Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 ---I am so sorry you are having to deal with such negativity and now the loss of your freedom to be who you are. I love reading your posts and hope you will share with a few of us who you are.....keeping your confidentiality of course. What a shame that as humans we cannot support each other with out all the pettiness. I wish you well. In gastric-bypass-support-kaiser- patients , " ciscozalvaje " <ciscozalvaje@a...> wrote: > Hello everyone: > > I just wanted to share an experience that I had with a co-worker > named (not her real name). She is a generally nice person, but > is very gossipy and likes to be the center of inter-office drama. > She is also morbidly obese. > > When I began this journey, I shared it with a few co-workers (also > morbidly obese) who I thought were friends, but turned out to be > false friends who didn't even bother contacting me in the hospital or > during my recovery at home. One ever said to me, " I'm going to hate > you when you get skinny. " > > Before I returned to work, I cut off ties to the false friends. > We're still cordial, but I do not share intimate details about my > recovery and progress. I know that they spoke to everyone behind my > back. But this has had a great outcome. People are VERY cautious > about talking to me about my weight, and that's the way I like it. > > It's amazing the power that they've given me in this situation. If > someone asks an inappropriate question, I say, " I don't feel > comfortable sharing details about my weight. " > > Anyway, cautiously approached me yesterday, and said, " I know > that you don't like to talk about it, but I need to lose weight. I > have diabetes, I have a hernia caused by being so fat, I have > headaches all the time, my cholesterol is high… " She was basically > outlining all the co morbidities that qualify one for surgery. > > I said, " In the spirit of helping you, I'm going to share something > with you, but you have to promise not to tell others in the office > because this jeopardizes my recovery. There are some VERY negative > people who only want to see people fail, and I don't want to be part > of that poison. " > > And so I told her, " Yes, I did have gastric bypass, but I will > forever deny that this conversation ever took place. " > > She said, " I heard that you might have to exercise after surgery. Is > that true? " I told her, " Yes, NOT might have to, but WILL have to > exercise before and after surgery. " And I told her about how to find > out more about gastric bypass and Kaiser. > > My issue is this: may become part of the " bariatric > community. " I feel safe in our support groups, but with , my > safety zone is compromised, and I won't feel free to share. Sharing > my experiences with you all has been a key component to my success. > > I know that she will tell all our secrets to people in my office > because she has no boundaries whatsoever. Before beginning this > journey, my boundaries were so weak, and I shared details about my > weight loss efforts with people who only did me harm. People can > make the cruelest comments without thinking. > > I now protect myself emotionally, and my newly reinforced boundaries > help me to feel safe as I grow ever smaller. My armor of fat has > been replaced by one of self-assurance and determination, with love > and support from family and friends and support group members. > > Well, now I'm rambling… but from now on, I won't be using my real > name anymore here in this group. > > I will resign my membership and delete my photos, but will rejoin > under a different name. I'm sure that those of you who " know " me > will realize from my posts who I am. I just ask that you refrain > from using my real name. > > For the last time as Francisco > -125 lbs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 Dear Anonymous: I want to tell you that your postings are always uplifting and I always learn something from you. I have never met you in person, but I think that anyone that has really read your postings will be able to tell in the future who you are. When I read your postings, I usually always relate to something or think, I guess I'm doing ok also. I'm glad that you told about WLS - maybe part of why she is the way she is is because of her obesity and low self esteem that wants to put others down. I had my surgery in July and still haven't told most of the people that I work with. The negativity can sometimes really get to you and I am so tired of some thinking that it was the easy way and is the same as cosmetic surgery (especially when it comes from your family). I'm hear to say that it wasn't the easy way out, this is hard work!!!!!! This weekend has been an eye opener for me. I have been getting really discouraged because I want it faster and easier and have been really upset about the hanging skin, etc.. We are in the process of remodeling a bedroom at our house for my father-in-law to come live part time (my mother-in-law passed away a couple of weeks and he had a collapse and now has to live with another son/daughter in law and will live with us a few weeks a month) and we had to remove everything that was stored in that room. There were pictures that made me cry to see how fat I was - I never realized that I was that fat!!!! Anyway, my son brings me this awful side view picture and says I never knew you were that fat (you look pregnant but you weren't). I cried when he said, you must really feel good because your not fat anymore. (I still am overweight but not morbidly obese) It takes a look backwards to realize how far we have come. Thanks again for your postings and I will look forward to the new postings of Anoymous in Vacaville ---Original Message-----From: ciscozalvaje Sent: Monday, February 16, 2004 11:53 PMTo: gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients Subject: My safety zone Hello everyone:I just wanted to share an experience that I had with a co-worker named (not her real name). She is a generally nice person, but is very gossipy and likes to be the center of inter-office drama. She is also morbidly obese.When I began this journey, I shared it with a few co-workers (also morbidly obese) who I thought were friends, but turned out to be false friends who didn't even bother contacting me in the hospital or during my recovery at home. One ever said to me, "I'm going to hate you when you get skinny."Before I returned to work, I cut off ties to the false friends. We're still cordial, but I do not share intimate details about my recovery and progress. I know that they spoke to everyone behind my back. But this has had a great outcome. People are VERY cautious about talking to me about my weight, and that's the way I like it.It's amazing the power that they've given me in this situation. If someone asks an inappropriate question, I say, "I don't feel comfortable sharing details about my weight."Anyway, cautiously approached me yesterday, and said, "I know that you don't like to talk about it, but I need to lose weight. I have diabetes, I have a hernia caused by being so fat, I have headaches all the time, my cholesterol is high…" She was basically outlining all the co morbidities that qualify one for surgery.I said, "In the spirit of helping you, I'm going to share something with you, but you have to promise not to tell others in the office because this jeopardizes my recovery. There are some VERY negative people who only want to see people fail, and I don't want to be part of that poison."And so I told her, "Yes, I did have gastric bypass, but I will forever deny that this conversation ever took place."She said, "I heard that you might have to exercise after surgery. Is that true?" I told her, "Yes, NOT might have to, but WILL have to exercise before and after surgery." And I told her about how to find out more about gastric bypass and Kaiser.My issue is this: may become part of the "bariatric community." I feel safe in our support groups, but with , my safety zone is compromised, and I won't feel free to share. Sharing my experiences with you all has been a key component to my success.I know that she will tell all our secrets to people in my office because she has no boundaries whatsoever. Before beginning this journey, my boundaries were so weak, and I shared details about my weight loss efforts with people who only did me harm. People can make the cruelest comments without thinking.I now protect myself emotionally, and my newly reinforced boundaries help me to feel safe as I grow ever smaller. My armor of fat has been replaced by one of self-assurance and determination, with love and support from family and friends and support group members.Well, now I'm rambling… but from now on, I won't be using my real name anymore here in this group.I will resign my membership and delete my photos, but will rejoin under a different name. I'm sure that those of you who "know" me will realize from my posts who I am. I just ask that you refrain from using my real name.For the last time as Francisco-125 lbs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 Hi . . . um, whoever you will be . . . I am so glad that you have decided to stay here, even if you do so under an assumed identity. I'd really miss your input. It is so sad that "friends" can turn out to be so shallow. I remember when Phen-fen was the big thing - I had a couple of friends who were on it and lost a lot of weight. I was envious, but I could never turn my back on them because of that envy. I was happy for them - at the time - now I worry about them because of the problems associated with Phen-fen. I haven't seen most of my friends since surgery. I've been kinda hibernating. Some of them know about the surgery - some don't. Several of them are morbidly obese. I don't know what to expect. I guess this surgery is another of life's sorting events (like getting a divorce or some such) where we get to see who our real friends are. It is unfortunate that you have to deal with people like . It was very nice of you to ignore her negative behavior and to give her a pointer in the right direction. I'll be looking forward to the postings from . . . you. No matter the name, the wisdom will show through. All the best, Kay open RNY 12/1/03 ciscozalvaje wrote: Hello everyone: I just wanted to share an experience that I had with a co-worker named (not her real name). She is a generally nice person, but is very gossipy and likes to be the center of inter-office drama. She is also morbidly obese. When I began this journey, I shared it with a few co-workers (also morbidly obese) who I thought were friends, but turned out to be false friends who didn't even bother contacting me in the hospital or during my recovery at home. One ever said to me, "I'm going to hate you when you get skinny." Before I returned to work, I cut off ties to the false friends. We're still cordial, but I do not share intimate details about my recovery and progress. I know that they spoke to everyone behind my back. But this has had a great outcome. People are VERY cautious about talking to me about my weight, and that's the way I like it. It's amazing the power that they've given me in this situation. If someone asks an inappropriate question, I say, "I don't feel comfortable sharing details about my weight." Anyway, cautiously approached me yesterday, and said, "I know that you don't like to talk about it, but I need to lose weight. I have diabetes, I have a hernia caused by being so fat, I have headaches all the time, my cholesterol is high…" She was basically outlining all the co morbidities that qualify one for surgery. I said, "In the spirit of helping you, I'm going to share something with you, but you have to promise not to tell others in the office because this jeopardizes my recovery. There are some VERY negative people who only want to see people fail, and I don't want to be part of that poison." And so I told her, "Yes, I did have gastric bypass, but I will forever deny that this conversation ever took place." She said, "I heard that you might have to exercise after surgery. Is that true?" I told her, "Yes, NOT might have to, but WILL have to exercise before and after surgery." And I told her about how to find out more about gastric bypass and Kaiser. My issue is this: may become part of the "bariatric community." I feel safe in our support groups, but with , my safety zone is compromised, and I won't feel free to share. Sharing my experiences with you all has been a key component to my success. I know that she will tell all our secrets to people in my office because she has no boundaries whatsoever. Before beginning this journey, my boundaries were so weak, and I shared details about my weight loss efforts with people who only did me harm. People can make the cruelest comments without thinking. I now protect myself emotionally, and my newly reinforced boundaries help me to feel safe as I grow ever smaller. My armor of fat has been replaced by one of self-assurance and determination, with love and support from family and friends and support group members. Well, now I'm rambling… but from now on, I won't be using my real name anymore here in this group. I will resign my membership and delete my photos, but will rejoin under a different name. I'm sure that those of you who "know" me will realize from my posts who I am. I just ask that you refrain from using my real name. For the last time as Francisco -125 lbs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 I'm sure that Francisco is smiling. And I am too... Gemello > > > Hello everyone: > > > > I just wanted to share an experience that I had with a > > co-worker > > named (not her real name). She is a generally nice > > person, but > > is very gossipy and likes to be the center of inter-office > > drama. > > She is also morbidly obese. > > > > When I began this journey, I shared it with a few > > co-workers (also > > morbidly obese) who I thought were friends, but turned out > > to be > > false friends who didn't even bother contacting me in the > > hospital or > > during my recovery at home. One ever said to me, " I'm > > going to hate > > you when you get skinny. " > > > > Before I returned to work, I cut off ties to the false > > friends. > > We're still cordial, but I do not share intimate details > > about my > > recovery and progress. I know that they spoke to everyone > > behind my > > back. But this has had a great outcome. People are VERY > > cautious > > about talking to me about my weight, and that's the way I > > like it. > > > > It's amazing the power that they've given me in this > > situation. If > > someone asks an inappropriate question, I say, " I don't > > feel > > comfortable sharing details about my weight. " > > > > Anyway, cautiously approached me yesterday, and > > said, " I know > > that you don't like to talk about it, but I need to lose > > weight. I > > have diabetes, I have a hernia caused by being so fat, I > > have > > headaches all the time, my cholesterol is high… " She was > > basically > > outlining all the co morbidities that qualify one for > > surgery. > > > > I said, " In the spirit of helping you, I'm going to share > > something > > with you, but you have to promise not to tell others in > > the office > > because this jeopardizes my recovery. There are some VERY > > negative > > people who only want to see people fail, and I don't want > > to be part > > of that poison. " > > > > And so I told her, " Yes, I did have gastric bypass, but I > > will > > forever deny that this conversation ever took place. " > > > > She said, " I heard that you might have to exercise after > > surgery. Is > > that true? " I told her, " Yes, NOT might have to, but WILL > > have to > > exercise before and after surgery. " And I told her about > > how to find > > out more about gastric bypass and Kaiser. > > > > My issue is this: may become part of the " bariatric > > > > community. " I feel safe in our support groups, but with > > , my > > safety zone is compromised, and I won't feel free to > > share. Sharing > > my experiences with you all has been a key component to my > > success. > > > > I know that she will tell all our secrets to people in my > > office > > because she has no boundaries whatsoever. Before > > beginning this > > journey, my boundaries were so weak, and I shared details > > about my > > weight loss efforts with people who only did me harm. > > People can > > make the cruelest comments without thinking. > > > > I now protect myself emotionally, and my newly reinforced > > boundaries > > help me to feel safe as I grow ever smaller. My armor of > > fat has > > been replaced by one of self-assurance and determination, > > with love > > and support from family and friends and support group > > members. > > > > Well, now I'm rambling… but from now on, I won't be using > > my real > > name anymore here in this group. > > > > I will resign my membership and delete my photos, but will > > rejoin > > under a different name. I'm sure that those of you who > > " know " me > > will realize from my posts who I am. I just ask that you > > refrain > > from using my real name. > > > > For the last time as Francisco > > -125 lbs > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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