Guest guest Posted January 17, 2004 Report Share Posted January 17, 2004 Cass - Please try to hang in there. RSD is a bear for all of us. As difficult as it is, we have to find ways to let go of some of the things that used to give us pleasure (for me - skiing, running, playing piano, flute, and guitar and busting my butt in the garden) and turn the things that used to offer us small pleasure into priorities in our lives. When our mood goes to that dreadful low place, we have to find something to focus on that will lift our mood or distract us from the potentially destructive place that we tend to go to. Please turn to us when you're feeling defeated. Know that we understand and we care in a way that no one else can. I'm thinking of you. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2004 Report Share Posted January 17, 2004 Cass, The way you're feeling right now--which the majority of us have at one time or the other--you probably need to do what I just did--go get some care at the hospital. I don't know how serious you would be at carrying your depressing thoughts out but it sounds like you could be there. Just think about it, okay? Love, Hey Ya'll I know i am not around much and its not that i dont love each and everyone of yall i am just in a bad place right now and not to socialable.. but i do have a couple things to tell y ou...well i have and informal conferance court thingy on the 28th of jan to discused matters and determine things.. dr levin after i stood up to him adn told him to do his job contactewd my lawyer to tell her that he was unable to treat me anymore cause there was nothing more he could do for me.. so basically he dropped me as a patient meaning they now have to get me a new dr cause i am required to have med care.. also i recieve a note from SSDI saying i passed the medical portion and was declared to be disabled that all i need to do is pass the non-medical portion which is really easy they just make sure i am an american citizan and so forth easy stuff like that.. so heres praying if that goes well than i will be paid retroactivily from oct of 02 so that w3ill help.. my work is still trying to kill me but i dont go that much anymore with the weather being what it is i barely move or sleep.. this is my last hope with my lawyer and stuff to acheive anything if it doesnt go the way i pray it does than all hope is lost for i doubt i will ever bounce back from that disapointment and i will be lost to the world.. i dont know if any of yall understand that but i believe in a soul and a will none of which i have in supply but if this fails than so will my soul and will... i knwo yall tell me to fight but if this fails there will be nothing left to fight i am barely holding on to what little of me i have left. i knwo that not what yall wish to hear but without a future i have no fight. and i refuse to fight when i cant have the future i dream to aquire i wont settle for what little i have now. I want what is mine i want to dance and sing again and skate i want to run and leap and walk down the aisle at my wedding i want to wake up without fearing the day for i know what to expect now pain and my soul dying a little bit each day. these were mine and now they have been stolen from me and there is a big chance i will never have them again. i dont want that kind of future. i dont want to live in a world that takes from what i worked 19yrs to acheive. i didnt live thru the beating and the words and everything else to have a future consist of what it is consiting of now.. i cant settle for that and i wont. im truley sorry if this has upset anyone. but i want my life back not this thing i am doing now just exsisting.Cass Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2004 Report Share Posted January 18, 2004 Hi Cass, I have not been around at all for the past few weeks, but this post from you made me stop in my tracks. It is the mentality we all get at some point in our adult life's, unfortunately you have to experience this at such a young age. I could tell you things could be worse, and they could! You could have no love in your life, you could have burns all over your body which would scar you for life, you could be completely paralyzed in a wheelchair, or live in a poverty stricken country. I was thinking this morning when I woke up, I will be forty-nine in two days, and I thought what have done that is worthwhile these past almost 50 years? I wasn't any of the things I dreamt I would be when I was your age, however I was lucky and blessed with a wonderful family, loads of love and all of you as friends. I am so sure, I strongly believe that their is something around the corner in the medical world that will help us. Some have found complete pain relief in the ketamine Iv! There IS at least hope for us Cass. This depression too shall pass , I guarantee it. You may not get the money retroactively,and you will have days were the pain keeps you from being at work or with friends, but you will have a long happy life ahead of you if you decide to. If you decide NOT to give up. Only you can do that. So Cass, what is money anyway? Just a necessary evil. I hate it, and when I have it I love it! That is the same with most.lol I do hope the doctor you go to will finally be able to help you. Please write to us Cass, we are here for you. Next time you post, do me a favor? Post the positive things in your life, the things you can do. I miss dancing but now I slow dance, maybe one dance only, but I do it. Just do it. You will find things you are passionate about if you open your self up to the positives in life. Hugs and LOVE, Deb Debgena@... founder of RSD-CRPSofAmerica Cass wrote: I want what is mine i want to dance and sing again and skate i want to run and leap and walk down the aisle at my wedding i want to wake up without fearing the day for i know what to expect now pain and my soul dying a little bit each day. these were mine and now they have been stolen from me and there is a big chance i will never have them again. i dont want that kind of future. i dont want to live in a world that takes from what i worked 19yrs to acheive. i didnt live thru the beating and the words and everything else to have a future consist of what it is consiting of now.. i cant settle for that and i wont Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2004 Report Share Posted January 19, 2004 Dear Cass: It sounds a lot like the rest of our lives which is sad that we have to live this way. I have almost lost my dream home that I bought just 2 years before RSD. but we have held on as tight as we could. To this day still are in jeopardy but we just take it one day at a time. To Deb, What a message that was great, brought tears to my eyes. I am like Cass. because it seems more bad than good in life right now. However to hear your inspiring words helps me to try a little hard to live life focusing on the good. Thank you both for your support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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