Re: Life Saving Hobbies! What's YOURS?

[Guest guest]

My hobbies:

cooking, baking

Eliptical (only 10 min a day 1st thing in the morning) it starts my day off

right. Clears my head & makes my feel better all day.

Starting yoga classes next week! (1st time for me)

 

There are a lot of things out there. If your town has an audlu Ed program, you

might be able to take a class with them. My town has a booklet they mail out

every few months with  a list of classes they offer. Pottery, camera classes,

educational, artistic. Might be something you can get into.

 

i also have game night once a month with a group of girls. Its a great release!!

 

Nerak 

Subject: Life Saving Hobbies! What's YOURS?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, January 20, 2009, 3:54 PM

What's your hobby or hobbies? I've learned along the way that doing even 10

minutes of a hobby or something you enjoy each day can lift your spirits more

than you might imagine. When you make it a habit daily, it's a joy just to look

forward to it, even if you do those 10 minutes after everyone else has gone to

bed and it means stealing a bit of your sleep.

I have many hobbies that I enjoy, including sewing, weaving, crochet, dancing

and wrijting. I also do volunteer work several times a week. My friends in my

religious congregation (where we do the volunteer work) have been so great and I

can't begin to tell you how much prayer has make the difference too (but I know

the rules on religious comments so I'll stop there).

So what are your hobbies, your " you " activities? How do you cope via your own

personal fun stuff? I'd love to hear about them!

Flowers in Oz

[Guest guest]

Trumpet Playing

Reading books (i'm reading all the harry potter books right now)

cooking

playing with my dogs

~Sara Jo

>

> What's your hobby or hobbies? I've learned along the way that

doing even 10 minutes of a hobby or something you enjoy each day can

lift your spirits more than you might imagine. When you make it a

habit daily, it's a joy just to look forward to it, even if you do

those 10 minutes after everyone else has gone to bed and it means

stealing a bit of your sleep.

>

> I have many hobbies that I enjoy, including sewing, weaving,

crochet, dancing and wrijting. I also do volunteer work several

times a week. My friends in my religious congregation (where we do

the volunteer work) have been so great and I can't begin to tell you

how much prayer has make the difference too (but I know the rules on

religious comments so I'll stop there).

>

> So what are your hobbies, your " you " activities? How do you cope

via your own personal fun stuff? I'd love to hear about them!

>

>

> Flowers in Oz

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi again Nerak;

Yes, classes are great, I'm brushing up big time on my French and I'm in

class twice a week - and read it daily. It really forces the old grey matter

to work and it's a great distraction. The volunteer work I do is for the

French community, and the other day we were out and I was the only native

English speaker. I was asked a lot of questions about English grammar -

mostly I told them we have a lot of exceptions to the rules! French has some

funny quirks too. It's interesting what words have double duty in French,

like the word for sky and heaven are the same, but in English we have two.

Then there are verbs in French that have a more dense application than in

english. They have several words for " support " and one of them indicates a

kind of support that we have to use a phrase to describe. This happens often

in French.

To the group:

What other languages do you speak? I think having another language that the

borderlines in your life can't speak is really cool. And I've used it more

than once.

Flowers in Oz

Life Saving Hobbies! What's YOURS?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, January 20, 2009, 3:54 PM

What's your hobby or hobbies? I've learned along the way that doing even 10

minutes of a hobby or something you enjoy each day can lift your spirits

more than you might imagine. When you make it a habit daily, it's a joy just

to look forward to it, even if you do those 10 minutes after everyone else

has gone to bed and it means stealing a bit of your sleep.

I have many hobbies that I enjoy, including sewing, weaving, crochet,

dancing and wrijting. I also do volunteer work several times a week. My

friends in my religious congregation (where we do the volunteer work) have

been so great and I can't begin to tell you how much prayer has make the

difference too (but I know the rules on religious comments so I'll stop

there).

So what are your hobbies, your " you " activities? How do you cope via your

own personal fun stuff? I'd love to hear about them!

Flowers in Oz

[Guest guest]

Reading, reading, reading, especially fiction. It's the only way I can truly

" escape " .

Joanna

- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " Pink and Blue Flowers "

wrote:

>

> What's your hobby or hobbies? I've learned along the way that doing even 10

minutes of

a hobby or something you enjoy each day can lift your spirits more than you

might

imagine. When you make it a habit daily, it's a joy just to look forward to it,

even if you do

those 10 minutes after everyone else has gone to bed and it means stealing a bit

of your

sleep.

>

> I have many hobbies that I enjoy, including sewing, weaving, crochet, dancing

and

wrijting. I also do volunteer work several times a week. My friends in my

religious

congregation (where we do the volunteer work) have been so great and I can't

begin to tell

you how much prayer has make the difference too (but I know the rules on

religious

comments so I'll stop there).

>

> So what are your hobbies, your " you " activities? How do you cope via your own

personal

fun stuff? I'd love to hear about them!

>

>

> Flowers in Oz

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Flowers!

 

French classes! Thats great. I'm sure it builds a positive influence in your

life. & gives your mind another focus! Good for you!

 

 My mil is BDP (as I have said in the past). The best thing I can do for myself

is keep my distance from her. I also try to not think about her. But I do. i

worry about when I will se her next. How she will be. & how she will affect

other aspects of m life. I worry about it sometimes to the point that my heart

races!! So I do my best to focus on anything else.I try to keep myself & my life

active as possible. I think it helps.

 

Take care Flowers! I will be thinking about you as you are dealing with ths

difficult time.

 

Nerak

From: Pink and Blue Flowers <pinkandblueflowers@ earthlink. net>

Subject: Life Saving Hobbies! What's YOURS?

To: WTOAdultChildren1@ yahoogroups. com

Date: Tuesday, January 20, 2009, 3:54 PM

What's your hobby or hobbies? I've learned along the way that doing even 10

minutes of a hobby or something you enjoy each day can lift your spirits

more than you might imagine. When you make it a habit daily, it's a joy just

to look forward to it, even if you do those 10 minutes after everyone else

has gone to bed and it means stealing a bit of your sleep.

I have many hobbies that I enjoy, including sewing, weaving, crochet,

dancing and wrijting. I also do volunteer work several times a week. My

friends in my religious congregation (where we do the volunteer work) have

been so great and I can't begin to tell you how much prayer has make the

difference too (but I know the rules on religious comments so I'll stop

there).

So what are your hobbies, your " you " activities? How do you cope via your

own personal fun stuff? I'd love to hear about them!

Flowers in Oz

[Guest guest]

I love to knit. LOVE it. And also, I love going to the gym, running,

doing things outdoors or visiting museums and exhibits. Anything that

involves moving and doing.

The funny thing is that nada tried to force me into cooking, and

'homemaking' type things for years, so that I could be what SHE wanted

me to be. Now, I'm in my late twenties, staying home with my three

kids, adn finally discovering things for myself, and I can finally

enjoy hobbies of my own without fearing that she is going to take them

over and make them all about her.

>

> What's your hobby or hobbies? I've learned along the way that doing

even 10 minutes of a hobby or something you enjoy each day can lift

your spirits more than you might imagine. When you make it a habit

daily, it's a joy just to look forward to it, even if you do those 10

minutes after everyone else has gone to bed and it means stealing a

bit of your sleep.

>

> I have many hobbies that I enjoy, including sewing, weaving,

crochet, dancing and wrijting. I also do volunteer work several times

a week. My friends in my religious congregation (where we do the

volunteer work) have been so great and I can't begin to tell you how

much prayer has make the difference too (but I know the rules on

religious comments so I'll stop there).

>

> So what are your hobbies, your " you " activities? How do you cope via

your own personal fun stuff? I'd love to hear about them!

>

>

> Flowers in Oz

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Good for you! I would love to learn how to knit! Where did you learn?

 

Nerak

Subject: Re: Life Saving Hobbies! What's YOURS?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, January 20, 2009, 6:18 PM

I love to knit. LOVE it. And also, I love going to the gym, running,

doing things outdoors or visiting museums and exhibits. Anything that

involves moving and doing.

The funny thing is that nada tried to force me into cooking, and

'homemaking' type things for years, so that I could be what SHE wanted

me to be. Now, I'm in my late twenties, staying home with my three

kids, adn finally discovering things for myself, and I can finally

enjoy hobbies of my own without fearing that she is going to take them

over and make them all about her.

>

> What's your hobby or hobbies? I've learned along the way that doing

even 10 minutes of a hobby or something you enjoy each day can lift

your spirits more than you might imagine. When you make it a habit

daily, it's a joy just to look forward to it, even if you do those 10

minutes after everyone else has gone to bed and it means stealing a

bit of your sleep.

>

> I have many hobbies that I enjoy, including sewing, weaving,

crochet, dancing and wrijting. I also do volunteer work several times

a week. My friends in my religious congregation (where we do the

volunteer work) have been so great and I can't begin to tell you how

much prayer has make the difference too (but I know the rules on

religious comments so I'll stop there).

>

> So what are your hobbies, your " you " activities? How do you cope via

your own personal fun stuff? I'd love to hear about them!

>

>

> Flowers in Oz

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi all!!

For me it's definitely writing! I've been doing it since I was a

little girl. Of course, I had to stop telling stepnada that I was

doing it in my early twenties because all of the sudden she wanted to

be a writer too and wanted me to take classes with her and help her

write a book (which was, and I'm not kidding, basically Harry Potter

with names changed.) She also wanted me to share my writing with

her, but I had enough insight even then to know that if I did, she

would rip it to shreds, upset me, then debase me for being unable to

take criticism, thus ruining the one thing that brings me joy.

Someone on this post mentioned that their nada always wanted to take

over whatever interested them, and I found that anything I got into,

she wanted to do it to, master it, and then be able to brag about how

much better she was at it in her passive aggressive way - " well, I've

just had more experience, " or (my personal favorite) " I just tried

harder. " YOu know, to this day, I still can't share my work with

anyone, and barely even my husband, who is an artist and understands

the intense anxiety of putting yourself out there. Going for a

Master's in Creative WRiting has helped with that issue - you have to

share to get graded, but I am still hyper-sensitive to criticism and

take it really hard. I totally attribute this to stepnada!

allcats

>

> What's your hobby or hobbies? I've learned along the way that doing

even 10 minutes of a hobby or something you enjoy each day can lift

your spirits more than you might imagine. When you make it a habit

daily, it's a joy just to look forward to it, even if you do those 10

minutes after everyone else has gone to bed and it means stealing a

bit of your sleep.

>

> I have many hobbies that I enjoy, including sewing, weaving,

crochet, dancing and wrijting. I also do volunteer work several times

a week. My friends in my religious congregation (where we do the

volunteer work) have been so great and I can't begin to tell you how

much prayer has make the difference too (but I know the rules on

religious comments so I'll stop there).

>

> So what are your hobbies, your " you " activities? How do you cope

via your own personal fun stuff? I'd love to hear about them!

>

>

> Flowers in Oz

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That competitiveness with one's own children seems to be a behavior

that narcissists have also.

RE hobbies, I too learned as a child that anything that was close to

my heart I had to guard carefully: if nada found out that I enjoyed an

activity, an author, a genre of movie, a boy, she would weaponize that

knowledge. She would relentlessly make fun of me, humiliate me for

liking something or someone that she didn't enjoy or like herself.

At the same time, I happen to have inherited a talent from dad's side

of the family that showed at an early age, and nada took every

opportunity possible to encourage and nurture that talent. I now make

my living doing this thing, and nada likes to take credit for my

success.

Nothing that I ever had or have was ever simply just mine, that I

could enjoy on my own in a simple way. Nada had to entwine herself in

my self hood either an overly-involved and possessive way or in a

negative, rejecting way.

-Annie

> >

> > What's your hobby or hobbies? I've learned along the way that doing

> even 10 minutes of a hobby or something you enjoy each day can lift

> your spirits more than you might imagine. When you make it a habit

> daily, it's a joy just to look forward to it, even if you do those 10

> minutes after everyone else has gone to bed and it means stealing a

> bit of your sleep.

> >

> > I have many hobbies that I enjoy, including sewing, weaving,

> crochet, dancing and wrijting. I also do volunteer work several times

> a week. My friends in my religious congregation (where we do the

> volunteer work) have been so great and I can't begin to tell you how

> much prayer has make the difference too (but I know the rules on

> religious comments so I'll stop there).

> >

> > So what are your hobbies, your " you " activities? How do you cope

> via your own personal fun stuff? I'd love to hear about them!

> >

> >

> > Flowers in Oz

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Wow. I can relate!  I showed a talent for music from a very young age and she

used that in all ways that she could... sometimes I felt like her performing

monkey, especially when she wanted me to play for family members visiting from

out of town and at my grandparent's church when we would visit them.  Sometimes

I think its amazing that I made a career out of music and that I love it so much

seeing she likes to take credit for all of the lessons, the instruments she

bought me, the competions I was involved in, and everything else that had to do

with it.  Im starting to think that she has the narcissist behavior that you all

have talked about because it is all about her.  Everything that I do is about

her.  My pending dirvorce is about her and just this last weekend she told me

that I needed to tell her so called friends, that she gossips about constantly,

about the divorce... said it was my job.  But anyway, I can totally relate to

the nada wanting

to take credit for everything that we are.  I have heard her tell people, and

me, that I would never be who I was if it was not because of her.  god. 

Sometimes Im just going to tell her that yes, you are right, I would never have

been someone that had suffered from extremely low self esteem, I would have

never married the first man that showed me any attention, I would have never

dealt with a weight problem all of my life... if it wasnt for her.  I wonder how

she would react to that! 

 

I know that this has nothing to do with hobbies, but I have been going through

Walking on Eggshells and realized that I am definitely in the depression stage

from when you first find out that a loved one has bpd.  I have been very

depressed lately.  Thinking that my childhood was just a facade.  That every

good memory.... every great time my nada and I actually had, was just some make

believe moment. Its been very difficult lately. 

 

My hobbies have helped keep my mind on things that make me happy. I started

Bikram yoga a few years ago for my primary exercise and it has been amazing.  I

also perform as much as I can and still use music as one of my main outlets. 

 

~Heidi

Subject: Re: Life Saving Hobbies! What's YOURS?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, January 20, 2009, 2:15 PM

That competitiveness with one's own children seems to be a behavior

that narcissists have also.

RE hobbies, I too learned as a child that anything that was close to

my heart I had to guard carefully: if nada found out that I enjoyed an

activity, an author, a genre of movie, a boy, she would weaponize that

knowledge. She would relentlessly make fun of me, humiliate me for

liking something or someone that she didn't enjoy or like herself.

At the same time, I happen to have inherited a talent from dad's side

of the family that showed at an early age, and nada took every

opportunity possible to encourage and nurture that talent. I now make

my living doing this thing, and nada likes to take credit for my

success.

Nothing that I ever had or have was ever simply just mine, that I

could enjoy on my own in a simple way. Nada had to entwine herself in

my self hood either an overly-involved and possessive way or in a

negative, rejecting way.

-Annie

> >

> > What's your hobby or hobbies? I've learned along the way that doing

> even 10 minutes of a hobby or something you enjoy each day can lift

> your spirits more than you might imagine. When you make it a habit

> daily, it's a joy just to look forward to it, even if you do those 10

> minutes after everyone else has gone to bed and it means stealing a

> bit of your sleep.

> >

> > I have many hobbies that I enjoy, including sewing, weaving,

> crochet, dancing and wrijting. I also do volunteer work several times

> a week. My friends in my religious congregation (where we do the

> volunteer work) have been so great and I can't begin to tell you how

> much prayer has make the difference too (but I know the rules on

> religious comments so I'll stop there).

> >

> > So what are your hobbies, your " you " activities? How do you cope

> via your own personal fun stuff? I'd love to hear about them!

> >

> >

> > Flowers in Oz

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Nerak;

Ah, yes, now I understand better!

I feel for you with the nada-in-law. Imagine if she had been your mother.

That's what we deal with, that's why it's so hard. Imagine your own mother

to make your heart race and you're just a wee thing. Imagine one of your

first memories is of her raging and beating a sibling - and you're smaller.

It's in soooo deep, it's not just a trauma, it's way behond that. Which begs

the question, how's your hubby doing?

Flowers in Oz

----- Original Message -----

Flowers!

French classes! Thats great. I'm sure it builds a positive influence in your

life. & gives your mind another focus! Good for you!

My mil is BDP (as I have said in the past). The best thing I can do for

myself is keep my distance from her. I also try to not think about her. But

I do. i worry about when I will se her next. How she will be. & how she will

affect other aspects of m life. I worry about it sometimes to the point that

my heart races!! So I do my best to focus on anything else.I try to keep

myself & my life active as possible. I think it helps.

[Guest guest]

Flowers,

 

My hubby:

Thanks for asking about him. Well he is not that close with her. Never has been.

He sees her around once a month, or less. They speak on the phone weekly, or

every other week. He has always been LC with out even trying. When he does

associate with her, she always cries. Every time they talk on the phone, she

cries. He is always trying to convince her that he does love her. He is a 'Mr.

Fix it' type. So if she rages, he tries to talk her down. If she is lying in the

bed crying in the fetal possition, he comforts her. He is a great guy. He has a

lot of pitty for her. he is starting to admit to how she messed him up as a

child. He always had stomach pain as a kid. & there are times he gets pains in

his neck, (I think nada induced stress).

  He had a hard time when she overdosed a few months ago.

 

He is understanding of me being nc with her. I feel bad for him, because of his

nada. My hubby  & I have a great relationship. We are very happy & we enjoy our

life. He like all of you have had to deal with his nada his whole life. & now he

is looking forward to building a happy & healthy family with me.

 

Nerak

Subject: Re: Life Saving Hobbies! What's YOURS?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, January 22, 2009, 1:53 AM

Hi Nerak;

Ah, yes, now I understand better!

I feel for you with the nada-in-law. Imagine if she had been your mother.

That's what we deal with, that's why it's so hard. Imagine your own mother

to make your heart race and you're just a wee thing. Imagine one of your

first memories is of her raging and beating a sibling - and you're smaller.

It's in soooo deep, it's not just a trauma, it's way behond that. Which begs

the question, how's your hubby doing?

Flowers in Oz

----- Original Message -----

From: " Nerak Ll " <nerak_llyahoo (DOT) com>

Flowers!

French classes! Thats great. I'm sure it builds a positive influence in your

life. & gives your mind another focus! Good for you!

My mil is BDP (as I have said in the past). The best thing I can do for

myself is keep my distance from her. I also try to not think about her. But

I do. i worry about when I will se her next. How she will be. & how she will

affect other aspects of m life. I worry about it sometimes to the point that

my heart races!! So I do my best to focus on anything else.I try to keep

myself & my life active as possible. I think it helps.

[Guest guest]

About a year ago, (ok, 14 months in my new life!) I divorced my BPD " mother " . I

never realized even after 17 years of being married, how she drove a wedge

between me and my hubby. She constantly criticized him and sometimes I bought

into her lies. Since she's been out of our life, our relationship has grown so

much stronger and deeper. I think I had this HUGE wall of protection around me

all the time. When you have a BPD parent, you are always waiting for the next

intrusion....the unvited visit, the nasty phone message, the guilt trips, the

attacks....For about three months now, (with therapy) I have finally started to

relax. I enjoy my hubby more, I enjoy my kids more, I enjoy LIFE more. I knew

she was cruel, but actually, I'm realizing that she was like a toxic plague in

our life.

D

____________________________________________________________

Criminal Lawyers - Click here.

http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL2141/fc/PnY6rw3dDCpGaTJVsjSWRnhvIc4dS5kA9Zah\

jxCH5CNG4rDd6QpUj/