ncc. We can all use a laugh

[Guest guest]

Since we have been talking lately about the competence of Doctors I thought that

the following might be appreciated.

Don McNeil

Tucson, AZ

Actual Doctor writings on hospital charts.

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her

husband states she was very

hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on

her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better,

and on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly.

She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since

she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year

old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been

remarkably insignificant with only a

40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast

and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined,

x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated

for most of her life, until

she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still

under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive

to light and accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals

that he is circus sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. The patient was to have a bowel resection.

However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

27. Patient was seen in consultation by

Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit

on the abdomen and I agree.

28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

29. Patient has two teenage children,

but no other abnormalities.