Tony Florida - an Homage

[Guest guest]

Oh, I remember Tony. He had such a big heart...he was a musician and he

didn't mince his words. When you got a kick in the pants from Tony, you FELT

it. But sometimes, that's what we need...not consolation and somebody

telling us it doesn't matter. I've got a Tony footprint on my backside and

it was what I needed to get back on track. And sometimes, when I need it,

I'll try to channel Tony and ask myself, " what would Tony say? " if he were

around. His death was awfully sudden and a huge shock.

Here's one of his responses to one of my questions:

Diane asked:

> Okay, we probably have more women than men in this group.

> So, let's hear from you creatures who will never know the joys of bearing

children and menstruating. (Oops, just by writing that word, probably scared

most of y'all off..sorry.). What weight watching issues do you think are

different for men than for women? What do WW women do that really bugs you?

Or comment on

any gender issue you'd like.

Tony Florida wrote....

Hi all,

Can't speak for men in general, but for me...

I am in a very 'public' situation, workwise, and have always had

problems because of it. (Think Mama Cass, if you're old enough!)

I think the entire idea of men being exempt from weight and image

problems is outdated. I sometimes wonder if women -- particularly

women in the workplace -- are aware of the pressure on men to

look " a certain way " as they feel they must themselves.

In the US, where the ideals of competition and winning at all

costs have over-shadowed reason, the need for men to be slim,

trim, buff, and tough have put all men on notice: You won't get

the job, you'll be passed over for promotions, you will suffer

all manner of discrimination unless you conform and get on the

'warrior' bandwagon.

I know nothing of " WW women " in general. What I see on the lists,

particularly from people who are coming back, is a lack of

self-honesty that I think comes from a fear of commitment. For

example:

" Well, I tried Atkins and and fourteen other plans, and

'they' all failed. I guess I'll try the new WW now, cuz I haven't

been to WW since the tuna days..... " <g>

.....or something similar. It sounds (my perception?) like the

diet du jour attitude. There's a basic failure to take

responsibility for how we are, look at the thing squarely and

take the OP action toward *long-term* change. (Re-reading that

sentence makes me see so clearly the difference in how men and

women are 'hard-wired.' LOL)

I believe this weight thing is serious. I think all the awareness

of obesity and health problems is symptomatic of underlying

stuff, but we don't get well by hopping around and playing it for

laughs. Trying to be nonchalant and breezy about it may be

covering the fear of blowing it, and letting ourselves down

again, but it still doesn't get the job done.

I know, too, that most people here on SWW are really working at

significant change. They know it's hard, they rely on mutual

support; but they're here to *win* and that really says something

to me.

Most of the guys I've 'met' online seem to be more focused (?)

than a lot of the women. That's an assumption but, for instance,

I didn't see large numbers of men talking about how they just

" had " to dive into the Halloween candy, or how valiant they were

for not doing so....

Diane's questions are fun, IMO, but I can see by my own thinking

that answering them seems to highlight differences, rather than

point up similarities. We're all here together, rowing the same

little boat, to overcome a serious and difficult obstacle to

living fully. Having mentioned a couple of things that I see, off

the cuff, I believe concentrating on what confronts *both* men

and women, and getting to the solutions, is probably more up my

alley.

Best to all,

Tony Florida

259/249/155 (since Oct 9, '02)

WAYOOM goal 246

[Guest guest]

I read this and I just sit in awe....he was so good with words. He

was so profound. I really miss him. What a great treasure he was to

our group. In our group, Tony will live on through posts such as

Diane's. Thanks for sharing it, Diane.

Lyn