Re: FW: ADD - IEP - Middle school social woes

[Guest guest]

Thanks Babara,

I really appreciate your detailed response. Currently, Sabreen is on Concerta

and we're going to discuss with our doctor the possiblity of trying another med.

She has the basic standard classes and the time alloted for an activity or

langauage class, she spends in the HOH room. I'm going to take some of your

suggestions and those of others on this list serve and ask the psychologist what

he recommends for Sabreen and then re-open her IEP. I know I'll have a hard

time convincing my husband of the need for any further modifications. He thinks

we should lower the current modifications and let her " face the consequences. "

Lovely, huh?

Thanks again for the response!

Shabana

> Hi Shabana - you sound like you're describing our situation with our 12 year

> old son, Tom. He has ADHD/inattentive and a severe/profound hearing loss and

> attends middle school (he's in 6th grade). Tom no longer receives speech and

> doesn't have an interpreter - he's oral - but does use an FM system and

> receives special education services at school.

>

> We've also chosen to medicate. Tom's currently taking Strattera with a small

> dose of adderall during the week to help his focus and it has helped him.

He's

> a small kid - just 70 lbs and still a little short (heck, I'm his mom!) so

> takes 40 mg strattera and 10 mg adderall. We just started that combo this

> fall.

>

> He also has a lot of homework. He's been getting a fair amount done in the

> learning center where he works with the special ed. teacher and that's helped

a

> lot. He came to me today, though, and still had tons of homework and was a

> basketcase. I try to intervene in that situation and help him see he can take

> it step by step and that seems to help him. I have a friend who only lets her

> child take the basic subjects - math, english, social studies, etc. and no

> other electives and not even French and our school has accommodated that. We

> do have in Tom's IEP that he can use a calculator anytime in math (he

> absolutely hates math!), he can dictate to me written assignments and can use

> his alphasmart whenever possible. Writing is also hard for Tom so that's been

> a help.

>

> Tom does have a nice group of friends - sometimes I think boys are easier than

> girls. I can hear (but do believe I have ADHD - he comes by it naturally!)

and

> found middle school difficult. Tom, on the other hand, has really loved it.

> He's continuing on with his Taekwondo and he and some friends have discovered

> Dungeons and Dragons and they love that.

>

> We've worked hard with Tom on strategies, particularly for math and getting

> himself organized. For example, in math, he tends to see a page of problems

> and panics - but he knows now to cover up just the line he's working on and

> that makes it easier. He's a chatty kid (hmmmm - got that from me too!) so

> being able to talk it through outloud for some reason helps him. I'll have

him

> read the problem first outloud and it seems to anchor him.

>

> ADHD is very, very hard - my younger son is 10 and in 4th grade and has a

> profound loss and he's a piece of cake academically! Like you, my boys are

> virtually the only deaf/hoh kids in our area but they've integrated well with

> the kids in their schools and have nice friends and are active and happy. I

> think boys are easier in that regard? I only have boys so don't *do* girls

but

> perhaps others can help you there.

>

> I've heard the combination of ADHD and deaf/hoh as the " double whammy " and

> certainly would agree to that. Is he not focusing because he can't hear or

> because of his ADHD? It's always a challenge.

>

> Take care

> Barbara

>

> Sorry this is long.

>

> --- You wrote:

> My 13 year old daughter, Sabreen, has ADD and a severe to profound hearing

loss

> and attends a public school. She has an interpreter with her in every class

> and receives speech therapy. Here are the problems she's facing:

>

> 1. She is taking medication for her ADD, but still has a great deal of

> difficulty focusing and completing her assignments. We recently spoke to her

> psychiatrist regarding her medication and may consider a change when we see

him

> in three weeks.

>

> 2. She is not able to cope with the piles of homework she receives. Her

> teachers and my husband seem to think a reduction in the amount of homework

> would lead to poor test preparation and failing grades. Do any of you have

> children with ADD that have made special requests on your IEP in addition to

> receiving study guides and extra notes?

>

> 3. She's exhausted! The poor kid comes home and says how much she hates

> school and how she " just can't take it any more. "

>

> 4. Despite numerous efforts to invite girls over and large birthday parties

> we've hosted, she hasn't formed any friendships at school.

>

> I'm so frustrated and have an appointment with a Psychologist from the Western

> PA school for the deaf and am considering changing schools all together.

> Unfortunately, everyone I've spoken with, describes their curriculum as

> sub-standard.

>

> I am also totally frustrated at the lack of support services for the

> hard-of-hearing in NW PA. There is a Hearing and Deaf Services Organization

> which is basically useless. Every year I have to search high and low for

> tutors, swimming instructors, special camps with people who sign. The social

> activities for the HOH kids are always super far from our home and mainly for

> younger kids. If any of you have children facing similar issues - Please

help!

> I need all the help I can get.

> --- end of quote ---

>

>

>

> *******************************

>

> Barbara Mellert

> Manager, Social Science Computing

> Kiewit Computing Services

> Dartmouth College

> 13A Silsby Hall; HB 6121

> Hanover NH 03755

> Telephone: 603/646-2877

> URL: http://www.dartmouth.edu/~ssc

>

>

>

> All messages posted to this list are private and confidential. Each post is

the intellectual property of the author and therefore subject to copyright

restrictions.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jill,

Thanks for your response. I think your suggestions for adapting homework sound

great. I also agree that it doesn't make sense to overwhelm the child with work

if he/she is getting frustrated and depressed about it. The biggest thing that

I fear is that she will become turned off from the whole process of learning.

During the IEP the Principal and teachers kept saying how I shouldn't enable

Sabreen and I agree with that in theory, but I don't think making these

accomodations is enabling her.

Regarding the social aspect - Sabreen's a gregarious talkative girl who knew

everyone in her elementary school. I don't think the frustrations with her

school work have affected her sense of self, yet. That's why I have to figure

out how to change the current situation. We're also making a concerted effort

to invite more girls over. Thanks again for your long response and good luck to

you.

Shabana

------------------------------------------------

>

>

> In a message dated 10/5/2004 4:28:03 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> Shabana@... writes:

>

>

> 2. She is not able to cope with the piles of homework she receives. Her

> teachers and my husband seem to think a reduction in the amount of homework

> would lead to poor test preparation and failing grades. Do any of you have

> children with ADD that have made special requests on your IEP in addition to

> receiving study guides and extra notes?

>

> 3. She's exhausted! The poor kid comes home and says how much she hates

> school and how she " just can't take it any more. "

>

> 4. Despite numerous efforts to invite girls over and large birthday parties

> we've hosted, she hasn't formed any friendships at school.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Shabana,

>

> I can't talk about the ADD and medication because I don't have any direct

> experience with it. But the overwhelmed by homework thing is very familiar.

When

> our son was in 4th and 5th grade your note about could have been written

> about him.

>

> Preteaching was a godsend for him. The teachers would give us (and later his

> TOD) the vocabulary that was coming as well as a heads-up about what tests

> and projects are coming so that he could start a bit early.

>

> Reducing homework does NOT automatically mean poor test prep and failing

> grades. It can mean adapting the homework to focus on mastery not volume. For

> instance, 60 math problems would take our son 2 hours. He would have mastered

> the task within the first 20 problems and the rest of the time was spent just

> doing the work. For him that repetition was a waste of time, it tired him out

> and caused him to feel less successful than he was. Plus, when all his

> afternoons were taken up by homework, there was not time for friends and

playing.

> Kids NEED to play, to interact with other kids.

>

> So, we had an IEP meeting to explain to the teacher that Ian did not need to

> be excused from doing homework, he needed the homework adapted to suit his

> issues.

>

> The same can be done for all subjects. Instead of 3 essay questions, Ian

> would do 2. Instead of writing a fake newspaper article (5 paragraphs) for

> Social Studies in one night, he was given the assignment 2 days earlier and he

> could start working on it before the other kids. He needed that time to

complete

> the task as assigned. He was capable of the work, just not yet capable of

> accomplishing it in the time allotted.

>

> Over 2-3 years of working with his TOD on these issues, he is now able to

> sit down and write an essay in one night. But 60 math problems will still take

> him almost twice the time as the other kids. He's learned to live with that

> and they don't adapt the curriculum for him anymore, but it was definitely

> needed for a while. And if he had not learned to write more effectively, those

> adaptations would still be in place because the need would still be there.

>

> No kid should spend 4 hours a night doing homework unless they are taking

> really advanced classes. And the frustration and depression that come with

> working so hard and not getting anywhere can be overwhelming for anyone. How

do

> we adults feel when we work our tails off and our paycheck is gone to pay the

> bills almost immediately with nothing left for fun? It's the same when it

> comes to working at school all the time with no time left for being a kid,

for

> playing.

>

> As for the friends ... if she does not feel good about herself, forming

> friendships is hard. The way our son verbalized this was: Why would anyone

want

> to be my friend when I'm such a loser? It's hard to put yourself out there to

> be a friend when self-esteem is dragging. Once our son started to feel better

> about himself, friendships became easier. He's still a shy kid and has a

> small circle of friends, but every other Saturday that little group of boys

goes

> bowling or to the movies. It gets easier.

>

> Best -- Jill

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jill,

Thanks for your response. I think your suggestions for adapting homework sound

great. I also agree that it doesn't make sense to overwhelm the child with work

if he/she is getting frustrated and depressed about it. The biggest thing that

I fear is that she will become turned off from the whole process of learning.

During the IEP the Principal and teachers kept saying how I shouldn't enable

Sabreen and I agree with that in theory, but I don't think making these

accomodations is enabling her.

Regarding the social aspect - Sabreen's a gregarious talkative girl who knew

everyone in her elementary school. I don't think the frustrations with her

school work have affected her sense of self, yet. That's why I have to figure

out how to change the current situation. We're also making a concerted effort

to invite more girls over. Thanks again for your long response and good luck to

you.

Shabana

------------------------------------------------

>

>

> In a message dated 10/5/2004 4:28:03 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> Shabana@... writes:

>

>

> 2. She is not able to cope with the piles of homework she receives. Her

> teachers and my husband seem to think a reduction in the amount of homework

> would lead to poor test preparation and failing grades. Do any of you have

> children with ADD that have made special requests on your IEP in addition to

> receiving study guides and extra notes?

>

> 3. She's exhausted! The poor kid comes home and says how much she hates

> school and how she " just can't take it any more. "

>

> 4. Despite numerous efforts to invite girls over and large birthday parties

> we've hosted, she hasn't formed any friendships at school.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Shabana,

>

> I can't talk about the ADD and medication because I don't have any direct

> experience with it. But the overwhelmed by homework thing is very familiar.

When

> our son was in 4th and 5th grade your note about could have been written

> about him.

>

> Preteaching was a godsend for him. The teachers would give us (and later his

> TOD) the vocabulary that was coming as well as a heads-up about what tests

> and projects are coming so that he could start a bit early.

>

> Reducing homework does NOT automatically mean poor test prep and failing

> grades. It can mean adapting the homework to focus on mastery not volume. For

> instance, 60 math problems would take our son 2 hours. He would have mastered

> the task within the first 20 problems and the rest of the time was spent just

> doing the work. For him that repetition was a waste of time, it tired him out

> and caused him to feel less successful than he was. Plus, when all his

> afternoons were taken up by homework, there was not time for friends and

playing.

> Kids NEED to play, to interact with other kids.

>

> So, we had an IEP meeting to explain to the teacher that Ian did not need to

> be excused from doing homework, he needed the homework adapted to suit his

> issues.

>

> The same can be done for all subjects. Instead of 3 essay questions, Ian

> would do 2. Instead of writing a fake newspaper article (5 paragraphs) for

> Social Studies in one night, he was given the assignment 2 days earlier and he

> could start working on it before the other kids. He needed that time to

complete

> the task as assigned. He was capable of the work, just not yet capable of

> accomplishing it in the time allotted.

>

> Over 2-3 years of working with his TOD on these issues, he is now able to

> sit down and write an essay in one night. But 60 math problems will still take

> him almost twice the time as the other kids. He's learned to live with that

> and they don't adapt the curriculum for him anymore, but it was definitely

> needed for a while. And if he had not learned to write more effectively, those

> adaptations would still be in place because the need would still be there.

>

> No kid should spend 4 hours a night doing homework unless they are taking

> really advanced classes. And the frustration and depression that come with

> working so hard and not getting anywhere can be overwhelming for anyone. How

do

> we adults feel when we work our tails off and our paycheck is gone to pay the

> bills almost immediately with nothing left for fun? It's the same when it

> comes to working at school all the time with no time left for being a kid,

for

> playing.

>

> As for the friends ... if she does not feel good about herself, forming

> friendships is hard. The way our son verbalized this was: Why would anyone

want

> to be my friend when I'm such a loser? It's hard to put yourself out there to

> be a friend when self-esteem is dragging. Once our son started to feel better

> about himself, friendships became easier. He's still a shy kid and has a

> small circle of friends, but every other Saturday that little group of boys

goes

> bowling or to the movies. It gets easier.

>

> Best -- Jill

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jill,

Thanks for your response. I think your suggestions for adapting homework sound

great. I also agree that it doesn't make sense to overwhelm the child with work

if he/she is getting frustrated and depressed about it. The biggest thing that

I fear is that she will become turned off from the whole process of learning.

During the IEP the Principal and teachers kept saying how I shouldn't enable

Sabreen and I agree with that in theory, but I don't think making these

accomodations is enabling her.

Regarding the social aspect - Sabreen's a gregarious talkative girl who knew

everyone in her elementary school. I don't think the frustrations with her

school work have affected her sense of self, yet. That's why I have to figure

out how to change the current situation. We're also making a concerted effort

to invite more girls over. Thanks again for your long response and good luck to

you.

Shabana

------------------------------------------------

>

>

> In a message dated 10/5/2004 4:28:03 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> Shabana@... writes:

>

>

> 2. She is not able to cope with the piles of homework she receives. Her

> teachers and my husband seem to think a reduction in the amount of homework

> would lead to poor test preparation and failing grades. Do any of you have

> children with ADD that have made special requests on your IEP in addition to

> receiving study guides and extra notes?

>

> 3. She's exhausted! The poor kid comes home and says how much she hates

> school and how she " just can't take it any more. "

>

> 4. Despite numerous efforts to invite girls over and large birthday parties

> we've hosted, she hasn't formed any friendships at school.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Shabana,

>

> I can't talk about the ADD and medication because I don't have any direct

> experience with it. But the overwhelmed by homework thing is very familiar.

When

> our son was in 4th and 5th grade your note about could have been written

> about him.

>

> Preteaching was a godsend for him. The teachers would give us (and later his

> TOD) the vocabulary that was coming as well as a heads-up about what tests

> and projects are coming so that he could start a bit early.

>

> Reducing homework does NOT automatically mean poor test prep and failing

> grades. It can mean adapting the homework to focus on mastery not volume. For

> instance, 60 math problems would take our son 2 hours. He would have mastered

> the task within the first 20 problems and the rest of the time was spent just

> doing the work. For him that repetition was a waste of time, it tired him out

> and caused him to feel less successful than he was. Plus, when all his

> afternoons were taken up by homework, there was not time for friends and

playing.

> Kids NEED to play, to interact with other kids.

>

> So, we had an IEP meeting to explain to the teacher that Ian did not need to

> be excused from doing homework, he needed the homework adapted to suit his

> issues.

>

> The same can be done for all subjects. Instead of 3 essay questions, Ian

> would do 2. Instead of writing a fake newspaper article (5 paragraphs) for

> Social Studies in one night, he was given the assignment 2 days earlier and he

> could start working on it before the other kids. He needed that time to

complete

> the task as assigned. He was capable of the work, just not yet capable of

> accomplishing it in the time allotted.

>

> Over 2-3 years of working with his TOD on these issues, he is now able to

> sit down and write an essay in one night. But 60 math problems will still take

> him almost twice the time as the other kids. He's learned to live with that

> and they don't adapt the curriculum for him anymore, but it was definitely

> needed for a while. And if he had not learned to write more effectively, those

> adaptations would still be in place because the need would still be there.

>

> No kid should spend 4 hours a night doing homework unless they are taking

> really advanced classes. And the frustration and depression that come with

> working so hard and not getting anywhere can be overwhelming for anyone. How

do

> we adults feel when we work our tails off and our paycheck is gone to pay the

> bills almost immediately with nothing left for fun? It's the same when it

> comes to working at school all the time with no time left for being a kid,

for

> playing.

>

> As for the friends ... if she does not feel good about herself, forming

> friendships is hard. The way our son verbalized this was: Why would anyone

want

> to be my friend when I'm such a loser? It's hard to put yourself out there to

> be a friend when self-esteem is dragging. Once our son started to feel better

> about himself, friendships became easier. He's still a shy kid and has a

> small circle of friends, but every other Saturday that little group of boys

goes

> bowling or to the movies. It gets easier.

>

> Best -- Jill

>

>

>