Re: Help me understand this (long, sorry)

[Guest guest]

HA!  Thanks for the laugh today!

 

Take Care Of You,

JaneSoul

Re: Help me understand this (long, sorry)

>

> P.S.S.-- my nada " diagnoses " everyone with psychological

> conditions, too.

>

Everyone my Nada paints black is an alcoholic (not really but she

says they are). The last year before I went NC Nada kept insisting I

had a drinking problem. It was maddening. I kept trying to have a

rational discussion with her about the subject of drinking in general

and it was impossible. She had a dream that I died in a drunk

driving accident. From that day forward, it was the never ending

rant about the evils of alcohol. There was no fact she would not

misrepresent to make her point. My favorite quote from this time

period was, " Uncle Jerry's doctor says it's worse to drink than to

smoke. " I wanted to say, " Well then, I guess I'll take up smoking. "

WTF??? Who could possibly believe that a doctor would say that.

The " real " story was that my Uncle was on medication that would

interact with alcohol. If he drank more than a beer or two, he would

have issues with his heart. If I ever questioned my Mom on a fact,

she would say, " Are you calling me a LIAR? " Back then I was too

intimidated to say yes...I usually said yes in an indirect

way, " Well, I don't think you have your facts straight. " Ah well.

     

[Guest guest]

Do it, try the beer and then stop and see how it feels. If it were me I'd go

for a dark, chocolatey stout. Mmm. I'm not much of a beer drinker, but one

or 2.

Also, I agree with Lilly, tell her you gave it up for the pipe - or because

you prefer uppers - meth for instance. Ha ha ha

> HA! Thanks for the laugh today!

>

>

> Take Care Of You,

> JaneSoul

>

>

>

> Re: Help me understand this (long, sorry)

>

>

>

> >

> > P.S.S.-- my nada " diagnoses " everyone with psychological

> > conditions, too.

> >

>

> Everyone my Nada paints black is an alcoholic (not really but she

> says they are). The last year before I went NC Nada kept insisting I

> had a drinking problem. It was maddening. I kept trying to have a

> rational discussion with her about the subject of drinking in general

> and it was impossible. She had a dream that I died in a drunk

> driving accident. From that day forward, it was the never ending

> rant about the evils of alcohol. There was no fact she would not

> misrepresent to make her point. My favorite quote from this time

> period was, " Uncle Jerry's doctor says it's worse to drink than to

> smoke. " I wanted to say, " Well then, I guess I'll take up smoking. "

> WTF??? Who could possibly believe that a doctor would say that.

> The " real " story was that my Uncle was on medication that would

> interact with alcohol. If he drank more than a beer or two, he would

> have issues with his heart. If I ever questioned my Mom on a fact,

> she would say, " Are you calling me a LIAR? " Back then I was too

> intimidated to say yes...I usually said yes in an indirect

> way, " Well, I don't think you have your facts straight. " Ah well.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

TOO FUNNY!   Think I'd have to go with a skunky Heiniken or something.

 

Take Care Of You,

JaneSoul

Re: Help me understand this (long, sorry)

>

>

>

> >

> > P.S.S.-- my nada " diagnoses " everyone with psychological

> > conditions, too.

> >

>

> Everyone my Nada paints black is an alcoholic (not really but she

> says they are). The last year before I went NC Nada kept insisting I

> had a drinking problem. It was maddening. I kept trying to have a

> rational discussion with her about the subject of drinking in general

> and it was impossible. She had a dream that I died in a drunk

> driving accident. From that day forward, it was the never ending

> rant about the evils of alcohol. There was no fact she would not

> misrepresent to make her point. My favorite quote from this time

> period was, " Uncle Jerry's doctor says it's worse to drink than to

> smoke. " I wanted to say, " Well then, I guess I'll take up smoking. "

> WTF??? Who could possibly believe that a doctor would say that.

> The " real " story was that my Uncle was on medication that would

> interact with alcohol. If he drank more than a beer or two, he would

> have issues with his heart. If I ever questioned my Mom on a fact,

> she would say, " Are you calling me a LIAR? " Back then I was too

> intimidated to say yes...I usually said yes in an indirect

> way, " Well, I don't think you have your facts straight. " Ah well.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have an idea - make a special date to go to a micro brewery. Then order

the beer sampler. Try them all and then stop and drink water. Or, order a

glass of your favorite beer and savor every drop. Or if you are like me

savor every drop for 1/2 the glass when you get too full.

Then stop and go home and do something else. Plan something important that

you have to do - or really want to do - like buying a new purse for right

after the brewery. I promise you will have no trouble stopping if you are on

your way to do your favorite thing! If you go on your lunchbreak that will

definitly keep you from getting loaded and turn it into a " tasting " instead,

esp if you have 2 or 3 friends to share with. And you will all remember it

as a day you did something slightly improper, which is also fun for bonding.

Personally I love love love to drink but I " ve only been drunk about 3 times

in my life- I can't handle it because my body is too fragile and I can't

handle the migraine trigger - but I do drink small amounts and enjoy it like

mad! If I could only have one drink ever again in my life I'd have to go

with the blended margarita with salt - nothing fancy strawberry margaritas

are a waste of good tequila - served with chips and salsa. And 1 margarita

is plenty for me and since they cost like $5, plenty on the wallet too.

> TOO FUNNY! Think I'd have to go with a skunky Heiniken or something.

>

>

> Take Care Of You,

> JaneSoul

>

>

>

> Re: Help me understand this (long, sorry)

> >

> >

> >

> > >

> > > P.S.S.-- my nada " diagnoses " everyone with psychological

> > > conditions, too.

> > >

> >

> > Everyone my Nada paints black is an alcoholic (not really but she

> > says they are). The last year before I went NC Nada kept insisting I

> > had a drinking problem. It was maddening. I kept trying to have a

> > rational discussion with her about the subject of drinking in general

> > and it was impossible. She had a dream that I died in a drunk

> > driving accident. From that day forward, it was the never ending

> > rant about the evils of alcohol. There was no fact she would not

> > misrepresent to make her point. My favorite quote from this time

> > period was, " Uncle Jerry's doctor says it's worse to drink than to

> > smoke. " I wanted to say, " Well then, I guess I'll take up smoking. "

> > WTF??? Who could possibly believe that a doctor would say that.

> > The " real " story was that my Uncle was on medication that would

> > interact with alcohol. If he drank more than a beer or two, he would

> > have issues with his heart. If I ever questioned my Mom on a fact,

> > she would say, " Are you calling me a LIAR? " Back then I was too

> > intimidated to say yes...I usually said yes in an indirect

> > way, " Well, I don't think you have your facts straight. " Ah well.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

WOW! Is not enjoying babies sometimes a 'BPD trait'? My MIL (BPD)

has flipped out each time my husband and I have had a baby, and we

have four kids, so that's a lot of flipping!! She has gotten angry

after the birth of each of them - I'm leaving her out, I am being

disrespectful not to come down stairs with the baby (baby was tired,

they lived one neighborhood over at this point!), another time - she

shows up, unannounced, while my Mom was in town, and MIL got angry

that I didn't let her take our daughter to dance lessons and another

to horseback - things my Mom doesn't usually get to do and wanted to

during her time with me. She quit talking to me for several months

(these were good months for me, very painful ones for my hubby).

She also was angry about all the pregnancies. I was too young to be

having babies(26!). I am having too many, don't I know how THAT

happens yet? Our second child is adopted, out of the country, and

we were so very concerned that MIL was showing signs of being

prejudice, we asked her to go with my husband to get the baby,

thinking it would be hard for her to dislike a child she had to take

part in bringing over from China. (I don't fly. A whole other post

sometime, I was on an airplane where the engine went out at crusing

altitude, emergency procedures, etc.) I dreaded telling her

especially about being pregnant with our fourth, because we had

already been accepted for another out of country adoption (- yes,

this means we are expecting our fifth. . . this will be our last

before the grandkids! And no, I am a bit wiser ten years later, she

will not be invited to go on this trip.) My husband loves kids as

do I! MIL 'jokes' about babies and says my FIL did all of the

feeding, bathing, and taking care of my hubby and his brother for

their first years because she doesn't like to hold or handle babies,

and is not comfortable with them until they are about a year old.

My hubby and I think she was pregnant when she married my FIL.

Still a BIG family taboo secret. This was my hubby's older

brother. The very UNCHOSEN child to this day. . . he's 45 years

old! My husband is four years younger and can still do no wrong.

Though, very slowly, tides are changing. My hubby is starting to

see his role here, and is starting to want to change. My MIL is

furious! Of course, it's my fault and not her son's, etc.

Anyway, so could this be a BPD trait as well - Postpartum depression?

Thanks,

finally standing

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > My mother was trying to sabotage our plans to move to

NYC

> > > this

> > > > > spring

> > > > > > > until I told her it wasn't for me, but for my husband.

> > I've

> > > always

> > > > > been

> > > > > > > the bad child. She constantly berates me to my face

and

> > > behind my

> > > > > back.

> > > > > > > She beat me as a child. She's even written me letters

> > > telling me in

> > > > > > > excruciating detail why I am a bad person, alcoholic,

and

> > a

> > > failure,

> > > > > > > and how maybe we shouldn't have a relationship

anymore.

> > she

> > > added on

> > > > > > > that my then boyfriend/now husband was going to leave

me

> > > because we

> > > > > > > were all just a bunch of drunks.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Now for some reason, she has idealized my husband and

> > thinks

> > > he's

> > > > > > > perfect. So I focused on him in regards to the NYC

plan

> to

> > > get her

> > > > > off

> > > > > > > my back. It's not completely true that the move is

mainly

> > > about him.

> > > > > We

> > > > > > > both want to go for a multitude of reasons. (just for

> > > information,

> > > > > my

> > > > > > > parents live far away from us).

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I recently got pregnant with our second child and now

she

> > is

> > > acting

> > > > > > > like I am purposely trying to ruin the NYC plan. My

dad

> > said

> > > when he

> > > > > > > got home from work after I told her in the afternoon,

she

> > > was in a

> > > > > > > black rage about the pregnancy and told him I was

ruining

> > my

> > > > > husband's

> > > > > > > plans and dreams. She has also said in the past that I

> > > married the

> > > > > > > first man that would have me (not true) and had a

child

> > > right away

> > > > > to

> > > > > > > trap him (again not true). Having #2 now is PART of

our

> > > plan, and

> > > > > > > always has been. I just didn't share it with her.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > She had this reaction when she found out I was

pregnant

> > with

> > > my

> > > > > first

> > > > > > > child too. And it was so hurtful to me because I feel

my

> > > children

> > > > > don't

> > > > > > > deserve to be resented by anyone, especially her. It's

> > none

> > > of her

> > > > > > > business when we have kids or how many we have! She

did

> > > eventually

> > > > > move

> > > > > > > past it all and actually came to be there for his

birth.

> > > This time,

> > > > > she

> > > > > > > is basically ignoring the fact that I'm pregnant,

never

> > > acknowledges

> > > > > > > it, never asks me how I'm feeling, and only wrote back

> one

> > > word when

> > > > > I

> > > > > > > asked if she liked some names I sent her (I thougth if

I

> > got

> > > her

> > > > > > > involved in the fun stuff she'd get over it. I was

wrong

> > of

> > > course).

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > The things she has said regarding my marriage and the

> > > conception of

> > > > > my

> > > > > > > first born and now this reaction to #2 are so painful

to

> > me.

> > > I've

> > > > > > > gotten used to the absue over the years of course but

> this

> > > stings. I

> > > > > > > read somewhere that the bad child was accused, tried,

and

> > > convicted

> > > > > of

> > > > > > > his/her supposed crimes before s/he even knew about

the

> > > accusations.

> > > > > > > That's always how I've felt. But now she is extending

> that

> > > to my

> > > > > > > family? How insulting it is to my husband to claim I

only

> > > married

> > > > > him

> > > > > > > because I was desperate.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Can someone please help me try to figure this out?

What

> > > should I do?

> > > > > I

> > > > > > > am really tempted to just gradually cut contact. Does

> that

> > > work? She

> > > > > > > sends me emails that aren't mean, just normal, and I

feel

> > > like I

> > > > > don't

> > > > > > > have a reason NOT to respond. As is human nature,

nothing

> > is

> > > ever

> > > > > fully

> > > > > > > black and white. Sometimes she's not all that bad.

> > > Occasionally,

> > > > > she's

> > > > > > > even good. But the bad is really bad, and there a lot.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

My nada doesn't hate babies, but there is the " unwanted child " trend

in past nada generations in my family. The first, unwanted child gets

split black etc. That didn't happen with my immediate family, but I

think that BPD can allow people to be so selfish that they could hate

a baby because the baby " demands " attention and " takes attention away "

from the BPD of the family. Sick, but possible.

My brother has this one-liner that I find hilarious when dealing with

my nada's complaints about our family, her children etc. He likes to

say, " Well, you were the only one who actually CHOSE to be in this

family. " The rest of us are just innocent victims.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > My mother was trying to sabotage our plans to move to

> NYC

> > > > this

> > > > > > spring

> > > > > > > > until I told her it wasn't for me, but for my husband.

> > > I've

> > > > always

> > > > > > been

> > > > > > > > the bad child. She constantly berates me to my face

> and

> > > > behind my

> > > > > > back.

> > > > > > > > She beat me as a child. She's even written me letters

> > > > telling me in

> > > > > > > > excruciating detail why I am a bad person, alcoholic,

> and

> > > a

> > > > failure,

> > > > > > > > and how maybe we shouldn't have a relationship

> anymore.

> > > she

> > > > added on

> > > > > > > > that my then boyfriend/now husband was going to leave

> me

> > > > because we

> > > > > > > > were all just a bunch of drunks.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Now for some reason, she has idealized my husband and

> > > thinks

> > > > he's

> > > > > > > > perfect. So I focused on him in regards to the NYC

> plan

> > to

> > > > get her

> > > > > > off

> > > > > > > > my back. It's not completely true that the move is

> mainly

> > > > about him.

> > > > > > We

> > > > > > > > both want to go for a multitude of reasons. (just for

> > > > information,

> > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > parents live far away from us).

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I recently got pregnant with our second child and now

> she

> > > is

> > > > acting

> > > > > > > > like I am purposely trying to ruin the NYC plan. My

> dad

> > > said

> > > > when he

> > > > > > > > got home from work after I told her in the afternoon,

> she

> > > > was in a

> > > > > > > > black rage about the pregnancy and told him I was

> ruining

> > > my

> > > > > > husband's

> > > > > > > > plans and dreams. She has also said in the past that I

> > > > married the

> > > > > > > > first man that would have me (not true) and had a

> child

> > > > right away

> > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > trap him (again not true). Having #2 now is PART of

> our

> > > > plan, and

> > > > > > > > always has been. I just didn't share it with her.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > She had this reaction when she found out I was

> pregnant

> > > with

> > > > my

> > > > > > first

> > > > > > > > child too. And it was so hurtful to me because I feel

> my

> > > > children

> > > > > > don't

> > > > > > > > deserve to be resented by anyone, especially her. It's

> > > none

> > > > of her

> > > > > > > > business when we have kids or how many we have! She

> did

> > > > eventually

> > > > > > move

> > > > > > > > past it all and actually came to be there for his

> birth.

> > > > This time,

> > > > > > she

> > > > > > > > is basically ignoring the fact that I'm pregnant,

> never

> > > > acknowledges

> > > > > > > > it, never asks me how I'm feeling, and only wrote back

> > one

> > > > word when

> > > > > > I

> > > > > > > > asked if she liked some names I sent her (I thougth if

> I

> > > got

> > > > her

> > > > > > > > involved in the fun stuff she'd get over it. I was

> wrong

> > > of

> > > > course).

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > The things she has said regarding my marriage and the

> > > > conception of

> > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > first born and now this reaction to #2 are so painful

> to

> > > me.

> > > > I've

> > > > > > > > gotten used to the absue over the years of course but

> > this

> > > > stings. I

> > > > > > > > read somewhere that the bad child was accused, tried,

> and

> > > > convicted

> > > > > > of

> > > > > > > > his/her supposed crimes before s/he even knew about

> the

> > > > accusations.

> > > > > > > > That's always how I've felt. But now she is extending

> > that

> > > > to my

> > > > > > > > family? How insulting it is to my husband to claim I

> only

> > > > married

> > > > > > him

> > > > > > > > because I was desperate.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Can someone please help me try to figure this out?

> What

> > > > should I do?

> > > > > > I

> > > > > > > > am really tempted to just gradually cut contact. Does

> > that

> > > > work? She

> > > > > > > > sends me emails that aren't mean, just normal, and I

> feel

> > > > like I

> > > > > > don't

> > > > > > > > have a reason NOT to respond. As is human nature,

> nothing

> > > is

> > > > ever

> > > > > > fully

> > > > > > > > black and white. Sometimes she's not all that bad.

> > > > Occasionally,

> > > > > > she's

> > > > > > > > even good. But the bad is really bad, and there a lot.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >