Sophia ~ Not again :(

[Guest guest]

Hi Sophia,

I wanted to touch on a few comments that you made. I don't know if it will help or not, but just some thoughts I had. I also wish there was a "magic pill" that could take all of this away, but there isn't. There is no pill, there is no cure. My personal belief on this is that I've been handed a "challenge" a "hurdle to conquer". In the back of my mind it's a test of my courage and willingness to fight the good fight. To get my lazy butt off the couch, out of the computer chair, search out a healthier lifestyle, and make the healthier changes in my life.

It's almost as if I have had Fibro thrown at me as a warning. A warning to change my life or suffer the consequences or death. Fibro will not kill me as it is not terminal. It was a wake up call for me. The road ahead was holding kidney disease/failure, diabetes, heart disease/attack, stroke, etc. Now I am forced to exercise and do everything that I've always avoided to help ease the pain from Fibro and in turn help me avoid the fatal future that so many doctors had been predicting for me.

The battle continues every day, but at least I know I'm doing everything that I can do. Fighting it all the way instead of giving in to it and giving up. There is too much I want to accomplish and too much I won't give up on. My life with is more important to me than anything else and I am greedy. I want to spend as much time with my husband as possible.

I have at times wished him to leave and live a happier life with less burdens upon him and I have asked him to do just that on many occasions with always the same result. He says he married me for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. These vows we made were from the heart and he loves me no matter what. He then asked me a very important question: "If it was me that was ill and you were healthy and working, would you leave me or stand beside me and help me through it?"

That question really hit hard to me... of course I would stay, I took the same vows and I also meant them. I would never leave him. Then he asked me: "So why would you expect me to do any differently? Is it because you think you're not worth staying for, or that possibly you may think you're a better person to stick with me and that I'm not able to, or as good as you to stick through it and stand by your side? Do you not believe that I'm as good of a person as you?"

Those were some pretty heavy questions that really made me examine myself and my motives. Why was I willing to be a martyr for him and sacrifice myself for him, but I wouldn't do the same if the tables were turned? Some heavy duty self analysis and examination was needed on my part. I am so incredibly grateful for the wisdom of my hubby and his ability to communicate those feelings to me the way he did. That he was not afraid to confront my issues and make me think and see the situation from the outside, from his side.

I don't know if any of this will be of any help to anyone, but I thought I should pass this on. I think the first major hurdle we face is acceptance. As in any problem in life, once you face the facts and accept them... you can move on to finding solutions and resolutions. Like I always say... there are no problems in life... only challenges that we haven't conquered yet. There is nothing we can't conquer if we're willing to fight and do the work. Everything depends on our own stubbornness and not giving up. There is a solution to every problem in life, whether or not we are willing to face the solution or not is up to us.

gentle and loving hugs,

Norah

--Norah Bleazard - Burlington, Ontario Canadawww.bleazard.net ~ www.janorlites.comE-MAIL=norah.fibroyahoo@...CHAT=MSN = black_dak_98@...Yahoo = drazaelbnAIM = black98dakICQ = 105346330Site Moderator for: fibromyalgia_support_group Site Owner for:Fibromites_Fighting_Weight:http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Fibromites_Fighting_Weighthttp://fibromites.ath.cx

-----Original Message-----From: mail On Behalf Of Kayley555Sent: Wednesday, November 24, 2004 5:00 AMTo: Fibromyalgia_Support_Group Subject: Re: Not again

Hiya Dad to the Monsters... first of all i got monsters here as well hugs you and yours.... sorry to hear that Margaret is feeling bad... i know what she is going through... and am a Nursing student at the moment and trying to find a way to get through this disease in one form or another... I surely wish there was some kind of magic cure and if there is some way to find it out there somewhere you know. Tis a tough road to ride along for both sides.. sure is nice to see that you are interested in your wife enough to find out what is going on and how she is feeling. I do know that no matter we all wish we could be the person we are meant to be. It is scary to wake each day to someone and something that you have no control over, it is like the old show Quantum Leap.. have you ever seen that... like you are all of a sudden transformed into someone else and you have no clue how to deal with it. Feels that way with me,, I end up saying things or doing things that I would never of done in the past. Wanting to be who I was so much and sometimes wanting to keep sleeping till it happens .. but we wake to the same pain, the same issues some stronger than others on some days... sometimes I am so frustrated with all this that I try to ignore the pain and try to do the same things like before only to be down for a week and cant even do the simplest of the things like walking across the floor, taking a shower and such. Am I making sense cuz with the fog sometimes I don't even do that.. and I am a very intelligent person. Anyway's what i do about the swelling of the feet is try to sleep with my feet up on a pillow of some sort to keep them elevated... maybe soak in cold water that seems to help some as well. Not much else to do.. unless you want to medicate more with water pills that sometimes helps... i have some dietetic in my blood pressure meds but i swell anyway's.. especially when i don't get any sleep. Now the sex thing... I am trying to get around that with my BF as well... and I know he doesn't understand the fact that no matter how much we want to.. it just plain hurts to dang much... and he waits till i feel i can and i initiate the contact.. is about all i can say. Yes, he gets frustrated, feels hurt, and rejected .. but I have no clue what else to do.. i do know the guilt i feel daily because I can not be the person i once was, for him, for my children, or for me... the only thing I can do is to try and be as close to myself with FMS. Now if someone has a way to find out who that is let me know cuz I really have yet to figure out how. Hugs you and thanks for writing and such... you have a wonderful woman there you know that though hun hugs

Huggles you lots

Sophia

-------Original Message-------

From: Margaret Drinkwater

Date: 11/24/04 01:45:07

To: Fibromyalgia_Support_Group

1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the list as to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check with your dr. Some treatments are dangerous when given along with other meds as well as to certain health conditions or just dangerous in general.2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it is) pls don't be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to trying to make that situation better.Have a nice day everyone.

[Guest guest]

Norah, your message about not feeling worthy of your husband certainly

hit home with me. When I was married I went through a five year bout

of clinical depression. During that time I also felt like I wasn't

" good enough " for my husband, that he deserved someone better, someone

prettier, someone more intelligent, etc. The list just went on and on.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I eventually ended up ruining

our marriage and pushing him away because of my low self esteem and

zero self confidence and we are now divorced.

I am very glad to hear that you realized early on that you are the

perfect soul mate to your husband no matter what!!!! He sounds like a

wonderful guy and I think he is VERY lucky to have found you also!

Like you, I have also looked at Fibromyalgia as a test that I have to

conquer. It came on full blast 3 years after my divorce due to

surgery. And at times it just seemed so unfair to me to have to deal

with all the problems associated with it along with trying to be a

single parent. But I have realized that it has done some good for me.

It has made me and my children so much closer and made us realize how

much we have to depend on and support each other. It has made both of

my kids realize how precious life and good health are and (I think)

made them much more compassionate and caring than they might otherwise

have been. I think that the fibro has also taught me and my kids a

good lesson about fighting for what you want. It is a daily fight for

me to keep the life I want, trying to work, be active with my kids,

doing the activities I have always loved. And sometimes I wonder if it

is worth all the fight and the pain. And then I look at my kids and

see how it has taught them to fight and strive for what they want in

their life.

Well just my quarters worth there lol wrote too much for it just to

be two cents worth LOL

N.

N.

> Hi Sophia,

>

> I wanted to touch on a few comments that you made.

>

> I have at times wished him to leave and live a happier life with less

> burdens upon him and I have asked him to do just that on many

occasions with

> always the same result.

[Guest guest]

Thanks hun for your support and encouragement it really means a lot hugs you

Huggles you lots

Sophia

-------Original Message-------

From: Norah Bleazard

Date: 11/24/04 06:07:50

[Guest guest]

Thanks hun, for your in put.... will definitely think on the things you have said Hugs you

Huggles you lots

Sophia

-------Original Message-------

From:

Date: 11/24/04 07:45:12