Re: Just feelin lonely

[Guest guest]

Leslye,

I am glad overall you are doing ok- I think you feeling a bit

down is something you would feel. You will though get to see your

son, and have your own celebration with him.

Our children find their own ways- and sometimes we wonder how

and why- but it is their way. Maybe after the whole wedding

celebrations are over- you could talk to him. You know your son

better then I do, but I am sensing you would like things to be

different.

As for these moments they do pass- thank God and keep posting

and writing. It is a great way to release what you are feeling, and

hopefully you will start feeling better....

Take care of yourself,

Malinda

In WTOAdultChildren1 , L Kay wrote:

>

> Doing ok overall, but feeling a bit down tonight.  My son's getting

married later today several thousand miles away and we're missing the

wedding.  He and his new wife are supposed to come and see us on the

way to their honeymoon - first time we'd see him in 5 years - and

delayed telling us his schedule until the last minute, so the local

motels were booked (our home has no room at all), so we were going to

set them up in a nearby town close to his brother and other kin he

talks with, then go to visit them there. We got a letter from him

reprimanding us for being distant and 'shutting out the family' and

telling us that as one who loves unconditionally, he'd just do

anything at all for us and so forth -- this from a child ---sorry,

he's " mature now " -- who we hear from maybe 5 times a year at his

convenience. And the whole letter was accusing instead of asking and

my DH's family is now having some of the same health problems he's

had for 9 years, and

> all that we've tried to share about his chronic pain over the

years has been discounted as being 'minor discomfort' while the same

pain in them is " really serious " and nada's getting more and more

closed in upon herself and yes, the troubles are small compared to

most, but as the columnist Dave Barry once wrote, " Somebody please

feel sorry for me because I'm feeling sorry for myself and that's not

something you want to do alone... "   Sniff Sniff    -Leslye

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[Guest guest]

Leslye,

So sorry to hear you are seeing the same behavior from your son as

from the rest of family. Last night in talking about my own crazy

family with DH he shared a quote you may appreciate: " if you put a

crazy person and a sane person on an island the insane person won't

get any better, the sane person will just go insane. " I think most

of us in this group can relate to the sane person in that story.

Stay strong, hopefully it is just a growing stage he is passing

through, and continue setting your limits. Good luck!

>

> Thanks Malinda, I think the hardest part is that he is at the

stage of life when accusations come easier than apologies, and

heaven knows he owes a lot more apologies.  He's tossing pebbles at

my windows while he's living in a glass house with a lot of boulders

set (by him) on the hill above him. Many of the sentiments he

expressed in his letter were the same ones expressed by nada, based

in half-truths and twisted facts, so the hurts I had finally laid to

rest with her came have home to roost again.  Someday we will talk,

no doubt, but as for now, I'm having to set the boundries with him

that say that I'm worthy of respect as a person - and that means not

bending to a 28 year old's temper tantrum any more than I did when

he was 8....even a tantrum expressed in the interest of " the most

loving correction " .  For the moment, gentle silence is my best

choice since I'd really like to throttle him, and that's not a

really healthy option....is it

> ????? (LOL -- sigh).  I had thought I'd have a kinship with my

Dad, but his appeasement of nada has intervened.  I thought I'd have

a kinship with nada (not knowing she had BPD), and when she moved

next door, that fell apart.  Then I thought that one day my sister

and I could share and become close - and then I realized that she's

BPD as well (text-book witch/queen mode), and now my son says the

same things in his   attempt to become his own person....sometimes I

think it's me that's crazy and the rest of the world is ok. And most

times I wonder, " who is this person they're talking about? "  because

I've not done, said or implied any of the things I'm accused of.  I

say " Hello. Good morning. " and somehow it's translated into an

attitude of selfishness and coldness because I dared to insist they

have a good morning. Same old tune (and the 'piano' is out-of-

tune).  I know that.  It's just hard having another voice added to

the chorus,

> especially when that voice is one I was very close to for a long

time.  Thank God for DH who does believe in me and holds me firm. 

Sometimes it's just hard, but your gentle voice and encouragement

does soften the blow.  -Leslye