A little off of the cuff humor!

[Guest guest]

Diabetes comes with its own set of jargon

, that's for sure. From " carbage " to " zombied, " we've got the latest

diabetes sniglets. Submitted by readers who are living with diabetes (and

some from

me), these entries made me laugh out loud! We present, for your reading and

laughing pleasure, Diabetes Terms of Endearment: Second Edition!

Diabetes Terms of Endearment: Second Edition

3 am Break

For couples where one

partner has diabetes

, this refers to 3 am low blood sugars, wherein one person drinks juice and

the other goes to pee.

Beedies (see also "

Diabetus " )

Expression used to refer to diabetes, usually spoken in the voice of an old

man. ex. " I gots the BEEDIES! "

Bloodletting

Not using perfectly good blood from a cut from a knife or other household

item for a glucose test because you recently tested.

Blood Suckers

Collective term for test strips, blood drawing devices, and vampire

cannulas.

Carbage

Term indicative of the collective

carbohydrate content

in an item, rhymes with " garbage. " ex. " What's the carbage on that bagel? "

CCB

Crazy correction bolus. See also "

SWAG

" or "

Rage Bolus "

Cheap Date

Also known as " diabetics, " as we don't normally order dessert on dates.

Cramming

The act of over-eating to treat those pesky midnight low blood sugars. See

also "

Sleep-Eating

" or " Panic Eating. "

Creepy Fingers

A term for what over pricked fingers look like after a long swim in the

summer, all pruney and holey and mangled.

CSI Dream

The blood stains on sheets and clothing from glucose tests.

Cured

Word often muttered under your breath when you end up low after

precision-bolusing for a meal, as though your body didn't need the insulin.

ex. " I have

no idea how I ended up low. I must be cured. "

Diabetes Terms of Endearment: Second Edition (continued)

Diabetes Medicine

What some moms call juice boxes so that the other kids don't clamor for one

while she's treating her child's low blood sugar. See also "

It's Her Medicine. "

Diabetes Sheriff

Any non-diabetic who feels it is their job to give their opinion on what we

should eat. Classic ex. " You can't eat this - you have diabetes. " Note that

it's never a question - always an imperative statement.

Diabetus

Wilford Brimley's preferred pronunciation of the word " diabetes. " Usually

followed by laughter and the viewing of YouTube clips. ex. " Hi. Are you

using

Liberty Medical to get your diabetus medications? "

Diablandic

Sugar-free or diabetes marketed food that tastes horribly bland (ex: -

Girl Scout Sugar-Free Brownies)

Dial in

The act of taking a bolus with an insulin pump. ex. " Dial in for that

panini. " Note: this expression does not make sense, as there is no dial on

an insulin

pump, but that reasoning makes me like it even more.

Dead Bees

Term given to diabetes by the classmate of a small child. ex. " He needs

juice because he has dead bees. "

Droopy

A term for feeling low. Also known as jiggly, fuzzy, d-fogged, and lost.

" Get The Machine! "

Can be said to anyone who is already familiar with your diabetes and has

done something to make their finger bleed out a drop, i.e. a papercut,

sewing

needle prick, small scale kitchen knife or razor incident, etc.

Glucose Goblins

The fiendish critters that make our blood sugars high after an insulin set

change. ex. " I changed my site, didn't eat anything, and still ended up at

250

mg/dl. Damn glucose goblins. "

Gusher

After pulling out a needle or infusion set, blood spurts out all over the

dang place.

" Give Mommy the Finger. "

A phrase often used by parents of

children with diabetes

, referring to a parent's request to test their child's blood sugar. Often

met by amused stares from strangers.

Flat Line

A welcome sight for people using CGMs. Refers to rock stable, flat, normal,

wonderful blood sugars over a prolonged period (3 or 9 hr screens on the

D7).

Especially gratifying after pizza, chinese or bagels.

Flicked

Or " to flick " - When an infusion set is nudged or grazed by a doorknob,

child's foot, random cat paw, etc.

Hangover

The resulting headache after recovering from a low or high blood sugar

Hans n' Franz

To

change one's infusion set

, to get " pumped up. "

" Have You Checked Your Checkins? "

Phrase used by Seonaid's father, which means " Have you checked your sugar? "

(Editor's Note: It made me laugh out loud, so I wanted to make sure it made

it to the list.)

Insulate

The act of taking insulin. ex. " Have you insulated yet - it's almost dinner

time. "

Insulint

The act of exhibiting a bad attitude, while also being diabetic.

" It's Her Medicine. "

A phrase used by a friend once, when her date wanted to eat the emergency

crackers I had in my purse. " Can I have a cracker, Kerri? " Before I could

answer,

friend leaned in with a knowing look and said, " No, it's not a cracker. It's

her medicine. "

Leash

Pump tubing. ex. " I walked by the doorknob and it grabbed me by the leash. "

Multiple Choice

When you don't even need to use a lancet to test because you can simply

squeeze your fingertip and have blood come out of several previous lancings.

Non-Carbonated

Foods that do not have any carbohydrates. Also known as " free foods. " ex.

Jell-O, pickles, air.

" Not A Toy "

Phrase used to explain to a young child why they can't grab your insulin

pump or testing meter and run off with it. ex. " No, Abby, that's not a toy. "

Old School Shot

Reverting back to injecting insulin via syringe after becoming used to

bolusing with an insulin pump. May also be known as " rockin' it old school "

or " shootin'

old school. "

" Oh Donuts "

Phrase used by a mother and her son as the preferred curse word to utter

after seeing a high blood sugar reading. Origin: Started after they consumed

donuts

and her son said " oh donuts mumma. " She responded " Exactly. "

Pepper Jolly

From the jump rope rhyme " HiLo PepperJolly. " In diabetes terms,

" pepperjolly " refers to being in your glucose target range.

Red Gold

After pricking your finger, blood comes out in geyser-like spurts instead of

forming a droplet.

Shooting Up

The act of taking an insulin injection. This expression is most often

noticed in public by uneducated bystanders who look over and raise an

eyebrow. (see

also " I'm high. " )

Sleep-Drinking

The ability to consume juice while still actually asleep.

Sugar Boogers

Little gummy candies that children eat when low

Sugar Shy

Not telling anyone that you're diabetic

Sweaters

The furry, sticky feeling your teeth may get when your blood sugar is high.

ex. " I was almost 400 mg/dl, and I definitely had sweaters on my teeth. "

Vampire Cannula

An insulin pump plastic cannula that has sucked up blood and refuses to push

out the appropriate insulin dose.

YDMV

" Your diabetes may vary. " Phrase used as a caveat after explaining how

something affects your diabetes. ex. " Pizza makes my blood sugar spike, but

ydmv. "

Zombied

Fingers that are too cold to get any blood out of them. Most easily remedied

by sucking on them or rubbing them against your clothes to get the blood

flowing.

Source: Excerpted and adapted from the diabetes blog

Six Until Me

, authored by dLife columnist

Kerri Morrone Sparling.

Friends are Angels who lift us to our feet, when our wings can't remember

how to fly!