My First Christmas NC

[Guest guest]

This was my first Christmas NC from Nada.  I have been NC since Mother's Day. 

As I look back at all of the years of stress, confusion, guilt, shame, and anger

that I have felt during all of the holidays, birthdays and other life events, I

am so relieved to know that I did it!  I have survived without her.  I have no

guilt, no anger, and I feel nothing for her.   I thought maybe that I would miss

her, but I don't.  I feel like my soul has been cleansed.  I am truly happy,

peaceful, and thankful for what I have and where I am emotionally now.

My true friends and family still do not quite fully understand why I did what I

did.  But they can all see how happy I am and they are supportive of my

decision.  I am also so thankful for my sister and brother, (who are

still LC with Nada), who have helped by maintaining this boundary I have

with her.

It took me 40 years to make this decision, which included many years of therapy,

self-help books, writing in journals/ workbooks, antidepressants, and mourning

the loss of the mother I never really had by completing all the stages the

Kübler-Ross grief cycle (see below). 

1. Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.

2. Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.

3. Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.

4. Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.

5. Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.

6. Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.

7. Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

I still journal, read self help-books, and go to therapy sessions when I need

it.  I push forward each day on my life journey, knowing that it is on my own

terms.