Re: tough question, uncomfterble topic...

[Guest guest]

Chantelle-

I'm replying quickly -- just popped in to check emails while I had a second.

You are *not* freakish!!! I don't know enough about this to give you very

helpful answers, but I have confidence that someone will have words of wisdom.

Of course, you can bring up something like this here. This is a safe place to

share the things that no one else understands. I look forward to hearing what

the others have to say. In the meantime, know that you are " ok " just as you

are.

Michele W

Aubrie's mom

tough question, uncomfterble topic...

Hi, ive been struggling with asking this for over a year now. Well

for the longest time in my life I am not sure if I idetify as either

male or female. I kinda feel emotionaly and phisicaly atracted to

both genders. I feel like im attracted to females, but I feel that I

should have been a guy (that I really should have been a male not

female). I dont know if im making any sence. Could the hormone stuff

be all messed up in my body making me not know what to feel? Could

this be a reaction of two years of taking male hormones testosterone

pills every day to grow? What is your thoughts on this? Am I just

too freakish and shoulndt have even brought up the topic? What?

Chantelle

Membership of this email support groups does not constitute membership in the

CHARGE Syndrome Foundation.

For information about the CHARGE Syndrome

Foundation or to become a member (and get the newsletter)

please contact marion@... or visit

the CHARGE Syndrome Foundation web page

at http://www.chargesyndrome.org

7th International

CHARGE Syndrome Conference, Miami Beach, Florida, July 22-24, 2005.

Information will be available at our website

www.chargesyndrome.org or by calling 1-. In Canada, you may

contact CHARGE Syndrome Canada at 1- (families), visit

www.chargesyndrome.ca, or email info@.... Thank you!

[Guest guest]

My answer will have nothing to do with CHARGE. My elder daughter is home for

a visit, and we've spent hours talking about a very close friend who seems

to be going through something similar to what you've expressed. This 24 year

old was molested at ages 2-3, can talk about that but not about her feelings

about sex or gender. I'm too tired now - and am still sick - to write much

more but think that many of us go through sexual questions at your age. It

has been quite refreshing to hear my kid talk so openly about her friend. I

just wish her friend could do the same. Alas, it was an aunt who molested

her, and her mother just cannot deal with the issue...Martha

[Guest guest]

Chantelle,

You are so not freakish! Don't worry about that here or asking questions.

Sometimes it is better to ask than to just hold things in. You know, people

might not talk about it but it is totally normal for a " regular " person to have

feelings for someone who is the same sex. If you look at society women do not

really dress or do things to impress men. They actually dress to impress

other women. It is kind of like who is the " prettiest " type of thing going on

within junior high! Stuff like that happens all the time.

I also believe hormones within a person who has CHARGE can get a bit confused

(for lack of a better word). Most of that happens within the brain. I am

not a scientist but I really wish someone could start studying older people who

have CHARGE and see what the similarities and differences are. Anyway, I

would bet some of all the depression, anxiety, behaviors, and social/emotional

aspects have something to do with puberty, growth and hormones. Then again I

think in addition to that there are some aspects of understanding social

interactions. If a woman is being kind and compassionate there can be feelings

of

love. There are so many different types of love and understanding those

differences can be confusing for anyone. These social interactions are learned

gradually. If there hasn't been that type of learning experience going on it

can be

confusing for the person.

Last Chantelle, I am totally and fully a Roman Catholic and may get in

trouble here with others who disagree. It is my belief that God loves and

rejoices

in each and every one of us equally. For example, we are all supposed to be

born with two eyes that work, two ears that work, and on and on. So because

Patty doesn't have the same is she any different in God's eyes. NO. Sometimes

I think he loves her a bit more closely actually.

Something happens within the womb and not all of us are born the same. I

also do not think it is God's plan to make a specific person " different. " I

don't think he said " Humm, I'll make Patty and give her to Bonnie. " I believe

he

gave us multiple chances of making babies. We have thousands of eggs and

sperm. I feel it is human choice to make the babies at whatever specific times.

If you look at the math it is amazing what the chances are. A specific sperm

meets with the egg. It could be a matter of seconds where a different sperm

could have met the egg.

So what though. I feel God likes to see the differences in each and every

one of us and rejoices in those. I have fought for years in trying to get some

people to understand that. It is people who do not like to see the

differences. Society has so many opinions from those who think they are better,

smarter,

.... We should all rejoice in what each and every person becomes. We are all

equal, there are no real differences, only opinions. So what if I am able to

talk when another person can't. It doesn't make me better, just different.

I am absolutely a heterosexual person and love my husband more than the world.

I also believe though that within the womb sometimes a child is born of a

homosexual or bisexual identity instead of the " norm " of what everyone else is.

But, it is only how a person leads their life, not their sexual, physical, or

whatever identity, which makes them a full person. By that I mean we have to

treat people with kindness, we have to be truthful, we have to put others

before ourselves, and so on. A person has to lead a compassionate life, and

they

have to do their best in whatever capability they have.

So, whatever is going on, whether it is hormonal, emotional or any other

reason, you are a wonderful person. Do you have someone to talk to up there who

can help you? You have so many questions, so many things happening in your

life. Life is hard for all of us to understand. But it is something beautiful

nonetheless.

Chantelle, thanks for opening up some really good points. Don't be

embarrassed or scared to ask anything here. I for one am glad you do.

Bonnie, Mom to a 21, Patty CHARGE 19, and wife to

[Guest guest]

Bonnie-

I knew someone would have the right words! I agree with everything you said. I

have my own issues with organized religions, but your explanation of God's

" plan " was one I could live with. Definitely, we are all equal in God's eyes --

regardless of our disabilities, abilities, sexual preferences, food preferences,

etc.

Chantelle-

You need a place where you feel welcomed, cherished, and comfortable with *all*

of who you are. It's great that we can provide that from a distance, but it

would be so much better if you could find that with someone in person. If you

haven't got it now, keep looking. That special person will be there someday.

Don't hesitate to share even the uncomfortable things with us. I know that I

use this forum to express things that are uncomfortable and that my circle of

friends can't relate to. It's sometimes easier to say something over the

computer than in person to someone who will have a reaction right there and

then!

Michele W

[Guest guest]

Ther others put it really good, i dont think ur freakish either

chantelle and ur not the only one who has felt like that before..and

im glad u feel u can post here...its good u can come here and u feel

welcome here

Belinda

> Chantelle,

>

> You are so not freakish! Don't worry about that here or asking

questions.

> Sometimes it is better to ask than to just hold things in. You

know, people

> might not talk about it but it is totally normal for a " regular "

person to have

> feelings for someone who is the same sex. If you look at society

women do not

> really dress or do things to impress men. They actually dress to

impress

> other women. It is kind of like who is the " prettiest " type of

thing going on

> within junior high! Stuff like that happens all the time.

>

> I also believe hormones within a person who has CHARGE can get a

bit confused

> (for lack of a better word). Most of that happens within the

brain. I am

> not a scientist but I really wish someone could start studying

older people who

> have CHARGE and see what the similarities and differences are.

Anyway, I

> would bet some of all the depression, anxiety, behaviors, and

social/emotional

> aspects have something to do with puberty, growth and hormones.

Then again I

> think in addition to that there are some aspects of understanding

social

> interactions. If a woman is being kind and compassionate there can

be feelings of

> love. There are so many different types of love and understanding

those

> differences can be confusing for anyone. These social interactions

are learned

> gradually. If there hasn't been that type of learning experience

going on it can be

> confusing for the person.

>

> Last Chantelle, I am totally and fully a Roman Catholic and may get

in

> trouble here with others who disagree. It is my belief that God

loves and rejoices

> in each and every one of us equally. For example, we are all

supposed to be

> born with two eyes that work, two ears that work, and on and on.

So because

> Patty doesn't have the same is she any different in God's eyes.

NO. Sometimes

> I think he loves her a bit more closely actually.

>

> Something happens within the womb and not all of us are born the

same. I

> also do not think it is God's plan to make a specific

person " different. " I

> don't think he said " Humm, I'll make Patty and give her to

Bonnie. " I believe he

> gave us multiple chances of making babies. We have thousands of

eggs and

> sperm. I feel it is human choice to make the babies at whatever

specific times.

> If you look at the math it is amazing what the chances are. A

specific sperm

> meets with the egg. It could be a matter of seconds where a

different sperm

> could have met the egg.

>

> So what though. I feel God likes to see the differences in each

and every

> one of us and rejoices in those. I have fought for years in trying

to get some

> people to understand that. It is people who do not like to see the

> differences. Society has so many opinions from those who think

they are better, smarter,

> ... We should all rejoice in what each and every person becomes.

We are all

> equal, there are no real differences, only opinions. So what if I

am able to

> talk when another person can't. It doesn't make me better, just

different.

> I am absolutely a heterosexual person and love my husband more than

the world.

> I also believe though that within the womb sometimes a child is

born of a

> homosexual or bisexual identity instead of the " norm " of what

everyone else is.

> But, it is only how a person leads their life, not their sexual,

physical, or

> whatever identity, which makes them a full person. By that I mean

we have to

> treat people with kindness, we have to be truthful, we have to put

others

> before ourselves, and so on. A person has to lead a compassionate

life, and they

> have to do their best in whatever capability they have.

>

> So, whatever is going on, whether it is hormonal, emotional or any

other

> reason, you are a wonderful person. Do you have someone to talk to

up there who

> can help you? You have so many questions, so many things happening

in your

> life. Life is hard for all of us to understand. But it is

something beautiful

> nonetheless.

>

>

> Chantelle, thanks for opening up some really good points. Don't be

> embarrassed or scared to ask anything here. I for one am glad you

do.

>

> Bonnie, Mom to a 21, Patty CHARGE 19, and wife to

>

>

>