Guest guest Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: " No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall " . ~Eleanor Roosevelt The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible. ~ Burns Santa Claus has the right idea ..visit people only once a year. ~Victor Borge My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. ~Les Dawson By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~Socrates I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~Groucho Marx My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. ~Jimmy Durante Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. ~ Levine What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. ~Henny Youngman I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. ~Mark Twain Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'. ~Joe Namath Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Henry Asquith I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. ~Bob Hope I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. ~W.C. Fields It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. ~ Burns We could certainly slow aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. ~Unknown Don't worry about avoiding temptation...As you grow older, it will avoid you. ~Unknown Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But .. everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. ~Unknown Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. ~Unknown The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out. ~Unknown Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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