Re: FREAKING OUT, BPD, blogs and the like....

[Guest guest]

YES!! Thankfully, lol. I email her a lot. She emails back sometimes. She

did tell me we'd have phone sessions and email. We may also do skype.

Whatever that is. I gotta figure it out.

In a message dated 2/15/2010 4:07:41 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

ninera73@... writes:

Hang in there, !!

I wonder...does your therapist email? It has been a HUGE help for me to

email back and forth with my therapist in between sessions, esp because I can

only afford to see her every other week.

Ninera

> From: _Hummingbird1298@Humming_ (mailto:Hummingbird1298@...)

<_Hummingbird1298@Humming_ (mailto:Hummingbird1298@...) >

> Subject: FREAKING OUT, BPD, blogs and the like....

> To: _WTOAdultChildren1@WTOAdultChilWTO_

(mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 )

> Date: Monday, February 15, 2010, 7:38 PM

> Wow, I feel like I use this place

> more as support for me than giving

> support to others. I am sorry. I guess this is just where I

> am.

>

> Sorry this is long! I haven't posted in awhile till this

> afternoon.

>

> My therapist is hvaing back surgery on Wednesday and will

> be out of the

> office for 5 (hear me loudly) FIVE freaking weeks.

> (I need a smiley that passes out right here).

> I cried on her shoulder for about 45 minutes of my 1-hour

> therapy session.

> Bleh.

> So...we have a plan. She is going to call me tonight. She

> is going to text

> me tomorrow and let me know the time of her surgery

> Wednesday and then I

> can text her on Thursday and make sure she is okay.

> Then we're going to do some phone sessions over the 5

> weeks, so it won't be

> so terrible of a wait.

> I'm also going to see my former therapist for the 5 weeks

> who knows me well

> and will be hearing from me a lot.

> You guys may be hearing from me a lot too.

>

> I got kicked out of school. Nothing I did -- financial

> aid is screwed

> up!!!!! I am sick over it.

> My therapist thought I needed to quit anyway. Oh, well.

> So sad.

>

> Lastly, I have become addicted to reading the blogs and

> watching youtube

> videos of people with BPD. I do it for several reasons.

> Mainly, it assures me I don't have it.

> But I also do it because I want to understand my mother and

> understand BPD

> more. I'm obsessed, though, and it's starting to get

> annoying. I want to

> post comments sometimes like, I hate the fact you

> people have children!! I

> know that's wrong, but it's how I feel. I just wanna

> run in and rescue their

> little hearts and keep them safe from the badgering

> misery of a borderline.

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>

>

> ------------ ---- ---- -

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

_@..._ (mailto:@...) .

> SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE

> GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call

> 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to

> “Understanding the Borderline Mother†(Lawson) and

> “Surviving the Borderline Parent,†(Roth) which you can

> find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community

> and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Jackie. My therapist tells me all the time I do not have BPD.

However, I've doubted it many times and told her, " you just don't know ALL

of me. " I know she's the PhD, so she knows...I'm just worried. THAT is my

OCD talking probably.

...speaking of BPD and me...this was interesting to me and why she doesn't

believe I have it. My primary diagnosis is Dissociative Identity Disorder

(formerly multiple personality disorder -- bleh...do not like that name at

all). I don't talk about it a lot here, but I've mentioned it. I don't know

if you all notice really (there are so many people here I don't always

notice either), but sometimes I go for longer stints without posting. Well,

having DID complicates things for me sometimes and I don't want to bring

those issues I have here (I post on a DID forum also and thats where those

things get discussed) because it's a very misunderstood and complicated disorder

and is not like Hollywood portrays it. Anyway, she (my therapist) did

tell me that sometimes my behaviors are confusing because I have DID and she

said she can see why I worry about it, but that it's really just a lot of

times normal (or not-so-always-normal in my case because of past abuse)

behaviors of teenagers or young kids (such as being very attached to her) who

are basically stuck in time inside of me. I would elaborate more because I

have other diagnoses besides DID that are underneath it, but it gets

complicated and confusing. Others are separate from me, so if someone else has

OCD, then I don't, but someone else might have an attachment disorder and I

might too, etc....DID is something that a lot of people don't understand

because Hollywood has dramatized it so much and it's just not as simple as they

make it seem as people switching into other personalities. It's so much

more than that. Okay. That's about all I want to share about that, but it

did give me some peace of mind that I avoided BPD because I have DID instead.

Is there a disorder for derailing conversation and rambling?

She actually got down on the floor in front of me and grabbed my hands a

couple weeks ago and said, " , look at me. For the million and tenth

time, you do not have borderline personality disorder. "

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but I certainly am glad she said it

for that million and tenth time. I'll be looking for the million and

eleventh time in 5 weeks.

Wow. I don't think I've ever put so many parentheticals in one post before.

In a message dated 2/15/2010 4:17:02 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

sleddog@... writes:

dont worry about it ...you have been very supportive of others

before...it'before...it'<WBR>s just your time right now t

and hey, you survived your therapist going on vacation, you'll survive

this

too :-) I wouldnt worry about watching the youtube and reading blogs...it

keeps ya out of the bars LOL I do NOT think you have BPD !!

Jackie

Wow, I feel like I use this place more as support for me than giving

support to others. I am sorry. I guess this is just where I am.

Sorry this is long! I haven't posted in awhile till this afternoon.

My therapist is hvaing back surgery on Wednesday and will be out of the

office for 5 (hear me loudly) FIVE freaking weeks.

(I need a smiley that passes out right here).

I cried on her shoulder for about 45 minutes of my 1-hour therapy

session.

Bleh.

So...we have a plan. She is going to call me tonight. She is going to text

me tomorrow and let me know the time of her surgery Wednesday and then I

can text her on Thursday and make sure she is okay.

Then we're going to do some phone sessions over the 5 weeks, so it won't

be

so terrible of a wait.

I'm also going to see my former therapist for the 5 weeks who knows me

well

and will be hearing from me a lot.

You guys may be hearing from me a lot too.

I got kicked out of school. Nothing I did -- financial aid is screwed

up!!!!! I am sick over it.

My therapist thought I needed to quit anyway. Oh, well.

So sad.

Lastly, I have become addicted to reading the blogs and watching youtube

videos of people with BPD. I do it for several reasons.

Mainly, it assures me I don't have it.

But I also do it because I want to understand my mother and understand BPD

more. I'm obsessed, though, and it's starting to get annoying. I want to

post comments sometimes like, I hate the fact you people have children!!

I

know that's wrong, but it's how I feel. I just wanna run in and rescue

their

little hearts and keep them safe from the badgering misery of a

borderline.

[Guest guest]

Oh, I'd probably go off like something resembling a deranged gopher if she

told me I had BPD.

Seriously. It would be ugly.

And she knows that.

So then I worry that she isn't telling me because she doesn't want to cue

the deranged gopher freakout moment.

I'm paranoid when people say, " Oh you look so much like your mother! " that

in some way that interprets to me ACTING like her.

That's about the bottom line. Paranoid that any behavior I have where I am

angry or upset suddenly means I've developed it. She has tried to reassure

me a lot of my emotions are NORMAL. I have a hard time understanding that.

I guess WHY I don't want is for multiple reasons. It's a horrible disorder.

It destroyed my mother. It destroyed our family. It is a hopeless disorder

for so many, I guess...at least in my mind. I have heard of one woman (AJ

Mahari) being cured of BPD and there's another woman on youtube who is

cured, but most people I've known with it won't even acknowledge they have it.

In a message dated 2/15/2010 5:12:31 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

coyotesun1@... writes:

Hi ,

Does your therapist ever ask you why you are afraid you have it?

Besides the symptoms, what it would mean to you if you did? Because

it sounds like you have an intense fear of having this while you do say

you have other issues; but this one would be worse. (not judging any of

that). Maybe you could work through the worst case scenario with her and

sort of let it play out and maybe you can be done with it...

just a thought...

~patricia

Re: FREAKING OUT, BPD, blogs and the like....

Thanks, Jackie. My therapist tells me all the time I do not have BPD.

However, I've doubted it many times and told her, " you just don't know ALL

of me. " I know she's the PhD, so she knows...I'm just worried. THAT is my

OCD talking probably.

...speaking of BPD and me...this was interesting to me and why she doesn't

believe I have it. My primary diagnosis is Dissociative Identity Disorder

(formerly multiple personality disorder -- bleh...do not like that name at

all). I don't talk about it a lot here, but I've mentioned it. I don't

know

if you all notice really (there are so many people here I don't always

notice either), but sometimes I go for longer stints without posting.

Well,

having DID complicates things for me sometimes and I don't want to bring

those issues I have here (I post on a DID forum also and thats where those

things get discussed) because it's a very misunderstood and complicated

disorder

and is not like Hollywood portrays it. Anyway, she (my therapist) did

tell me that sometimes my behaviors are confusing because I have DID and

she

said she can see why I worry about it, but that it's really just a lot of

times normal (or not-so-always-times normal (or not-so-always-<WBR>n

behaviors of teenagers or young kids (such as being very attached to her)

who

are basically stuck in time inside of me. I would elaborate more because I

have other diagnoses besides DID that are underneath it, but it gets

complicated and confusing. Others are separate from me, so if someone else

has

OCD, then I don't, but someone else might have an attachment disorder and

I

might too, etc....DID is something that a lot of people don't understand

because Hollywood has dramatized it so much and it's just not as simple as

they

make it seem as people switching into other personalities. It's so much

more than that. Okay. That's about all I want to share about that, but it

did give me some peace of mind that I avoided BPD because I have DID

instead.

Is there a disorder for derailing conversation and rambling?

She actually got down on the floor in front of me and grabbed my hands a

couple weeks ago and said, " , look at me. For the million and tenth

time, you do not have borderline personality disorder. "

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but I certainly am glad she said it

for that million and tenth time. I'll be looking for the million and

eleventh time in 5 weeks.

Wow. I don't think I've ever put so many parentheticals in one post before.

In a message dated 2/15/2010 4:17:02 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

_sleddog@..._ (mailto:sleddog@...) writes:

dont worry about it ...you have been very supportive of others

before...it'before...bef<WBR>s just your time right now t

and hey, you survived your therapist going on vacation, you'll survive

this

too :-) I wouldnt worry about watching the youtube and reading blogs...it

keeps ya out of the bars LOL I do NOT think you have BPD !!

Jackie

Wow, I feel like I use this place more as support for me than giving

support to others. I am sorry. I guess this is just where I am.

Sorry this is long! I haven't posted in awhile till this afternoon.

My therapist is hvaing back surgery on Wednesday and will be out of the

office for 5 (hear me loudly) FIVE freaking weeks.

(I need a smiley that passes out right here).

I cried on her shoulder for about 45 minutes of my 1-hour therapy

session.

Bleh.

So...we have a plan. She is going to call me tonight. She is going to text

me tomorrow and let me know the time of her surgery Wednesday and then I

can text her on Thursday and make sure she is okay.

Then we're going to do some phone sessions over the 5 weeks, so it won't

be

so terrible of a wait.

I'm also going to see my former therapist for the 5 weeks who knows me

well

and will be hearing from me a lot.

You guys may be hearing from me a lot too.

I got kicked out of school. Nothing I did -- financial aid is screwed

up!!!!! I am sick over it.

My therapist thought I needed to quit anyway. Oh, well.

So sad.

Lastly, I have become addicted to reading the blogs and watching youtube

videos of people with BPD. I do it for several reasons.

Mainly, it assures me I don't have it.

But I also do it because I want to understand my mother and understand BPD

more. I'm obsessed, though, and it's starting to get annoying. I want to

post comments sometimes like, I hate the fact you people have children!!

I

know that's wrong, but it's how I feel. I just wanna run in and rescue

their

little hearts and keep them safe from the badgering misery of a

borderline.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

------------------------------------

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

_@..._ (mailto:@...) . SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT

CONCERN YOU; DO

NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to �Understanding the Borderline

Mother� (Lawson) and �Surviving the Borderline Parent,� (Roth) which you

can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE

and the SWOE Workbook.Yahoo! Groups Links

----------------------------------------------------------

No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

Version: 9.0.733 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2689 - Release Date: 02/15/10

02:35:00

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Guest guest]

Hang in there, !!

I wonder...does your therapist email? It has been a HUGE help for me to email

back and forth with my therapist in between sessions, esp because I can only

afford to see her every other week.

Ninera

>

> Subject: FREAKING OUT, BPD, blogs and the like....

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Monday, February 15, 2010, 7:38 PM

> Wow, I feel like I use this place

> more as support for me than givingÂ

> support to others. I am sorry. I guess this is just where I

> am.

>

> Sorry this is long! I haven't posted in awhile till this

> afternoon.

>

> My therapist is hvaing back surgery on Wednesday and will

> be out of theÂ

> office for 5 (hear me loudly) FIVE freaking weeks.

> (I need a smiley that passes out right here).

> I cried on her shoulder for about 45 minutes of my 1-hour

> therapy session.

> Bleh.

> So...we have a plan. She is going to call me tonight. She

> is going to textÂ

> me tomorrow and let me know the time of her surgery

> Wednesday and then I

> can text her on Thursday and make sure she is okay.

> Then we're going to do some phone sessions over the 5

> weeks, so it won't be

> so terrible of a wait.

> I'm also going to see my former therapist for the 5 weeks

> who knows me well

> and will be hearing from me a lot.

> You guys may be hearing from me a lot too.

>

> I got kicked out of school. Nothing I did -- financial

> aid is screwedÂ

> up!!!!! I am sick over it.

> My therapist thought I needed to quit anyway. Oh, well.

> So sad.

>

> Lastly, I have become addicted to reading the blogs and

> watching youtubeÂ

> videos of people with BPD. I do it for several reasons.

> Mainly, it assures me I don't have it.

> But I also do it because I want to understand my mother and

> understand BPDÂ

> more. I'm obsessed, though, and it's starting to get

> annoying. I want to

> post comments sometimes like, I hate the fact you

> people have children!! I

> know that's wrong, but it's how I feel. I just wanna

> run in and rescue their

> little hearts and keep them safe from the badgering

> misery of a borderline.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I hope you make it through this time period okay Deep breaths and follow the

plan you mapped out. I know it is not easy!

I understand your obsessions on watching certain things. I am in a place of

watching

documentaries about killers (many of whom are BPD). And reading about the

Soviet

gulags and the holocaust. In some weird way it reminds me that I am

okay...safer in this

world than those people were. Seems weird but it's just what I am drawn to.

The wanting to do something wrong....well I am having a weird feeling to steal

from my job!

I won't but sometimes I think: why not? The really interesting thing is that my

boss rated my

trustworthiness as very high on my review! I always think of that when I get

the urge.

Good luck, ,

~patricia

FREAKING OUT, BPD, blogs and the like....

Wow, I feel like I use this place more as support for me than giving

support to others. I am sorry. I guess this is just where I am.

Sorry this is long! I haven't posted in awhile till this afternoon.

My therapist is hvaing back surgery on Wednesday and will be out of the

office for 5 (hear me loudly) FIVE freaking weeks.

(I need a smiley that passes out right here).

I cried on her shoulder for about 45 minutes of my 1-hour therapy session.

Bleh.

So...we have a plan. She is going to call me tonight. She is going to text

me tomorrow and let me know the time of her surgery Wednesday and then I

can text her on Thursday and make sure she is okay.

Then we're going to do some phone sessions over the 5 weeks, so it won't be

so terrible of a wait.

I'm also going to see my former therapist for the 5 weeks who knows me well

and will be hearing from me a lot.

You guys may be hearing from me a lot too.

I got kicked out of school. Nothing I did -- financial aid is screwed

up!!!!! I am sick over it.

My therapist thought I needed to quit anyway. Oh, well.

So sad.

Lastly, I have become addicted to reading the blogs and watching youtube

videos of people with BPD. I do it for several reasons.

Mainly, it assures me I don't have it.

But I also do it because I want to understand my mother and understand BPD

more. I'm obsessed, though, and it's starting to get annoying. I want to

post comments sometimes like, I hate the fact you people have children!! I

know that's wrong, but it's how I feel. I just wanna run in and rescue their

little hearts and keep them safe from the badgering misery of a borderline.

[Guest guest]

Hi !

I'm sorry to hear you're having such anxiety. School will still be there next

semester or next year, don't let that get you too down. I spent 6 years off and

on at a 2 year school, once I got my act together it was easy and I loved it.

Still love it now that I've finally transferred.

I am totally obsessed with watching videos of hoarders so i know how you feel

about the BPD videos! I can't watch the BPD therapists because I'll hear

someone say something like,

" Talk to them like a child, let them know that you still love them but that you

don't like something they did. "

Are you freaking kidding me? That just makes me so angry that it's deterred me

from those kinds of videos.

There's something that you still need from watching them. That's nothing to feel

bad about. Like this forum, the information and support is here when you need

it. You are not alone.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Well it's good the way you articulate your thoughts on how it would affect you;

and I think that is important. It destroyed your family and your mom, someone

you

would have wanted a close and safe relationship with. To me this is what you

might

want to look at rather than worry so much that you have it, though I know

worrying is

a way to control feelings, like fear and anxiety. So then, of course I'm not

saying: don't

worry! You can't really tell someone that.

Of course you don't know what normal emotions ARE because you were not allowed

to

have them, and were not shown them (mirroring) which is another valuable tool

that someone

could help you with. So maybe when you DO worry you can get some strategies for

getting

yourself back to a place where you can see yourself differently, not as someone

who has a

BPD.

~patricia

Re: FREAKING OUT, BPD, blogs and the like....

Thanks, Jackie. My therapist tells me all the time I do not have BPD.

However, I've doubted it many times and told her, " you just don't know ALL

of me. " I know she's the PhD, so she knows...I'm just worried. THAT is my

OCD talking probably.

..speaking of BPD and me...this was interesting to me and why she doesn't

believe I have it. My primary diagnosis is Dissociative Identity Disorder

(formerly multiple personality disorder -- bleh...do not like that name at

all). I don't talk about it a lot here, but I've mentioned it. I don't

know

if you all notice really (there are so many people here I don't always

notice either), but sometimes I go for longer stints without posting.

Well,

having DID complicates things for me sometimes and I don't want to bring

those issues I have here (I post on a DID forum also and thats where those

things get discussed) because it's a very misunderstood and complicated

disorder

and is not like Hollywood portrays it. Anyway, she (my therapist) did

tell me that sometimes my behaviors are confusing because I have DID and

she

said she can see why I worry about it, but that it's really just a lot of

times normal (or not-so-always-times normal (or not-so-always-<WBR>n

behaviors of teenagers or young kids (such as being very attached to her)

who

are basically stuck in time inside of me. I would elaborate more because I

have other diagnoses besides DID that are underneath it, but it gets

complicated and confusing. Others are separate from me, so if someone else

has

OCD, then I don't, but someone else might have an attachment disorder and

I

might too, etc....DID is something that a lot of people don't understand

because Hollywood has dramatized it so much and it's just not as simple as

they

make it seem as people switching into other personalities. It's so much

more than that. Okay. That's about all I want to share about that, but it

did give me some peace of mind that I avoided BPD because I have DID

instead.

Is there a disorder for derailing conversation and rambling?

She actually got down on the floor in front of me and grabbed my hands a

couple weeks ago and said, " , look at me. For the million and tenth

time, you do not have borderline personality disorder. "

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but I certainly am glad she said it

for that million and tenth time. I'll be looking for the million and

eleventh time in 5 weeks.

Wow. I don't think I've ever put so many parentheticals in one post before.

In a message dated 2/15/2010 4:17:02 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

_sleddog@..._ (mailto:sleddog@...) writes:

dont worry about it ...you have been very supportive of others

before...it'before...bef<WBR>s just your time right now t

and hey, you survived your therapist going on vacation, you'll survive

this

too :-) I wouldnt worry about watching the youtube and reading blogs...it

keeps ya out of the bars LOL I do NOT think you have BPD !!

Jackie

Wow, I feel like I use this place more as support for me than giving

support to others. I am sorry. I guess this is just where I am.

Sorry this is long! I haven't posted in awhile till this afternoon.

My therapist is hvaing back surgery on Wednesday and will be out of the

office for 5 (hear me loudly) FIVE freaking weeks.

(I need a smiley that passes out right here).

I cried on her shoulder for about 45 minutes of my 1-hour therapy

session.

Bleh.

So...we have a plan. She is going to call me tonight. She is going to text

me tomorrow and let me know the time of her surgery Wednesday and then I

can text her on Thursday and make sure she is okay.

Then we're going to do some phone sessions over the 5 weeks, so it won't

be

so terrible of a wait.

I'm also going to see my former therapist for the 5 weeks who knows me

well

and will be hearing from me a lot.

You guys may be hearing from me a lot too.

I got kicked out of school. Nothing I did -- financial aid is screwed

up!!!!! I am sick over it.

My therapist thought I needed to quit anyway. Oh, well.

So sad.

Lastly, I have become addicted to reading the blogs and watching youtube

videos of people with BPD. I do it for several reasons.

Mainly, it assures me I don't have it.

But I also do it because I want to understand my mother and understand BPD

more. I'm obsessed, though, and it's starting to get annoying. I want to

post comments sometimes like, I hate the fact you people have children!!

I

know that's wrong, but it's how I feel. I just wanna run in and rescue

their

little hearts and keep them safe from the badgering misery of a

borderline.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

------------------------------------

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

_@..._ (mailto:@...) . SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT

CONCERN YOU; DO

NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to �Understanding the

Borderline

Mother� (Lawson) and �Surviving the Borderline Parent,� (Roth) which

you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE

and the SWOE Workbook.Yahoo! Groups Links

----------------------------------------------------------

No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

Version: 9.0.733 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2689 - Release Date: 02/15/10

02:35:00

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]