Re: my first group-first post

January 24, 2004

You're among friends. My daughter is now an adult, with problems. I

am a psychotherapist, and really get how ironic it can feel that we are

effective at helping other emotionally troubled people, but with our

own, can feel so impotent. While, or as, you witness the pain of your

daughter, keep in touch with the pain of those of you who love her. At

least for me, it helped to keep remembering that we all were effected

by BPD, so I didn't play too much into a dynamic of her being the

victim. (Actually, it took me years and years to reduce my enabling

behavior to the " normal " range).

Stick with this group. Take care. v

> my ten yo dtr has a rather severe BPD illness. i am an adult

> psychiatrist, but in relation to her illness, am just a desperately

> scared mother. i am wondering if there is a parent with a similar

> aged dtr who wants to correspond-exchange resource info, etc. i

> welcome advice/help from ANY and ALL parents with children with this

> illness. my daughter has been ill since 5 or 6 and diagnosis was

> confirmed last June. i love her more than life and would surely do

> anything to help her. my husband can't/won't accept diagnosis, is a

> physician who works 80+ hours a week-so i feel very much like a

> single parent to my dtr and my 7yo sons.

> i see so much pain and sadness in her eyes-know that every day is

> painful and scary for her. i am having trouble balancing everyone's

> needs alone. i feel very very alone with this situation-though of

> course i know i am not. for anyone who writes-THANK YOU, THANK YOU

> SO VERY, VERY MUCH! -rivka

>

> Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner .

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via

> 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents,

> seehttp://www.BPDCentral.com

>

January 24, 2004

> my ten yo dtr has a rather severe BPD illness. i am an adult

> psychiatrist, but in relation to her illness, am just a desperately

> scared mother. i am wondering if there is a parent with a similar

> aged dtr who wants to correspond-exchange resource info, etc. i

> welcome advice/help from ANY and ALL parents with children with

this

> illness. my daughter has been ill since 5 or 6 and diagnosis was

> confirmed last June. i love her more than life and would surely do

> anything to help her. my husband can't/won't accept diagnosis, is a

> physician who works 80+ hours a week-so i feel very much like a

> single parent to my dtr and my 7yo sons.

> i see so much pain and sadness in her eyes-know that every day is

> painful and scary for her. i am having trouble balancing everyone's

> needs alone. i feel very very alone with this situation-though of

> course i know i am not. for anyone who writes-THANK YOU, THANK YOU

> SO VERY, VERY MUCH! -rivka

Rivka,

I have an 18 year old daughter w/BPD, but she was only diagnosed a

year ago. However, even when she was little, we knew there was

something different about her. She could not let me out of her

sight, very clingy. When she was 4 I took her to Early Childhood

Family Education. The parents and children would start out with

sitting in a circle and sing songs, etc. then eventually the parents

would go into a seperate room to talk. The children were supposed to

interact with each other and play. She would create such a scene

when it was parent time, that the teacher would have to literally

hold her and she would scream and carry on something awful! My

husband and I could never go out for an evening together either,

because we couldn't leave her with a sitter, she'd be so awful, it

was just so upsetting that we eventually decided that it wasn't worth

trying anymore. Then when school started, everything was pretty good

up until third grade, when she started not wanting to go to school

every day and all she wanted to do was sleep all day. I took her to

our family doctor because I was exasperated beyond reason. I

remember getting so angry with her and yelling at her because she'd

be all ready to get on the bus and then at the last minute she

wouldn't go. Then I'd have to take her in and physically carry her

into the school and then she'd make a scene crying and running after

me when I'd try and leave. I didn't know what to do, and my husband

is gone working all week, so I was left with the major burden of all

that. (I like you am mostly in charge of the child rearing around

here too, as my husband works out of state Mon. - Thur. He's home

Fri - Sun, but not really " home " if you know what I mean. He's

always got something he needs to do that doesn't include family time)

Does your daughter have any of the symptoms that I've described? I

always wanted to ask someone with a younger child with BPD. Also,

she would have alot of nightmares and not sleep well at night. It

got to the point that she would sleep on the floor by my side of the

bed every night. She was afraid alot of the time about every little

thing. She would never spend the night at anyone's house except for

maybe once in a while my mother's. She had trouble making a keeping

friends, too. I think she maybe thought that something bad was going

to happen to her dad or I.

I know how you feel about feeling as tho you are a single parent

trying to balance everyone's needs, because I've been there and I'm

still there. I just try to take it one day at a time and do what I

feel I can do. It'a true, you do feel alone and scared and helpless,

and you fear for her future.

Thanks for listening,

Jan

January 26, 2004

Hello and welcome...

You'll find this group to be very supportive and understanding. We're in

different stages with our children, some are young ones, others are now

adults, but it's all the same issues. Keep posting and reading -

Take care - k

my first group-first " post "

my ten yo dtr has a rather severe BPD illness. i am an adult

psychiatrist, but in relation to her illness, am just a desperately

scared mother. i am wondering if there is a parent with a similar

aged dtr who wants to correspond-exchange resource info, etc. i

welcome advice/help from ANY and ALL parents with children with this

illness. my daughter has been ill since 5 or 6 and diagnosis was

confirmed last June. i love her more than life and would surely do

anything to help her. my husband can't/won't accept diagnosis, is a

physician who works 80+ hours a week-so i feel very much like a

single parent to my dtr and my 7yo sons.

i see so much pain and sadness in her eyes-know that every day is

painful and scary for her. i am having trouble balancing everyone's

needs alone. i feel very very alone with this situation-though of

course i know i am not. for anyone who writes-THANK YOU, THANK YOU

SO VERY, VERY MUCH! -rivka

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see

http://www.BPDCentral.com

January 26, 2004

> Hello and welcome...

>

> You'll find this group to be very supportive and understanding.

We're in

> different stages with our children, some are young ones, others

are now

> adults, but it's all the same issues. Keep posting and reading -

>

> Take care - k

>

> my first group-first " post "

>

> kela-my dtr is barely 10-yesterday she pushed me down the stairs

and i broke 3 ribs-today i found her on a pornographic web site-

using MY credit card-when i told her she would have to get off the

computer she slapped me so hard it stung for almost an hour. she is

52#-she told me if i told her father she would kill me-that i would

never be able to sleep again...i am getting so hopeless-what i read

is about knives and razors-and i already KNOW the chances are good

my dtr will get " there " -can someone tell me something hopeful-i am

so scared, for her, a little for me, a lot for my 7yo twins-she

harrangs and harrangs them-i feel like i will get to the oint where

iu will choose-to lose her completely of sacrifice the safety and

sanity of my sons...my g-d i never thought life could be this painful

rivka

> my ten yo dtr has a rather severe BPD illness. i am an adult

> psychiatrist, but in relation to her illness, am just a desperately

> scared mother. i am wondering if there is a parent with a similar

> aged dtr who wants to correspond-exchange resource info, etc. i

> welcome advice/help from ANY and ALL parents with children with

this

> illness. my daughter has been ill since 5 or 6 and diagnosis was

> confirmed last June. i love her more than life and would surely do

> anything to help her. my husband can't/won't accept diagnosis, is a

> physician who works 80+ hours a week-so i feel very much like a

> single parent to my dtr and my 7yo sons.

> i see so much pain and sadness in her eyes-know that every day is

> painful and scary for her. i am having trouble balancing everyone's

> needs alone. i feel very very alone with this situation-though of

> course i know i am not. for anyone who writes-THANK YOU, THANK YOU

> SO VERY, VERY MUCH! -rivka

>

> Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-

owner " Stop

> Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via

> 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

January 27, 2004

oh, Rivka! My heart just breaks for you!! What type of support do you have?

Is your husband in the home or any other family near by?

Even if your husband is unwilling to accept the child's diagnosis, surely

he's able to see that these are some *very* uncharacteristic behaviors of a

10-year old that are in play, such as you being pushed down a flight of

stairs resulting in 3 broken ribs! Seems to me that you need an outside 3rd

party involved immediately. I've not personally experienced anything like

this so please understand my next words are of pure reaction....I truly

don't mean to hurt or worry you further....

There's been two assaults - one w/major injury and you've been verbally

threatened - all in a span of several days. There are two other little ones

in the home. If you can try to take a mental step back from it all, if you

were presented with this situation by a patient, what would your advice to

them be?

Dearheart - there's no gentle way around this type of abusive, violent

behavior. I can hear and feel the love you have for her in your posts, but

you've GOT to think about you and the boys.

Please take care of yourself. If you should like to write to me off-list,

please don't hesitate.

Big hugs to you - k