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Don't change at all, within reason - as I think I mentioned

before, it is probably a good idea to be there for support when its

needed, and that involves putting on a brave face some of the time;

but not to the point where your mannerism changes. But at the same

time I do not think that I would be too matter of fact, either. I

guess somewhere in between there exists a nice medium.

You and her obviously have a good relationship that was built on

something, so why change it now? If you are not yourself, she will

pick up on it. Like the poem that goes with the Livestrong bracelet

sort of says - she does not want or need your pity, ... I think that

this is true. If you always had a happy face, then keep on the

happy face; at the same time, however, don't keep stuff to yourself;

she is still a parent and being sick does not relieve her of the

responsibility that parents have to be there to wipe up their kid's

tears every once in while. In fact, she probably wants to be a

parent now more than ever - I think the only catch is that she will

not be as physically able to do as much as she used to, at least

temporarily - I think it would be reassuring to let her know that

you are ok with that.

I have a 13 year old daughter (I have three younger ones too,

but I'll use her as an example because she is the most mature) - I

don't want her to to break down in a tizzy every time she sees me; I

don't want to be patronized - if I don't feel well enough to get

something, I'll ask for help. All I want is for her to be her - I

adored her for that before I got cancer and that is what I want to

adore her for now - nothing else. I already know that she loves me

and is worried about me - she expresses sadness from time to time

just like she would if I didn't have cancer and she was sad, but

she does not need to do it all of the time to reinforce anything

just because I have cancer. I'm sure that your mom is probably

about the same.

Hope I didn't ramble too much. All the best - Joe

> > >

> > > I am going to try to keep this as short as possible....

> > > My mom (53yrs old) has recently been diagnosed with recurrent

> stage

> > > IV colorectal cancer. According to the CT scan it is in her

> liver

> > > and kidneys as well as her colon. Only 2 short years ago we

were

> > > dealing with this same bombshell. At that time it was in her

> lymph

> > > nodes but no other organs. She had major surgery and

underwent 6

> > > months of chemo--5FU and leucovorin as well as radiation.

This

> was

> > > all just a preventative measure since they were supposed to

have

> > > gotten it all during her surgery.

> > > After she recovered from the treatments, life pretty much

> returned

> > to

> > > normal. She was able to be an active part in my wedding last

> August

> > > and was dealing well with all the new changes she has to deal

> with

> > on

> > > a day to day basis.

> > > A few months ago she started getting really bad lymphedema in

her

> > leg

> > > that they found the positive lymph node in. This was a side

> effect

> > > to the radiation they had done. It got progressively worse

until

> > it

> > > was in both legs and she could barely walk. Her legs were

(and

> > still

> > > are) about twice the size of normal. This affected her in a

> > profound

> > > way, my mom has always been so active and healthy. Long story

> > short,

> > > on September 21st we found out that her cancer had returned.

> After

> > a

> > > trip to MD in Houston we were told it was in her

liver

> and

> > > in one of her kidneys. We were devastated. They will not do

> > surgery

> > > and have a very heavy duty regimen of chemo/anti-angiogenic

> planned

> > > for her. According to the doctors, this is all just to

prolong

> her

> > > life, not to cure her by any means. Our world came crashing

down

> > in

> > > a matter of days.

> > > I am expecting my first child in 5 days. This will be my

mom's

> > first

> > > grandchild. For as long as I can remember my mom has talked

so

> > > fondly of becoming a grandma and has so many dreams associated

> with

> > > it. But now everything seems to have taken on a different

> light.

> > I

> > > am wondering if my son will get to know the most generous,

> loving,

> > > caring person I have ever met and if my mom will get to know

my

> > > baby. My mom is my best friend, I talk to her every single

day

> and

> > > my husband and I live only a few minutes away from them. I

> really

> > > don't know what I'd do without her.

> > > So I guess my question here is does this get any easier? I

know

> > that

> > > we are still in a state of shock since this came out of

nowhere

> but

> > > does our day to day lives get any easier? She hasn't even

> started

> > > treatment yet and is already starting to get very depressed.

> Will

> > > each day bring tears and fears that twist my stomach in

knots??

> > And

> > > how can I get myself strong enough so I can be there for her

in

> the

> > > upcoming months of hardcore treatment? Sorry this is so long.

I

> > > really would love to hear from anyone who can offer me a

little

> > hope

> > > or just some advice. I know this baby will help but then

again

> he

> > > brings along other questions and sadness. Thanks for your

time.

> > >