Depression...anxiety...long vent

[Guest guest]

You know sinse being diagnosed last march I thought I was ok with having

diabetes. I wasent surprised I had it. But the last month I find it so

depressing. I read several places they have to test you more than once to

really diagnose it. They only tested me once, a fasting glucose blood test.

I discovered I was trying to talk myself out of being diabetic. I know

better sinse I have a meter. I have cut my meds down to one metformin and

glipizide in the am for liver dump. I was taking it 3 times a day along with

avandia. I did this on my own due to my numbers being low the rest of the

day and night. I find myself in hypo alot. The lowest is 47. My meter says

my average is 122 for 30 days. My mornings high. With all the hypos it

brings my average down. I start feeling icky anything under 80. Today was

176, 90, 110, 111, 93, 81 so far. Almost every evening I go below 60 all

month. I have also been waking up in the middle of the night shaking and

sweating and Im hypo. Its getting to me I can hypo at 2 or 3 am and then

have a liver dump and go up to high normally between 8:00 and 11:00 am. Im

getting very depressed I have this. Im fustrated. Im trying to eat right. I

do ok there. Its just I dont want diabetes anymore and its hitting me that

its forever. Im tired of poking myself. Im tired of pills. Im tired of

morning highs and daily hypos. I spent so many years hypoglocemic, now

diabetic...Im just fed up with sugar problems. I want to be normal and know

I never will now. Best I can hope for is control. I was handling it so well

tell lately. Now Im depressed. Stressing myself out. I want to cry alot. My

anxiety disorder is worse than ever. I get so upset its hard to not have a

panic attack. I find myself freaking out when something like my leg falls

asleep. Even when I know it fell asleep due to how I was sitting. As soon as

I move it around and the pins and needles stop Im ok. It only lasts a few

minutes. But now I find myself paranoid Im going to have diabetic effects. I

forget things easy. My daughter (16)commented that she was tired of me being

forgetful and mentioned I was over medicated. This really upset me because

Im not. I just have a hard time thinking because I get fuzzy headed alot.

When I said its not my meds then she suggested I need to get meds for it

then. I was not happy. Its hitting me that my health is effecting my family

also so that causes me more anxiety. I read today in diabetes for dummies

that my blood pressure meds cause high sugar. So then it got me to thinking

maybe thats why I had a positive diagnoses. Im flipping all over lately

denying I have it to being depressed I do. Sorry this is so long. I just

needed to vent. fran