RE: Thank you!

[Guest guest]

Hi all

I am unsure how to post in relation to the threads I have been reading (the

topic was about two individuals' nadas).

I have been reading the posts from the day before and I just wanted to say thank

you. It has been very helpful to hear your experiences and advice.

You are all so strong. Although they may break us down at times, it does make us

stronger.

I think it is very difficult at times to grow up in an environment with a BPD

parent.

I am 26, still living with my BPD mother and it feels like I have been to hell

and back. At times it feels like she is dragging me back to the pits of despair.

At times, I feel as though I have a normal mother that I can trust and confide

in then it is back to the manipulative lady.

I have finished a uni degree in psychology and I am now working as an intern

psycholoigst and finally getting paid casually. I cannot wait until it turns

into full-time work as I want to get my own place with my amazing partner

(amazing - because he is very understanding in relation to my mother - I am

blessed to have him by my side).

I am very scared to get out into our own place (financially with the economy and

the cost of living in Australia) but for my own mental and emotional health - it

will be worth it.

Right now that is what I am holding onto - your posts have made me realise that

it will be a great thing to take that step.

My mother has just taken a month off work because of some physical illness that

she has at the moment - so this will be a very full-on month. Rather than

complaining about her work colleagues - everyone at home will cop it.

Regards

bt

[Guest guest]

-Dear Free,

Your post makes me feel so sad and I wish you lived next door so I could give

you a big hug! I'm new to the whole bpd thing but I believe that my ex-husband

was npb and your situation brings back alot of bad memories for me as well. I

can sooooo remember wanting to hear him say that he loved me and cared about me

and felt at all responsible for our relationship. I now wish I hadn't wasted so

many tears on him and like one of the other posters said, it really ended up

being the best thing for me to be away from him. It didn't feel like it at the

time though and I can feel how much pain you're in. I wish that I had known

about bpd sooner because I think it would have been easier to see that it wasn't

me. I spent years trying to " be good " by not arguing and not asking too much of

him. It looks like you're on the right track by seeing that this IS NOT YOU! I

wish you all the love and support and vailidation to get you through this

painful time.-- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " free_spirit_etc "

wrote:

>

> Thank you to everyone for your support, your caring, concern...and

> view points. I feel much stronger now..and actually slept pretty HARD

> last night. I'm not sure if I slept good...but I slept HARD...and

> didn't battle any Munchkins.

>

> All the different viewpoints are very helpful - and it surprises me

> the insights I get by responding to them. I guess they take me a

> little beyond the same old questions and answers that have been

> spinning in my head all along....at least a step or two beyond them.

>

> I've read them all and am responding to them...but have slowed the

> pace a bit....I was double stepping for awhile there....and am moving

> back into tiny steps....hoping to keep my balance.

>

> I'm torn between wanting to write and write and write...needing to

> try to get some rest...and knowing I should take care of

> some " practical things " that have gone totally unattended while I

> spun out of control.

>

> I know there are not only different stages of " letting go " but also

> different levels of it. Right now I am teetering between something. I

> know I will reach the point where I have to start looking at MY part

> in the dysfunction dance - and I know I played a BIG part.

>

> But right now it feels better just to yell " OUCH! " and point out

> every way HE stepped on MY toes. It feels kind of cleansing and keeps

> me from automatically looking for what *I* did wrong....one of MY

> fleas. But in another way - even THAT is hard - because I still want

> to hold on to believing in his GOODNESS. And so every OUCH hurts

> twice as bad right now...because now I am not just complaining that

> he stepped on my toes...I am admitting that he did.

>

> THAT is a hard thing to let go of. If I have to let go of the

> relationship - I still seem to want to hold on to the belief in HIS

> GOODNESS. And I will admit that I checked my email this morning -

> hoping (and still...in a way... half expecting) to find a message

> that at least " softened the blow. " Something that somewhat re-

> instated MY GOODNESS...and offered me a bit of my integrity (in HIS

> eyes) back.

>

> I didn't recieve one though. No message from him.

>

> Yet STILL I want to put a " positive spin " on it. We had talked

> several times recently about how hard it was for me to heal AND stay

> in the relationship as it was...which is why I was trying to do my

> part to shift the relationship into something more healthy for us -

> or for me. But we had talked about how I might need some time away

> from him to heal. He even offered to GIVE me that time - yet I would

> always react to THAT...because it was mostly " Yes. Take the time you

> need to heal and then call me when you get through this. " So I would

> react because it implied (to me) that there was something wrong with

> ME. I knew damn good and well that there was something wrong with ME.

> But I resented the implication that something was wrong with ONLY me.

> So I stayed right where I was - and tried to shift things...yet still

> tried to drag him along in my healing...

>

> But I still SO much want to put a positive spin on this whole

> thing.... Believing he " let me go " so I could heal. But that doesn't

> explain the harshness of the manner he used...which is why I

> keep " waiting " for the " softening " email...The email that tells me he

> didn't leave because he can't stand to be with me anymore...but he

> left because he doesn't want to hold me back from my healing....That

> he let me go from LOVE - not disgust.... That seems so important to

> me.

>

>

> And even lacking that email....I STILL search for his GOODNESS.

> Thinking maybe he didn't soften it because he is afraid it will pull

> me back into all the stuff....Maybe he is afraid it will just open

> him up to " one more round " with my needy inner child. I will have to

> admit - she was not always well behaved...She was desperate and

> hurting..and he couldn't handle her pain.

>

> It hurts to think he just cast me aside...going on his merry

> way...thinking of himself as the " good guy " and ME as the " problem. "

> So I cling desperately to believing something different.

>

> Free

>