I'm pretty upset. (but it will pass)

[Guest guest]

You just made me feel a whole lot better Tamara. Glad to know I'm

not alone after all.

Cinnamon

In parenting_autism@y..., tamara laskowski <tamara_b73@y...> wrote:

> Jacquie, I don't know what to say to this. I have

> very few friends myself. I have many aquaintances,

> but only one friend that I do things with besides my

> husband or my family. I don't think it's necessarily

> a bad thing unless you are not satisfied with your

> life as it is. I don't really want the obligation

> that a lot of friends involves. I don't like to go

> places much. I like to stay home with my family and

> not have to call people all the time and feel

> obligated to " get together " with so and so. Ya know?

> I guess it's not too surprising that I have a special

> needs daughter huh? When I write stuff like this I

> think...jeesh, am I really like that? Then I

> think....YUP! I sure am.

> Tamara

>

[Guest guest]

> See, I should have went, cause I'd just run over and bowl you over

> with a big ol hug!

>

> Kerri

Gee, Kerri - you say that like it's already in the past.

You can STILL attend, you know.....

And as far as BOWLING me over - - ha. I don't think so. Not unless you're

the size of a trailer, my dear.

I could really use your presence there. Someone social... someone who

generally likes people.... someone who doesn't mind getting a big bear

hug.... someone who won't shun me LOL... someone who will notice my being

gone or dead or mutilated... you know?

With being " x " -ed out - - BJ was my last hope but she's probably too

overwhelmed with life to come.

Kerri?

PLEASE?

Grace

[Guest guest]

What conference?

>>>Are you people actually going to SPEAK to me while at the conference?

LOL

I mean... it's okay if I TALK with you guys, yes? No? Yes???

<<<

[Guest guest]

> With being " x " -ed out <

hey! when did i become " x " -ed out?!?!?!

i never said i wouldn't hug you!

Autism is not the end of the World. . . . just the beginning of a new one. -

Sally Meyer

[Guest guest]

I'm also a member of your club. I haven't been active in either of the

schools my kids have been to. I think it's more my fault than the others

though. I'm generally very social, but in this case, I feel like I'm an

alien because my life is so much different than theirs, I just don't think

they could fathom what it's like.

Sue

Re: I'm pretty upset. (but it will pass)

> --- The Hunny Family wrote:

> But during THIS particular chat, I discovered that

> THEY all know each other's phone numbers and personal

> lives! So once again, there I was on the outside,

> wondering why I'm on the outside.

> I was puttering around the kitchen and muttering about

> it, and saying, " what is it about me that makes people

> not bother to get to know me, " and Marc answered with

> what is probably the truth of the matter: " Because of

> your kid. Because you're The Special Needs Mom.<<<<<

>

> That's me! That's so totally ME! I can't tell you how

> many times I've felt like everyone's part of a secret

> club. Except me. And I don't know why either. Sigh.

>

> Tuna

>

> =====

> When a person responds to the joys and sorrows of others as if they were

his own, he has attained the highest state of spiritual union.

>

> -Bhagavad Gita 6:32

>

> ______________________________________________________________________

> Find, Connect, Date! http://personals.yahoo.ca

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> Trust me, grace -- I will TALK. I will talk so long and so much that you will

be wishing I'd just shut the hell up. Trust me. I babble with the best of 'em.

Jacquie <

jacquie, we'll be babbling together

Autism is not the end of the World. . . . just the beginning of a new one. -

Sally Meyer

[Guest guest]

> I can't tell you how many times I've felt like everyone's part of a secret

club. Except me. <

well guess what?! you ARE a part of a secret club! along with the rest of us!

welcome!!! ))

Autism is not the end of the World. . . . just the beginning of a new one. -

Sally Meyer

[Guest guest]

> What conference?

>

WHO ARE YOU?

[Guest guest]

> > With being " x " -ed out <

>

> hey! when did i become " x " -ed out?!?!?!

> i never said i wouldn't hug you!

>

Neither did Jacquie. She just said *I* can't hug her! LOL

Do you have friends, ?

And most importantly - - do your feet and neck tell you when they are

suffocating?

Grace ;o)

[Guest guest]

> > See, I should have went, cause I'd just run over and bowl you over

> > with a big ol hug!

> >

> > Kerri

>

>

> Gee, Kerri - you say that like it's already in the past.

> You can STILL attend, you know.....

> And as far as BOWLING me over - - ha. I don't think so. Not

unless you're

> the size of a trailer, my dear.

>

> I could really use your presence there. Someone social... someone

who

> generally likes people.... someone who doesn't mind getting a big

bear

> hug.... someone who won't shun me LOL... someone who will notice my

being

> gone or dead or mutilated... you know?

>

> With being " x " -ed out - - BJ was my last hope but she's

probably too

> overwhelmed with life to come.

> Kerri?

> PLEASE?

>

> Grace

Sorry Grace - as much as I would TRULY love to go - it's just not

possible - we're going to Texas at the end of this month - it's just

too much all at once.

Kerri

[Guest guest]

Grace, you really truly crack me up! Every time I read

one of these posts I about fall off my chair.

Everyone in the room looks at me like I am crazy cause

I am laughing too hard.

You make us seem psycho. LOL!! Jacquie and I are

sharing a room so we can't be too stand offish. I am

sure that we will talk to you and we will do stuff

with you and maybe we'll even give you a hug! LOLOL

You are too too funny!!!

Tamara

--- Grace Keh wrote:

>

> > > With being " x " -ed out <

> >

> > hey! when did i become " x " -ed out?!?!?!

> > i never said i wouldn't hug you!

> >

>

> Neither did Jacquie. She just said *I* can't hug

> her! LOL

> Do you have friends, ?

> And most importantly - - do your feet and neck tell

> you when they are

> suffocating?

>

> Grace ;o)

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Jeesh! This is so funny to me. Jacquie is right

though. If anyone is in their room waiting to be

invited anywhere it will be us. I can't see you

sitting in your room waiting for anything, Grace!!

lolol

Tamara

--- The Hunny Family wrote:

>

> > I'm probably going to screw up from minute one or

> something and be the odd

> > man out for the whole trip. Y'all will go out for

> breakfast for Wilkes

> > Barre bagels and leave me in my room, waiting for

> you to call me out or

> > something.

>

>

> BWA HA HA HA HA

>

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>

> Ummm....the scenario is more like WE'LL be in OUR

> rooms, deathly afraid to come out and hoping like

> hell that you come and get us and pull us into the

> action, because we can't do it ourselves!

>

> I can't speak for anyone else, but as long as

> someone is friendly to me FIRST, I can function

> quite well. If *I* have to make the first move,

> well, cold day in hell and all that.

>

> Jacquie

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Wilkes-Barre bagels? They have a special type of

bagel? LOL

Grace, seriously you will be fine. We are going to

have a blast. I have dedicated this time as social

time. My point is that at home very little of my time

is devoted to being social. It is not a priority for

me. Friendships require work. And in most cases, I

have no wish to expend that kind of energy on a

friendship. However, I love being part of this list

and wouldn't give it up for anything. I already have

a friendship with you (I hope?) and have devoted four

days to nurture that friendship and learn more about

how to help my baby girl. Now quit worrying. We are

going to have a blast!!!!!!

Tamara

--- Grace Keh wrote:

> But Tamara, I am dead serious - and not trying to be

> funny.

> I am not familiar with " your kind " <Referring to

> you, Jacquie, and whoever

> else is in your club>....

>

> I'm probably going to screw up from minute one or

> something and be the odd

> man out for the whole trip. Y'all will go out for

> breakfast for Wilkes

> Barre bagels and leave me in my room, waiting for

> you to call me out or

> something.

>

> I'm afraid!

>

> Grace

>

>

> Re: I'm pretty

> upset.

> > > (but it will pass)

> > >

> > >

> > > > Jacquie, I don't know what to say to this. I

> have

> > > > very few friends myself. I have many

> > > aquaintances,

> > > > but only one friend that I do things with

> besides

> > > my

> > > > husband or my family. I don't think it's

> > > necessarily

> > > > a bad thing unless you are not satisfied with

> your

> > > > life as it is. I don't really want the

> obligation

> > > > that a lot of friends involves. I don't like

> to

> > > go

> > > > places much. I like to stay home with my

> family

> > > and

> > > > not have to call people all the time and feel

> > > > obligated to " get together " with so and so.

> Ya

> > > know?

> > > > I guess it's not too surprising that I have a

> > > special

> > > > needs daughter huh? When I write stuff like

> this

> > > I

> > > > think...jeesh, am I really like that? Then I

> > > > think....YUP! I sure am.

> > > > Tamara

> > > >

> > > > --- The Hunny Family wrote:

> > > > > Today while waiting for at school, I

> was

> > > > > chatting with some of the moms in his class.

> I

> > > see

> > > > > them every school day, and everyone just

> chats.

> > > But

> > > > > during THIS particular chat, I discovered

> that

> > > THEY

> > > > > all know each other's phone numbers and

> personal

> > > > > lives!

> > > > >

> > > > > So once again, there I was on the outside,

> > > wondering

> > > > > why I'm on the outside.

> > > > >

> > > > > Marc came home later; I was monosyllabic.

> He

> > > > > prodded me, and I told him. He said, " I

> don't

> > > know

> > > > > what people's problems are. *I* like you a

> > > lot. " I

> > > > > said, " It's not even that they don't like me

> --

> > > they

> > > > > don't even get to KNOW me. "

> > > > >

> > > > > I was puttering around the kitchen and

> muttering

> > > > > about it, and saying, " what is it about me

> that

> > > > > makes people not bother to get to know me, "

> and

> > > Marc

> > > > > answered with what is probably the truth of

> the

> > > > > matter: " Because of your kid. Because

> you're

> > > The

> > > > > Special Needs Mom. "

> > > > >

> > > > > And I'm sure he's right. I mean, I'm also

> sure

> > > the

> > > > > asperger's has a lot to do with it, but all

> > > through

> > > > > my life before now there have been special

> > > people

> > > > > who have been willing to keep calling me,

> and

> > > > > dropping by, and calling me more, until I

> become

> > > > > their friend. All of the friends I still

> have

> > > in my

> > > > > life (or ever HAVE HAD) are people who made

> it

> > > their

> > > > > mission to be my friend, however apathetic

> to

> > > the

> > > > > idea I may have seemed. People who just

> kept

> > > > > calling, even when I didn't call back.

> And I

> > > love

> > > > > those people because they never gave up --

> they

> > > > > WANTED me to be their friend.

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't want to believe that I've just

> ceased to

> > > be

> > > > > that attractive to potential friends, which

> > > leaves

> > > > > only Marc's explanation -- my child scares

> off

> > > those

> > > > > who might have befriended me otherwise.

> > > > >

> > > > > WHY? I don't understand. What is so

> > > frightening

> > > > > about being friendly and personal with the

> > > mother of

> > > > > an autistic child? Do they think he's

> > > contagious?

> > > > > Or do they think I might be a horrible

> person

> > > who

> > > > > DIS THIS to my kid? Or do they think they'd

> > > need to

> > > > > treat me with kid gloves? Or do they just

> not

> > > want

> > > > > their kids to be overly exposed to my kid,

> > > thinking

> > > > > their kid can learn enough acceptance and

> > > tolerance

> > > > > just by sitting in circle time with him at

> > > school?

> > > > >

> > > > > I could go on for hours...

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> Do you have friends, ?

And most importantly - - do your feet and neck tell you when they are

suffocating? <

ummmmmm...

Autism is not the end of the World. . . . just the beginning of a new one. -

Sally Meyer

[Guest guest]

Grace -

Never fear, you ARE one of us now......

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Stepford Autie Mom,

Penny

>>>>>>

But Tamara, I am dead serious - and not trying to be funny.

I am not familiar with " your kind " <Referring to you, Jacquie, and whoever

else is in your club>....

I'm probably going to screw up from minute one or something and be the odd

man out for the whole trip. Y'all will go out for breakfast for Wilkes

Barre bagels and leave me in my room, waiting for you to call me out or

something.

I'm afraid!

<<<<<<<

[Guest guest]

Thanks !!

Tuna

--- gina muollo wrote:

well guess what?! you ARE a part of a secret club!

along with the rest of us! welcome!!! ))

=====

When a person responds to the joys and sorrows of others as if they were his

own, he has attained the highest state of spiritual union.

-Bhagavad Gita 6:32

______________________________________________________________________

Find, Connect, Date! http://personals.yahoo.ca

[Guest guest]

> Today while waiting for at school, I was chatting with some of

the moms in his class. I see them every school day, and everyone

just chats. But during THIS particular chat, I discovered that THEY

all know each other's phone numbers and personal lives!

>

> So once again, there I was on the outside, wondering why I'm on the

outside.>>

Jacquie,

I have had this same thing happen...and I don't know what the answer

is, really. For me, I know that part of the problem has been that

these other women simply have more in common...initially it was

because they all had their kids in school while I homeschooled;

later, in our neighborhood, I was left out because the most

common " meeting place " for chats was sitting out in the front lawns

in chairs---their little ones could be allowed to run about, and they

honestly didn't understand why couldn't just be set loose as

well, even though he was older than their kids. I think that because

I was already seen as " strange " , they didn't make any real effort to

include me in their circle, and I was eventually very much the odd

man out. It is a very painful place to be.

> I was puttering around the kitchen and muttering about it, and

saying, " what is it about me that makes people not bother to get to

know me, " and Marc answered with what is probably the truth of the

matter: " Because of your kid. Because you're The Special Needs

Mom. " >>

You know, this can be okay, though...I have found that I truly don't

have much to say to those " regular " ladies anyway...not because

ther're terrible people, it's just that they have no clue what my

life consists of, and don't have any reason to find out. I am limited

in how much I can approach people because I usually have in

tow, and he's not real big on standing around shooting the breeze...

I help host a parent support group for families dealing with DSI, and

I suddenly found myself getting to know women whose daughters are in

the same dance school as mine...who would've known they had a child

with challenges. SO, in working within the circle that makes sense

for me, I am finding a group of wonderful women, who I actually run

into through the week, who KNOW me, know about , and we have a

common bond...and I find that moms of kids with autism who see

out and about make an effort to get to know me...they recognize it

right away (his behaviors aren't exactly subtle), and want to reach

out to someone who understands THEIR situation.

> WHY? I don't understand. What is so frightening about being

friendly and personal with the mother of an autistic child? Do they

think he's contagious? Or do they think I might be a horrible person

who DIS THIS to my kid? Or do they think they'd need to treat me

with kid gloves? Or do they just not want their kids to be overly

exposed to my kid, thinking their kid can learn enough acceptance and

tolerance just by sitting in circle time with him at school?>>

Unfortunately, Jacquie, people will always fear what they do not

understand...and until there is a good reason, most of them aren't

going to take the time to find out enough about autism to really stop

fearing it. And to be fair, our kids (mine, at least) do some

incredibly weird things, and don't care one bit who sees them doing

said things...sort of puts folks off.

We moved into a new neighborhood about a year and a half ago, and I

am finding a lot more acceptance here. The woman next door is a

wonderful lady who knew us from the pharmacy we used to get '

meds from...so she understands. The couple across the street

consists of a gentleman who is hearing impaired and a lady who spent

15 years working with kids with autism...so they understand. I feel

much more " okay " here.

Hang in there; it isn't you...and to be frank, it isn't . It's

people who are so absorbed in their own little worlds (aren't we all)

that they don't notice that you are out there, and worth finding out

about. That's their loss, not yours.

Raena

[Guest guest]

> You are who you are and I for one would

> sit and talk with you forever on the playground.>>

So would I...if the playground was fenced in so couldn't

run...and there wasn't anything he could fall off the top of...and

the other kids were all big enough that he couldn't accidentally hurt

them...and...never mind, I'll never be chatting on a playground with

anyone...

Raena

[Guest guest]

--- rgr4us wrote:

You know, this can be okay, though...I have found that

I truly don't have much to say to those " regular "

ladies anyway...not because they're terrible people,

it's just that they have no clue what my life consists

of, and don't have any reason to find out. I am

limited in how much I can approach people because I

usually have in tow, and he's not real big on

standing around shooting the breeze... <<<<

Yes, yes, yes. That's it exactly. Well said.

Tuna

=====

When a person responds to the joys and sorrows of others as if they were his

own, he has attained the highest state of spiritual union.

-Bhagavad Gita 6:32

______________________________________________________________________

Find, Connect, Date! http://personals.yahoo.ca

[Guest guest]

Interesting view about the original thread of this subject --

I was talking to my only real - life friend/acquaintence in town today and we

talked about this. I met her at a playgroup when was 3, two months after

dx. She never was afraid because she'd worked as peer support for an autistic

boy in high school. She told me that the moms in that playgroup always talked

ABOUT me to each other, saying how great I was doing with , how nice and

patient I was although my life must be so stressful, commenting on what a good

mom I was... I said, " But Vicki, I quit that playgroup because nobody talked to

me! " She said they were always too afraid, because they didn't know anything

about autism and were too afraid of saying the wrong thing or giving offense.

i said, " so the next time I join something, should I just gather all the moms

and give a little lecture on autism? " I was joking, but she said why not?

Hmph.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/7/2002 5:42:07 AM Eastern Standard Time,

vhunnius@... writes:

> Do they think he's contagious?

Yes I think they do or that our kids will suddenly explode in a fit of

violence and beat the heck out of their kids. they do not realize it's much

more likely that the mother (read me) will explode after watching the

ungrateful way they treat their children when we are fighting so hard to be

included in our kids lives.

G

[Guest guest]

--- In parenting_autism@y..., " The Hunny Family " <vhunnius@l...> w

> i said, " so the next time I join something, should I just gather

all the moms and give a little lecture on autism? " I was joking,

but she said why not?

>

> Hmph.

>

> Jacquie

Actually that's not a bad idea - I think if you put it out in the

open (and this would go with any differences) and just say - this

is what that is , this is how we handle it, it's just out life. Not

a big deal. If you have a question - ASK, I won't be mad if you ask,

and just put it out there!

Kerri