Re: Question? long -sorry:)

[Guest guest]

Flo,

I have that same old answer. Go with your mothers gut! All kids are

different. Some want information, some don't. Some want space, some want

nothing,

and some want everything!

Kris is older than Patty but I used to worry about her just the same. I

still do but I am the queen of worry though.

a was the type of child who needed all the information or she would

just go nuts. Kids hear things even if you do your best to keep it from them.

There were times we tried to protect her in not telling her too much but this

kid heard phone conversations, saw me cry, saw me yell, saw Patty laying

there, saw, heard, knew, and often came up with things I didn't know she knew.

She

would come right out and ask me what was happening and why. I gave her

whatever information she could handle at whatever age she was. But I always

told

her the truth. That's because she demanded it. That was just Krissy.

So we took her to most of Patty's appointments. She also came in the doctors

office with us. There were even times Patty would only hold her hand when

they were doing something painful. a also came to the hospital and even

climbed in bed with Patty being bandaged and all. I used to be so worried

that Kris was growing up too fast. But this kid was 30 when she was born for

goodness sakes. Actually if I didn't tell her something then she would get

afraid and would panic. She also learned to trust that what we were saying was

the

truth. She would ask if Patty would be all right. There were times, even at

such a young age that I couldn't tell her yes. But I never told her no. I

told her we have to do what we could to make things better for Patty, even if

it was painful. If I didn't involve Kris then you bet she would have imagined

horrible things. She would have also not understood why we couldn't go near

Patty or different parts of her body sometimes. But with being involved and

attending dr. appointments she understood. I can't say it was always fun

though. Sometimes the two of them would get loud, play, run, get antsy, and

just

drive me mad.

Kris also did things like when we went for hearing tests she would make them

do it to her too. Now she was such a cutie they just couldn't refuse.

It wasn't the medical appointments that Kris had a hard time with. It wasn't

who was the boss either. She had no choice on that one. Often, even with

Kris being older I had to tell her she wasn't Patty's mother. Since she wasn't

she couldn't act like it. She wasn't the boss but was making sure that

everyone followed dad and moms rules.

Hey, we did let Patty be the boss of the dog though!

What got Kris emotionally and what worried me the most about her was that she

saw how her sister was treated by others. There were things that happened

when no adults were watching. Krissy was a bit of a thing and quiet but she let

no one pick on her sister. When peers made fun of Patty, didn't include her,

didn't understand her ... that's what got Kris going. When adults didn't

treat Patty respectfully, oh she would get so disappointed. a has

incredible high moral standards and expected(s) others to exhibit the same. But

she

was just born that way. I swear it is just the way she was made.

Sure a had it hard. I don't think many (family and friends) knew that

being a sibling of someone with disabilities has a huge impact on that

persons life. And yet somehow a became all the better for it. She saw

what

it was to work hard and to never give up. So she did the same.

Now I have to add here that the two girls are incredibly close. a and

I are incredibly close as well. I let them express their feelings but then

showed them how to respect each other. And yet with all the wonderfulness of

their relationship they acted just like any other siblings. Oh they would

argue, tease, run, scream, play, and so on. I can vividly remember the two of

them fighting and Krissy telling Patty " oh yea, what makes you think you're so

special. " As a matter of fact a didn't even realize the level of Patty's

disabilities until she was around 15 or so. She thought Patty was just Patty

and that her life of dr. appts. and such were normal.

We did make sure though that a did other things by herself. She did

the softball, brownies, dance, musicals, had play dates.... She was her own

person and needed her own life and could not feel guilty for that. But somehow

she always made sure Patty was always in her life - even to this day.

She is now dating a wonderful young man who has also taken Patty into his own

life. Patty loves him " like a brother " (they've dated over two years). We

have been blessed to have a man love our daughter and her sister as he does.

a has grown to be a wonderful woman. She has used her life's

experiences to lead her to where she is. She excels in all she does, is

adventurous,

is active in the outdoors, loves the city, is happy, is determined and is

totally involved in knowing what is going on with Patty. She makes it that way.

I am guessing she always will. We have no choice. So that stubborn thing

just might be genetic. I wonder where they get that from?

Kris and Patty are great sisters. I don't think I would change a thing!

Bonnie, Mom to a 23, Patty CHARGE 21, and wife to