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Hello Elaine and thank you for sharing. Both you and your daughter are BPD?

Elaine wrote:

Greetings, it is cold up North today after a taste of spring it is hard to take.

On Sunday I was out and about in capri's- my favoirute one's with the Raggedy

and andy pictures and hearts.

anyway, what's new. Guess with BPD, a few good days and then a day from hell.

WE got through the flu - I was really afraid that she was using crack again but

now I beleive she did have the flu. I cna't understand how she can abandon ehr

child when she gets sick, I can remember being sick and yet making sure I was up

and taking cae of two little kids and no relatives nearby...however I need to

remember that when she is phsyically ill her BPD flares and she becomes a needy

child with no coping skills and no sense of caring for someone else.

Then we had a few good days and yesterday was brutal but with my grand. she went

to the psycholgist who is assesing ehr to try and determine if her Dad molested

her and apparently, accroding to my dgter the feedback she got after the session

was quite frightening. The little one was playing with dolls and she became

angry and mean to the babies. She was pulling hair, refusing to give one a

bottle and yelling.

I feel so sad today knowing that a four year old already ahs this depth of fear

and anger. I can only pray that the psychologist will put the story together and

maybe realize that my dgeter has parenting deficieits and will be able to

recommend a plan that can help the child to develop and leave behind the scars

before she too becomes BPD. My heart is just breaking for ehr and I am close ot

tears as I write. Please those of you who pray pray for this little girl.

I was once diagnosed with BPD and as I read the literature I can understand why

although it was part of a major mental health breakdown. I was in the hospital

for over a month and then I took a 12 week outpatient program entitled WRAP.

Women REcovering from Abuse. As Ir ead and learnt I can understnd the diagnosis

and how I didi show the traits but only as part of a big picture.

The feelings of abandonment have dogged my whole life and controlled me until

that program when ir eally leant to trust myself and to acept myself. It also

helped that my Mom passed away and I could let go of her voice criticizing and

putting me down. She did her best and I paid a price but it is behind me.

I am sharing this to try and give hope to all of us that some day our daughters

will grow and as we ourselves heal from the wounds who present an inner strngth

that perahps they can feel and learn to trust the recovered and ehaled women we

are.

with love

Elaine

__________________________________________________

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Elaine

Big hugs to you. I can see where the psychologists words would upset and

frighten you. Did you daughter not realize that the child was acting out as

her? Heavy sigh.

Hugs

Kelley

Re: update

Hello Elaine and thank you for sharing. Both you and your daughter are BPD?

Elaine wrote:

Greetings, it is cold up North today after a taste of spring it is hard to

take. On Sunday I was out and about in capri's- my favoirute one's with the

Raggedy and andy pictures and hearts.

anyway, what's new. Guess with BPD, a few good days and then a day from hell.

WE got through the flu - I was really afraid that she was using crack again

but now I beleive she did have the flu. I cna't understand how she can abandon

ehr child when she gets sick, I can remember being sick and yet making sure I

was up and taking cae of two little kids and no relatives nearby...however I

need to remember that when she is phsyically ill her BPD flares and she becomes

a needy child with no coping skills and no sense of caring for someone else.

Then we had a few good days and yesterday was brutal but with my grand. she

went to the psycholgist who is assesing ehr to try and determine if her Dad

molested her and apparently, accroding to my dgter the feedback she got after

the session was quite frightening. The little one was playing with dolls and she

became angry and mean to the babies. She was pulling hair, refusing to give one

a bottle and yelling.

I feel so sad today knowing that a four year old already ahs this depth of

fear and anger. I can only pray that the psychologist will put the story

together and maybe realize that my dgeter has parenting deficieits and will be

able to recommend a plan that can help the child to develop and leave behind the

scars before she too becomes BPD. My heart is just breaking for ehr and I am

close ot tears as I write. Please those of you who pray pray for this little

girl.

I was once diagnosed with BPD and as I read the literature I can understand

why although it was part of a major mental health breakdown. I was in the

hospital for over a month and then I took a 12 week outpatient program entitled

WRAP. Women REcovering from Abuse. As Ir ead and learnt I can understnd the

diagnosis and how I didi show the traits but only as part of a big picture.

The feelings of abandonment have dogged my whole life and controlled me until

that program when ir eally leant to trust myself and to acept myself. It also

helped that my Mom passed away and I could let go of her voice criticizing and

putting me down. She did her best and I paid a price but it is behind me.

I am sharing this to try and give hope to all of us that some day our

daughters will grow and as we ourselves heal from the wounds who present an

inner strngth that perahps they can feel and learn to trust the recovered and

ehaled women we are.

with love

Elaine

__________________________________________________

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest guest

" yes, I did sit and pray this morning and I asked God to give me the

tools to push your buttons all day "

Elaine,

Thanks for a good laugh!! I loved it!! Boy - our bpd's can dish it

out, but they sure can't take it!!

Did grand call you back?

La Nell

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest guest

Elaine,

You sound like you are doing really well in dealing with this

situation. I wish the best for you and your grand and hope for a

good turnout. It was no accident that you had the time to speak to a

knowledgeable therapist.

Carolyn

>

> Dear friends, it has been raining here for a week and we are all

starting to get stir crazy and now we have a lot to cope with.

>

> I called the Association of Psychologists to get names of

people who specialize in BPD. Perhaps there is a similar

organization in Rhode Island

>

> Yesterday she took grand to the therapist who is doing the sexual

abuse assessment and simultaneoulsy received a call to do a ?

massage? so she left grand and I picked her up which is usual but

what is different is that normally I arrive to be with grand while

the therapist discusess the session with dgter. THis was divine

intervention I think as it gave the therapist a few minutes with me

to inform me that she has found no evidence of sexual abuse and her

report will be to reinstate visitation but with supervision in the

beginning to help grand with the fear and trauma that she is going

to ahve to face as she is now terrified of going to her Dad's and

starts to scream if it is mentioned.

>

> I looked at ehr and said I know I can only tell you so much but I

do need you to know that while never formally diagnosed my dgter is

likely Borderline and that 2 counsellros that I ahve ahd have both

suggested that to me based on what I have shared. She said she would

likely agree. She then asked me in I had the SWOE books and I said

yes and I was part of thsi group, she said that was really important

for me as she imagines the next while will be really traumatic.

>

> I then took grand to her Mom and took an hour myself to just sit

with this, talk to a supprtive friend and center myself before I

continued my day. I was fortuante that I ahd some plans for the

evening although she did try to sabotage that as well.

>

> Whne I came home I had to face a lot rage, most of it very

personal and brutal, thank God I ahd the tools I ahve learnt to

blunt the edges.

>

> Grand is extremely fragile, has panic attacks if she is left

alone, can't see or at least talk to ehr Mom on the phone, etc. I am

really concerned about her.

>

> Today they meet with sex crimes detective and if thye also reject

the claim I can only imagine what will happen.

>

> She has statred to talk about moving home and my heart leaps with

joy everytime so I know whare I stand. I am willing to stay pat for

a few more days as she has these interviews but then I will be

setting a time frame, I am going to ask her to go home Saturday and

Sunday so I can have a break.

>

> She just called and seems quite calm so far but panicing becasue

she heard flood warnings on TV, they are for areas about 100 miles

from here but she is now she vigilant just in case. There are 2

rivers crossing through the middle of Calgary.

>

> So I am going to call my own psychiatrsit as I am feeling quite

fragile and try to get an appointment for a " tune - up " and then

hopefully I cna hit an alanon or naranon meeting this week.

>

> Love to all.

>

> Elaine

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

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Guest guest

Frances,

In your post, you mentioned going to a workshop. Is this one on BPD?

I wasn't aware they had them. If you go, please let us know whether

this was helpful.

Good luck with your situation.

Carolyn

>

> I am still here. I have seen my daughter only once in the

doctor's office a week after she threaten to kill me. She was

civil but I could see the angrier in her eyes. Right now my

daughter will have nothing to do with me. She is waiting on her

check from Workmans Comp Court and does not need me. If the company

does not appeal the court's decision, she could get her check in

July. I imagine it will last a week if she is lucky. Will see if

she pays for the car or decides she does not want it. Am trying

to take this time and rest. Am planning to do a little traveling.

I keep searching for more info on BPD. Have ordered several books

to read and may go to some workshops.

> I know she will be back. They go away for a while but always

return. They are so unhappy. The meds and therapy were helping. I

expect her to quit therapy in the next few weeks. Her health

insurance was paid by me through the month of June. Will see if she

sends me the bill on the 15 of June? I do not expect her to send

the bill. I expect her to let every thing go and collapse as she

has done in the past.

> She always sees herself as the victim. Right now she blames me

for all her problems. Same old story as many of you know.

> Frances

>

> Subject: Re: Therapists experienced in DBT Therapy

>

> Frances

>

> Thank you for that information. How are things going in your

world? Is your

> daughter still acting homicidal?

>

> I am making some serious decisions in my own head; hope I can

stick to them

> in my heart as well. I will be going to court to get rid of that

restraining

> order and then, if I get visitation with the boys, I guess I'll

have to learn

> to put up with more of HER nutsiness. And if I don't get

visitation, I am

> DONE. I am not moving from here or running away. I am going to

start living

> for

> myself and my son.

>

>

>

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest guest

In a message dated 06/20/2005 2:13:26 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

elaine_mcmurray@... writes:

Dgter told me yesterday that she has been clean and sober for 8 days, please

God that she continues

Elaine,

Praying and keeping my fingers crossed that your daughter stays clean, if

not for her sake, but for the grand. Keep your chin up.

Hugs,

Debbie

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  • 2 months later...

Have spent the summer away from home so my only contact with my daughter

was by my cell phone which I could turn off when I did not want to hear her

problems. Since I was not here to be her crutch she has collapsed. She uses

people not drugs and alcohol. She plays the victim. I took her to Dallas

Wednesday and they admitted her Thursday morning in Timberlawn. So far it is

working out. They have therapy 7 days a week. They do DBT and other types of

therapy. She is very happy there she told me last night.

I have all the mess to clean up here. I told myself yesterday this is my

last time. She left two criminals in the house whom refuse to move. One is on

probation and awaiting trial Sep 12 from her new charges the other one is

awaiting his first felony trial. She told me she had the insurance bill to keep

her health insurance in force in her purse. She does not have; it must be in

the house with the criminals. Talked to a lawyer yesterday and said to post

notice on the house. Am going out there shortly with my notices. Probation

officers will look for her Monday and move her out. She is 44 years old. I am

very tired of this. Wednesday night the social worker did not want to admit

her the doctor said come back at 8 am Thursday and let us check on the insurance

when their office is open. They took her!!!! I am very tired from all this

mess. The electric company will turn off the electricity Wednesday. I paid

the water bill to keep the water on but will not pay the electric bill. The

health insurance is my real concern. It has to be paid Wednesday in Illinois.

Can not remember the town and have lost the address.

Thanks for letting me complain and wail about this mess.

Frances

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Frances

It certainly sounds like you've been through the wringer with your bp and

her, ah, attending " people. " I do hope you find the insurance form you're

looking for and that things will straighten out soon.

Dot

_____

From: WTOParentsOfBPs

[mailto:WTOParentsOfBPs ] On Behalf Of abjacobs1@...

Sent: Saturday, August 27, 2005 9:38 AM

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: UPDATE

Have spent the summer away from home so my only contact with my

daughter was by my cell phone which I could turn off when I did not want to

hear her problems. Since I was not here to be her crutch she has

collapsed. She uses people not drugs and alcohol. She plays the victim. I

took her to Dallas Wednesday and they admitted her Thursday morning in

Timberlawn. So far it is working out. They have therapy 7 days a week.

They do DBT and other types of therapy. She is very happy there she told me

last night.

I have all the mess to clean up here. I told myself yesterday this is

my last time. She left two criminals in the house whom refuse to move. One

is on probation and awaiting trial Sep 12 from her new charges the other one

is awaiting his first felony trial. She told me she had the insurance bill

to keep her health insurance in force in her purse. She does not have; it

must be in the house with the criminals. Talked to a lawyer yesterday and

said to post notice on the house. Am going out there shortly with my

notices. Probation officers will look for her Monday and move her out.

She is 44 years old. I am very tired of this. Wednesday night the social

worker did not want to admit her the doctor said come back at 8 am Thursday

and let us check on the insurance when their office is open. They took

her!!!! I am very tired from all this mess. The elec tric company will

turn off the electricity Wednesday. I paid the water bill to keep the

water on but will not pay the electric bill. The health insurance is my

real concern. It has to be paid Wednesday in Illinois. Can not remember

the town and have lost the address.

Thanks for letting me complain and wail about this mess.

Frances

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Frances,

By stepping back out of her life and allowing her to hit the bottom,

you have helped your daughter. If she was being enabled by you

endlessly, who knows whether she would ever get the treatment she

needs to stand on her own two feet. I sincerely hope the DBT works

well for her and she comes out of this experience stronger.

Have you contacted the insurance company's head office? As long as

you have the name and can call them, can you overnight a check or

pay by credit card? You're right, insurance coverage is vital at a

time like this. Good luck and don't give up.

Carolyn

>

> Have spent the summer away from home so my only contact with

my daughter was by my cell phone which I could turn off when I did

not want to hear her problems. Since I was not here to be her

crutch she has collapsed. She uses people not drugs and alcohol.

She plays the victim. I took her to Dallas Wednesday and they

admitted her Thursday morning in Timberlawn. So far it is working

out. They have therapy 7 days a week. They do DBT and other types

of therapy. She is very happy there she told me last night.

> I have all the mess to clean up here. I told myself

yesterday this is my last time. She left two criminals in the house

whom refuse to move. One is on probation and awaiting trial Sep 12

from her new charges the other one is awaiting his first felony

trial. She told me she had the insurance bill to keep her health

insurance in force in her purse. She does not have; it must be in

the house with the criminals. Talked to a lawyer yesterday and said

to post notice on the house. Am going out there shortly with my

notices. Probation officers will look for her Monday and move her

out. She is 44 years old. I am very tired of this. Wednesday

night the social worker did not want to admit her the doctor said

come back at 8 am Thursday and let us check on the insurance when

their office is open. They took her!!!! I am very tired from all

this mess. The electric company will turn off the electricity

Wednesday. I paid the water bill to keep the water on but will not

pay the electric bill. The health insurance is my real concern.

It has to be paid Wednesday in Illinois. Can not remember the town

and have lost the address.

> Thanks for letting me complain and wail about this mess.

> Frances

>

>

>

>

>

>

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In a message dated 8/27/2005 9:43:04 AM Eastern Standard Time,

abjacobs1@... writes:

She left two criminals in the house whom refuse to move. One is on probation

and awaiting trial Sep 12 from her new charges the other one is awaiting his

first felony trial. She told me she had the insurance bill to keep her health

insurance in force in her purse. She does not have; it must be in the house

with the criminals.

Frances,

Is this your house? Call the police, have them removed. Also, the health

insurance....... your daughter is 44 yrs. old? Why on earth are you paying her

health insurance? The state has to foot the bill if she has none. It's her

problem if she doesn't have any. You will never be out of this mess as long as

you continue to bail her out. Don't mean to sound harsh if it does, this is

just what I would and wouldn't do.

Debbie

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  • 2 years later...

Kate, I am glad you finally got something to calm you down. I hope it works out well for you and as far as what your daughter said....most times they don't think before they speak so don't take it to heart. Sometimes we all need a little help and get back on track. At least you see the problem and are willing to do something about it. Your kids will see that you are trying to help yourself out of your depression and will look up to it. Maybe they may not show it but they will think it. I wish you the best. I am sure you will get better once you find a psychiatrist and get on the right meds. You take care and enjoy reading. Have a good weekend. Hugs, :)Kate Rothschild wrote: Try as I might, I could not get anyone to help me with the kids today. I could not go to ER or be admitted. The best I could 'work out', was to contact my neuro and ask him to call in a script for something to help me calm down. He was reluctant to, as he said when he saw me the beginning of this wk, my depression had him very concerned, and he had wanted to admit me himself. He said, how can I trust you with a bottle of pills? I said, well, I just need something to help me through until I can find a psychiatrist to help me manage my meds. He called in 5 valium. Just picked them up, after Luke's hockey game. It is really hard holding it

together, you know? I have to try for my kids' sake. Tomorrow is Lia's Sweet 16th. I had spoken to Sharon on the phone and shared this with her--my 10 yr old dtr, recalling that I was in a psych hospital last yr on her 9th birthday--said, well, you ruined one person's birthday in this family already; are you going to ruin another one?...oh Lord, I just fell on my face on my bed and sobbed. She felt bad after she said it, and said, I didn't mean it to come out that way...but I could tell with the nasty tone she had when she said it, it was intended to wound me. I have so much guilt in me, and I don't know how to even begin to deal with it, or rid myself of it. The kids are here, watching a movie, and I'm going up to bed to read. I've taken my valium and hope it can calm the crawling out of my skin feeling I have. I love you all here, and have read all your wonderful, supportive posts to me. I cling to them each and all, as

I do to each of you for your beautiful and amazing care. It means more to me than words can convey. bless you each and all, KateWe can only be said to be alive in those momentswhen our hearts are conscious of our treasures.~Thornton Wilder Peace, Love and Hugs, D. :)

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Kate I am glad you were able to get some Valium. I wish I was there to help you. But all I can offer are my prayers.

Hugs

nne

Try as I might, I could not get anyone to help me with the kids today. I could not go to ER or be admitted. The best I could 'work out', was to contact my neuro and ask him to call in a script for something to help me calm down. He was reluctant to, as he said when he saw me the beginning of this wk, my depression had him very concerned, and he had wanted to admit me himself. He said, how can I trust you with a bottle of pills? I said, well, I just need something to help me through until I can find a psychiatrist to help me manage my meds. He called in 5 valium. Just picked them up, after Luke's hockey game. It is really hard holding it together, you know? I have to try for my kids' sake. Tomorrow is Lia's Sweet 16th. I had spoken to Sharon on the phone and shared this with her--my 10 yr old dtr, recalling that I was in a psych hospital last yr on her 9th birthday--said, well, you ruined one person's birthday in this family already; are you going to ruin another one?...oh Lord, I just fell on my face on my bed and sobbed. She felt bad after she said it, and said, I didn't mean it to come out that way...but I could tell with the nasty tone she had when she said it, it was intended to wound me. I have so much guilt in me, and I don't know how to even begin to deal with it, or rid myself of it. The kids are here, watching a movie, and I'm going up to bed to read. I've taken my valium and hope it can calm the crawling out of my skin feeling I have. I love you all here, and have read all your wonderful, supportive posts to me. I cling to them each and all, as I do to each of you for your beautiful and amazing care. It means more to me than words can convey. bless you each and all, KateWe can only be said to be alive in those momentswhen our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

~Thornton Wilder -- Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Life

http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/breastcancerpatients.htmlAnxiety Depression and Breast Cancer

http://health.group.yahoo.com/group/AnxietyDepressionandBreastCancerAngel Feather Loomerwww.angelfeatherloomer.blogspot.comCheck out my other ornaments at

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Dear Kate:Let me know how you feel in the morning. Are you taking the Cymbalta? What mg are you taking? Doesn't your neuro prescribe them for you? If so, maybe he could increase the dose or switch you to something else. Can you call your sister and ask her for her help? We'll talk tomorrow sometime, okay? loveSharon This email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. update

Try as I might, I could not get anyone to help me with the kids today. I

could not go to ER or be admitted. The best I could 'work out', was to

contact my neuro and ask him to call in a script for something to help me

calm down. He was reluctant to, as he said when he saw me the beginning of

this wk, my depression had him very concerned, and he had wanted to admit me

himself. He said, how can I trust you with a bottle of pills? I said, well,

I just need something to help me through until I can find a psychiatrist to

help me manage my meds. He called in 5 valium. Just picked them up, after

Luke's hockey game. It is really hard holding it together, you know? I have

to try for my kids' sake. Tomorrow is Lia's Sweet 16th. I had spoken to

Sharon on the phone and shared this with her--my 10 yr old dtr, recalling

that I was in a psych hospital last yr on her 9th birthday--said, well, you

ruined one person's birthday in this family already; are you going to ruin

another one?...oh Lord, I just fell on my face on my bed and sobbed. She

felt bad after she said it, and said, I didn't mean it to come out that

way...but I could tell with the nasty tone she had when she said it, it was

intended to wound me. I have so much guilt in me, and I don't know how to

even begin to deal with it, or rid myself of it. The kids are here, watching

a movie, and I'm going up to bed to read. I've taken my valium and hope it

can calm the crawling out of my skin feeling I have. I love you all here,

and have read all your wonderful, supportive posts to me. I cling to them

each and all, as I do to each of you for your beautiful and amazing care. It

means more to me than words can convey. bless you each and all, Kate

We can only be said to be alive in those moments

when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

~Thornton Wilder

Be a better sports nut! Let your teams follow you with Yahoo Mobile. Try it now.

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Kate, wishing your daughter a happy birthday and you the calm and serenity needed to make it through it all Love you Hun Akiba -- update Try as I might, I could not get anyone to help me with the kids today. I could not go to ER or be admitted. The best I could 'work out', was to contact my neuro and ask him to call in a script for something to help me calm down. He was reluctant to, as he said when he saw me the beginning of this wk, my depression had him very concerned, and he had wanted to admit me himself. He said, how can I trust you with a bottle of pills? I said, well, I just need something to help me through until I can find a psychiatrist to help me manage my meds. He called in 5 valium. Just picked them up, after Luke's hockey game. It is really hard holding it together, you know? I have to try for my kids' sake. Tomorrow is Lia's Sweet 16th. I had spoken to Sharon on the phone and shared this with her--my 10 yr old dtr, recalling that I was in a psych hospital last yr on her 9th birthday--said, well, you ruined one person's birthday in this family already; are you going to ruin another one?...oh Lord, I just fell on my face on my bed and sobbed. She felt bad after she said it, and said, I didn't mean it to come out that way...but I could tell with the nasty tone she had when she said it, it was intended to wound me. I have so much guilt in me, and I don't know how to even begin to deal with it, or rid myself of it. The kids are here, watching a movie, and I'm going up to bed to read. I've taken my valium and hope it can calm the crawling out of my skin feeling I have. I love you all here, and have read all your wonderful, supportive posts to me. I cling to them each and all, as I do to each of you for your beautiful and amazing care. It means more to me than words can convey. bless you each and all, KateWe can only be said to be alive in those momentswhen our hearts are conscious of our treasures.~Thornton Wilder

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I second that....and heavy on the calm and serenity for Kate to make it through! loveSharon This email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. update Try as I might, I could not get anyone to help me with the kids today. I could not go to ER or be admitted. The best I could 'work out', was to contact my neuro and ask him to call in a script for something to help me calm down. He was reluctant to, as he said when he saw me the beginning of this wk, my depression had him very concerned, and he had wanted to admit me himself. He said, how can I trust you with a bottle of pills? I said,

well, I just need something to help me through until I can find a psychiatrist to help me manage my meds. He called in 5 valium. Just picked them up, after Luke's hockey game. It is really hard holding it together, you know? I have to try for my kids' sake. Tomorrow is Lia's Sweet 16th. I had spoken to Sharon on the phone and shared this with her--my 10 yr old dtr, recalling that I was in a psych hospital last yr on her 9th birthday--said, well, you ruined one person's birthday in this family already; are you going to ruin another one?...oh Lord, I just fell on my face on my bed and sobbed. She felt bad after she said it, and said, I didn't mean it to come out that way...but I could tell with the nasty tone she had when she said it, it was intended to wound me. I have so much guilt in me, and I don't know how to even begin to deal with it, or rid myself of it. The kids are here, watching a movie, and

I'm going up to bed to read. I've taken my valium and hope it can calm the crawling out of my skin feeling I have. I love you all here, and have read all your wonderful, supportive posts to me. I cling to them each and all, as I do to each of you for your beautiful and amazing care. It means more to me than words can convey. bless you each and all, KateWe can only be said to be alive in those momentswhen our hearts are conscious of our treasures.~Thornton Wilder

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

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They're incredible, aren't they? :o)

Challis

Re: update

Kate,I am sending you my husbands cell phone number. He said he will be glad to help in whatever way he can, even if it is to amuse the kids for an hour or two or to do some errands for you or drive you to wherever you need to go in the morning before he has to be to work. Right now he is working afternoons. He will be coming hom Wednesday and heading back down Sunday afternoon I think. He will be working days for 2 weeks after that so he will be available during the evening hours then.He can explain it better to you when you speak to him. I want you to promise me you will call him!!!! He is there, close to you, and willing to help!!! LET HIM HELP YOU!!!!! PLEASE!!! His number is ****. I have already told him I was going to give you his number so he will be expecting your call and I won't stop harrassing you until you call him and let him help you, lol. I am relentless, just like my

son!!!You are no good to anyone if you can't function yourself. I know some days if you can just rest a little while, get a catnap, have the kids out of your hair and quiet for a bit it makes a huge difference!! Please let us help!!!Hugs,Peggy>> Try as I might, I could not get anyone to help me with the kids today. I > could not go to ER or be admitted. The best I could 'work out', was to > contact my neuro and ask him to call in a script for something to help me > calm down. He was reluctant to, as he said when he saw me the beginning of > this wk, my depression had him very concerned, and he had wanted to admit me > himself. He said, how

can I trust you with a bottle of pills? I said, well, > I just need something to help me through until I can find a psychiatrist to > help me manage my meds. He called in 5 valium. Just picked them up, after > Luke's hockey game. It is really hard holding it together, you know? I have > to try for my kids' sake. Tomorrow is Lia's Sweet 16th. I had spoken to > Sharon on the phone and shared this with her--my 10 yr old dtr, recalling > that I was in a psych hospital last yr on her 9th birthday--said, well, you > ruined one person's birthday in this family already; are you going to ruin > another one?...oh Lord, I just fell on my face on my bed and sobbed. She > felt bad after she said it, and said, I didn't mean it to come out that > way...but I could tell with the nasty tone she had when she said it, it was > intended to wound me. I

have so much guilt in me, and I don't know how to > even begin to deal with it, or rid myself of it. The kids are here, watching > a movie, and I'm going up to bed to read. I've taken my valium and hope it > can calm the crawling out of my skin feeling I have. I love you all here, > and have read all your wonderful, supportive posts to me. I cling to them > each and all, as I do to each of you for your beautiful and amazing care. It > means more to me than words can convey. bless you each and all, Kate> > > > We can only be said to be alive in those moments> when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.> ~Thornton Wilder>

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  • 3 weeks later...

Yay! Glad to hear this all from you, !

I'm heading for a nap right now. I am exhausted! love to you, Kate

update

I am glad to say that the problems I was having a few days ago are now gone. I got in a bit of trouble for not taking my needle faithfully and I got lots of rest. I am feeling much better and I am trying my hardest to keep the needles going every other day so I keep the attacks slowed right down. thanks for all ur input and concern though. teresa

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glad you are doing better. Continued prayers.

Hugs

nne

I am glad to say that the problems I was having a few days ago are now gone. I got in a bit of trouble for not taking my needle faithfully and I got lots of rest. I am feeling much better and I am trying my

hardest to keep the needles going every other day so I keep the attacks slowed right down. thanks for all ur input and concern though. teresa -- Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Life

http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/breastcancerpatients.htmlAnxiety Depression and Breast Cancer

http://health.group.yahoo.com/group/AnxietyDepressionandBreastCancerAngel Feather Loomerwww.angelfeatherloomer.blogspot.comCheck out my other ornaments at

www.geocities.com/chucky5741/bcornament.htmlThe Cancer Clubwww.cancerclub.com

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Thanks for your continued prayers one can never get enough prayers.

some days I just have had enough of this disease and struggle with

wanting to keep going. Some days are so much harder then other days

and the only ones that understand i think are the ones living with MS.

> >

> > I am glad to say that the problems I was having a few days ago

are now

> > gone. I got in a bit of trouble for not taking my needle

faithfully

> > and I got lots of rest. I am feeling much better and I am trying

my

> > hardest to keep the needles going every other day so I keep the

attacks

> > slowed right down.

> > thanks for all ur input and concern though.

> > teresa

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

> --

> Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Life

> http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/breastcancerpatients.html

>

> Anxiety Depression and Breast Cancer

> http://health.group.yahoo.com/group/AnxietyDepressionandBreastCancer

>

> Angel Feather Loomer

> www.angelfeatherloomer.blogspot.com

>

> Check out my other ornaments at

> www.geocities.com/chucky5741/bcornament.html

>

> The Cancer Club

> www.cancerclub.com

>

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Thanks! I just find it so hard to go lay down in the middle of the

afternoon. I guess if I got use to it it may help me alot in the

long run eh?

hugs to you

>

> Yay! Glad to hear this all from you, !

> I'm heading for a nap right now. I am exhausted! love to you, Kate

> update

>

>

> I am glad to say that the problems I was having a few days ago

are now

> gone. I got in a bit of trouble for not taking my needle

faithfully

> and I got lots of rest. I am feeling much better and I am

trying my

> hardest to keep the needles going every other day so I keep the

attacks

> slowed right down.

> thanks for all ur input and concern though.

> teresa

>

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Thank you for the update. And I'm so glad to hear things have calmed down for you! What a relief. Take care and rest as much as you can.hugs)))Sharon This email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. update

I am glad to say that the problems I was having a few days ago are now

gone. I got in a bit of trouble for not taking my needle faithfully

and I got lots of rest. I am feeling much better and I am trying my

hardest to keep the needles going every other day so I keep the attacks

slowed right down.

thanks for all ur input and concern though.

teresa

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi Cassy, I received your text. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you yet. I'm glad you are going in for the MRI's I know something is going to show up. Maybe then, you'll be able to get something for the pain you are in. I am so sorry. I'm lifting you in prayer. Let us know how things are going. I'll try to give you a call this weekend. Love and blessings... Val <*)))><payngabby@... wrote: Hi Guys!Sorry I havnt been around much I have been having a real tough wk.Since sunday both my eyes have been killing me.I seen my pcp a few days ago and she gave me a rx for Tegretol and squared away the biopsy and neuro-muscular referals.Then today I seen the eye specialist.She did another visual field.Still the same-visual defect w/scattered spots or sumthn She thinks the TN has spread to my left eye and jaw area.She is ordering 2 mris to be sure.They will check my eyes,brain,sinus area,and neck.And will be w/contrast!Thank god.She said contrast does matter but she is doing slices and will look at the sacral area as well.Im a mess.Cannot go outside,it hurts my eyes to bad(and its practically dark!)And im having a hard time reading,watching tv and sometimes chewing sends this unbearable pain up my jaw to behind my

eye.I miss you all and im praying for each and everyone of you.I am getting the tegretol tomorow and will continue the neurontin too so hopefully it will make it manageable.luv u all!cassy__________________________________________________________More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! - http://webmail.aol.comEuphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. ~Quentin Crisp~

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Hi Val! No worries.:) I didnt see yours till today. I do hope for

answers. She is worried. You know how it is when the doc is

worried,makes us worry even more.lol. I still hope they made the

mistake of not doing the mris good enough and will tell me I have ms.I

know sounds crazy but all this other stuff they say I may have is too

scary. And she did say contrast does matter. The other doc said it

didnt! I new better and was grateful someone agreed. We will see. Call

anytime. Luv ya!

cassy

Re: Update

Hi Cassy, I received your text. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you

yet. I'm glad you are going in for the MRI's I know something is going

to show up. Maybe then, you'll be able to get something for the pain

you are in. I am so sorry. I'm lifting you in prayer. Let us know how

things are going. I'll try to give you a call this weekend. Love and

blessings... Val

payngabby@... wrote: Hi Guys!Sorry I havnt been around much I

have been having a real tough

wk.Since sunday both my eyes have been killing me.I seen my pcp a few

days ago and she gave me a rx for Tegretol and squared away the biopsy

and neuro-muscular referals.Then today I seen the eye specialist.She

did another visual field.Still the same-visual defect w/scattered spots

or sumthn She thinks the TN has spread to my left eye and jaw area.She

is ordering 2 mris to be sure.They will check my eyes,brain,sinus

area,and neck.And will be w/contrast!Thank god.She said contrast does

matter but she is doing slices and will look at the sacral area as

well.Im a mess.Cannot go outside,it hurts my eyes to bad(and its

practically dark!)And im having a hard time reading,watching tv and

sometimes chewing sends this unbearable pain up my jaw to behind my

eye.I miss you all and im praying for each and everyone of you.I am

getting the tegretol tomorow and will continue the neurontin too so

hopefully it will make it manageable.luv u all!

cassy

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Hey Cassy! Yeah, I'd rather it be MS too. There's another disease that I've been wondering about. I have a friend who has...Oh crud! I can't remember what it's called. HSP, I think. It causes a lot of the symptoms that you describe. If I'm not mistaken, I think it is also genetic. I'll try to get ahold of her tomorrow and ask her what it's called. I do know that it often times gets misdiagnosed as MS. Whatever you have, I do hope they find a dx for you soon. I don't know how you take the not knowing. TTYL tator! :P Love and blessings... Val payngabby@... wrote: Hi Val! No worries.:) I didnt see yours till today. I do hope for answers. She is worried. You know how it is when the doc is worried,makes us worry even more.lol. I still hope they made the mistake of not doing the mris good enough and will tell me I have ms.I know sounds crazy but all this other stuff they say I may have is too scary. And she did say contrast does matter. The other doc said it didnt! I new better and was grateful someone agreed. We will see. Call anytime. Luv ya!cassy Re: UpdateHi Cassy, I received your text. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you yet. I'm glad you are going in for the MRI's I know something is going to show up. Maybe then, you'll be able to get something for the pain you are in. I am so sorry. I'm lifting you in prayer. Let us know how things are going. I'll try to give you a call this weekend. Love and blessings... Valpayngabbyaol wrote: Hi Guys!Sorry I havnt been around much I have been having a real toughwk.Since sunday both my eyes have been killing me.I seen my pcp a fewdays ago and she gave me a rx for Tegretol and squared away the biopsyand neuro-muscular referals.Then today I seen the eye

specialist.Shedid another visual field.Still the same-visual defect w/scattered spotsor sumthn She thinks the TN has spread to my left eye and jaw area.Sheis ordering 2 mris to be sure.They will check my eyes,brain,sinusarea,and neck.And will be w/contrast!Thank god.She said contrast doesmatter but she is doing slices and will look at the sacral area aswell.Im a mess.Cannot go outside,it hurts my eyes to bad(and itspractically dark!)And im having a hard time reading,watching tv andsometimes chewing sends this unbearable pain up my jaw to behind myeye.I miss you all and im praying for each and everyone of you.I amgetting the tegretol tomorow and will continue the neurontin too sohopefully it will make it manageable.luv u all!cassy__________________________________________________________More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -http://webmail.aol.comEuphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. ~Quentin Crisp~Looking for last minute shopping deals?Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.#AOLMsgPart_2_98f54a1f-aca3-460a-a46f-80b42204ab56#AOLMsgPart_2_98f54a1f-aca3-460a-a46f-80b42204ab56#AOLMsgPart_2_98f54a1f-aca3-460a-a46f-80b42204ab56__________________________________________________________More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! - http://webmail.aol.comEuphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. ~Quentin Crisp~

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