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Pam,

I hope that you have good luck this time. I am pulling for you. How many

milligrams of Clomid are you taking? I am just curious to know because my

doctor had doubled my dosage the month I got pg. I don't know alot of the

abbreviations used in the emails. I am still new and don't know alot about

them. If you could please clue me in a little more. Sorry if I am dumb but

I am trying to learn. Have a great day!!

Nora

nora

>Hi Nora,

>

>I have been trying to pg since I got married 4/98. 5/98 I went off BCP.

>I started charting 9/98. I O every month but have long cycles.The dr

>felt it was hard for us to time things. Started Clomid 6/99. Got pg

>second round 7/99. Had ep treated with Methotrexate. It took 9 weeks to

>resolve. This is my first month ttc. I just started Clomid again. I

>hope to get same results, but of course with a better ending.

>Pam

>

>

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Pam,

I charted for one month only. I just got tired of trying to find something

out through my temps. They would be up and down and I didn't get any

results from charting really. In the beginning of December my doctor

doubled my dose of Clomid from 50 mgs to 100 mgs. That is all it took. I

am glad to know that I can get pregnant but I am feared that I will have

another ep. I just need alot of encouragement that I will have a healthy

pregnancy. I know that there is not a guarentee with anything. Just hope.

Well I hope you have a great day!

Nora

nora

>Nora,

>

>I was on 50mg. I definetly noticed a difference in my charting. It was

>more stable. If that makes sense. Do you chart?

>

>Pam

>

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Sonja,

It is nice to live close to mom. We help each other out alot. We helped

with my dad before he died and she got use to depending on us. Now she

feels like she can't do without us. We feel the same about her. She will

come in handy for babysitting too.

Nora

Nora

>

>

>>Hi Nora!

>>

>>Sorry I haven't welcomed you sooner. I had an enormous amount of email

>to

>go

>>through.

>>

>>Your dh sounds like a wonderful person. I'm also envious of your farm,

>too.

>>It sounds wonderful!

>>

>>I wish I knew what was going through my dh's head at the time of my ep.

>He

>>has never mentioned his feelings about that. He hasn't told me if he

>cried,

>>talked to God, or anything.

>>

>>I went through a guilt phase right after my ep. I felt guilty because

>I

>was

>>looking forward to getting anesthetic to stop the pain. Before

>surgery, I

>>was happy I didn't have any painkillers because as long as I felt pain,

>I

>was

>>feeling our baby. When I was in the OR, I touched my right side where

>the

>>baby was and said goodbye. I got very sleepy and then, nothing. I

>woke up

>>to some people's voices as they were taking the monitors off of me then

>they

>>wheeled me into my room. My dh was there waiting with a vase of roses

>in

>>hand. I thought that was very sweet. I guess one good thing that came

>out

>>of this whole rotten thing was that they discovered I had a large cyst

>on

>my

>>left ovary. It was pulling my left tube behind my uterus.

>>

>>When I arrived home (we were on vacation three and a half hours away) I

>was

>>still stunned. We left for vacation as expecting parents and arrived

>home

>>grieving parents. When my dh left for work that night, I thought about

>the

>>baby and cried as I said my good-byes. I was coherent enough to really

>THINK

>>about what had happened the past weekend. Sometimes when I really

>think

>>about it or when I read someone's story about their ep, I still get sad

>and

>>will cry. I will always wonder if the baby was a girl or a boy. I

>grieve,

>>too, because my daughter lost a brother/sister. I will explain all

>this to

>>her when she is older.

>>

>>Sorry to ramble but I have a tendency to do this. Again, welcome to

>our

>>group!

>>

>>L

>>

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In a message dated 1/29/00 12:31:34 AM Central Standard Time,

nora@... writes:

<< I love being in the country. My little town's population is 51. It is a

very small area with lots of retired people. Quiet here. I have been in

the same house all my life. My Mom moved next door and I moved in her

house. >>

Sometimes I wish I lived in a place like that. I think as I get older the

urge gets stronger. I have many hobbies that would fill my time. I'm

looking forward to retirement in about 25 years. Peace and quiet would be

icing on the cake!

(Ask your doctor if he has plans on moving to St. Louis. I'd help you find a

place to live too! LOL!)

L

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,

I do love it here. Like I mentioned before this house has with stood the

pains of me all of my 22 years. I will probably die here. My dad was born

in this town and there is something in the blood I believe. I am a homebody

and don't travel much.

Today is the first day that and I have spent much time apart since my

ep. I have been going to work with him and it is hard now since I have

gotten spoiled to being with him all the time. We are very close and hardly

seperated. (Only when he can't take me to work with him) I have had some

private time for grieving today. It seems like everyone's life is moving

forward but mine. I seem to be stuck in a rut. My mom is moving on with

her life and talking to a man. 's mom after 24 years of being single

is finally coming out of her shell and dating again too. Everyone else is

moving on with their life in someway. Why can't I? Sorry to be so down

tonight. Just had too much idle time. I hope you all have a wonderful

night.

Nora

Re: Nora

>In a message dated 1/29/00 12:31:34 AM Central Standard Time,

>nora@... writes:

>

><< I love being in the country. My little town's population is 51. It is

a

> very small area with lots of retired people. Quiet here. I have been in

> the same house all my life. My Mom moved next door and I moved in her

> house. >>

>

>

>Sometimes I wish I lived in a place like that. I think as I get older the

>urge gets stronger. I have many hobbies that would fill my time. I'm

>looking forward to retirement in about 25 years. Peace and quiet would be

>icing on the cake!

>

>(Ask your doctor if he has plans on moving to St. Louis. I'd help you find

a

>place to live too! LOL!)

>

>L

>

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  • 2 weeks later...

,

I never let on to my dh this month that it was O time. He thought he was just

getting lucky. It worked so much better. A lot less stress.

Tara

Re: Nora

Tara,

It sounds like you have pretty good kids. I don't know when I will tell my

daughter. I do know that if I ever get a curio cabinet, I'm going to display

the glass baby items we bought for the baby when I was pg. It's a small

rattle and a pacifier. I'll tell my daughter why we bought those things. If

we ever get pg again, I'll also tell the next one.

I think this month is a bust. I did the OPK thing and as usual, I set myself

up for huge disappointment. When it was near the time, dh had problems

again. I don't know what to do. I didn't pressure him, hardly mentioned

" making babies " , actually got my daughter to bed early enough but that wasn't

enough. I've made the decision that I'm not buying any more of those things.

I can't deal with the disappointment anymore.

Take care,

L

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Ladies,

Sorry about earlier. I have been dealing with alot of things for the past

few months. Not just the ep but alot of other crap. I am just fed up but I

know I have no place to run. I am stuck here for the time being. I just

wish that I didn't have to live anymore. I am sorry to be so down and I

know that everyone has problems. I am at the point where I can't deal with

mine anymore. I have too many things holding me down. I am hoping and

praying that things will be better. I hope you all are having a goodnite

and thank you everyone for you thoughts and support.

Nora

Nora

>JoAnn,

>

>Did she say if she has family or friends in the area? I hate to hear about

>people in crisis like this, you always feel so helpless ;( Were you able

to

>talk with her in detail

>when you got here on the phone again?

>

>I hope YOU are doing alright!

>Take Care,

>

>

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Hello all!

Nora is back home and feeling a bit better. Maybe everyone could sent

her a little note of encouragement!

Jo-Ann

KDJOHIO@... wrote:

>

> JoAnn,

>

> Did she say if she has family or friends in the area? I hate to hear about

> people in crisis like this, you always feel so helpless ;( Were you able to

> talk with her in detail

> when you got here on the phone again?

>

> I hope YOU are doing alright!

> Take Care,

>

>

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Pam,

Thanks for your posting. Yes I am really young. My husband is a few years

older than me. I am 22 and my dh is almost 27.

I know there is another life out there. I know that I don't want to spend

my life like this. This is the best I can do right now. My sister says

that I have stayed this long that maybe things will iron out. When my dh

sees that I am really fed up and ready to leave he gets nice to me for a

while. Then it goes back to the same ol same ol. I do love him no matter

what he has done but I just can't stay in this marriage with the way things

are like right now. I have the lowest self esteem and I feel like nobody

would want me because I am large. I have been trying to loose weight and I

have lost 19 pounds in the past 2 weeks. I hope that I can get my weight

down and I would feel better about leaving and trying to start over. I need

to save some money because it will be hard for me to live on my own with my

income. I just wish that I didn't have to even consider anything at this

point, that things would be like they were just 9 months ago. Then I

wouldn't have a problem. Well I am going to have to go now. I hope you are

having a good nite.

Nora

Nora

>Nora,

>

>You should put yourself first. I know its very hard especially when you

>are best friends. You are giving up more than husband/wife relationship

>but also loosing a friend. But you can't live like this if he doesn't

>make you happy. Especially of he thinks everything is fine. If I

>remember correctly you are really young right? You have your whole life

>ahead of you. Why spend it this way. I know its hard to see now. My dad

>once told me you don't really know what you want in life until your 25.

>He was right. And maybe for some even older. Its also hard when you

>meet someone at a young age. I remember my boyfriend from high school.

>We dated all through high school and then a couple years after. Then we

>started jobs. Had new friends and a new out look on life. Which was

>very different from each other. I started thing I could never spend my

>life woth this person. You need someone to be supportive. I was in one

>other long term relationship before I met my dh. We went out for years

>with no marriage in sight. Then I met my dh and I new it was right and

>so didn't he. We got engaged pretty quick and them married 7 months

>later. He new he wanted to be married and have a family. He was so

>different from guys I dated in the past. Don't be afraid. There are

>always better things ahead. You just can't see them now.

>Pam

>

>

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Nora,

I think you should contact someone for help. I have had a lot of first

hand experience with a person who is feeling hopeless. Depression runs in

my dh's family, and we have dealt with this more than once. You need the

help of a professional. They can admit you to a facility where you can get

the help you need. I know it sounds awful, but it really can help. Please

think about it. Email me if you want at taraann@.... I care.

Tara

Nora

>JoAnn,

>

>Did she say if she has family or friends in the area? I hate to hear

about

>people in crisis like this, you always feel so helpless ;( Were you able

to

>talk with her in detail

>when you got here on the phone again?

>

>I hope YOU are doing alright!

>Take Care,

>

>

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Pam,

I don't have any family that I could stay with. I thought that my sister

would let me stay a while with her until I sorted through things. I called

her the other day and she specifically said that she could not help. I told

her all I needed was a place to sleep. I think her dh has a case of the

behind and she knows that he won't allow it. Oh well. I am just going to

wait and see what comes my way. I just know that things are not what they

are suppose to be. I need someone that will try to understand me and will

at least be interested in me for something other than sex. I am just so

disheartned over this. I hope that you have a good nite. Thanks for

posting.

Nora

Nora

>Nora,

>

>Do you have any family you can stay with? You really shouldn't stay in

>a relationship thats not healthy. You need to put your needs first and

>decide whats best for you. Its unfortunate if your dh and you have gone

>separate ways. Its hard when your young. You really need someone to

>support you emotionally. Especially after the ep. If this is what he is

>like now what will he be like if you had kids with him? Then you would

>really be stuck. At least at this point its easier to take care of

>yourself. You need to separate you friendship with him from the

>relationship part. What makes him such a good friend if this is how he

>treats you. If you want to talk feel free to e-mail me anytime.

>kramer@...

>Pam

>

>

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I may be in the minority on this, but I have to say that I do not agree with

all those that have advised you to leave your DH. Every marriage goes

through rough patches and times when the couple may feel detached and not

communicate well. My dh and I have been there ourselves, especially after

our losses - and others can attest to this as well. These things should be

worked through. A separation may be called for - to get his attention, to

give you time to get yourself together, or what have you - but I believe

that one of the problems with our world today is that too many people do not

take their commitment to their spouse seriously and are all too willing to

bail when things get rough. IMHO that is just as selfish as not

communicating or other things that partners can do to each other. Marriage

is not easy. It takes work and at times it takes more work than others.

This is one of those times.

If you are being abused, physically or emotionally - on an intentional

basis - I do not think you should stay...that is not safe. I don't want

anyone to get the idea that I believe you should stay no matter what. There

are shelters that can help you and give you a place to stay if this is what

you need. Look in the phone book for the phone number. You have a mouth

though, and should use it to tell him NO if he makes advances or does things

you do not want. You do not have to submit and be used as a sex object when

he is not giving you the other things you need. Maybe that would be

something to get his attention and let him know that you are not happy with

the state of things?

The bottom line though is that NONE of us on this list know the whole story

here. None of us have had the opportunity to talk to the other side of this

equation (your DH) and I am sure few, if any, of us know the whole story

from your perspective either, Nora. None of us are really qualified to

offer you any real help or advice either. You need to do something though

to get your thoughts together...

We love you, and want what's best for you...ultimately though it is YOU who

have to make the step and do whatever that is. None of us can tell you what

to do or do it for you. Many of us have suggested that you get some help

for yourself because you sound so desperate and depressed. I know you are

opposed to that, but at this point I have nothing else to offer as far as

getting yourself together is concerned.

I hope that you will be able to take some time for yourself in some way and

figure out what you need to do. We all care about you, and as I have told

you before, you can email me privately any time. :)

Much love and many prayers,

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Nora:

I am so sorry that you don't have the option of staying with your sister for

a while. I hope you will be able to figure out a way to work through things

anyway.

Much love,

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,

Thank you for writing. I am so confused right now. My dh has mental abused

me off and on our relationship. When he sees that I can't take anymore he

straightens up for a while. Then it goes back to the same ol same ol. I am

just tired of going thru all this and I feel so alone even when I am with

him. He has been unfaithful to me in the past and I am not sure if he is

being faithful now. I have tried to forgive him but it is so hard. So many

things have gone on during our relationship and I feel that as long as we

are together bad things will happen. I hear bad news everyday. Something

upsetting from someone in our family or some of our close friends. Everyone

depends on us to help them and sometimes we leave ourselves short. I just

seem to crack under all this pressure. I just don't feel like it is healthy

for me to pretend that everything is fine and continue. I am just going to

wait and see what God has in my plan. If I see an opportunity knock I will

know that it is my answer. Until then I am just trying to be patient and

hang in here until i know where I need to be. Thank you all for your

support and understanding. Hope you have a great night.

Nora

Re: Nora

>I may be in the minority on this, but I have to say that I do not agree

with

>all those that have advised you to leave your DH. Every marriage goes

>through rough patches and times when the couple may feel detached and not

>communicate well. My dh and I have been there ourselves, especially after

>our losses - and others can attest to this as well. These things should be

>worked through. A separation may be called for - to get his attention, to

>give you time to get yourself together, or what have you - but I believe

>that one of the problems with our world today is that too many people do

not

>take their commitment to their spouse seriously and are all too willing to

>bail when things get rough. IMHO that is just as selfish as not

>communicating or other things that partners can do to each other.

Marriage

>is not easy. It takes work and at times it takes more work than others.

>This is one of those times.

>

>If you are being abused, physically or emotionally - on an intentional

>basis - I do not think you should stay...that is not safe. I don't want

>anyone to get the idea that I believe you should stay no matter what.

There

>are shelters that can help you and give you a place to stay if this is what

>you need. Look in the phone book for the phone number. You have a mouth

>though, and should use it to tell him NO if he makes advances or does

things

>you do not want. You do not have to submit and be used as a sex object

when

>he is not giving you the other things you need. Maybe that would be

>something to get his attention and let him know that you are not happy with

>the state of things?

>

>The bottom line though is that NONE of us on this list know the whole story

>here. None of us have had the opportunity to talk to the other side of

this

>equation (your DH) and I am sure few, if any, of us know the whole story

>from your perspective either, Nora. None of us are really qualified to

>offer you any real help or advice either. You need to do something though

>to get your thoughts together...

>

>We love you, and want what's best for you...ultimately though it is YOU who

>have to make the step and do whatever that is. None of us can tell you

what

>to do or do it for you. Many of us have suggested that you get some help

>for yourself because you sound so desperate and depressed. I know you are

>opposed to that, but at this point I have nothing else to offer as far as

>getting yourself together is concerned.

>

>I hope that you will be able to take some time for yourself in some way and

>figure out what you need to do. We all care about you, and as I have told

>you before, you can email me privately any time. :)

>

>Much love and many prayers,

>

>

>

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Nora:

If you are mentally/emotionally abused, I would encourage you to call your

local abuse shelter. Call information or look in the phone book. I used

to work for one locally here and I know how they work. They can give you a

place to stay while you work through things and make decisions. They can

also offer services to your dh if he wants to change. They can, in some

cases, even help relocate you or help you get a place of your own of that is

what you decide. Regardless, it would give you some space to get yourself

together and possibly serve as a wake-up call to your dh.

I hope you will be able to find a way to take care of yourself and find

those plans the Lord has for you. He has a great one for everyone -

sometimes we just have to take a little time to find out what those plans

are!

Love you,

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In a message dated 2/28/2000 12:17:34 PM Eastern Standard Time,

nora@... writes:

<< I just don't want to get in any trouble. >>

Dear Nora,

Why do you think you would be getting him into trouble? If he is just

mentally abusive I do not think that authorities are involved. I think they

would come in to play if he was physically abusive and if that was the case,

then you need to be kept safe no matter what the cost!

Take Care of yourself!

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,

The only place that I know of is the Union Misson. They will put you up in

a nasty motel for one night. I know a friend that had to do that and then

she went back home. I just wish that my sister would have been more

understanding and willing to let me stay there. I had a dream last night

that I was talking to her and all I kept saying to her is that I just needed

a place to sleep. That I wouldn't eat there and I would leave all day.

Just needed a safe place to sleep. I am so upset with her that its going to

take a long time before I call her again. I thought that if anyone would

understand she would. Man did I get mistaken. I am just going to make the

best of this and just wait upon my answer. I hope things change. He is

talking about ttc now. I don't know why he wants to. He denies that

anything is wrong. I just don't understand him. I have to go back to the

doc in 2 weeks. I told my dh that I was going to ask for more bcp. He

asked me why and I told him that I didn't feel like I was ready and this is

not the time. I just hope that he doesn't get too angry. I know that he

wants a child and he is very good to children and his other family and

friends it just seems like he takes everything out on me. I don't want to

be stuck here because I have his child. He knows that I wouldn't leave if I

had any children. Maybe that is why he wants to ttc again. Thinking maybe

I am so upset about the ep that I would try to get pg again. I am upset

about the loss of our child but I am trying to be sensible. I am just going

to wait and see. I hope you are having a wonderful day.

Nora

Re: Nora

>Nora:

>

>If you are mentally/emotionally abused, I would encourage you to call your

>local abuse shelter. Call information or look in the phone book. I used

>to work for one locally here and I know how they work. They can give you a

>place to stay while you work through things and make decisions. They can

>also offer services to your dh if he wants to change. They can, in some

>cases, even help relocate you or help you get a place of your own of that

is

>what you decide. Regardless, it would give you some space to get yourself

>together and possibly serve as a wake-up call to your dh.

>

>I hope you will be able to find a way to take care of yourself and find

>those plans the Lord has for you. He has a great one for everyone -

>sometimes we just have to take a little time to find out what those plans

>are!

>

>Love you,

>

>

>

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Nora,

You've been on my mind a lot over the weekend.

I can't offer you solutions, because your journey is your own, but perhaps

I can offer a couple of ideas for taking care of yourself.

First, I'm so glad that you keep talking to the gals on this list.

Hopefuly through talking, you can stay connected and feel less isolated.

Perhaps through talking you'll start to see some possible solutions. Have

you tried finding a list for women struggling in their relationships?

Pherhaps a search at onelist or egroups could point you to a list where

other women are walking a similar journey and could share their experiences.

I've worked as a volunteer in the domestic violence movment for about 15

years. In one of your posts, you mentioned feeling mentally abused. This

is a valid form of not feeling safe and you have the right to ask for help.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 1-800-799-SAFE. Perhaps

someone there can offer you support, validation and brainstorm concrete

ways to take care of yourself right now.

I'll continue to hold you in my thoughts.

***************************

& Jani

mailto:newmoon@...

moms to Rowan, born 6/26/98 (19 months old)

three spirit babies:

Cassidy, m/c 8/99, was due April 20, 2000

Mandy, m/c 10/99, was due June 15, 2000

Keegan, ectopic pregnancy, 1/00, was due Sept. 9, 2000

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Nora,

The weight thing sucks. I have been dealing with a weight problem my whole

life. My dh knew me when I was heavy. He's been with me through, literally,

thick and thin. We became friends then married. Don't think that just

because you are overweight that no one will want you. You don't want the

losers that are just interested because of the way someone looks. If they

don't give you the time of day, good riddance. You don't need someone like

that.

I could go on and on but I've gotta run so I'll have to cut this short. I'll

catch up with my email later then I'll say more.

Take care of yourself,

L

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Pam,

I don't want to get him in trouble. I have feared him before but the

biggest thing is I don't want any trouble or harm come to him. This is my

mother's house. She will do anything to keep him here since he does so much

for her. She has made the comment before that if we split up I would have

to leave. I have asked him to leave before but he won't. When I have

suggested that we just needed some time apart he threatned to kill himself.

He doesn't have any place to go really. He can stay with his mom but I know

it would only make things worse because instead of giving us at least time

to sort through everything she would wipe me out. I just don't want to end

this nasty. I do love him and I don't want anything to happen to him but I

think it would be better if we were apart. I am just so confused over all

this. I hope you have a great day!

Nora

nora

>Nora,

>

>Do you just not want to get your dh in to trouble because you care

>about him or he will do something to hurt you? I was in a relationship

>were we lived together. Once I knew I didn;t want to marry him I wanted

>him to move out. It was very difficult. It wasn't a bad relationship.

>He wasn't mean at all we were just more like friends. He was also ny

>best friend. We lived in my house. It took two years to get him to

>move. He was very happy with me and didn't want to leave. We had a good

>friendship and I didn't want to hurt him. Sometimes you have to put

>other peoples feelings aside. He'll get over it.

>Pam

>

>

>------------------------------------------------------------------------

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>

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,

I just don't want everyone to know. Everyone thinks he is great. He is in

some ways but in others he lacks alot. I am just scared and so stupid.

Nora

Re: Nora

>In a message dated 2/28/2000 12:17:34 PM Eastern Standard Time,

>nora@... writes:

>

><< I just don't want to get in any trouble. >>

>

>Dear Nora,

>

>Why do you think you would be getting him into trouble? If he is just

>mentally abusive I do not think that authorities are involved. I think

they

>would come in to play if he was physically abusive and if that was the

case,

>then you need to be kept safe no matter what the cost!

>

>Take Care of yourself!

>

>

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,

Thanks for posting. I was not this big when I met my dh. I was a size 16

then which I looked very good at since I am so tall, long legged, and big

boned. I am now a size 24 but I am losing weight by the truck loads. In

two weeks I have lost almost 20 pounds. I have just gotten sick of food. I

hate to eat now. I have been taking my vitamins and just holding out on

eating. I eat one meal a day. Usually a sandwich and an apple or chicken.

Thats the only thing that seems to work for me right now because until I see

the doctor monday and ask him when I can go back to the gym. I am a member

of TOPS-take off pounds sensibly. They help alot. Just having the support

of fellow overweight people has been great. I wouldn't trade it for the

world. I am just trying to loose this weight so that when the time comes

that I will be presentable to a man. That I will feel better about myself

and be able to have something to feel proud about. Well I better go for

now, Groucho is home. Take care and have a great night.

Nora

Re: Nora

>Nora,

>

>The weight thing sucks. I have been dealing with a weight problem my whole

>life. My dh knew me when I was heavy. He's been with me through,

literally,

>thick and thin. We became friends then married. Don't think that just

>because you are overweight that no one will want you. You don't want the

>losers that are just interested because of the way someone looks. If they

>don't give you the time of day, good riddance. You don't need someone like

>that.

>

>I could go on and on but I've gotta run so I'll have to cut this short.

I'll

>catch up with my email later then I'll say more.

>

>Take care of yourself,

>

>L

>

>

>------------------------------------------------------------------------

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>http://click./1/1584/2/_/26068/_/951779378/

>

>-- Check out your group's private Chat room

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>

>

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,

Thanks. I hope and pray that everything will work out. Alot of things are

going to change I am sure.

Take Care!!

Nora

Re: Nora

>Dear Nora,

>

>You are not stupid, you just have a big heart, which is a good thing!!!

Take

>care of yourself, everything will work out for the best!

>

>

>

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