Re: going crazy / to Bobbie/ -

[Guest guest]

Hi ...

Thanks for your reply! Everything you say is true! I know I will NEVER be able

to stop 'grieving' for my daughter; this is an ongoing situation & it will never

go away completely. I have (yes! I admit it!!) given up any hope of her ever

getting better, and in some ways this acceptance has brought me a degree of

peace. And yes, the emotional rollercoaster WILL hit me from time to time...but

better that way than being on the bloody thing 24/7 ! I am so sick & tired of

it all: believing in DBT (it does not work for my dtr.), fighting the 'system'

(that does not begin to understand this condition), begging various 'experts' to

see through her manipulating ways, trying to stop her from killing herself , the

zillions of mother-daughter talks, trying to help her at the expense of my own

sanity & health & finances, etc., etc., etc. All these long, long years of

sacrificing absolutely EVERYTHING in my own life, all the so-called therapies &

therapists, medications which in the end only made

her even more suicidal... all the long nights looking for her in the dark mean

streets, all the sobbing miserable 4am. phone-calls, her mutilating herself to a

pulp, the countless trips to emergency depts., her constant lying, stealing,

deceit, drug-taking, prostitution, stripping, sleeping around, anorexia,

bulimia, insomnia, tests for this and that STD, - you name it, we've been

there, and then some. And what the hell has she learned from all this???

NOTHING. She merely goes & repeats the very same mistakes, time after time after

time.

So this is why I QUIT. She won't, but I have. I will always, always love her; so

much so that it brings me actual physical PAIN. BUT I QUIT. I quit all the

craziness before I go insane myself. And if by some miracle she one day decides

she wants to get better, well, she KNOWS exactly, what to do. I only hope & pray

that if the one day actually arrives, that I will still be here on this earth !!

PS.) The SWOE book did help in the beginning when she was first diagnosed; it

became my 'bible'. However, we have now moved into a deeper, darker place with

the illness; who knows, maybe she has got something else as well as BP, who

knows. Somehow I doubt it though...

Thanks for letting me vent. All the best to you too, , and everyone else.

Here's hoping for a Merry Christmas for us all !!!

Best regards, Kirsti.

Fla wrote:

Kirsti:

You have reached the point that I have. I know it is not an easy decision, and

believe me you will still be on an emotional roll coster even after you have

decided this. It takes a long time to really remove yourself from them (although

we are never totally removed). Just hang in there, and stick to your decision (I

did) and believe me it was worth it. Even after I decided what you did, I did

have small set backs (being sucked back in etc) but after a few times, I

stopped.

Good luck to you

Costin wrote:

Hi there Bobbie...

I've just read your post and I sympathize. It is a most dreadful dilemma: either

to let them stay in our homes, where they make everyone's life hell, or ask them

to leave, when they have nowhere else to go!!! And with a daughter, there is

always the fear of them turning to prostitution & drugs, etc. -Our 19-yo.

daughter has just gone off for a 2-week holiday in Queensland after a 3-week

continuous stay here at home with us... AND WHAT FUN THAT WAS !!! After she left

two days ago, I have just been sleeping almost day and night - I guess I needed

it. While she is here, everything tends to be 'about her' , very intense, all

the time, even with all the Tough Love principles & strict boundaries we have

set up. She also lies all the time, steals, has spent thousands & thousands of

dollars since July this year (when she got a lot of compensation money from a

court battle that went on for months). She also receives a regular pay-out, but

is always broke !! I've got no idea as to where the

hell all this money went - it just went !!! Anyway, in my mind I have already

'let her go'...She is in continuing therapy, is on meds, has a boyfriend, has a

weekly income but does not see any of this as a privilege - more like her 'due'.

So, when she returns, I am going to ask her to move out - simply because my

husband & myself cannot live like this anymore !!! I do not think our attitude

is 'selfish'; we have sacrificed enough years to her, sacrificed our lives,

everything... I am just so sick of it all, and we deserve a LIFE as well - while

we still have some kind of health & sanity left !!! And if she goes to

prostitution or stripping - well, that is HER choice... I have had ENOUGH.

Just thought that I give you this scenario of ours... don't know if it'll help

you at all, but in any case, I wish you well, and hope that you find your own

'solution' as well Bobbie. Take care!

Best regards to you from Australia,

Kirsti.

leotheqeen wrote:

Hi everyone I see alot of your bp's are going to school or

holding jobs for awhile. My daughter is barley making it through

school she goes to a county school because the public school could

not handle her illness.

She could not hold a job because of her kleptomania she just

cant help her self she steals for no reason trying to get the right

therapy for her is a joke through the county they have nobody that

does dbt or cognitive? what a bunch of morans I could teach them alot

to bad I cant make the money they do lol.

I also am a care giver to my hubby he was severley hurt on the

job and hardley can walk or sit for a period of time they did surgery

on him to fix some disks and about a year later his back just broke

when he was reaching for something he was dignosed with degenitive

disk when he was 36 im the only one holding this family together. He

cant handle our daughters problems because he has his own he is ready

to toss her on the street when she turns 18 because she has told so

many stories about him or me he cant stand his own daughter. Will

this ever end I dont think so but I have to choose my daughter im

unable to try tough love beacuse so many girls like her end up as

prostitutes just to make a living or dead that I can not take a

chance on so if I am an enabler so be it its better then her turning

up dead.

bobbie

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL

(). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

Kirsti,

I can feel your pain. It sounds like you are being very strong and I applaud

you. There are days that I too am very strong and other days I fall back into

the trap of my BPD daughter. It seems like there should be some type of help

for us with children that have this disorder. I feel bad for our children, but

I feel worse for us that are somewhat " normal " and are aware of what is really

going on around us. God bless us all.

Bridgette

Costin wrote:

Hi ...

Thanks for your reply! Everything you say is true! I know I will NEVER be able

to stop 'grieving' for my daughter; this is an ongoing situation & it will never

go away completely. I have (yes! I admit it!!) given up any hope of her ever

getting better, and in some ways this acceptance has brought me a degree of

peace. And yes, the emotional rollercoaster WILL hit me from time to time...but

better that way than being on the bloody thing 24/7 ! I am so sick & tired of it

all: believing in DBT (it does not work for my dtr.), fighting the 'system'

(that does not begin to understand this condition), begging various 'experts' to

see through her manipulating ways, trying to stop her from killing herself , the

zillions of mother-daughter talks, trying to help her at the expense of my own

sanity & health & finances, etc., etc., etc. All these long, long years of

sacrificing absolutely EVERYTHING in my own life, all the so-called therapies &

therapists, medications which in the end only made

her even more suicidal... all the long nights looking for her in the dark mean

streets, all the sobbing miserable 4am. phone-calls, her mutilating herself to a

pulp, the countless trips to emergency depts., her constant lying, stealing,

deceit, drug-taking, prostitution, stripping, sleeping around, anorexia,

bulimia, insomnia, tests for this and that STD, - you name it, we've been there,

and then some. And what the hell has she learned from all this??? NOTHING. She

merely goes & repeats the very same mistakes, time after time after time.

So this is why I QUIT. She won't, but I have. I will always, always love her; so

much so that it brings me actual physical PAIN. BUT I QUIT. I quit all the

craziness before I go insane myself. And if by some miracle she one day decides

she wants to get better, well, she KNOWS exactly, what to do. I only hope & pray

that if the one day actually arrives, that I will still be here on this earth !!

PS.) The SWOE book did help in the beginning when she was first diagnosed; it

became my 'bible'. However, we have now moved into a deeper, darker place with

the illness; who knows, maybe she has got something else as well as BP, who

knows. Somehow I doubt it though...

Thanks for letting me vent. All the best to you too, , and everyone else.

Here's hoping for a Merry Christmas for us all !!!

Best regards, Kirsti.

Fla

wrote:

Kirsti:

You have reached the point that I have. I know it is not an easy decision, and

believe me you will still be on an emotional roll coster even after you have

decided this. It takes a long time to really remove yourself from them (although

we are never totally removed). Just hang in there, and stick to your decision (I

did) and believe me it was worth it. Even after I decided what you did, I did

have small set backs (being sucked back in etc) but after a few times, I

stopped.

Good luck to you

Costin wrote:

Hi there Bobbie...

I've just read your post and I sympathize. It is a most dreadful dilemma: either

to let them stay in our homes, where they make everyone's life hell, or ask them

to leave, when they have nowhere else to go!!! And with a daughter, there is

always the fear of them turning to prostitution & drugs, etc. -Our 19-yo.

daughter has just gone off for a 2-week holiday in Queensland after a 3-week

continuous stay here at home with us... AND WHAT FUN THAT WAS !!! After she left

two days ago, I have just been sleeping almost day and night - I guess I needed

it. While she is here, everything tends to be 'about her' , very intense, all

the time, even with all the Tough Love principles & strict boundaries we have

set up. She also lies all the time, steals, has spent thousands & thousands of

dollars since July this year (when she got a lot of compensation money from a

court battle that went on for months). She also receives a regular pay-out, but

is always broke !! I've got no idea as to where the

hell all this money went - it just went !!! Anyway, in my mind I have already

'let her go'...She is in continuing therapy, is on meds, has a boyfriend, has a

weekly income but does not see any of this as a privilege - more like her 'due'.

So, when she returns, I am going to ask her to move out - simply because my

husband & myself cannot live like this anymore !!! I do not think our attitude

is 'selfish'; we have sacrificed enough years to her, sacrificed our lives,

everything... I am just so sick of it all, and we deserve a LIFE as well - while

we still have some kind of health & sanity left !!! And if she goes to

prostitution or stripping - well, that is HER choice... I have had ENOUGH.

Just thought that I give you this scenario of ours... don't know if it'll help

you at all, but in any case, I wish you well, and hope that you find your own

'solution' as well Bobbie. Take care!

Best regards to you from Australia,

Kirsti.

leotheqeen wrote:

Hi everyone I see alot of your bp's are going to school or

holding jobs for awhile. My daughter is barley making it through

school she goes to a county school because the public school could

not handle her illness.

She could not hold a job because of her kleptomania she just

cant help her self she steals for no reason trying to get the right

therapy for her is a joke through the county they have nobody that

does dbt or cognitive? what a bunch of morans I could teach them alot

to bad I cant make the money they do lol.

I also am a care giver to my hubby he was severley hurt on the

job and hardley can walk or sit for a period of time they did surgery

on him to fix some disks and about a year later his back just broke

when he was reaching for something he was dignosed with degenitive

disk when he was 36 im the only one holding this family together. He

cant handle our daughters problems because he has his own he is ready

to toss her on the street when she turns 18 because she has told so

many stories about him or me he cant stand his own daughter. Will

this ever end I dont think so but I have to choose my daughter im

unable to try tough love beacuse so many girls like her end up as

prostitutes just to make a living or dead that I can not take a

chance on so if I am an enabler so be it its better then her turning

up dead.

bobbie

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL

(). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

Hello Bridgette...

Thank you for your reply - I really appreciate it! - My husband & I we did

receive some counselling a few months ago. I ended these sessions because the

counsellor had absolutely no idea of BP, although she had assured us that she

had 'done special courses' etc., and was very familiar with the condition ! !

Her 'best' advise to us was to take an afternoon walk to get away from it

all...!!! Being able to write on this site has done me more good than all the

so-called " counsellors " put together!!!

Thanks again, all the best to you.

Regards, Kirsti.

Bridgette wrote:

Kirsti,

I can feel your pain. It sounds like you are being very strong and I applaud

you. There are days that I too am very strong and other days I fall back into

the trap of my BPD daughter. It seems like there should be some type of help for

us with children that have this disorder. I feel bad for our children, but I

feel worse for us that are somewhat " normal " and are aware of what is really

going on around us. God bless us all.

Bridgette

Costin wrote:

Hi ...

Thanks for your reply! Everything you say is true! I know I will NEVER be able

to stop 'grieving' for my daughter; this is an ongoing situation & it will never

go away completely. I have (yes! I admit it!!) given up any hope of her ever

getting better, and in some ways this acceptance has brought me a degree of

peace. And yes, the emotional rollercoaster WILL hit me from time to time...but

better that way than being on the bloody thing 24/7 ! I am so sick & tired of it

all: believing in DBT (it does not work for my dtr.), fighting the 'system'

(that does not begin to understand this condition), begging various 'experts' to

see through her manipulating ways, trying to stop her from killing herself , the

zillions of mother-daughter talks, trying to help her at the expense of my own

sanity & health & finances, etc., etc., etc. All these long, long years of

sacrificing absolutely EVERYTHING in my own life, all the so-called therapies &

therapists, medications which in the end only made

her even more suicidal... all the long nights looking for her in the dark mean

streets, all the sobbing miserable 4am. phone-calls, her mutilating herself to a

pulp, the countless trips to emergency depts., her constant lying, stealing,

deceit, drug-taking, prostitution, stripping, sleeping around, anorexia,

bulimia, insomnia, tests for this and that STD, - you name it, we've been there,

and then some. And what the hell has she learned from all this??? NOTHING. She

merely goes & repeats the very same mistakes, time after time after time.

So this is why I QUIT. She won't, but I have. I will always, always love her; so

much so that it brings me actual physical PAIN. BUT I QUIT. I quit all the

craziness before I go insane myself. And if by some miracle she one day decides

she wants to get better, well, she KNOWS exactly, what to do. I only hope & pray

that if the one day actually arrives, that I will still be here on this earth !!

PS.) The SWOE book did help in the beginning when she was first diagnosed; it

became my 'bible'. However, we have now moved into a deeper, darker place with

the illness; who knows, maybe she has got something else as well as BP, who

knows. Somehow I doubt it though...

Thanks for letting me vent. All the best to you too, , and everyone else.

Here's hoping for a Merry Christmas for us all !!!

Best regards, Kirsti.

Fla

wrote:

Kirsti:

You have reached the point that I have. I know it is not an easy decision, and

believe me you will still be on an emotional roll coster even after you have

decided this. It takes a long time to really remove yourself from them (although

we are never totally removed). Just hang in there, and stick to your decision (I

did) and believe me it was worth it. Even after I decided what you did, I did

have small set backs (being sucked back in etc) but after a few times, I

stopped.

Good luck to you

Costin wrote:

Hi there Bobbie...

I've just read your post and I sympathize. It is a most dreadful dilemma: either

to let them stay in our homes, where they make everyone's life hell, or ask them

to leave, when they have nowhere else to go!!! And with a daughter, there is

always the fear of them turning to prostitution & drugs, etc. -Our 19-yo.

daughter has just gone off for a 2-week holiday in Queensland after a 3-week

continuous stay here at home with us... AND WHAT FUN THAT WAS !!! After she left

two days ago, I have just been sleeping almost day and night - I guess I needed

it. While she is here, everything tends to be 'about her' , very intense, all

the time, even with all the Tough Love principles & strict boundaries we have

set up. She also lies all the time, steals, has spent thousands & thousands of

dollars since July this year (when she got a lot of compensation money from a

court battle that went on for months). She also receives a regular pay-out, but

is always broke !! I've got no idea as to where the

hell all this money went - it just went !!! Anyway, in my mind I have already

'let her go'...She is in continuing therapy, is on meds, has a boyfriend, has a

weekly income but does not see any of this as a privilege - more like her 'due'.

So, when she returns, I am going to ask her to move out - simply because my

husband & myself cannot live like this anymore !!! I do not think our attitude

is 'selfish'; we have sacrificed enough years to her, sacrificed our lives,

everything... I am just so sick of it all, and we deserve a LIFE as well - while

we still have some kind of health & sanity left !!! And if she goes to

prostitution or stripping - well, that is HER choice... I have had ENOUGH.

Just thought that I give you this scenario of ours... don't know if it'll help

you at all, but in any case, I wish you well, and hope that you find your own

'solution' as well Bobbie. Take care!

Best regards to you from Australia,

Kirsti.

leotheqeen wrote:

Hi everyone I see alot of your bp's are going to school or

holding jobs for awhile. My daughter is barley making it through

school she goes to a county school because the public school could

not handle her illness.

She could not hold a job because of her kleptomania she just

cant help her self she steals for no reason trying to get the right

therapy for her is a joke through the county they have nobody that

does dbt or cognitive? what a bunch of morans I could teach them alot

to bad I cant make the money they do lol.

I also am a care giver to my hubby he was severley hurt on the

job and hardley can walk or sit for a period of time they did surgery

on him to fix some disks and about a year later his back just broke

when he was reaching for something he was dignosed with degenitive

disk when he was 36 im the only one holding this family together. He

cant handle our daughters problems because he has his own he is ready

to toss her on the street when she turns 18 because she has told so

many stories about him or me he cant stand his own daughter. Will

this ever end I dont think so but I have to choose my daughter im

unable to try tough love beacuse so many girls like her end up as

prostitutes just to make a living or dead that I can not take a

chance on so if I am an enabler so be it its better then her turning

up dead.

bobbie

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL

(). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

What exactly are the statistics for them getting better? My daughter is 31

and currently is in a stable period (working 6 days/week, taking care of her

children, being civil to me (calls me 3 or 4 times a day). The husband though,

is not around and she is somewhat dependent on me for babysitting and she's a

little frightened because she is in the 6th month of a high risk pregnancy. I

know when hubby gets back, she'll revert back to supporting him, ignoring the

children and will return to being a witch to me. This has been the pattern

over the past 12 years that she has appeared to have a problem. So, do they

ever change? Does anyone know? Is there any research out there?