Hobbies for blokes?

[Guest guest]

My DH started a low stakes poker game - there are about 8 people who play (they

started with 4 about a year ago and obviously not everyone can make every game)

They meet every second Sunday evening for a few hours of poker. He assures me

that it costs more to provided the hot dogs and beers if it is your turn to be

host than you could lose in an evening. He's met several new people through

this - as people bring along friends occasionally.

Don't know if its an option, I was dead against it, as DH is the first to admit

that he is an addicted gambler, but we still have the house - and he enjoys

himself!!

Horn wrote:

>

> My dh is currently feeling down because of the general 'the male is useless

> in the modern world' concept. Life is a boring office job (yes, I keep

> encouraging him to think of something else to do!), and his only pleasure is

> the kids and reading.

[Guest guest]

> How DO men in their thirties make new friends

My DH sounds just like yours , he's not very sociable and has

difficulties making friends. He's also very bad at keeping friends in that

he is of the opinion that once a period of your life is over, you shouldn't

try to hang on to it, therefore he does not stay in touch with people from

school, college, previous jobs etc. (Completely the opposite from me who

fills an address book each time I " move on " and am constantly trying to drop

in on people I haven't seen for ages whenever we make a journey that goes

vaguely near their home.)

Anyway, he has made a few friends just recently. We do a bit as couples

with another 4 NCT connected families (dinner at each others houses, bbqs,

PTA events), and the men have started meeting up between times as well. It

would never occur to DH to organise one of these meetings, but he is happy

to go along when they are arranged by one of the others. They generally go

to somebody's house and do really sad things like play cards for pennies,

play on the playstation, play with the Scalextric, watch the footie on TV

etc, usually followed by a takeaway or going out for a curry. It's not

exactly thrilling stuff but I am pleased that he has something extra as well

as work (very long hours), being nagged by me and occasionally seeing the

kids.

Lynda

SAHM to (7), (5), Fraser(2), Callum 15/5/00

Newsletter editor & general dogsbody, Mid-Northumberland branch

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/AlbumIndex?u=762789 & a=6674752

[Guest guest]

In article <006f01c01715$8ed43d80$37e3883e@l6d0s1>, Horn

writes

>How DO men in their thirties make new friends?

Tricky one.

Antenatal classes was one answer I got when I asked DH, but it does

involve having another baby, which may be a bit drastic (!).

Is your eldest school age yet? Schools are always keen to rope parents

in to all sorts of stuff, and there's apparently a lot of solidarity to

be found among grumbling dads putting up the marquee at the annual fete.

About 7 years ago, one of my ex-Bank colleagues was ordered by his

doctor to chill out and find a non-Banking related hobby OR ELSE after a

nervous breakdown.

He didn't have a clue, but his old Mum reminded him about some old

Hornby trains still lurking in her loft. He was very dubious about

getting involved in train-spotting type activities but his wife bullied

him into going along to the local model railway club.

I saw him there on Sunday (their monthly public running day - ride on

trains outside and model layouts inside) and he's as happy as Larry.

Embarrassment factor long-since gone 'cos he's having fun for it's own

sake, and work is no longer the only focus in his life - just as well as

the Bank have dumped him with an even sh*t-ier job than the one that led

to the nervous breakdown!

Scouts/Youth Groups is another possibility (but I would say that 'cos

that's what I do!) - fun for adults as well as kids - I'm off camping

later this month and taking my Beavers to Marwell Zoo's Christmas

Wonderland at the end of Nov (*purely* for their benefit, of course ;-))

You don't have to go into uniform, we're always desperate for adult

helpers - the key proviso is a child-protection check - a signed

declaration checked against police & Scout Association records.

From time to time an NCT DH has been known to try and organise a Dads'

night out (karting or something) via the newsletter but it hasn't worked

round here although I gather some other branches have more active Dads'

stuff.

DH went through a miserable phase about 6 months ago (no related ill-

health, thank God) but with the end of a couple of projects at work, and

making more of an effort to join in with social stuff at work and doing

more hobby-stuff with the boys (teaching them to play cricket in the

garden, going out with them on his own, making up years-old airfix

models for Rob's bedroom ceiling etc.) the clouds seem to have lifted a

bit. It's meant me " letting go " of the boys a bit, but with to

look after as well, it means I can do more stuff with her. (Still

working on the Scouts bit...)

Doing stuff " just for himself " seems to help. He quite likes shopping

(weird, but what the heck!) and finds it therapeutic to go off into town

and being able to browse without me or kids in tow (I hate shopping!)

He also went up to the Oval on Saturday with a bloke from work to watch

the cricket - it was a pain having all 3 on my own all day, but he was

so happy when he came home it was worth it - and I'm off on camp/study

days/Teachers Forum etc. soon so fair's fair I guess!

Good luck!!!!!

--

best wishes...

Doberska - Reading, UK

NCT teacher, Teachers' Treasurer

Mum of (8), (5) & (2)

cathyd@...

[Guest guest]

, he sounds just like my dh - favourite phrase " What's the point? You

live, you work, you die. " Fun chap!

Does he enjoy playing things like chess? Look out the local chess club, or find

a friend's dh who also likes to play. I have just done this. Tim was always

talking about joining the club, but more children came along and he just never

got round to it. I was talking to a good friend the other day and she said that

her dh liked to play but didn't know anyone else who enjoyed it (like me, my

friend knows the moves but tactics are a foreign language!). We're now getting

them together so that they can organise their own games, and eventually involve

the children as they get older, more proficient, etc. Doesn't have to be chess

- scrabble?

Might have to wait until Lee is older, but joining the local cricket club could

do the trick. Most village teams are so desperate for members that talent is

decidedly optional. Lots of them do Colts or similar for younger boys. What

about your local wildlife trust? Could involve the children and dh go along to

supervise child, etc., which could then lead to bigger and better things.

I find it difficult to persuade Tim to go out much, simply because he works very

hard and just wants to flop when he gets home, read or go to bed. He has a few

friends that he keeps in touch with, but it is very sporadic. He doesn't drink

much (which is good for me, who does!), so pubs etc. aren't much of an

attraction for him.

From what I have heard, this scenario seems fairly common for dhs. If mum is at

home all day with children, they feel a little selfish in disappearing of an

evening to amuse themselves, so they tend to drop those sorts of activities. I

am trying to persuade Tim that, if I go out 2-3 times a week on NCT stuff and

other social things for me, then I'm not going to get miffed if he chooses to do

some weekly activity - provided of course that it doesn't clash with any

arrangements of mine!

Alison

My dh is currently feeling down because of the general 'the male is useless

in the modern world' concept. Life is a boring office job (yes, I keep

encouraging him to think of something else to do!), and his only pleasure is

the kids and reading. He is bored stiff at work but won't leave it, and he

gets really stressed out - we were in hospital with suspected heart attack a

few weeks ago, but fortunately it was only tension/nerves. I think it's his

mid-life crisis coming early. He is generally a deep and thoughtful,

melancholy type, unlike me, and I hate to see him so sad. As mum it is my

general job to try to keep everyone in the family happy...I'm sure you all

know what I mean! But I'm stumped here.

[Guest guest]

>My dh is currently feeling down because of the general 'the male is useless

>in the modern world' concept>

>Anyway, we were trying to work out what sort of activities and hobbies men

>with families do nowadays>

Hmm well whenyou get an answer -let me know!!

DH has the same moan...*he* says he has no friends -a few work collegues,

has the occ. pint with them but they are on the whole single...whole diff

ball game.

We have a few good couple friends but they are not local.

I have *loads* both locally and further afield, but sometimes even I feel a

bit out on a limb!

Like your DH, mine doesn't much like footy, has played a bit ofgolf, but ££

and lack of partners is a prob, some of my gf's dhs play, but he feels

shy/set up/nothing else in common with them IYKWIM

His main hobby is computers -which he feels makes him a sad git, a hangover

from his teenage years i guess.

However, he enjoys it (he programmes for fun, plays games, tinkers, etc etc)

it may not be sociable but it does mean he is at home (unlike a frinds dh

who plays golf all saturday and cricket all sunday!!)

doesn't solve the friends prob though!!!

I've made him seem like a sad geek -which he is *not*

but having read others posts it does seem quite a general problem, everynow

& then Tim will surprise me, like when we recently when to a Vicars & Tarts

party and he went in a clerical shirt, miniskirt fishnet & high heels!!

Generally he hate sthe though of parties, but enjoys it once there!

He got a bit stressed by DD2s Birtday BBQ though (25 kids & 30 adults!!!)

sounds like we should get them all together though doesn't it -!

[Guest guest]

, Does he play darts/pool/dominoes?

My DH wanted to make friends in this new town (when we moved 4 years ago) and

joined the local pubs darts team. he often drives them to matches so it doesn't

cost a fortune. There are (so I'm told) winter and summer leagues so he plays

every week, he was useless to start but most pubs need extra players in case

someone doesn't turn up.

my dh goes away for weekends with his mates of old and has just brought a new

motorbike and has joined the bike club.

What about getting involved with the school or playgroup (I forget how old yours

are) or scouts/ cadet forces etc?

Mc

SAHM 6, Olivia 3, 1, 15/3/00.

nearly ex-Editor Wallingford and District

[Guest guest]

Adult education evening classes - what's he interested in? art,

languages,

yoga, relaxation (sounds like he might benefit from this), circuit

training etc

etc

Does he like photography? - try photography club

Does he like cycling - there's usually a cycling club nearby

My DH collects, and grows cacti from seed (as I think I may have

mentioned

before!). Watch out if your DH gets heavily into something like that

though as

your garden will disappear under greenhouses!

Amateur dramatics/choir singing?

Just a few ideas - HTH.

Lesley Moor

PS I agree with Doberska re school roping in parents - my DH got

collared into being a parent governor at the end of last term. They

don't tell you how much input is necessary until *after* you've said

yes! Doesn't look like he'll be able to come to the branch's rescue as

treasurer next year having taken this on.

[Guest guest]

Just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who's replied - and please

keep them coming! Lots of great ideas to think about. Isn't it sad that so

many men are in this situation? I'm so glad I'm a woman.

Cheers, and thanks again,

H>

[Guest guest]

> Just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who's replied - and please

> keep them coming! Lots of great ideas to think about. Isn't it sad that

so

> many men are in this situation? I'm so glad I'm a woman.

Me too, , me too. My dh thinks friends are people you went to school

with, I think they are whoever is in my life right now (as well as the

collection I grew up with/trained with/worked with etc etc). He doesn't

organise anything for himself re friends so as I have got busier he has done

less and less with them.

What works for us - dh is a scout leader, always has been, 28 years of

service now! started when he was 18, nothing dynamic just helps out. He

doesn't haven't any ambitions just wants to be involved and sometimes it is

easier to do that with children of one sort or another than it is with other

adults. All scout troops would love another pair of hands. It also lets you

do all sorts of stuff that you probably wouldn't get around to otherwise -

camping/survival/abseiling/canoeing/potholing - and that's just the last few

months. It gets easier as the kids get older - both dds are scouts now and

Dad helps at their scout troop as well as at the one he has always gone to -

2 nights a week during termtime.

We go to a folk club too - together or him on his own once a month, but that

has led to friends and chat and singing which he loves.

DH does all our shopping (which I hate) and takes the girls on regular town

trips to do library/saving/sweeties/anything else that needs buying type

stuff - leaving only lingerie and feminine products to me to do.

Good luck - I hope you both find something that you like and that suits. We

all need a bit more than work and bed!

Sue S

[Guest guest]

My DH is the hyperactive, won't sit and mong in front of the telly type bloke.

Over the time I have known him, he has spent his spare time studying. He got to

the final year of his OU chemistry degree - and then started working abroad and

couldn't fit in the exam etc. Now he is learning German via Linguaphone/ CD

ROM/ and now a correspondance course, so he can write to his German friends in

their language.

He spent a whole hour yesterday taping himself on Emma's little tape recorder.

Was going to take a photo for bribery but didn't need to as he also was playing

with Emma and a suction thingy for the wine stopper and now has two beautiful

round bruises on his face. I haven't laughed so much in ages!

Try as I might I cannot get him interested in DIY or decorating - oh well, he

does a really nice job when held at knife point.

He has one friend who he occasionally goes down the pub with, but even that is

sad because they do the same job, but in different offices.

Mind you even he has a mid-life crisis every 6 months or so, and that's when he

applies for stupid postings like Guttersloh.

Sue H

[Guest guest]

My DH starts an Archaeology A Level in a week or so. He only got as far as

CSE's at school and then joined the army so I'm hoping he'll enjoy it.

He is an avid supporter of the local football team (Aldershot Town) so I am

a football widow most afternoons in season.

We also moved next door to a pub a couple of years ago, I've been in there

once, and IMHO it's a sad old man's hangout, run buy a middle aged couple

but he loves going in there every Sunday night for quiz night bless him!

(He's 40 BTW)

He does find modern family life difficult , and this year has been a bit

hard at times - he found turning 40 very difficult - I persuaded him to go

to the doctors in the end and he's on Prozac at the moment - which seems to

have made him less tense and able to enjoy life a lot more.

Hope your Dh finds something,

Hannah, 26

Mum to Bethany 6, Lawrence 4 1/2, Verity 2 and Baby No.4 due Feb 2001

> Just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who's replied - and please

> keep them coming! Lots of great ideas to think about. Isn't it sad that

so

> many men are in this situation? I'm so glad I'm a woman.

>

> Cheers, and thanks again,

> H>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> He is an avid supporter of the local football team (Aldershot Town) so I

am

> a football widow most afternoons in season.

so where do you live Hannah? Aldershot was my home for years

Sue S

[Guest guest]

Horn wrote:-

> My dh is currently feeling down because of the general 'the male is

useless

> in the modern world' concept. Life is a boring office job

> Anyway, we were trying to work out what sort of activities and hobbies men

> with families do nowadays. I would be interested to know what yours do -

My DH doesn't seem too bothered with finding any friends, (unlike me who has

just found this egroup and loving it as I was very lonely before - thanks

BTW. He did comment that I seem to have found a good one here; egroups that

is)

He does do alot of DIY though and has just completed our kitchen. (a year

after we moved in - it's lovely)

Other than this he spends alot of time on the internet downloading music and

bidding for strange and unusual CDs/records etc on www.ebay.co.uk There is

always something in the post for him!

He has just started teaching himself to play the guitar I got him when I was

pg, but doesn't want to go to proper lessons.

I think that not getting married until he was 41 makes a difference as to

how he sees the world of work. Before, he lived in a small bachelor flat and

now he has a much bigger house, a wife and a little boy and it makes his

life seem much more worthwhile now he has something to come home to. He is

44 BTW now.

We do try to make Saturday mornings a family thing and go somewhere nice

together, National Trust of even swimming, this helps alot if he is knee

deep in DIY for the rest of the w/e.

[Guest guest]

Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated...

H

------------------

Well my hubbies only 35 and this time last year he was BORED, so he took

himself off to the local Adult Education Centre and enrolled himself on an " A "

Level English course. It kept himself busy one evening a week and he really

enjoyed it. Plus when he got his results the other week he was amazed to learn

he'd got an A.

This year he's going to do Art and Philosophy. He chose Philosophy because it

was half price!!

He has also developed an interest in cooking, not just bangers n mash but three

course meals, which is great for my as I hate cooking unless it's came out of a

packet. He really enjoys it.

Plus he coaches the school football team on a Friday evening 7 - 11 year old he

moans about the kids but loves it. Oh and he's just started training for the

London Marathon as he's managed to get one of he 7 Bonded NCT Places. He's never

run half a marathon let alone a whole one, but he seems to be enjoying the

training side of it.

So yes this time last year he was in a rut and bored, but now he's got lots to

do, not to mention the NVQ were both doing and being Chairman of our local

school. Oh I forgot he goes to practise for a local football team on a Wednesday

night he only got to play two or three times last season, but enjoys the

exercise side of it more than getting to play. Mind you not sure if he's just

saying that because he's not been picked to play that often!!

Tupman

Mum to Matt 12, 9, Jonty 1 & Phil 35

Torbay & South Devon Branch NNS Coordinator,

& NCT National Houseswap Register Coordinator

[Guest guest]

Difficult one....

is in a band (several) which have their ups and downs, one month they

are practising 3x a week then nothing for months.

Evening classes sound good - isn`t is sign-up time soon?

Does he have work colleagues, so he could set up a regular outing to go and

see a film once a fortnight or so, under the guise of a film club?

It gets easier as the children get older - many of you know we do Ceroc

together(ModFrench Jive) - no commitment to go every week - apart from

addiction!

- you just pay as you go - but need babysitters (of a regular type) -

that is such a laugh, concentrating on moves makes you forget outside life -

and the man has to 'lead' and the woman 'follow' so its an anti-dote to home

(!) If I can`t get a stter, now that we know many of the moves, will

go, and come back and teach me. He`s not into exercise/sports at all but

this keeps him active!

Barbara

[Guest guest]

In article <00d901c0174a$a1d0ac40$2ed2e4d4@default>, The 's

writes

>Other than this he spends alot of time on the internet downloading music and

>bidding for strange and unusual CDs/records etc on www.ebay.co.uk There is

>always something in the post for him!

DH and I were trying to count up last night, and, I think, decided we

had eight parcels on the way to us. Then I remembered another one when I

woke up, but two did arrive this morning, so I think we are still

expecting seven. I haven't ordered any more today, but he did mutter

something about some DVDs he'd ordered for the children when he rang

just now. Seems to be the result of too many internet shopping sites,

although dh did accuse me of switching to cloth nappies because I like

getting parcels in the post!

One of the delivery men who came this morning asked me how the little

one was. Fine, I said, not really concentrating as I was trying to work

out where I was supposed to be signing the delivery form, but wondering

vaguely how he knew about her as I hadn't actually gone to the door

holding her, for a change. Then he said that the last time he'd

delivered something to us I'd been expecting. I was amazed he

remembered, as dd2 is now seven months old, so it must have been quite a

while ago.

Cath

[Guest guest]

Cath wrote:-

>. I haven't ordered any more today, but he did mutter

> something about some DVDs he'd ordered for the children when he rang

> just now.

Ahh! DVDs

I have just given in to DH buying one of these. He came home with it this

evening and has spend a happy hour or so with DS (20 months) unpacking it

and watching Tarzan our first DVD.

So I should expect even more parcels then?

As for me I only get Crime novels from Amazon - a far cry..........

with Mr Gadget DH

[Guest guest]

My dh is currently feeling down because of the general 'the male is useless

in the modern world' concept. Life is a boring office job (yes, I keep

encouraging him to think of something else to do!), and his only pleasure is

the kids and reading.

What about a night class, in something he enjoys?

Or a Keep Fit class - my DH does one and often ends up at the pub for

a 'quick one' afterwards.

Or our NCT group have a men's night out now and again, and they go

for a meal etc.

We also have days where we send the men off to play golf, 10 pin bowling

or something similar and then we all meet up at someone's house, feed the

children

and then have a shared lunch for the grown ups. The men then get to know

each other and then we usually follow that up with the men's night out.

Someone also suggested Beavers, Scouts etc., our group always needs help so

he would be welcome to something like that.

Or PTA at school, School Governor?

Or are you religious? churches usually appreciate help in various

activities.

Our church has an SVP group where " needy " people are visited - mostly

lonely people- and it can be on a 1to1 basis so something like that may

appeal.

Could he schedule his day to go into a school and help children with their

reading?

Golf clubs usually have a book where you can put your name down to play and

other will join you so you don't have to find your own partner. But it can

be expensive

but my DH plays and although it can drive me nuts he does enjoy himself, so

I

shouldn't really complain.

Trisha

Trainee BFC

Mother to Jack 6, 5 and Isaac 14 months

[Guest guest]

Glad to hear I'm not alone!

Lesley M

Tupman wrote:

> I hate cooking unless it's came out of a packet.

[Guest guest]

Tupman wrote:

> He has also developed an interest in cooking, not just bangers n mash but

three course meals, which is great for my as I hate cooking unless it's came

out of a packet. He really enjoys it.

>

Mine likes cooking too, which is jolly good as I hate it.

I did bake a cake once, but it got binned.

I think I am just like Ria from " Butterflies "

[Guest guest]

> > He is an avid supporter of the local football team (Aldershot Town) so I

> am

> > a football widow most afternoons in season.

>

> so where do you live Hannah? Aldershot was my home for years

> Sue S

We live in Lower Farnham Road.

Hannah, 26

Mum to Bethany 6, Lawrence 4 1/2, Verity 2 and Baby No.4 due Feb 2001

[Guest guest]

>

> We live in Lower Farnham Road.

I used to live in Highfield Avenue - at the top of the hill opposite what

was once the secondary girls school. Small world

Sue S

[Guest guest]

Sue,

An old colleague of mine stuck the suctiony thing to his chin and ended up

with a beautiful mark. Poor bloke never lived it down in our office. Silly

thing wasn't even doing it to amuse a child - he was at this parents! You'd

think these blokes would know better LOL

Em

[Guest guest]

Could always consider the Territorial Army - my next door neighbour's DH is

involved and he has a whale of a time.

Regards

[Guest guest]

> Could always consider the Territorial Army - my next door neighbour's DH

is

> involved and he has a whale of a time.

Until we have another " Falklands Conflict " and the TA's get called up!!!

After all they are a reserve army and would be expected to kill people too -

many people seem to forget this and think of the TA as a grown ups Scout

camp. The TA adverts on telly seem to like to portray themselves like this

too.

Helen