Struggling

[Guest guest]

At my therapists the other day, I picked up the Gurze 2008 Eating Disorders Resource Catalog with a huge listing of recommended books- you can get a free catalog if you go to www.bulimia.com. After I finish IE, I'm going to try to read some of these books too.

My therapist made a list of things for me to work on for now because I keep binging at night- they are:

1. Keep my routine of eating 3 meals and 3 snacks- reason being I seem to not recognize my hunger signals right now, so if I keep myself from starving (which I seem to be doing) then it will help me not binge. She said it could take months to recognize my true hunger signals!

2. Buy single servings for my kids. Last weekend I bought some ice cream for my son, and I ended up eating most of it myself. If I get him a little pint, I wont eat it because then there wont be any left for him!

3. Carving out " me " time every day. I have a problem with this.

4. Dont pair food with relaxation. I have a habit of rewarding myself by relaxing in front of the tv with " picking " food- cereal, sunflower seeds, etc.

5. Only eat at the table.

6. No more sugary cereal for the kids, they dont NEED it.

Of course, I binged last night- I was tired, and my ex brought over some sugary cereal for the kids (long story), and I ate most of it!!! I should have told him to take it back with him.

I'm going to head right to Half-Price Books and see if I can locate a copy of this book; it sounds like exactly what I need to read right now. If they don't have it right now, they'll let me know when a copy turns up. I have enormous control issues (classic caretaker) and am long overdue for an emotional tune-up and overhaul. I really appreciate the recommendation. (And I'm sure my daughter would love me to relinquish my immaculate housekeeper control issues; she could quit calling me " " !)

Hi Beckett,

You're welcome and I'm glad you took in my point about honoring your needs and questions. It's so important to honor what our personal needs are, if you don't, it leads to anxiety and depression, which often turns into eating to make the feelings go away.

One of the most powerful books I've ever read is called " The Surrendered Wife " by Doyle. I think it's helpful for any woman, married or not. It teaches you how to let go of trying to control the people in your life and focusing on your needs, which we usually have been raised to deny. When you take care of yourself and your needs, others in your life magically change and are more likely to be more available and also help you get your needs met. For me, I saw how much I was constantly nagging my husband, thinking I had to control everything because he was incapable. Well, clearly I wouldn't marry a man that was a loser (OK, I did the first time ) and I didn't like myself very much because of all the nagging I was doing. I didn't even realize I was doing it! I gained a lot more self-respect when I stopped it and sure enough, my husband was more receptive to my needs and we have much more of an adult relationship versus and parent-child relationship, which is exhausting.

I'm so happy you joined our group and that you are finding benefit. Your a-ha moments you shared are also very exciting. Get ready for lots more!

Thanks!Gillian

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