. I teach aerobics - 13 classes a > week. This is my main source of income. And it's great to get paid to > exercise. But I think the gym mentality (I could talk for hours here) > really messes with me..... > > > > Recent posts have mentioned fashion mags, Marie Osmond, Bertenelli, > etc. It's so hard being FACED with that every day at work. If everyone > there was interested in being the best they could be, it would be one thing. > But there is so much competition to be the skinniest, weigh the least, have > the most muscles, be the strongest (I grabbed heavier DB's than you), who is > the tannest, etc. It makes me sick. > > > > I am in no way blaming my life-long food addiction and bingeing disorder > with my 3-year job as a fitness instructor.... > > > > I've been overweight my whole life - was 240 on Jan. 1st, 2006 and lost 80 > pound, ending at 160. I've regained weight and am just feeling out of > control. > > > > I can't seem to get back " in control " - when I lost weight the first time it > was through External methods (calorie counting), which in my rational brain, > I knew was just a " bandaid " ....b/c if I don't really deal with the " why " > then the " how " is meaningless....make any sense? So the regain of weight > really isn't a shock to me...... > > > > I really want to embrace the IE way.....throw my scale out, my diet books, > out, etc. > > > > But I am in a BIND! I need to lose weight NOW for my job. I don't have > time to mess around....this is an emergency. I can't be up in front of > people like this. > > > > To make a long story short, I think I need to quit my job. But I'm good at > it! And I don't have any other way (right now) to earn money. I'm feeling > like, " Do I make a leap of faith and quit my job (based on principle and > needing to get my head straight?) " and pray that another job will come along > for me.....or do I keep slugging it out teaching aerobics and trying to work > on my issues. > > > > Blah! I am so lost, and so alone, and so frightened and so out of > control....the IE way sounds like JUST what I need.....but I just don't feel > like I have that kind of time.... > > > > I'm rambling.....just needed to post how difficult this is in my line of > work. I initially lost the weight and wanted to help others change their > life, so got into this " career " ....but now I see this " career " messes with > me even more mentally....and even though I lost the 80 pounds, I obviously > did not lose the " cause " , the " why " , the " mental aspect " ....b/c the pounds > are rearing their ugly heads again....nothing fits....and at this weight, > I've regained 20-30 pounds.....I feel like I do not deserve to be up in > front of groups of people leading them in exercises! > > > > I'm a great fitness instructor - very good at my job - but I feel like if I > were a class member looking at me, I would think " Why should I come to her > classes? They are OBVIOUSLY not working for HER! " > > > > Frustrated..... > > > > Jolene > > > > ------------------------------ > > It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; > > what is essential is invisible to the eye. > > -Antoine de Saint-Exupery (The Little Prince) > Quote
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2009 Report Posted November 28, 2009 Jolene,I totally " hear " why you are having such a hard time. I honestly can't imagine being in a profession where my appearance played such a role in my success. And that was so focused on people's bodies and weight loss and all of that. That sounds really tough... but also like it could be really great, when you are able to help people reach their fitness goals. Somewhat echoing someone else's suggestion... I wonder if you could use your situation to your advantage, in a way. Like advertising to teach IE, and focusing on helping people to feel great about themselves, regardless of their size, and letting the weight take care of itself, while learning how it can feel great to take care of our bodies in HEALTHY ways. Maybe this would be too hard, but what if you shared that sentiment that you are thinking? Ie the " why should i come to her clasess? they are obviously not working for her " and used that as a starting point for showing all the growth you have experienced and all that you are learning? the gym can be such a negative place for so many people... it would be so powerful and amazing if you could make it a place where people come to feel good about themselves.good luck, and keep us posted on what you decide! abby Hi Jolene, I think I've mentioned it to you once before, but I work in a gym as a personal trainer so I completely understand what you're going through. I've been working here for a little over a year, and actually began IE for the first time a couple weeks before I started. Well after a couple of months I started feeling a lot of pressure to lose some weight. I felt like if I'm going to be training people then I should LOOK like I know what I'm talking about or else no one is going to want to work with me. So I stopped doing IE, and I immediately went on a diet. I dieted from January to June and lost about 10lbs. I then went on vacation and realized that I still had a completely messed up relationship with food. I thought about it the whole time, ate like crazy, worried excessively about gaining the weight back, fought with my boyfriend about it, and almost ruined the entire vacation because I was so caught up with food and my weight. It was at that point that I realized I could never diet again so in July I picked back up with IE and never looked back. Before my vacation, people at the gym would comment on how great I looked, etc. I know I gained some weight from vacation bc my eating was completely out of control, so it was really hard to go back to work with no intentions of dieting to get it off. Coming off a diet, I did gain weight when I first (re)started IE. I had to go through the process of legalizing food and proving to myself that I had full permission to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I wanted all the food that I had restricted for so long, and it was hard to eat food that I normally ate while on diets whether I truely did enjoy them or not. I continued working out bc I like doing it, but I know I gained weight bc of how my clothes fit. I started feeling embarrassed at work bc I thought people most likely noticed the weight gain and were judging me bc of it. I even went through the same thing as you thinking I should maybe quit my job and go into something completely different bc it was putting too much pressure on me. Let me tell you, I am so glad I didn't. Four months later, I can honestly say I think my weight is going back down a bit. I don't know bc I haven't weighed myself since June, but I can tell by the way my clothes fit. It might also have to do with the fact that my self-esteem has improved so much so I just feel better in general and more positive. I've even been working out so much harder than I ever did while trying to lose weight. It's so much easier without the pressure of HAVING to lose weight. I love pushing myself really hard and getting through tough workouts. It makes me feel so strong and powerful, and I love that feeling. It's also so comforting to know that I can give my body rest when it needs it without feeling guilty (well I'm still working on the guilt, but it's getting better!). I've become so much happier with my job and have realized that looking " perfect " is not a requirement to be a great trainer. You have to have a passion for it and the desire to help others. It sounds like you're a great instructor, and I'm sure you've improved many peoples lives. You said that everybody knows about the weight you've lost and how much you've acheived. I'm sure you're a huge source of inspiration for many people, and that is an amazing thing. Don't let " feeling fat " get in the way doing something you truely love. I agree that you should cut down on the number of classes, but I do not think you should quit. I know this is really long, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that starting IE can be a VERY scary thing. I thinking working in a gym and starting IE is an even scarier thing bc there is so much focus on the body. I am 4 months into my journey, and I'm so glad that I have decided to make this my way of life. I feel like I am becoming truely healthy, physically AND mentally. As time goes on, I hope that I'll be able inspire others to do the same. I thinking working at a place like a gym gives us a lot of power to spread the word about IE to those that need it the most. Dieting is so unhealthy, and I am so glad that I will NEVER pass those messages on to any of my clients ever again. I am so determined to continue on this IE journey bc I hope that my success will help others struggling with all the things that I used to. Sorry this was so long and probably very scattered. Long story short, I think that many people are already inspired by you and look up to you. It sounds like you are good at what you do, and I don't think you should quit. Starting IE is scary, but so worth it. I think if you embrace IE and give it the time it needs, you will feel so much better and live a much more enjoyable life. Not only that, but you already in a position of power to inspire other people. By embracing IE, you are going to be spreading such a positive, healthy message that has the potential to help so many other people. > > I am fairly new to this list...within the last month. Haven't posted much - > have been trying to read, absorb and learn. Purchased the book IE and am > probably 1/3 of the way through. > > > > My problem is this: My " work " is at a gym. I teach aerobics - 13 classes a > week. This is my main source of income. And it's great to get paid to > exercise. But I think the gym mentality (I could talk for hours here) > really messes with me..... > > > > Recent posts have mentioned fashion mags, Marie Osmond, Bertenelli, > etc. It's so hard being FACED with that every day at work. If everyone > there was interested in being the best they could be, it would be one thing. > But there is so much competition to be the skinniest, weigh the least, have > the most muscles, be the strongest (I grabbed heavier DB's than you), who is > the tannest, etc. It makes me sick. > > > > I am in no way blaming my life-long food addiction and bingeing disorder > with my 3-year job as a fitness instructor.... > > > > I've been overweight my whole life - was 240 on Jan. 1st, 2006 and lost 80 > pound, ending at 160. I've regained weight and am just feeling out of > control. > > > > I can't seem to get back " in control " - when I lost weight the first time it > was through External methods (calorie counting), which in my rational brain, > I knew was just a " bandaid " ....b/c if I don't really deal with the " why " > then the " how " is meaningless....make any sense? So the regain of weight > really isn't a shock to me...... > > > > I really want to embrace the IE way.....throw my scale out, my diet books, > out, etc. > > > > But I am in a BIND! I need to lose weight NOW for my job. I don't have > time to mess around....this is an emergency. I can't be up in front of > people like this. > > > > To make a long story short, I think I need to quit my job. But I'm good at > it! And I don't have any other way (right now) to earn money. I'm feeling > like, " Do I make a leap of faith and quit my job (based on principle and > needing to get my head straight?) " and pray that another job will come along > for me.....or do I keep slugging it out teaching aerobics and trying to work > on my issues. > > > > Blah! I am so lost, and so alone, and so frightened and so out of > control....the IE way sounds like JUST what I need.....but I just don't feel > like I have that kind of time.... > > > > I'm rambling.....just needed to post how difficult this is in my line of > work. I initially lost the weight and wanted to help others change their > life, so got into this " career " ....but now I see this " career " messes with > me even more mentally....and even though I lost the 80 pounds, I obviously > did not lose the " cause " , the " why " , the " mental aspect " ....b/c the pounds > are rearing their ugly heads again....nothing fits....and at this weight, > I've regained 20-30 pounds.....I feel like I do not deserve to be up in > front of groups of people leading them in exercises! > > > > I'm a great fitness instructor - very good at my job - but I feel like if I > were a class member looking at me, I would think " Why should I come to her > classes? They are OBVIOUSLY not working for HER! " > > > > Frustrated..... > > > > Jolene > > > > ------------------------------ > > It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; > > what is essential is invisible to the eye. > > -Antoine de Saint-Exupery (The Little Prince) > Quote
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.