Re: 2+ HOH kids .. or any 2+ kids

[Guest guest]

I have 2 kids, one HOH and one just plain stubborn (grin). We did not know

about Ian's loss until was about 2. Even if I had known I would not have

hesitated to have . I never wanted Ian to be an only child -- I wanted him

to have at least one sibling because in my life, essentially all I had were

my siblings. If I could have had a 3rd I'd have done so, even with the " risk "

of another HOH child. Unfortunately a third was not an option for me.

The sibling issues of one " special " kid plus one " normal " kid are a challenge

and in many ways different from the experiences of everyone we know. But all

sibling rivalry is enough to make any parent scream in frustration. My son

took all my time before I had . I imagine a third would have simply fit

into

my standard 24 hours of chaos and sucked away the last few remaining IQ

points that I possess. I'd have loved it.

There are times I am sure I'm developing Alzheimer's, I cannot remember my

own name or age ... I once told another mother I was 27 -- I was 37 at the time,

but for that moment I was sure I was 27. She believed me and then she thought

I was insane when I corrected myself. (I look quite young, 43 now and no

crow's feet yet) I call the kids by each others names, I've called my daughter

Sammy (the cat is ). I tell them to put the milk back into the " oven ...

yeah yeah -- I meant the COLD oven. " As my grandmother said, more kids means

more love, not less to go around.

Financial issues are another matter. Those can cause such heartache and have

even destroyed families. No one can make that call for you and your husband.

People deal with money matters in very different ways. My childhood was one

without much money, and my husband's was very stable. I get hung up and worry

about money and tight budgets, he's laid back with an " it'll all work out " kind

of attitude. It turns out that we balance each other.

Honestly, if money had been the only reason to NOT have had my daughter, I'd

have had her anyway. I'd have crossed my fingers that Gramma was right that

" the Lord would provide " and we'd find a way to make ends meet. ... a part-time

job, cleaning houses, or babysittng for kids in my home -- whatever it took,

I'd have done it.

So what if we don't go on fancy vacations, no Australia, no Hawaii, no

Jamaica. No dining out on the weekends like before the kids. We eat at Applebees

not

the local 4-stars. We go to the movies not NYC theaters. We go camping and

take the canoe into the Adirondaks or to the Delaware Water Gap. We bike back

and forth across the Hudson River on the bridge and stop in the middle to watch

boats on the river. We make an event out of creating birthday cakes (a

pumpkin, a teapot, a stegasaurus) instead of buying them from the bakery. We

joined a

town pool rather than put one into our backyard. We do day-trips to the

museums in NYC or Albany ... we adjusted our lifestyle expectations because we

actively chose to have these kids and had a good idea of the costs.

You guys have to make this call based on your own coping abilities. After

everything we'd been through and all we'd learned with Ian, there's nothing to

intimidate or scare me about having an HOH/deaf child anymore. I've never

regretted for a moment having my either of my two.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

Our situation is a little bit different. We adopted both of our sons.

When our youngest Sam, who is hard of hearing, is in kindergarten, we

hope to adopt a third child.

Let's face it...adding a child to your family through birth, adoption,

marriage, etc. is SCARY and RISKY in many ways. Of course, as

parents, we also all realize the happy truth that it is infinitely

more joyous than it is frightening.

We were scared when we adopted our first son....we had nothing but a

one page medical report that said " healthy " and an approximated birth

date. Our first miracle is now 5, and doing great. But he also has

life-threatening food allergies, and asthma that is finally under

control. Scary stuff to deal with it, but just part of the norm of

our lives.

When Sam came along, we had some worries. In the beginning,

everything seemed scary and difficult, especially since the hearing

loss was the least of our worries at the time. We were facing the

possibility of permanent brain damage due to an illness he had prior

to adoption. When we definitely learned that it was " only " a hearing

loss, well, I would have done backflips if my old body would have

cooperated. Now, we are settling into a normal routine for us, and

most days it doesn't seem that scary to me any more.

I'm not sure what may be in store with our third child, and again,

that scares me sometimes. But not enough to stop building my family.

I guess if there had to be some health concern with my third child...I

hope it is asthma, food allergies or hearing loss. I feel fairly

knowledgeable in those areas now. But if it is something else, then

we'll just learn some more, and I know that after the tears and

worries we'll settle back into normal.

You can only make the decision on when your family is complete, but I

hope you don't let fear be your main guide.

Best of luck to you,