Re: Children with BPD

[Guest guest]

This is my first post to this list and I hesitate to do it now, but I read your

post with strong feelings. First, that you would even consider adopting a child

with BPD indicates a strength of character that I do not have. God bless you for

that. Second, and I say this only because you asked for insight, my advice is to

run as fast as you can away from this. Please do not put your son through the

hell of living with an abusive sibling. If there has already been abuse it is

most likely that it will only escalate. Please protect him.

daae32 wrote:

My husband and I started the process to adopt a special needs child

last March. After months of red tape and reading profiles, we

recently had a 9 year old girl placed with us for foster care with

the hopes that we would adopt her. She had emotional issues in her

past but the things listed were things like ADHD/PSTD/ODD - all

issues we had well researched and felt prepared to deal with. She

has been with us less than a month and her therapist is diagnosing

her as BPD. The therapist asked us to read about the disorder this

week to see if our observations were in line with hers and she fits

it to a T. Of the nine criteria in the DSM-IV she meets all nine,

and has consistently for years, from what we can glean from her

personal history. We are now living through the rages and the

accusations and the lies and the agression and the " I hate yous "

followed by the " I love yous " and it has been an eye-opening

experience to say the least. We have learned a huge amount about

this disorder in just the past two days, a disorder we had possibly

heard of in passing but really knew nothing about until this week.

Most of what I have read shows that drs and therapists are resistant

to placing this diagnosis on children and was wondering what

experience others have had with children and this disorder. Our

therapist seems optomistic since we have caught it so early but most

of what we have read is very discouraging. Another concern is that

she is targeting our 7 year old son and she seems to resent that he

was already part of the family, and his very existance seems to set

off her abandonement fears. She has already been physically

agressive towards him and actively tries to cause him pain in every

way possible. While we expected some jealousy, we were not prepared

for the emotional extremes this girl has brought with her. It is

being discussed that perhaps they should look at a different

placement, one without other children and where one of the parents

could possibly be a stay at home parent. We are unsure at this point

if we are willing to put our family and our son through the chaos

this disorder seems to bring, but don't know how we can turn our

backs on this little girl who has already been through so much

already. Any insight or help would be so very appreciated.

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL

(). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

My daughter I feel has been Bordeline since we first adopted her at 5 months.

Her brother who is also adopted and older than her but was placed with us a year

after her used to sleep with a golf club next to him at night for fear of her

rages. Since then he (now 20) is questioning whether or not to have children

(he is afraid of having a child like his sister, even though they are not bio

sibs). Me and my husband got divorced almost 2 years ago (I won't say she was

all to blame, but our marriage just couldn't handle her playing one against the

other). I guess it wasn't strong enough from the start.

This is a hard decision for you to make and honestly I wouldn't want to be in

your shoes, but just as long as you know as she gets older it isn't going to get

any better, from my experience it got worse. ALso there are many therapists who

just believe that BPD is just an adult diagnosis and can't be diagnosed until

after they are 18 (which we all know is not true), but try to get one that

firmly believes that to change their minds. When my daughter was 13 we had a

therapist who told us ( I knew much different being I worked for a counseling

center) that there was no way at 13 she could be diagnosed as BPD. That fed

into my ex's hope that she wasn't, so in fact I turned out to be the bad guy.

Sorry to ramble on so much about my life, but weigh all the options and think of

your husband, you, your child and of course this one and make the decision that

is right for all involved.

Best of luck and keep us posted.

(I know there are 2 of us now)

daae32 wrote:

My husband and I started the process to adopt a special needs child

last March. After months of red tape and reading profiles, we

recently had a 9 year old girl placed with us for foster care with

the hopes that we would adopt her. She had emotional issues in her

past but the things listed were things like ADHD/PSTD/ODD - all

issues we had well researched and felt prepared to deal with. She

has been with us less than a month and her therapist is diagnosing

her as BPD. The therapist asked us to read about the disorder this

week to see if our observations were in line with hers and she fits

it to a T. Of the nine criteria in the DSM-IV she meets all nine,

and has consistently for years, from what we can glean from her

personal history. We are now living through the rages and the

accusations and the lies and the agression and the " I hate yous "

followed by the " I love yous " and it has been an eye-opening

experience to say the least. We have learned a huge amount about

this disorder in just the past two days, a disorder we had possibly

heard of in passing but really knew nothing about until this week.

Most of what I have read shows that drs and therapists are resistant

to placing this diagnosis on children and was wondering what

experience others have had with children and this disorder. Our

therapist seems optomistic since we have caught it so early but most

of what we have read is very discouraging. Another concern is that

she is targeting our 7 year old son and she seems to resent that he

was already part of the family, and his very existance seems to set

off her abandonement fears. She has already been physically

agressive towards him and actively tries to cause him pain in every

way possible. While we expected some jealousy, we were not prepared

for the emotional extremes this girl has brought with her. It is

being discussed that perhaps they should look at a different

placement, one without other children and where one of the parents

could possibly be a stay at home parent. We are unsure at this point

if we are willing to put our family and our son through the chaos

this disorder seems to bring, but don't know how we can turn our

backs on this little girl who has already been through so much

already. Any insight or help would be so very appreciated.

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL

(). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

I have to agree. I do not think this would be fair to your son. You will have

two victims to this disease also then.

Re: Children with BPD

This is my first post to this list and I hesitate to do it now, but I read

your post with strong feelings. First, that you would even consider adopting a

child with BPD indicates a strength of character that I do not have. God bless

you for that. Second, and I say this only because you asked for insight, my

advice is to run as fast as you can away from this. Please do not put your son

through the hell of living with an abusive sibling. If there has already been

abuse it is most likely that it will only escalate. Please protect him.

daae32 wrote:

My husband and I started the process to adopt a special needs child

last March. After months of red tape and reading profiles, we

recently had a 9 year old girl placed with us for foster care with

the hopes that we would adopt her. She had emotional issues in her

past but the things listed were things like ADHD/PSTD/ODD - all

issues we had well researched and felt prepared to deal with. She

has been with us less than a month and her therapist is diagnosing

her as BPD. The therapist asked us to read about the disorder this

week to see if our observations were in line with hers and she fits

it to a T. Of the nine criteria in the DSM-IV she meets all nine,

and has consistently for years, from what we can glean from her

personal history. We are now living through the rages and the

accusations and the lies and the agression and the " I hate yous "

followed by the " I love yous " and it has been an eye-opening

experience to say the least. We have learned a huge amount about

this disorder in just the past two days, a disorder we had possibly

heard of in passing but really knew nothing about until this week.

Most of what I have read shows that drs and therapists are resistant

to placing this diagnosis on children and was wondering what

experience others have had with children and this disorder. Our

therapist seems optomistic since we have caught it so early but most

of what we have read is very discouraging. Another concern is that

she is targeting our 7 year old son and she seems to resent that he

was already part of the family, and his very existance seems to set

off her abandonement fears. She has already been physically

agressive towards him and actively tries to cause him pain in every

way possible. While we expected some jealousy, we were not prepared

for the emotional extremes this girl has brought with her. It is

being discussed that perhaps they should look at a different

placement, one without other children and where one of the parents

could possibly be a stay at home parent. We are unsure at this point

if we are willing to put our family and our son through the chaos

this disorder seems to bring, but don't know how we can turn our

backs on this little girl who has already been through so much

already. Any insight or help would be so very appreciated.

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL

(). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

I have a thought that may be something you want to consider. Try to get the book

called " Remarkable Healing " by Dr. Shakundali Modi. I believe it may have some

answers to helping these afflicted with BPD.

Daryl Stangl

Children with BPD

My husband and I started the process to adopt a special needs child

last March. After months of red tape and reading profiles, we

recently had a 9 year old girl placed with us for foster care with

the hopes that we would adopt her. She had emotional issues in her

past but the things listed were things like ADHD/PSTD/ODD - all

issues we had well researched and felt prepared to deal with. She

has been with us less than a month and her therapist is diagnosing

her as BPD. The therapist asked us to read about the disorder this

week to see if our observations were in line with hers and she fits

it to a T. Of the nine criteria in the DSM-IV she meets all nine,

and has consistently for years, from what we can glean from her

personal history. We are now living through the rages and the

accusations and the lies and the agression and the " I hate yous "

followed by the " I love yous " and it has been an eye-opening

experience to say the least. We have learned a huge amount about

this disorder in just the past two days, a disorder we had possibly

heard of in passing but really knew nothing about until this week.

Most of what I have read shows that drs and therapists are resistant

to placing this diagnosis on children and was wondering what

experience others have had with children and this disorder. Our

therapist seems optomistic since we have caught it so early but most

of what we have read is very discouraging. Another concern is that

she is targeting our 7 year old son and she seems to resent that he

was already part of the family, and his very existance seems to set

off her abandonement fears. She has already been physically

agressive towards him and actively tries to cause him pain in every

way possible. While we expected some jealousy, we were not prepared

for the emotional extremes this girl has brought with her. It is

being discussed that perhaps they should look at a different

placement, one without other children and where one of the parents

could possibly be a stay at home parent. We are unsure at this point

if we are willing to put our family and our son through the chaos

this disorder seems to bring, but don't know how we can turn our

backs on this little girl who has already been through so much

already. Any insight or help would be so very appreciated.

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL

(). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com