Re: I hope I have not made ANOTHER mistake!

[Guest guest]

Sheryl-

I could just cry for you. My gut is feeling the same as you -- that she

needs out of there quick. Maybe that's not helpful to hear, but it's

the truth, and maybe it is helpful to know that you're not just a crazy

mom. Is it time to go directly to the lawyer again to immediately file

due process since they are absolutely ignoring the IEP and not involving

you in any of the " new team " decisionmaking?

I would consider taking a small tape recorder to every meeting, every

conversation with school personnel. Let them know it's there, of

course, but get them on record saying all the things they are saying.

Then write letters documenting what they are saying. Then get the

courts to change it.

But-- is that terribly naive of me? I haven't been through the courts

already and you know if that is or is not an effective route.

I am so sad for you and for . Take a deep breath, regroup, and

get yourself in shape to keep fighting. I know you were hoping all the

fighting was over, but I guess it's not. I'm sorry. Hugs --

Michele W

[Guest guest]

Sheryl-

I could just cry for you. My gut is feeling the same as you -- that she

needs out of there quick. Maybe that's not helpful to hear, but it's

the truth, and maybe it is helpful to know that you're not just a crazy

mom. Is it time to go directly to the lawyer again to immediately file

due process since they are absolutely ignoring the IEP and not involving

you in any of the " new team " decisionmaking?

I would consider taking a small tape recorder to every meeting, every

conversation with school personnel. Let them know it's there, of

course, but get them on record saying all the things they are saying.

Then write letters documenting what they are saying. Then get the

courts to change it.

But-- is that terribly naive of me? I haven't been through the courts

already and you know if that is or is not an effective route.

I am so sad for you and for . Take a deep breath, regroup, and

get yourself in shape to keep fighting. I know you were hoping all the

fighting was over, but I guess it's not. I'm sorry. Hugs --

Michele W

[Guest guest]

Sheryl-

I could just cry for you. My gut is feeling the same as you -- that she

needs out of there quick. Maybe that's not helpful to hear, but it's

the truth, and maybe it is helpful to know that you're not just a crazy

mom. Is it time to go directly to the lawyer again to immediately file

due process since they are absolutely ignoring the IEP and not involving

you in any of the " new team " decisionmaking?

I would consider taking a small tape recorder to every meeting, every

conversation with school personnel. Let them know it's there, of

course, but get them on record saying all the things they are saying.

Then write letters documenting what they are saying. Then get the

courts to change it.

But-- is that terribly naive of me? I haven't been through the courts

already and you know if that is or is not an effective route.

I am so sad for you and for . Take a deep breath, regroup, and

get yourself in shape to keep fighting. I know you were hoping all the

fighting was over, but I guess it's not. I'm sorry. Hugs --

Michele W

[Guest guest]

We were all looking forward to hear more about 's successful

journey and was quite surprised to read your post. In the summer

transition, I understood the worker from her school went with her

initially to demonstrate some of the aspects of her communication and

program? Was any video tape included from her past successful

experiences that could demonstrate her level of functioning? It is

VERY common for those like to " NOT DO " for others that she

does not know. For them to assume so early that REFUSAL is a

reflection of her " mental capabilities " is a TOTAL non-understanding

of how to work with someone with duel sensory exceptionalities. It

usually is instead an indication that they have not demonstrated what

is expected, created motivation for the task, or brought the task into

the realm of anything meaningful for . Also, instead of

initially starting with the difficult work, perhaps the expectations

for the first few weeks could be: to develop that emotional bond with

and her worker through fun activities, follow the fun stuff up

with table work and then gradually adding to the expectations. This is

in effect " reaching the emotional brain " before the higher brain

centers can focus on learning. probably has no reason to

complete the work as it may not be meaninful to her. She will need

motivation in order to do the work: this may need to come from the

RELATIONSHIP with " other " (her 1:1) She may want choices and control

(choose " which one first " ) from an organized concrete system. She will

need the praise/rewards for each small little thing--not punishment.

YOU are very wise in that you have suggested a technique which

reflects the very BASIC principals of Dr. Van Dyke which deafblind

specialists have studied for over 20 years. A concrete system of

representation to demonstrate both what she will be able to " choose "

(my thing) and what is expected (your things). Yes the " your thing "

task always should remain. I remember when the expectation was that a

student pick up what he spilt. It sat for 3 days before the child

gave in and FINALLY the task was completed, but that was the start of

his realization that the expectation was not going to change. (these

kids with CHARGE are born stubborn!?!)

Too many people assume that " doing nothing " is a choice when it

usually reflects a lack of the ability to motivate the child or keep

their attention on task. HER figuring out " TIME OUT " this early

demonstrates how really bright she is!! How we would all love " TIME

OUT " on our jobs!!

A successful placement is always one where the supports are in place,

from the classroom teacher, administration, health services, parents;

and the communication is open and trusting. Is the consultant the

former worker at her old school??? If not, that is WHERE they need to

spend the money, to have her there.

I'm sad for you that it really never ends, but you are strong so don't

give up!!!

Ann Gloyn

Education Specialist

Canada

> I need to vent, AGAIN!

> I just visited at school. I went over to take her to some

> doctor appointments and to see how things were going so far. I was

> so upset that I almost brought her home with me. I am trying to

> think that things will get better but the resistance that the school

> has and the attitude is overwhelming. Comments and statements made

> me feel like I was walking back in time and in my home district again.

> This summer we sent 's entire program over to the school so

> that the teahers could get things set up for her. All of her

> supplies went with her and all of her activities are there. These

> things are still in a pile in the corner of the room with nothing

> being used. When I asked the teacher why they weren't working on

> those things, she commented that the didn't know what it was or what

> to do with it. Besides, they didn't want to know what she was doing,

> they are wanting to know what she can do and from what they see, she

> isn't producing anything for them. The teacher said she wasn't

> letting work on the computer because she had broken one in

> the dorm. I talked to the Dean of Girls and she confirmed that

> did knock one over the very first night she was there but

> didn't break it. I asked her to let the school know that she didn't

> break one and she should be allowed around the computers. The

> teacher also said that kids like this have to have their activities

> changed about every 15 minutes in order to keep their attention and

> so far, isn't completing any work. The teacher needed to

> leave the conversation as soon as I started to offer some suggestions.

> I had the opportunity to talk to the principal about this. I told

> her that in my opinion, things in the classroom were not going to

> improve as long as the attitude that I just saw was allowed to

> continue. I couldn't get them to listen that is task

> avoiding and being very successful at it and they don't even see it.

> What is doing is acting up, playing around and 15 minutes

> later another activity is presented to her. Then she does the same

> thing and 15 minutes later antoher activity is presented. She has

> now avoided 30 minutes of work and gotten her way. I suggested that

> in order to get her to stop doing this, they might let her know that

> she has 4 activites to complete for the day. Start with the first

> one. She is not allowed to move on to the second one until she

> completes it. If it becomes time to eat, she is fed and brought

> right back to the same task. If it comes time for PE, she goes but

> comes right back to the same task. If she only completes one for the

> day, so be it. She at least gets the idea that she isn't going to

> act up in order to get out of the task. The principal responded by

> saying that doesn't have the mental capabilities to think

> that way and they would continue to do things the would not be doing

> that with her because it wasn't going to work.

> Also, is a very hands on child. Her former teacher used a

> lot of touch to redirect and instruct . According to this

> school, they said they will not be taking that approach as they found

> it to be abusive. When I mentioned that needs that input and

> it is effective for her, the principal just said that would

> just need to learn to get the input in some other way because they

> would not use a hands on approach with her.

> The principal again said that they aren't sure they are the right

> placement for and she is costing them so much out of their

> budget just to dorm her. They said they have also had to hire a

> consultant to come in to help develop a program for her. I was sick

> about this. We worked for the last for years in developing this

> effective program and they now want to change it all. I reminded

> them that she has a current IEP and that is her program, and they are

> the current placement to carry out that program. The principal

> responded that the team is reviewing that and will be working on

> getting a program developed for her. I had to remind her that I am a

> part of that team and no one had contacted me to discuss changes in

> her program. That kind of got me the brush off.

> The second day there, I couldn't bring myself to over to the school.

> I waited for in the healthcare center so I could take her to

> her appointments. When the associate brought in, she said

> she had spent the entire morning in time out. It was the new room

> that they made overnight for her when she acts up. I reminded her

> that removing her from the room was only reinforcing the behavior by

> giving her exactly what she wants...avoiding the task. I got the eye

> roll and the girl left to go do other things.

> The head nurse went to the appointments with me. She is a wonderful

> lady. Poor thing couldn't bail out of the car to get away from me

> and my frustration. All of my frustration was topped off when we

> were waiting to go into 's psychiatrist appointment. My cell

> phone rang and it was the dean of girls asking to speak with the

> nurse. What she wanted was for the nurse to ask the psychiatrist 4

> things. Why does Jess obsess about water more some days and not so

> much the other days. How do they get her to stop hitting the wall.

> What to do when she is biting her hand (which she isn't biting her

> hand) and one other thing that I can't remember. I was so upset that

> the school was going around me and expecting to get a solution from

> a " professional " that has never met before. The nurse again

> got the brunt of my frustration. I told her that those were

> questions to be calling me about and not going around me. I felt

> they were undermining my abilities and intentionally not utilizing me

> so that when they come back to a meeting, they can say that they

> tried everything the professionals recommended and just

> couldn't do it.

> There are some positive things happening in the dorm. She is

> learning the rules and abiding by them for the most part. I have to

> remain hopeful, and give this some time, but my gut is telling me we

> don't have the time and I need to be doing something about this now.

> I don't know what to do!

> Thanks for listening.

> Sheryl

> Mom to Mitch 18 & 17 CHARGE

> P.S. I did get temporary guardianship of on Tuesday morning

> before I left for the school. She still has to be served papers

> regarding the involuntary guardianship request and she was appointed

> an attorney. The final hearing is set for October. At least I was

> granted the temporary so I can still see that she is taken care of.