Guest guest Posted January 11, 2000 Report Share Posted January 11, 2000 Thanks for the insightful post. Anytime I had a disagreement about anything, I was told to " look at my part " . If I couldn't see anything I did wrong, they would say, " Somewhere along the way, YOU did something to contribute to this. If you cannot find out what it is, you'd better pray. " After being told this on a regular basis, my self esteem gave way to the 12 step sickos. If I couldn't see my part, I was convinced I had a denial problem. To me, this type of self-deception is the epitome of brainwashing. I read a book called " The Emotional Rape Syndrome " once, and this type of behavior was in that book. I cannot remember the author's name. To really validate the 4th step, you have to tell another AA moron (5th step). It gives everyone a feeling of togetherness; however sick it is doesn't matter much. Somewhere in AA literature (Conference approved, of course) it says that one will eventually get drunk if one does not do a 5th step. More control and manipulation. Self blame is the norm in AA. However, there is the one exception. There are things about myself that I DO need to work on. No need to worry...these things I can blame on my DISEASE. Let's see if I get this correct: Blame myself for what others did to me... Blame my DISEASE for what I did to others... I think I am just now realizing how screwed up 12 step theory really is. This is dangerous stuff. udith stillwater wrote: original article:/group/12-step-free/?start=11475 > I just got a book called " the verbally abusive relationship " (author is > , I think). I am connecting verbal abuse with the 4th step; my > unscientific and totally subjective theory is that the 4th step is a way of > training people to develop an inner verbal abuser. This is similar to the > inner critic that makes you stop and consider the consequences of what you > are going to do, but an inner verbal abuser goes one further. > > Where my inner critic can be helpful by protecting me from harm caused > through acting thoughtlessly, my inner verbal abuser urges me to harm myself > in ways big and small. The more stressed out I am, the more my internal > verbally abusive voice urges me to hurt myself. My inner verbal abuser is > not interested in seeing the greatest good for the greatest number of > people, including me. Rather, my inner verbal abuser is interested in > blaming me. Even when I'm justified in externalizing my anger, the verbal > abuser weaves intricate stories to put some responsibility on me. > > In AA they would call this " finding my part " in the situation. Ironically, > if someone else were actually responsible for causing a bad situation and I > said that out loud, it would not be called finding their part in the > situation but rather blaming them or doing their moral inventory. Blame is > taboo in the 12 steps. > > What I guess I'm saying is that the 4th step is an important mechanism in > securing 12 step control in an individual. The 4th step enables AA to color > that individual's self perception in shades of inadequacy and moral > inferiority, thus ensuring cult-like control. The level of control or > cult-like-ness probably varies from group to group, as well as by geographic > region and other factors). > > Judith, grateful and happy for the opportunity to deprogram! > > > > > > _______________________________________________________ > Visit Excite Shopping at http://shopping.excite.com > The fastest way to find your Holiday gift this season > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2000 Report Share Posted January 11, 2000 > To really validate the 4th step, you have to tell another AA moron (5th step). It gives everyone a feeling of togetherness; however sick it is doesn't matter much. Somewhere in AA literature (Conference approved, of course) it says that one will eventually get drunk if one does not do a 5th step. More control and manipulation.> Yup. The AA literature could all be contained in one small phrase, as far as I'm concerned: we're right, you're wrong, end of story, shut up and make us a pot of coffee > Self blame is the norm in AA. However, there is the one exception. There are things about myself that I DO need to work on. No need to worry...these things I can blame on my DISEASE. > Let's see if I get this correct: > Blame myself for what others did to me... > Blame my DISEASE for what I did to others... I never thought of it this way, but you're right--it does seem to be at least part of AA's message. The further I get from the " program " the less sense any of it makes. And why not? Programs are for computers. I'm a human being with a brain. Judith _______________________________________________________ Visit Excite Shopping at http://shopping.excite.com The fastest way to find your Holiday gift this season Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2000 Report Share Posted January 11, 2000 Right on, Judith. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2000 Report Share Posted January 12, 2000 Hi Judith -- Your idea is fascinating and very plausible. An " inner verbal abuser " was one of the things I had to work on in therapy. My therapist believes that having that inner abuser, and also feeling powerless, are the two major causes of depression. Needless to say, he is no fan of Steppism. BTW, nice to see you back! ~Rita ------------------------------ judith stillwater wrote: original article:/group/12-step-free/?start=11475 > I just got a book called " the verbally abusive relationship " (author is > , I think). I am connecting verbal abuse with the 4th step; my > unscientific and totally subjective theory is that the 4th step is a way of > training people to develop an inner verbal abuser. This is similar to the > inner critic that makes you stop and consider the consequences of what you > are going to do, but an inner verbal abuser goes one further. > > Where my inner critic can be helpful by protecting me from harm caused > through acting thoughtlessly, my inner verbal abuser urges me to harm myself > in ways big and small. The more stressed out I am, the more my internal > verbally abusive voice urges me to hurt myself. My inner verbal abuser is > not interested in seeing the greatest good for the greatest number of > people, including me. Rather, my inner verbal abuser is interested in > blaming me. Even when I'm justified in externalizing my anger, the verbal > abuser weaves intricate stories to put some responsibility on me. > > In AA they would call this " finding my part " in the situation. Ironically, > if someone else were actually responsible for causing a bad situation and I > said that out loud, it would not be called finding their part in the > situation but rather blaming them or doing their moral inventory. Blame is > taboo in the 12 steps. > > What I guess I'm saying is that the 4th step is an important mechanism in > securing 12 step control in an individual. The 4th step enables AA to color > that individual's self perception in shades of inadequacy and moral > inferiority, thus ensuring cult-like control. The level of control or > cult-like-ness probably varies from group to group, as well as by geographic > region and other factors). > > Judith, grateful and happy for the opportunity to deprogram! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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