Guest guest Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 Great analogy, Doug. Very graphic, gets the point across beautifully... and then when drlingirl posted an example of that actually happening to her *in real life* I just couldn't get over it! Just Freaking Amazing, the lack of boundaries of the bpd!!! It truly must be that they have no identity of their own, so they're going to absorb yours. Good Lord! AAAAaaaugh!!! -Annie > > > Hey, all > > Had an epiphany about bounderies, and our nada induced guilt about > them, that I wanted to share with the group. > > Picture this. I decide to have a dinner for some good friends. I like > them, I enjoy their company, and I m looking forward to a pleasant > evening. > > I cook a nice meal ( what are you laughing at, guys can cook too! and > yes I DO cook, very well , thank you! [] ) and when they arrive, I > invite them to the table, set the food out and we begin the meal. As we > are making light conversation, I notice one of my friends doesnt fill > her plate, but watches patiently until I have mine filled and begin to > eat. Without a word of explanation, she reaches with her fork and begins > to eat off my plate. She goes on with the conversation as if nothing was > happening. When I move my plate further away, and block her the next > time she tries, and suggest that she can have all the food she wants, > but please put it on her own plate, and don t eat off mine, she begins > to cry hysterically, screams at everyone that I m trying to starve her > to death. > > I did nothing wrong. In fact, I acted generously and was doing just the > opposite of what she accused in her rage. But what I did was not enough, > and she violated my bounderies and did not respect me as a person. In > her mind , there was nothing wrong with what she did, and we were all > eating the same thing, so she should have been able to do what she chose > to do, inappropriate as it was. > > Of course, non of us would do that. Non of us would tolerate that > behavior from a guest or friend. > > > > The guilt we inherited from nada or fada tries to convince us otherwise. > > > > But bounderies are ok, and do not mean that we are cruel, selfish, or > mean. > > > > Now that I ve turned the light on with my brilliant insight, go forth > and enforce your bounderies. > > > > BE FREE. > > > > LOL...best > > Doug > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 Agreed!!!! This is a fantastic analogy, not only because, apparently...things this outrageous actually DO happen, but also because sharing food in that manner is actually quite intimate. I mean...I have a guy friend who Im quite close with, known each other for years...seen each other at our best and worst...you know...good and close. Anyway we eat off each others plates all the time and it doesnt seem weird to either of us (in fact...we often order with the idea of sharing in mind as neither of us is very good at choosing just one thing off the menu) because its a mutally agreed upon crossing of that particular boundary. When we do this around people that dont know us they assume we're a couple because of it...that's how intimate something like sharing food/eating off anothers plate actually is. So really not just an analogy for boundaries but also for the kind of forced intimacy that a BPD personality will demand from you. Well done > > > > > > Hey, all > > > > Had an epiphany about bounderies, and our nada induced guilt about > > them, that I wanted to share with the group. > > > > Picture this. I decide to have a dinner for some good friends. I like > > them, I enjoy their company, and I m looking forward to a pleasant > > evening. > > > > I cook a nice meal ( what are you laughing at, guys can cook too! and > > yes I DO cook, very well , thank you! [] ) and when they arrive, I > > invite them to the table, set the food out and we begin the meal. As we > > are making light conversation, I notice one of my friends doesnt fill > > her plate, but watches patiently until I have mine filled and begin to > > eat. Without a word of explanation, she reaches with her fork and begins > > to eat off my plate. She goes on with the conversation as if nothing was > > happening. When I move my plate further away, and block her the next > > time she tries, and suggest that she can have all the food she wants, > > but please put it on her own plate, and don t eat off mine, she begins > > to cry hysterically, screams at everyone that I m trying to starve her > > to death. > > > > I did nothing wrong. In fact, I acted generously and was doing just the > > opposite of what she accused in her rage. But what I did was not enough, > > and she violated my bounderies and did not respect me as a person. In > > her mind , there was nothing wrong with what she did, and we were all > > eating the same thing, so she should have been able to do what she chose > > to do, inappropriate as it was. > > > > Of course, non of us would do that. Non of us would tolerate that > > behavior from a guest or friend. > > > > > > > > The guilt we inherited from nada or fada tries to convince us otherwise. > > > > > > > > But bounderies are ok, and do not mean that we are cruel, selfish, or > > mean. > > > > > > > > Now that I ve turned the light on with my brilliant insight, go forth > > and enforce your bounderies. > > > > > > > > BE FREE. > > > > > > > > LOL...best > > > > Doug > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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