Re: Insecurity

[Guest guest]

I feel your pain. I am always scared my husband will some day realize the " real

me " and decide that I'm not as great as he thought or that I am damaged goods.

Nada always makes comments about having separate bank accounts " just in case " ,

etc. She also always asks my husband if he's in it " for the long haul " whenever

she can, suggesting that he might leave. ARGH!

Body image issues- boy do I know THAT. If I gain weight I feel like a total

failure. I feel fat all the time. It's gotten much better than it used to be

though. I am starting to realize my weight does not reflect whether I am a good

or bad person. I just feel like people are always judging me- like if I have a

belly they will think I have no self control or that my fatness will make them

feel better about themselves because they are better than me. It's so asinine!!!

But I still feel that way sometimes. I have a 6 month old (1st baby) and I have

been struggling with my post-baby belly, but not as much as I thought I would

be so that's good.

I also have found self-affirmations to be REALLY helpful. I say them to myself 5

or 6 times 3 or 4 times a day when I remember:

I am a good person

I deserve good things

I'm fine as I am

I do the best I can

> >

> > I find myself to be completely insecure. Especially when it comes to my

husband. I know he loves me and he is really great. But, still, I get

insecure. I always feel like if he doesn't do something he usually does it's

because he doesn't love me or is mad at me. Isn't this weird? Now I've noticed

it, but I'm having trouble stopping the insecurity. I am thinking that if I

can't find a way to stop being so insecure he will get fed up and leave, and I

really don't want that to happen. Not to mention it just plain strains our

relationship sometimes. The bad part to me is that I notice it, but I can't

really stop it. Does anyone have any tips on how to become more secure? Does

any one else feel insecure in partner relationships?

> >

> > Thanks,

> > Lucky

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Lucky. I do understand your feelings and have struggled with them myself. I

don't know that I have one particular solution for you. I will say that therapy

has been VERY helpful to me. I am learning to stop in the middle of those

feelings and look at them more logically and less emotionally. The truth is a

powerful thing, but in a lot of ways I think we carry around more lies than

truths about ourselves as KOs. I will tell you one thing my T told me: Your

husband is a good, intelligent, loving man, and he would not have married

someone who was not his equal. That was very sobering to me, even as I wrestled

through these issues after my husband's death. I really do think that finding

someone to help you more in-depth would be beneficial. These are basic issues

about self-identity that children are supposed to get from their parents, but we

did not. You deserve to have the truth inside you and at the core of who you

are.

Take care,

>

> I find myself to be completely insecure. Especially when it comes to my

husband. I know he loves me and he is really great. But, still, I get

insecure. I always feel like if he doesn't do something he usually does it's

because he doesn't love me or is mad at me. Isn't this weird? Now I've noticed

it, but I'm having trouble stopping the insecurity. I am thinking that if I

can't find a way to stop being so insecure he will get fed up and leave, and I

really don't want that to happen. Not to mention it just plain strains our

relationship sometimes. The bad part to me is that I notice it, but I can't

really stop it. Does anyone have any tips on how to become more secure? Does

any one else feel insecure in partner relationships?

>

> Thanks,

> Lucky

>