Re: How to deal with rude people

August 23, 2005

n,

When my nephew with CP was younger, I remember another child asking him what

was wrong with his hand. He looked at his hand as if he were puzzled there

was something wrong with it, then shrugged and said, " I was just born with

it that way. " To him it was not wrong, it was just the way it was. The

child asking did not imply that it was something bad like the woman did, it

was his way of noticing that his hand didn't do what his hand could do.

That is the attitude I want to teach all of my children, it is the

difference in the asking. I want the other kids to learn that the things

that are different to them are natural to us and that they do not need to

shy away from us. I welcome their curiosity as an opportunity to teach

this.

I have had other kids at pools ask why Dylan still wears swim diapers - I

just say his nerves don't work so well, so he can't feel the pee. They

shrug and then they go back to playing in the water. They often stand and

watch with interest as I bolus him and sometimes they will ask about it. I

say something like, " when he drinks in his mouth, the milk goes in his lungs

instead of his stomach - like drowning - so his milk goes right in his

tummy.

For the woman who hasn't had that learning yet and thinks different is bad,

then I would smile at and direct my comments to the boy and say something

positive about , like doesn't hear or see very well, so she

likes to learn about things by how they feel in her mouth. Natural, matter

of fact and non-confrontational with the woman. Hopefully her child will at

least learn.

But we all agree when we hear that tone of voice, mama bear wants to come

out big time!

Kim

> Hello everyone,

> Yesterday, my daughter had an eye appointment, while we were in the

> waiting room, there was another woman there with her two grandchildren.

> was playing, and started to chew on some of the toys,(she is

> very oral)and I didn't think anything about it.....

>

> However, the one grandson asked his grandmother why was she doing that?

> The woman said There must be something WRONG with HER. I put the

> emphasis on the wrong because the way she said it. Not only was it the

> way she said it, it was the way she looked at , when she said

> it.

>

> She looked at my daughter as if she had the bubonic plague or

> something! I wanted to snap back at her, but I was afraid what I would

> say, once I opened my mouth. I just got up, went over to ,

> redirected her to another activity, got a antibacterial wipe, and

> cleaned the toy and dried it off.

>

> She still wouldn't let her grandson play with the toy, maybe she

> thought my daughter's germs were still on it. There was also another

> woman, she didn't say anything, but she also stared at . I was

> so glad when we left there.

>

> I would like to know, am I blowing this thing out of propportion?

> Would should I have said, that would have been deemed appropriate? I

> couldn't think of appropiate at the time, I was too mad! Has anyone

> here dealt with these type of situations and if so, what did you do?

> Maybe on top of everything that I have had to learn, about taking care

> of a CHARGE kid, maybe I need to take a class on how to deal with rude

> people....

>

> didn't notice anything, but I know that there will come a

> time that she will....I want to protect her as much as I can from

> people who are like that, but I know I won't always be there when it

> happens!

>

> Well,thanks for listening, I was upset and hurt, and I needed to tell

> somebody.

>

> n-mom to Zach 9, Jordan 6, 2-CHARGE, and Candace 1

>

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> Foundation or to become a member (and get the newsletter),

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>

August 23, 2005

n,

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who are ignorant out there; I almost

feel sorry for their ignorance at this point. They don't " get " what is

important in life, they are just stuck in their little bubble of what they think

" normal " is - well a lot of those " so called " normal situations are nothing I'm

interested in being part of. Maybe not when Kennedy was two, but now, I would

definitely say something like " actually there's nothing wrong with her at all -

she just likes to chew on toys. " As for the other woman staring, I find the

best approach is just to try and make eye contact when she's staring and say

" she's beautiful, isn't she? " .

Sorry you're dealing with this - I don't even think about that stuff much

anymore; it may sound silly, but I actually pity people like that.

Home: lisaweir@...

Work: lisa.weir@...

Phone:

Web: http://ca.geocities.com/weirfamilyrogers

August 23, 2005

Even as an adult people still come up to me and ask things like " what's wrong

with you? " or my favorite " Were you in an accident or something? " . To the

question of something being wrong, I often say, " Nothing is wrong with me, but I

think there's something wrong with your manners. " That is a good slap in the

face to people on the appropriateness of their question. And to the accident

question I say " No, why is there something wrong? " .

I have only ever lost my temper once. It was a very ugly situation and the first

time anyone had ever come up to me. I was standing in line at a post office and

this elderly woman was infront of me and turned around to look at me and says

" Oh my, what happened to your face! " I just stood and ignored her. Then she

turns around and starts talking to other people saying things like " Oh that poor

girl, I dont think she realizes there's anything wrong with her, shame the

doctors cant help her " and so on. I finally got to the boiling point, turned and

faced her and said " F#$# off. " Well! She was quite in shock! She was furious!

She started saying to everyone " I cant believe the manners of her, she's so

rude " and blah blah. Well one guy turned to her and said " Lady, you deserved

that. " And then she just shut her mouth and wouldn't say another word. It felt

good everyone else was on my side. But certainly not one of my favorite moments.

I've learned when people stare to put the ball back in their court, " Is there

something I can help you with? " . And they realize they have been caught and turn

away. Its not always easy. I've started swimming three times a week and last

Friday I had a couple teenage girls in my lane who would actually stop and stare

at me as I swam by. I couldn't say anything to them as when I swim I cant hear

as I have to take my hearing aid out. Its not a fun thing to be always be stared

at and treated differently, but there certainly are ways to get people back on

track. And all else fails, I just walk away. Hope my rant somewhat helps!