Re: passing on our own issues to our children

May 31, 2009

Well, if I understood correctly, I don't think the 19 month old can really

overeat. If they just love to shove food in and they've already definitely

eaten enough protein, etc., I would put healthy alternatives like veggies, etc.

in front without saying anything. If they don't eat it, they're not still

hungry. That's an age where you can really help them eat healthy foods without

saying anything at all.

I would say not letting someone eat sugar until they've eaten protein is not

creating food issues, it's helping her form becoming diabetic and many other

health issues that can develop. If I could just eat cookies, I would too.

There is some point of control a parent needs to have to teach the kids control

(but this, ideally, should be done without a big deal.) I mean, it's just we

dont' put sugar into our bodies unless we've had our growing food (protein).

It's not that your forcing her to eat healthy food or protein. I mean,

metaphorically, we should also let them walk out into the street so they don't

get phobias about the street then. ;-)

Those are the only two issues that really stood out to me, as far as having a

strong opinion on. The rest I will leave to those with more time in IE. ;-)

Warrior

>

> I haven't been posting much lately although I've been reading. The recent

posts on our children and weight/diet issues really hit home to me. I have a 4

year old and a 19 month old and I'm afraid that my efforts to NOT pass along my

problems will backfire. My four year old is super skinny and always has been

(preeclampsia, born premature, etc.) but she's about 45 %ile and super strong,

healthy. She doesn't eat a lot, she rarely eats dinner. I make food and our rule

is that she has to taste everything (1 bite), but I put no other requirements on

it. We rarely have desert but if we do I don't allow her to eat it unless she's

eaten dinner, but I'm afraid this is backfiring. I've seen her at times shove

food into her mouth just to finish dinner so she can eat dessert, and that makes

me want to cry. My other option though is to let her eat dessert even if she's

eaten no other food. i know some believe in this, I've read about it, but it

seems irresponsible to me - she's only four and she has no concept of what's

good for her or really what her body needs I don't think. she's been sucked in

to the high fructose corn syrup etc. - all that stuff is engineered to taste

good, and how can that compete with anything natural? At her preschool the other

day I heard of another 4 year old who said her mom packed her vegetables for

lunch so that she would be healthy and not get fat, because if you get fat it's

bad. I barely made it to the parking lot before I started crying. How do I

handle this? If I ignore it I'm afraid I don't have the weapons to fight the

media messages, but if I make too big a deal of it I'm afraid I'll make them as

obsessed as I was/am... I'm afraid that me being a positive image won't be

enough, especially since I'm still struggling with my own stuff.

> My 19 month old, btw, is the complete opposite - loves eating, all foods,

usually eats her dinner and her sister's, cries when food is gone, etc. Of

course, on the other end of my issue spectrum, I'm worried she's eating too much

- but i don't limit her in any way as I think that would backfire for sure. I

plan to discuss it with the pediatrician this week. The physical weights they're

at are less concerning to me than the mental factors involved...

> Thanks for listening. Any advice is welcome, but I appreciate the opportunity

to just say it.

> Gillian

>

May 31, 2009

I have no kids of my own. However, if I do have and I would at least leave more

option that would give them more choice. Along if there some foods they have not

taste before and I would ask them at least try taste once before they can pass

judgement on.

Before my mother died. She would let me eat all I want and when I look at other

kids how thin they were back then. My mother said hey, maybe that their parents

do not want those kids to exploring various foods and how will those kids know

what they like or don't like? My mother always made it so easy when other kids

taunted me about being big. My mother said oh don't worry they just are being

jealous because you can have whatever you want and however much you want to

have.

This was one of reason why that had throw me off when I lived with that foster

Bi**h. Although only thing I would have ever thanks for that she had taught me

to try various vegetables mix with meats. Such like Green Pepper Stuffed ohhh

one of my favorite. I figured that my mother was not great cook but does not

mean she was wrong about health eating with positive emotions.

Exploring various foods until you know what children like or don't like. That is

one thing they can try and find out.

Eliza

> >

> > There is some point of control a parent needs to have to teach the kids

control (but this, ideally, should be done without a big deal.) I mean, it's

just we dont' put sugar into our bodies unless we've had our growing food

(protein). It's not that your forcing her to eat healthy food or protein. I

mean, metaphorically, we should also let them walk out into the street so they

don't get phobias about the street then. ;-)

> >

> > Those are the only two issues that really stood out to me, as far as having

a strong opinion on. The rest I will leave to those with more time in IE. ;-)

> >

> > Warrior

>

May 31, 2009

I think I posted on some of my thoughts about this issue - one that is near & dear to me since I had a huge fear that I would raise kids with issues as well if I wasn't careful, after what I dealt with growing up. I had ( & still have) certain 'rules' I guess....if you want to call them rules.....eat slowly, eat what you love, stop when you've had enough, sit down while you eat (no eating on the run), eat only when you are hungry. So, if it seemed like my kids were making poor choices such as eating quickly then going back for more, I might re-direct them to another activity without suggesting they couldn't have seconds. Or I'd ask them, is your tummy hungry? And if they said no, then I might suggest they didn't have seconds. Or if they sat down at the table and weren't hungry, I never made them eat, but I would make them join us as a family, just to be part of the conversation at the meal. But never would I allow myself to say anything demeaning or derogatory (I already knew what that felt like and what it did to me). However, I think despite my efforts at raising thin minded kids, the media and society has had a huge impact on them. I have had to deal with all sorts of stuff over the years that I know came from other places. I have all boys, and they still have had issues (let's talk about what the wrestling program does for boys and weight issues!!! aarrrrgggghhhhh). Of course, my kids are older than yours (16, 12, 10), but I remember those days, and we still deal with it now. Also, the more I have had or made healthier versions of things in our household (organic peanut butter vs. Jiffy, or products without preservatives or corn syrup, etc.) they have lost all taste for junk, and prefer higher quality food, so that has helped, too. This was a learning process for me for sure.

I can totally see why that devastated you over what the 4yo's mom was setting her up for. I don't know all the right answers because I'm in the same boat raising kids and hoping for the best. But it is great that you are aware of it. I can tell you are a great mom who cares.

I haven't been posting much lately although I've been reading. The recent posts on our children and weight/diet issues really hit home to me. I have a 4 year old and a 19 month old and I'm afraid that my efforts to NOT pass along my problems will backfire. My four year old is super skinny and always has been (preeclampsia, born premature, etc.) but she's about 45 %ile and super strong, healthy. She doesn't eat a lot, she rarely eats dinner. I make food and our rule is that she has to taste everything (1 bite), but I put no other requirements on it. We rarely have desert but if we do I don't allow her to eat it unless she's eaten dinner, but I'm afraid this is backfiring. I've seen her at times shove food into her mouth just to finish dinner so she can eat dessert, and that makes me want to cry. My other option though is to let her eat dessert even if she's eaten no other food. i know some believe in this, I've read about it, but it seems irresponsible to me - she's only four and she has no concept of what's good for her or really what her body needs I don't think. she's been sucked in to the high fructose corn syrup etc. - all that stuff is engineered to taste good, and how can that compete with anything natural? At her preschool the other day I heard of another 4 year old who said her mom packed her vegetables for lunch so that she would be healthy and not get fat, because if you get fat it's bad. I barely made it to the parking lot before I started crying. How do I handle this? If I ignore it I'm afraid I don't have the weapons to fight the media messages, but if I make too big a deal of it I'm afraid I'll make them as obsessed as I was/am... I'm afraid that me being a positive image won't be enough, especially since I'm still struggling with my own stuff.

My 19 month old, btw, is the complete opposite - loves eating, all foods, usually eats her dinner and her sister's, cries when food is gone, etc. Of course, on the other end of my issue spectrum, I'm worried she's eating too much - but i don't limit her in any way as I think that would backfire for sure. I plan to discuss it with the pediatrician this week. The physical weights they're at are less concerning to me than the mental factors involved...

Thanks for listening. Any advice is welcome, but I appreciate the opportunity to just say it.

Gillian

May 31, 2009

WoW! Excellent idea! KnoblochSent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. CellularFrom: Kimberlie Date: Sun, 31 May 2009 18:51:23 -0700 (PDT)To: <IntuitiveEating_Support >Subject: Re: passing on our own issues to our children How about having dessert at a time other than meal time?? That way dessert isn't tied to what she has eaten for her meal. Just a thought, KimberlieFrom: glordward <g.lordwardgmail>Subject: passing on our own issues to our childrenTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, May 31, 2009, 9:38 AMI haven't been posting much lately although I've been reading. The recent posts on our children and weight/diet issues really hit home to me. I have a 4 year old and a 19 month old and I'm afraid that my efforts to NOT pass along my problems will backfire. My four year old is super skinny and always has been (preeclampsia, born premature, etc.) but she's about 45 %ile and super strong, healthy. She doesn't eat a lot, she rarely eats dinner. I make food and our rule is that she has to taste everything (1 bite), but I put no other requirements on it. We rarely have desert but if we do I don't allow her to eat it unless she's eaten dinner, but I'm afraid this is backfiring. I've seen her at times shove food into her mouth just to finish dinner so she can eat dessert, and that makes me want to cry. My other option though is to let her eat dessert even if she's eaten no other food. i know some believe in this, I've read about it, but it seems irresponsible to me - she's only four and she has no concept of what's good for her or really what her body needs I don't think. she's been sucked in to the high fructose corn syrup etc. - all that stuff is engineered to taste good, and how can that compete with anything natural? At her preschool the other day I heard of another 4 year old who said her mom packed her vegetables for lunch so that she would be healthy and not get fat, because if you get fat it's bad. I barely made it to the parking lot before I started crying. How do I handle this? If I ignore it I'm afraid I don't have the weapons to fight the media messages, but if I make too big a deal of it I'm afraid I'll make them as obsessed as I was/am... I'm afraid that me being a positive image won't be enough, especially since I'm still struggling with my own stuff. My 19 month old, btw, is the complete opposite - loves eating, all foods, usually eats her dinner and her sister's, cries when food is gone, etc. Of course, on the other end of my issue spectrum, I'm worried she's eating too much - but i don't limit her in any way as I think that would backfire for sure. I plan to discuss it with the pediatrician this week. The physical weights they're at are less concerning to me than the mental factors involved... Thanks for listening. Any advice is welcome, but I appreciate the opportunity to just say it.Gillian

May 31, 2009

Teaching oneself healthy self control or self discipline (not the kind that

feels bador we rebel against because it's not healthy or kind) is necessary in

life. Some parents actually are able to convey this attitude toward children

about food without being authoritarians or body bashers, etc. and have children

who grow up with healthy attitudes towards food. It does happen. It just

didn't happen with my parents. ;-)

I guess it's like anything else in life...just because saying no to too much is

bad doesn't mean saying yes to everything is good.

Now, does all of the above I just said specifically apply to what that

particular poster was saying about dessert once in a while, not really. That's

why I was careful to try to be moderate about the way I put it (maybe I should

have tried harder.) :-)

Unlike the poster, I know someone who is more of an extreme case and lets her

daughter at 2 eat whatever she likes, even if that is mainly candy, sugar, very

low protein foods. For 6 months plus, the idea of this has not " worn off " for

the child and she doesn't understand about taking care of herself. She is

underweight, always sick and the doc. wants the mom to try to get her to eat

protein. She has admitted she just doesn't want to listen to the whining that

comes from the word no.

Again, that friend of mine is a very extreme case and the situtation was not the

same as what the poster described her situation was. The telling of the story

did remind of my friend and that point I made about control was directed to that

situation. Hope that makes sense.

Warrior

> >

> > There is some point of control a parent needs to have to teach the kids

control (but this, ideally, should be done without a big deal.) I mean, it's

just we dont' put sugar into our bodies unless we've had our growing food

(protein). It's not that your forcing her to eat healthy food or protein. I

mean, metaphorically, we should also let them walk out into the street so they

don't get phobias about the street then. ;-)

> >

> > Those are the only two issues that really stood out to me, as far as having

a strong opinion on. The rest I will leave to those with more time in IE. ;-)

> >

> > Warrior

>

June 1, 2009

I secretly LOVE the fact that my kids eat one balanced meal a day at school! (Albeit... Starchy, but they do eat their veggies, fruit, protein, grains, a single serving of dessert, and milk there!Thoughts on this one? KnoblochSent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. CellularFrom: "K T" Date: Mon, 01 Jun 2009 04:20:03 -0000To: <IntuitiveEating_Support >Subject: Re: passing on our own issues to our children Teaching oneself healthy self control or self discipline (not the kind that feels bador we rebel against because it's not healthy or kind) is necessary in life. Some parents actually are able to convey this attitude toward children about food without being authoritarians or body bashers, etc. and have children who grow up with healthy attitudes towards food. It does happen. It just didn't happen with my parents. ;-) I guess it's like anything else in life...just because saying no to too much is bad doesn't mean saying yes to everything is good. Now, does all of the above I just said specifically apply to what that particular poster was saying about dessert once in a while, not really. That's why I was careful to try to be moderate about the way I put it (maybe I should have tried harder.) :-) Unlike the poster, I know someone who is more of an extreme case and lets her daughter at 2 eat whatever she likes, even if that is mainly candy, sugar, very low protein foods. For 6 months plus, the idea of this has not " worn off " for the child and she doesn't understand about taking care of herself. She is underweight, always sick and the doc. wants the mom to try to get her to eat protein. She has admitted she just doesn't want to listen to the whining that comes from the word no. Again, that friend of mine is a very extreme case and the situtation was not the same as what the poster described her situation was. The telling of the story did remind of my friend and that point I made about control was directed to that situation. Hope that makes sense. Warrior > > > > There is some point of control a parent needs to have to teach the kids control (but this, ideally, should be done without a big deal.) I mean, it's just we dont' put sugar into our bodies unless we've had our growing food (protein). It's not that your forcing her to eat healthy food or protein. I mean, metaphorically, we should also let them walk out into the street so they don't get phobias about the street then. ;-) > > > > Those are the only two issues that really stood out to me, as far as having a strong opinion on. The rest I will leave to those with more time in IE. ;-) > > > > Warrior >

June 1, 2009

It seems to me that honoring one's hunger is not something that needs to be

taught but rather respected? Discipline just sounds too imposing to me. Perhaps

emphasis on choices, especially enhancing, not negative ones (like choosing to

eat something that your body reacts badly to) could be a better way to go about

achieving the goal of such a lesson? Certainly learning deferring of

gratification can be a valuable life skill, but not when it slips into self

denial - ugh! Kids seems to pick up on the slightest of nuances in 'lessons' so

whatever is being 'taught' needs to be as clear and understood as possible

before it can be passed on?

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Teaching oneself healthy self control or self discipline (not the kind that

feels bad or we rebel against because it's not healthy or kind) is necessary in

life.

June 1, 2009

i agree with what you're saying. It's all about how it's the parent would

convey or introduce these ideas. Like, with my friend with the two-year-old,

how about, hmmm, maybe cookies will make your tummy hurt again, like last

time...how about a piece of ham (or whatever) first? I don't know.

I guess any point could be argued with. Maybe the wording is not what everyone

would choose, maybe that could be tweaked. I think the younger the better with

kids too, that way you don'thave to make changes, it is just what they know.

KT

> >

> > Teaching oneself healthy self control or self discipline (not the kind that

feels bad or we rebel against because it's not healthy or kind) is necessary in

life.

>

June 1, 2009

Since I started really thinking about what I eat and why I eat. I've started to

notice all kinds of strange behavior surrounding food. Not only my own, but

around me. I've started to notice how much of an impact parents have on their

children's food issues. My parents had a tremendous impact on mine. They passed

all their food issues on to me verbally and non-verbally. I never realized the

impact until I started looking at me and what was going on around me. It's

everywhere. For example, a lady who will only smell sweets because she " can't "

eat them. She will pick up a plate of brownies and deeply inhale the smell, then

put them down and say " I can't eat them. " A mother who won't let her children

eat any sweets in the home, but the kids eat not only sweets, but everything

else outside the home when she's not around. The kids are obese, but mom doesn't

allow them to eat sweets in the home. People saying " oh I shouldn't eat it " , but

then eat it anyway, the whole time talking about how they shouldn't eat it and

how many calories/points they are eating. A lady telling her child that she

needed to lose weight while the kid was eating mcnuggets and she was eating a

big mac. A father buying himself a coffee and a cookie while his child cried for

a cookie. The father told the kid he didn't need a cookie because they just ate

lunch. A mother forcing her child to eat brussel sprouts because she wanted to

the child to eat healthy, but the child didn't like them. The child was

wretching and crying, but the mother wouldn't let the child leave the table

until she ate them. Mother-in-law asking repeatedly if people want more, despite

them saying no. Or, a woman asking for a small piece of cake and the host cuts a

big slab and says " is that too much? " while she hands it to her with a smile.

I honestly never thought of the messages I have received over the years about

food and eating. It's really scary. I have always blamed myself for not having

will-power, for being lazy or a failure for not sticking to a diet. I can see

that it is much more complicated than a personal weakness. My eating is so

entwined with my emotions and other people's influences, that I'm not sure how

to " fix " it.

Abby

> > >

> > > Teaching oneself healthy self control or self discipline (not the kind

that feels bad or we rebel against because it's not healthy or kind) is

necessary in life.

> >

>

June 1, 2009

I think the key is to provide a variety of healthful foods for your child to

choose from. And then occassionaly something sweet, but don't make a big deal

out of it or make it as a reward/special occassion. If she is not hungry, I

wouldn't ask her to eat even one bite. She will let you know when she is hungry

and then you offer a variety of healthy foods for her to choose from. I have a

16 yr old and it has been a long time since I had little ones around. But since

doing IE I just keep a variety of foods around, some helathy and some not so

healthy. Sometimes both of us eat the not so healthy stuff a but often we eat

really a balance of both. It sometimes amazes me when my son does want

vegetables or fruit. Actually last weekend we made dinner together and was

amazed that he was ok with me putting in some chopped carrots, celery, onion,

garlic, green and red peppers in our ground beef. It was a great way to

incorporate vegetables into our meal. Hope this helps.

Alana