Re: phone call

[Guest guest]

It's amazing how the desire to have a normal mother never wanes. I never

went NC with my mother before her death because I just wanted a mother and it

seemed no matter how sick and how selfish and how awful she was to me, I

still wanted her to be normal. I always tried to hope she would be. She

never was. Even in the end. Her last words to me were still, " stop stressing

me. " LOL I have just learned to kind of look at that and laugh now.

In a message dated 1/28/2010 7:41:15 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

sleddog@... writes:

Oh, I didn't mean to say you should go NC...my nada is just so nasty and

extreme, there's not choice...all but the golden child of my siblings have

gone nc with her...when you manage to drive 4 of 5 kids away, you MUST be

nasty LOL but of course it's US not her !! I wish I didn't have to be

nc..I wish I could be LC or even not LC and just able to talk with

her...but it's like her mission in life...she how nasty she can be to her

kids before they break...she rarely has " good " or normal times...it's

always

a 'game " to her..get the most insults, the most digs in before the child

can get away :-(

Rocky is starting to accept little Dazzle ;-)

Jackie

Hey Jackie,

Yes, I guess that is true..we all fall for it! If I can get distance from

my emotions i can almost laugh about it. I won't go NC with her though,

because she is not as bad as some of the nada's I have heard about here.

She does trigger me obviously; I just have to remember....She does trigg

in with myself before i talk to her.

hope your pup is doing well!

~patricia

[Guest guest]

Oh, I didn't mean to say you should go NC...my nada is just so nasty and

extreme, there's not choice...all but the golden child of my siblings have

gone nc with her...when you manage to drive 4 of 5 kids away, you MUST be

nasty LOL but of course it's US not her !! I wish I didn't have to be

nc..I wish I could be LC or even not LC and just able to talk with

her...but it's like her mission in life...she how nasty she can be to her

kids before they break...she rarely has " good " or normal times...it's always

a 'game " to her..get the most insults, the most digs in before the child

can get away :-(

Rocky is starting to accept little Dazzle ;-)

Jackie

Hey Jackie,

Yes, I guess that is true..we all fall for it! If I can get distance from

my emotions i can almost laugh about it. I won't go NC with her though,

because she is not as bad as some of the nada's I have heard about here.

She does trigger me obviously; I just have to remember.....sort of check

in with myself before i talk to her.

hope your pup is doing well!

~patricia

[Guest guest]

good for you !! seems if we cant laugh, we cry...and I'd rather laugh, but

I totally know how you feel. I would love to have a normal mother..one I

can call up and tell her things that happened to me, and she would actually

CARE !! we all know our nadas will never be normal mothers, so we have to

do what we can to protect ourselves from her

Jackie

It's amazing how the desire to have a normal mother never wanes. I never

went NC with my mother before her death because I just wanted a mother and

it

seemed no matter how sick and how selfish and how awful she was to me, I

still wanted her to be normal. I always tried to hope she would be. She

never was. Even in the end. Her last words to me were still, " stop

stressing

me. " LOL I have just learned to kind of look at that and laugh now.

[Guest guest]

Hi Jackie,

I know you didn't mean that; I was more just musing about it as I know a lot of

people

choose to do that/have to do that.

I am sorry that your experience with your nada has been so terrible, I know how

wounding

it is; it terrifies me to think of how many mentally ill people there are

raising children (and

also having so many children!). You sound like a really strong person; by which

I do not mean

you are not vulnerable, but you have obviously gone through a lot. I appreciate

how you

find joy in your animal companions I wish I had some feeling for joy in my

life but it has been

awhile. I used to have a little mini herd of Nigerian Dwarf goats (look 'em up

online, they are

adorable!). And when I got divorced I gave them to a man who had a herd of

Nubians. When I bought

my current place I called him to see if he still had them but alas, he had just

given them away.

I got these two cool male kittens when I moved in here, and they both died. So

my heart has hardened.

I can't take on the responsibilities of animals now (with my ADD I can hardly

handle all that goes with

taking care of a house by myself).

What I am trying to do is to think of what it is I love, and how to get there.

.....hopefully soon.

~patricia

I am happy your Rocky is doing the right thing!

Re: phone call

Oh, I didn't mean to say you should go NC...my nada is just so nasty and

extreme, there's not choice...all but the golden child of my siblings have

gone nc with her...when you manage to drive 4 of 5 kids away, you MUST be

nasty LOL but of course it's US not her !! I wish I didn't have to be

nc..I wish I could be LC or even not LC and just able to talk with

her...but it's like her mission in life...she how nasty she can be to her

kids before they break...she rarely has " good " or normal times...it's always

a 'game " to her..get the most insults, the most digs in before the child

can get away :-(

Rocky is starting to accept little Dazzle ;-)

Jackie

Hey Jackie,

Yes, I guess that is true..we all fall for it! If I can get distance from

my emotions i can almost laugh about it. I won't go NC with her though,

because she is not as bad as some of the nada's I have heard about here.

She does trigger me obviously; I just have to remember.....sort of check

in with myself before i talk to her.

hope your pup is doing well!

~patricia

------------------------------------

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

thank you for your comments... Please dont be so hard on yourself...you

have been through a LOT latley...your beloved sister died..I dont know what

I'd do if my sister died...it was hard enough with my oldest brother, but my

sister and I are much closer...then your mother turned on you..., your

divorce, your health conditions..thats a LOT for anyone to take in !! I

think you are a very strong person too ( as I think everyone on this list

is...we're all survivers !!) Oh, love the goats !! my ex brother in law

raises so kind of earless goat and shows them all over the mid west...those

are weird looking goats LOL do you like flowers ? gardening ? is ADD

something you just recently developed ? I wast aware that adutls could get

it..I thought it was something kids/teens had...

Jackie

Hi Jackie,

I know you didn't mean that; I was more just musing about it as I know a lot

of people

choose to do that/have to do that.

I am sorry that your experience with your nada has been so terrible, I know

how wounding

it is; it terrifies me to think of how many mentally ill people there are

raising children (and

also having so many children!). You sound like a really strong person; by

which I do not mean

you are not vulnerable, but you have obviously gone through a lot. I

appreciate how you

find joy in your animal companions I wish I had some feeling for joy in

my life but it has been

awhile. I used to have a little mini herd of Nigerian Dwarf goats (look 'em

up online, they are

adorable!). And when I got divorced I gave them to a man who had a herd of

Nubians. When I bought

my current place I called him to see if he still had them but alas, he had

just given them away.

I got these two cool male kittens when I moved in here, and they both died.

So my heart has hardened.

I can't take on the responsibilities of animals now (with my ADD I can

hardly handle all that goes with

taking care of a house by myself).

What I am trying to do is to think of what it is I love, and how to get

there. ....hopefully soon.

~patricia

I am happy your Rocky is doing the right thing!

[Guest guest]

Hey Jackie,

I am always hard on myself I guess. I always think I could be doing better. I

wish

I had some peace in that. The sister dying thing...yeah, since then I've had

horrible

acid burning in my stomach/throat. It is almost like the loss is subterranean;

that I don't

really know how it affected me. Like parts of my body cut off.

Those goats are called Sa'anens (something like that). They are weird, I always

wonder why

people like them ! But goats are really fun. I rent out my pasture to some

girls

who had sheep and goats, but right now just one poor little goat; he has hoof

rot too and

his foot is wrapped. I wish I could bring him into the warmth of the house, but

of

course I can't. His sheep friends were taken to a barn because they are

pregnant (he lives

in a three sided shed, with one closed off area). I feel bad for him; but I

feel this detachment

too, where before it used to bring me such joy (these animals).

It's funny you mention gardening. I have a degree in Ornamental Horticulture. I

have always

loved gardening (but lost my pleasure for that too).

ADD is something in your brain, a problem with the way certain chemicals are

used/not used.

It doesn't go away when you grow up. I was diagnosed as an adult. My son has

it too. It's

pretty much crippled me in a lot of ways; and I can see now looking back, how it

manifested when

I was younger, and a kid. I have taken meds for it which are great, but the

stimulants usually

make me an emotional wreck after a week (or less). But the feeling of

motivation and calm

that they bring me is so great. I wish I could take them regularly.

Ah well.....

thanks for your email~

~patricia

Re: phone call

Hi ,

thank you for your comments... Please dont be so hard on yourself...you

have been through a LOT latley...your beloved sister died..I dont know what

I'd do if my sister died...it was hard enough with my oldest brother, but my

sister and I are much closer...then your mother turned on you..., your

divorce, your health conditions..thats a LOT for anyone to take in !! I

think you are a very strong person too ( as I think everyone on this list

is...we're all survivers !!) Oh, love the goats !! my ex brother in law

raises so kind of earless goat and shows them all over the mid west...those

are weird looking goats LOL do you like flowers ? gardening ? is ADD

something you just recently developed ? I wast aware that adutls could get

it..I thought it was something kids/teens had...

Jackie

Hi Jackie,

I know you didn't mean that; I was more just musing about it as I know a lot

of people

choose to do that/have to do that.

I am sorry that your experience with your nada has been so terrible, I know

how wounding

it is; it terrifies me to think of how many mentally ill people there are

raising children (and

also having so many children!). You sound like a really strong person; by

which I do not mean

you are not vulnerable, but you have obviously gone through a lot. I

appreciate how you

find joy in your animal companions I wish I had some feeling for joy in

my life but it has been

awhile. I used to have a little mini herd of Nigerian Dwarf goats (look 'em

up online, they are

adorable!). And when I got divorced I gave them to a man who had a herd of

Nubians. When I bought

my current place I called him to see if he still had them but alas, he had

just given them away.

I got these two cool male kittens when I moved in here, and they both died.

So my heart has hardened.

I can't take on the responsibilities of animals now (with my ADD I can

hardly handle all that goes with

taking care of a house by myself).

What I am trying to do is to think of what it is I love, and how to get

there. ....hopefully soon.

~patricia

I am happy your Rocky is doing the right thing!

------------------------------------

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

Hi Jackie,

I know, I must be depressed. There is a little tiny part of me that is getting

motivated though.

I don't know how it will all pull together, you know? But it's different than

how I felt before.

(I am sure the Vit D deficiency added to it, and getting super supplements is

helping).

I'll tell you..when I was in California, I felt happy...of course that could

have to do with being away

from all the stuff at home, but I just like it there. Near the ocean. The

kinetic energy of the city.

Maybe that's what I need.

I have tried antidepressants...when i was really bad they helped me bump it up a

bit, but after awhile

they did not work. I am trying to just focus on my step by step right now,

getting to my goal of a

new life. Like I said..not sure what and how yet....but I do know where I need

to start!

ADD...yeah, it is pretty intense, I can recognize it in adults pretty easily.

Surprisingly, my boyfriend

has it. Maybe that's why I like him so much. But when I first met him I had

these inklings but he had

this ability to super focus on things (tho that is an ADD trait) some of which

is intense math and computer

stuff, so I wasn't sure. But sure enough he took an online test and tested for

five out of 7 subtypes positive.

Imagine two ADDers together...haha.

~patricia

Re: phone call

Hi ,

you sound depressed, have you looked into meds to help ? When people are no

longer interested is what they once loved, thats a classic sign of

depression :-(

thanks for the info on ADD, I did not know that..I just thought it was

something kids outgrew !!

Jackie

Hey Jackie,

I am always hard on myself I guess. I always think I could be doing better.

I wish

I had some peace in that. The sister dying thing...yeah, since then I've

had horrible

acid burning in my stomach/throat. It is almost like the loss is

subterranean; that I don't

really know how it affected me. Like parts of my body cut off.

Those goats are called Sa'anens (something like that). They are weird, I

always wonder why

people like them ! But goats are really fun. I rent out my pasture to some

girls

who had sheep and goats, but right now just one poor little goat; he has

hoof rot too and

his foot is wrapped. I wish I could bring him into the warmth of the house,

but of

course I can't. His sheep friends were taken to a barn because they are

pregnant (he lives

in a three sided shed, with one closed off area). I feel bad for him; but I

feel this detachment

too, where before it used to bring me such joy (these animals).

It's funny you mention gardening. I have a degree in Ornamental

Horticulture. I have always

loved gardening (but lost my pleasure for that too).

ADD is something in your brain, a problem with the way certain chemicals are

used/not used.

It doesn't go away when you grow up. I was diagnosed as an adult. My son

has it too. It's

pretty much crippled me in a lot of ways; and I can see now looking back,

how it manifested when

I was younger, and a kid. I have taken meds for it which are great, but the

stimulants usually

make me an emotional wreck after a week (or less). But the feeling of

motivation and calm

that they bring me is so great. I wish I could take them regularly.

Ah well.....

thanks for your email~

~patricia

------------------------------------

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.