Re: Janet's chapter disbanding

[Guest guest]

>>>BARBIE WROTE>>>Please, I know you may have mentioned this in the past and since I have just joined the group, why is your chapter disbanding?

Oh, Barbie, its a long story, but the just of it is I'm tired of supporting everyone else and getting no support in return. My only support and encouragement has been from this e-mail list. I joined TOPS in July 2002. The day that I showed up for my first meeting/weigh in, there were only two members. Apparently, thats all that there had been for quite some time. The group was once larger, but a disagreement, or many disagreements, led to the chapter splitting and some people going back to the other local chapter. From the first meeting, all I ever heard was negative stuff about the other local chapter. Not only that, the two individuals in my chapter had been meeting with just the two of them for about a year.....no programs, no contests, nothing but weighing in and gossiping. That's about how my first few meetings went. The more I read about TOPS on-line and through some old magazines that one of the members gave me, I knew that there was a whole lot more to TOPS. So, I started doing programs and organizing contests, although I'd never been in TOPS before, and I was just swagging it. I even brought in 3 new members. One was my teenage daughter, who really only had about 10 lbs or so to lose. So, now we were up to 6 members, and I was still doing everything, but weight recorder and treasurer stuff. The lady that was the leader never did a single thing. She didn't even bring in the paperwork that was mailed to her house, so when I heard from somewhere else about a Fun Day, she was like, "oh, yeah, that probably came in my mail." We heard that alot. Anyway, my daughter left the group, and I was glad that she did. Barbie, I'm sure you can relate to this, since you have teenage girls. I was absolutely livid when a 300 + lb member told my daughter (after she weighed in with a .75 lb gain) that she had better watch out or she was going to look like her! There were many other like issues that I'd rather not revisit. Anyway, after pretty much running the group for half a year, in 2003 I was elected leader. So, for the past year I have been busting my butt to do everything I can for my group. They just are not motivated to lose, which is fine, but when you have such a small group (4 on the books now) and half of them aren't committed to losing weight or coming to TOPS regularly, its discouraging to put so much effort into programs, contests, etc. My friends on this list have helped me through all this, and have offered suggestions, to include trying to bring in new members. Everytime I've had any one new come, they've been those who would rather be "followers" than take any initiative to help out. Now, don't get me wrong, everyone in my chapter has gone out of their way to let me know how much they appreciate all that I do, but I don't want to be the one to carry the chapter anymore. Here are 3 previous posts from 2003 that touch on my dissatisfaction with my predicament. I've copied and pasted below...

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Nov. 2003 ~The part that I'm upset about....the meeting, or I should say, the meetings that I wasn't there for. As you know, I missed 2 meetings in a row... one for a trip to Philly and the other for an all day soccer tournament out of town. I e-mailed my chapter explicit instructions on things that needed to be done, left a folder with everything that needed to be tended to: minutes, contest, and maintenance paperwork. I even left yellow sticky note instructions on each thing. I had filled out the yearly maintenance paperwork, addressed and stamped the envelope, and put a sticky note on it stating to enclose a $12.00 check and indicate check number. I e-mailed the treasurer and others to let them know to take care of it. I also let them know that I'd included the L -20 (change of meeting location) in that same envelope. Well, I noticed when I got home, that nothing was done. Everything was in the folder just as I left it. I'm guessing that they just weighed in and that was that. They told me that they didn't update the contest chart, so now I'm going to have to go back 3 weeks to update that. Of course, everyone will expect to win. So, the envelope that I'd addressed to Kay, our coordinator still hasn't gone out. I have to wait until next Sat. to get a check from the treasurer, OR adjust my schedule to get a check from her before then. I'm so mad!!! I spent so much time organizing everything before I left to make it easy on them. I know that as a leader I shouldn't be blabbing this on e-mail lists, but I'm frustrated as heck. I feel obligated to be a good leader, and to set a good example, but where does my obligation end???!!! I'm not getting any support from my group at all, but I feel obligated to stick it out. What would you all do? I'm listing pros and cons of leaving my chapter at the end of next month and joining the Tues. evening group.

PROS:

*Larger group and more to share the workload

*I wouldn't be the only one planning and presenting programs

*I wouldn't be the only one initiating and organizing contests

*Hopefully, I would get more support and encouragement

*I've made friends with members of Tues. evening chapter, and REALLY enjoy their company

*It would be fun to participate in contests that I didn't initiate

CONS:

*Will miss meetings on occasion when my kids have out of town games on Tues nites

*One member has said that she would leave if I do, but she doesn't have transportation through the week, so I'd have to drive her. (wouldn't mind, but during soccer and volleyball season, I'll have to weigh -in and go straight to my kids' games). So then, do I feel guilty because my choices affect her membership/attendance in TOPS?

*Current chapter meets in my church for free...not sure how my departure from group would affect that.

*Tues. nite chapter is a large chapter and they may not want more people

So, basically, that's it. Am I being selfish because I expect to get support and encouragement from other members in my chapter? I've already done everything that I can to encourage others to present programs and organize contests. They won't. I make sure that programs that I do always involve group discussions and I go around the group and solicit answers to questions or input from each member. I don't want to be the only one talking. They are good at participating in discussions, but I shouldn't be the one that always has to lead the discussions. This isn't like Weight Watchers, where the leader is a person who has lost weight with WW and is employed by WW. I'm just an overweight member who needs support like everyone else. I'm probably sounding like a broken record, but I'm so tired of encouraging others in my chapter thru personal conversations, phone calls, e-mails, and snail mail cards and getting no encouragement in return. It's not just me, they don't encourage each other either. (We even tried a contest where incentives were offered for contacting other members through the week...didn't happen.) I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I've even considered joining Weight Watchers to get some motivation and encouragement. You've all heard me ramble on about this before, but I guess the issue with nothing getting done when I was gone has just sent me over the edge. I've already vented to my poor hubby about this. So, what would you do? Where does my obligation to my chapter end, and my obligation to myself and my own weight loss goals begin?

Discouraged....Janet

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..Dec. 2003............I'm probably just feeling sorry for myself. I feel like I'm always encouraging the members in my chapter with snail mail cards, e-mails, motivating programs, challenging contests, etc., but I'm not getting ANY encouragement from the other members. I know, oh poor me. Still not sure what we're going to do as a chapter...three of the members had approached me after a meeting a few weeks ago, expressing their concerns regarding the gastric bypass rules for TOPS. We have a member heading down that road and the rest of the group felt that it would be discouraging to them to have to compete with someone who is "Taking Pounds Off Surgically" as opposed to "Taking Off Pounds Sensibly". Well, now with the new ruling regarding GB, that should no longer be an issue, but apparently some of my members are still not happy. I realize that this issue is a sensitive one with TOPS members, so I'm not going to stir anything up. I don't want to offend anyone. Anyway, the gastric bypass was the main reason that everyone was wanting to switch to another group. I guess only time will tell where we're headed. In the meanwhile, I continue to put on my happy face and encourage everyone in our chapter. They do tell me that they appreciate everything that I do, I just wish that they would WANT to be more involved and help out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jan. 2004 Most of you know the frustration that I've experienced with my current TOPS chapter. I appreciate all of the encouragement and suggestions that you've offered. I finally came to the decision to put me and my goals first. I've decided to switch to another local chapter at the beginning of April. I'm completing my term as leader, so I'm not "quitting" on my chapter. I was afraid that the chapter would break up if I left and well, I was right. When I informed them of my decision and let them know that they could continue to meet in my church's fellowship hall for free, all three of them said that they wouldn't want to continue the chapter. I'm not surprised...they don't want to share in the duties now, so why would they take it all on themselves?! I'm not slacking off in my duties until the end of my term. In fact, by the first week of this month, I had the remaining 3 months completely planned out...programs, contests, incentives, and visual display board made (Usually not the job of the leader, but our members won't do programs.) I've continued to encourage them in their weight loss attempts. I'm not sure if they will join the other chapter also. One of our members will be having gastric bypass in March. She's not sure if she will stay in TOPS. I'm looking forward to transferring to the new chapter in April, and I'm relieved to know that

they all share in the duties of the chapter.

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Mar. 9th....So now you all probably have more info than you care to have, but that's most of it. I'm the only one from my current chapter who will be attending SRD. Although I'm a leader, I won't be doing the "leader parade" thing. I'm not comfortable with it since the chapter is disbanding right after SRD. I probably just should have transferred a long time ago, but when others weren't sure if Tues. nites worked for them, and wanted to disband as soon as I left, I stayed to finish out my term as leader and try to keep them afloat. For the past 5 weeks, only two of us having been weighing in anyway. One of the members who isn't coming, quit once before when she wasn't motivated to lose. She called me last week and she feels the same way again. And I'm not sure what's up with the other one. She has never come consistently. By the way, over the past year +, I've gotten to know alot of the members in the other local chapter, and they are wonderfully supportive. Odd, that while I've been in one chapter, all of my encouragement has come from the other local chapter and this list. Okay, I'm all finished now!

Just call me "blabby"!

Janet

p.s. Barbie, I'll bet you're wishing you didn't ask why we were disbanding, huh?! LOL

[Guest guest]

No not at all. As a matter of fact I would like to use your response to maybe light a "fire" with my members if that is alright. We have a small group and a great group for that matter. We do have things that seem to fall by the wayside but I know that with the right words, using these hopefully, it may get more out of the few that done really do much. Thanks for sharing this. Good luck. I've heard so much in this little of time of the new chapter and I know that is where you need to be. The others will find their way and I hope for their own sake TOPS is where it is. BarbieHamilton & Feeser wrote:

>>>BARBIE WROTE>>>Please, I know you may have mentioned this in the past and since I have just joined the group, why is your chapter disbanding?

Oh, Barbie, its a long story, but the just of it is I'm tired of supporting everyone else and getting no support in return. My only support and encouragement has been from this e-mail list. I joined TOPS in July 2002. The day that I showed up for my first meeting/weigh in, there were only two members. Apparently, thats all that there had been for quite some time. The group was once larger, but a disagreement, or many disagreements, led to the chapter splitting and some people going back to the other local chapter. From the first meeting, all I ever heard was negative stuff about the other local chapter. Not only that, the two individuals in my chapter had been meeting with just the two of them for about a year.....no programs, no contests, nothing but weighing in and gossiping. That's about how my first few meetings went. The more I read about TOPS on-line and through some old magazines that one of

the members gave me, I knew that there was a whole lot more to TOPS. So, I started doing programs and organizing contests, although I'd never been in TOPS before, and I was just swagging it. I even brought in 3 new members. One was my teenage daughter, who really only had about 10 lbs or so to lose. So, now we were up to 6 members, and I was still doing everything, but weight recorder and treasurer stuff. The lady that was the leader never did a single thing. She didn't even bring in the paperwork that was mailed to her house, so when I heard from somewhere else about a Fun Day, she was like, "oh, yeah, that probably came in my mail." We heard that alot. Anyway, my daughter left the group, and I was glad that she did. Barbie, I'm sure you can relate to this, since you have teenage girls. I was absolutely livid when a 300 + lb member told my daughter (after she weighed in with a .75 lb gain) that she had better watch out or

she was going to look like her! There were many other like issues that I'd rather not revisit. Anyway, after pretty much running the group for half a year, in 2003 I was elected leader. So, for the past year I have been busting my butt to do everything I can for my group. They just are not motivated to lose, which is fine, but when you have such a small group (4 on the books now) and half of them aren't committed to losing weight or coming to TOPS regularly, its discouraging to put so much effort into programs, contests, etc. My friends on this list have helped me through all this, and have offered suggestions, to include trying to bring in new members. Everytime I've had any one new come, they've been those who would rather be "followers" than take any initiative to help out. Now, don't get me wrong, everyone in my chapter has gone out of their way to let me know how much they appreciate all that I do, but I don't want to be the one to

carry the chapter anymore. Here are 3 previous posts from 2003 that touch on my dissatisfaction with my predicament. I've copied and pasted below...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nov. 2003 ~The part that I'm upset about....the meeting, or I should say, the meetings that I wasn't there for. As you know, I missed 2 meetings in a row... one for a trip to Philly and the other for an all day soccer tournament out of town. I e-mailed my chapter explicit instructions on things that needed to be done, left a folder with everything that needed to be tended to: minutes, contest, and maintenance paperwork. I even left yellow sticky note instructions on each thing. I had filled out the yearly maintenance paperwork, addressed and stamped the envelope, and put a sticky note on it stating to enclose a $12.00 check and indicate check number. I e-mailed the treasurer and others to let them know to take care of it. I also let them know that I'd included the L -20 (change of meeting location) in that same envelope. Well, I noticed when I got home, that nothing was done. Everything was

in the folder just as I left it. I'm guessing that they just weighed in and that was that. They told me that they didn't update the contest chart, so now I'm going to have to go back 3 weeks to update that. Of course, everyone will expect to win. So, the envelope that I'd addressed to Kay, our coordinator still hasn't gone out. I have to wait until next Sat. to get a check from the treasurer, OR adjust my schedule to get a check from her before then. I'm so mad!!! I spent so much time organizing everything before I left to make it easy on them. I know that as a leader I shouldn't be blabbing this on e-mail lists, but I'm frustrated as heck. I feel obligated to be a good leader, and to set a good example, but where does my obligation end???!!! I'm not getting any support from my group at all, but I feel obligated to stick it out. What would you all do? I'm listing pros and cons of leaving my chapter at the end of

next month and joining the Tues. evening group.

PROS:

*Larger group and more to share the workload

*I wouldn't be the only one planning and presenting programs

*I wouldn't be the only one initiating and organizing contests

*Hopefully, I would get more support and encouragement

*I've made friends with members of Tues. evening chapter, and REALLY enjoy their company

*It would be fun to participate in contests that I didn't initiate

CONS:

*Will miss meetings on occasion when my kids have out of town games on Tues nites

*One member has said that she would leave if I do, but she doesn't have transportation through the week, so I'd have to drive her. (wouldn't mind, but during soccer and volleyball season, I'll have to weigh -in and go straight to my kids' games). So then, do I feel guilty because my choices affect her membership/attendance in TOPS?

*Current chapter meets in my church for free...not sure how my departure from group would affect that.

*Tues. nite chapter is a large chapter and they may not want more people

So, basically, that's it. Am I being selfish because I expect to get support and encouragement from other members in my chapter? I've already done everything that I can to encourage others to present programs and organize contests. They won't. I make sure that programs that I do always involve group discussions and I go around the group and solicit answers to questions or input from each member. I don't want to be the only one talking. They are good at participating in discussions, but I shouldn't be the one that always has to lead the discussions. This isn't like Weight Watchers, where the leader is a person who has lost weight with WW and is employed by WW. I'm just an overweight member who needs support like everyone else. I'm probably sounding like a broken record, but I'm so tired of encouraging others in my chapter thru personal conversations, phone calls, e-mails, and snail mail cards and

getting no encouragement in return. It's not just me, they don't encourage each other either. (We even tried a contest where incentives were offered for contacting other members through the week...didn't happen.) I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I've even considered joining Weight Watchers to get some motivation and encouragement. You've all heard me ramble on about this before, but I guess the issue with nothing getting done when I was gone has just sent me over the edge. I've already vented to my poor hubby about this. So, what would you do? Where does my obligation to my chapter end, and my obligation to myself and my own weight loss goals begin?

Discouraged....Janet

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

..Dec. 2003............I'm probably just feeling sorry for myself. I feel like I'm always encouraging the members in my chapter with snail mail cards, e-mails, motivating programs, challenging contests, etc., but I'm not getting ANY encouragement from the other members. I know, oh poor me. Still not sure what we're going to do as a chapter...three of the members had approached me after a meeting a few weeks ago, expressing their concerns regarding the gastric bypass rules for TOPS. We have a member heading down that road and the rest of the group felt that it would be discouraging to them to have to compete with someone who is "Taking Pounds Off Surgically" as opposed to "Taking Off Pounds Sensibly". Well, now with the new ruling regarding GB, that should no longer be an issue, but apparently some of my members are still not happy. I realize that this issue is a sensitive one with TOPS members, so I'm not going to stir

anything up. I don't want to offend anyone. Anyway, the gastric bypass was the main reason that everyone was wanting to switch to another group. I guess only time will tell where we're headed. In the meanwhile, I continue to put on my happy face and encourage everyone in our chapter. They do tell me that they appreciate everything that I do, I just wish that they would WANT to be more involved and help out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jan. 2004 Most of you know the frustration that I've experienced with my current TOPS chapter. I appreciate all of the encouragement and suggestions that you've offered. I finally came to the decision to put me and my goals first. I've decided to switch to another local chapter at the beginning of April. I'm completing my term as leader, so I'm not "quitting" on my chapter. I was afraid that the chapter would break up if I left and well, I was right. When I informed them of my decision and let them know that they could continue to meet in my church's fellowship hall for free, all three of them said that they wouldn't want to continue the chapter. I'm not surprised...they don't want to share in the duties now, so why would they take it all on themselves?! I'm not slacking off in my duties until the end of my term. In fact, by the first week of this month, I had the remaining 3 months completely planned

out...programs, contests, incentives, and visual display board made (Usually not the job of the leader, but our members won't do programs.) I've continued to encourage them in their weight loss attempts. I'm not sure if they will join the other chapter also. One of our members will be having gastric bypass in March. She's not sure if she will stay in TOPS. I'm looking forward to transferring to the new chapter in April, and I'm relieved to know that

they all share in the duties of the chapter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mar. 9th....So now you all probably have more info than you care to have, but that's most of it. I'm the only one from my current chapter who will be attending SRD. Although I'm a leader, I won't be doing the "leader parade" thing. I'm not comfortable with it since the chapter is disbanding right after SRD. I probably just should have transferred a long time ago, but when others weren't sure if Tues. nites worked for them, and wanted to disband as soon as I left, I stayed to finish out my term as leader and try to keep them afloat. For the past 5 weeks, only two of us having been weighing in anyway. One of the members who isn't coming, quit once before when she wasn't motivated to lose. She called me last week and she feels the same way again. And I'm not sure what's up with the other one. She has never come consistently. By the way, over the past year +, I've gotten to know alot of the members in

the other local chapter, and they are wonderfully supportive. Odd, that while I've been in one chapter, all of my encouragement has come from the other local chapter and this list. Okay, I'm all finished now!

Just call me "blabby"!

Janet

p.s. Barbie, I'll bet you're wishing you didn't ask why we were disbanding, huh?! LOL

> ATTACHMENT part 2 image/gif name=10_5_2.gif

[Guest guest]

>>>BARBIE WROTE>>> As a matter of fact I would like to use your response to maybe light a "fire" with my members if that is alright. We have a small group and a great group for that matter. We do have things that seem to fall by the wayside but I know that with the right words, using these hopefully, it may get more out of the few that done really do much. Thanks for sharing this.

By all means, Barbie. We all need to make sure that we are doing all that we can for our chapters. TOPS is a wonderful and affordable means of weight loss support, that exists BECAUSE of our members.

(((HUGS)))

Janet