Guest guest Posted January 2, 2002 Report Share Posted January 2, 2002 In a message dated 1/2/02 8:19:07 AM Pacific Standard Time, Raena writes: > " If I did to him what he does to me, they'd throw > me in jail! " His response: " You're in jail now. " > > ???!!! How do you respond to a statement like THAT? > > NO!!! In the first place you are right, Raena. Not only is abuse against the law, but you will be reinforcing 's behavior by modeling it to him. I'm sorry Dad, but we moms have raised autistic kids, some of us single-handedly. I do think we have a prerequisite for giving advice. .......And that's what it is, advice. You can take it or leave it. (c: Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2002 Report Share Posted January 2, 2002 > I guess in a way we are 'jailed' by our kids behaviors, I mean look at how > many of us have given up social lives because of our kids. The difference > is in how we look at where we are. If we were to dwell on the negatives, > we'd be so completely depressed we'd be no good to anyone.>> Sue, Had to respond to this one, even after flooding the list with " What would you think " replies...because you are absolutely right--if we didn't take a positive angle on this insane life we live, we would never survive. Yesterday, I started reading a book my husband gave me with daily inspirational readings, and I was really taken by part of the introduction: " I choose joy...I refuse the temptation to be cynical...I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings...I will refuse to see any problem as less than an opportunity... " (Max Lucado) I have to make those choices...find a way to make it all make sense, or I couldn't do it from day to day. Now...wouldn't it be wonderful if it was as easy as it sounds in the books? Raena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2002 Report Share Posted January 2, 2002 > " I choose joy...I refuse the temptation to be cynical...I will refuse > to see people as anything less than human beings...I will refuse to > see any problem as less than an opportunity... " (Max Lucado) Hey, we have some nice children's books by him! Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2002 Report Share Posted January 2, 2002 > > I don't think I could do it, though...and, unfortunately, > doesn't understand well enough to " get " that things like this hurt > other people. I'm not sure he understands the relationship between > what he does and what is done to him...I remember one time years ago > he did something and I slapped his hand away without thinking...he > sat there stunned, wailing, slapping his own hand over and over. > That was the last of that...if you hurt him, it just encourages him > to hurt himself/others. Yeah, you need at least some theory of mind to understand. A psychologist explained to me that some stages of development are not ready for punishment. I guess that is sort of the same thing. Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2002 Report Share Posted January 2, 2002 Well, first of all...I think he's right, for an NT child who's trying to be mean. I think that would work. But, if the issue is sensory, then he would probably enjoy it if you bit him. Then where would you be? Even though he's your Dad, I think you just have to let comments like that go in one ear and right out the other. He obviously understands that your life is difficult with , and until he can come up with the ultimate solution, he's probably going to keep saying things like that. He's your Dad, you love him, let it go. Penny >>> " You're in jail now. " ???!!! How do you respond to a statement like THAT? Raena <<<< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2002 Report Share Posted January 3, 2002 When it's obvious someone doesn't get it, getting into a discussion about it just makes it worse. Just tell your dad that biting him back won't work and change the subject. ASD kids just don't make the same connections that NT kids do. And biting back doesn't work with NT kids either. Of course, it's easy to be rational now, if someone had actually said that to me, I would have exploded. Tuna >I replied, If I did to him what he does to me, they'd throw me in jail! His response: You're in jail now.< & gt; <BR> & gt; ???!!! How do you respond to a statement like THAT?<BR> <BR> <BR> Raena,<BR> <BR> He's basing his statements on what works for some NT kids, and not taking 's needs into consideration at all. & nbsp; I don't think he can help it; he's from an entirely different generation where discipline was harsher and special needs kids were usually put into institutions to let their parents 'out of jail'.<BR> <BR> But THAT'S the removed, analytical view of it. & nbsp; How would I have responded at the time? & nbsp; I would have burst out crying, because sometimes I DO feel like I'm in jail, and I know, though those people who offer those suggestions don't, that there is no easy way out.<BR> <BR> On one hand, it's comforting to know he knows how hard you have it. & nbsp; On the OTHER hand, it's heartbreaking to know that he thinks you're just not helping yourself, when in reality you're doing everything you possibly can.<BR> <BR> I really don't know what to say that is at all helpful. & nbsp; I've faced this before, mostly with my ILs, who still have the same ideas -- that if I just 'took control' everything would fall into place. & nbsp; They SAY they understand about autism, but their actions and their advice show the exact opposite. & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; I've learned to not saying anything to them, since it only upsets me more, and to cry about it later. & nbsp; :-(<BR> <BR> (((hugs)))<BR> <BR> Jacquie<BR> <BR> </tt> <br> <!-- |**|begin egp html banner|**| --> <table border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2> <tr bgcolor=#FFFFCC> <td align=center><font size= " -1 " color=#003399><b> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2002 Report Share Posted January 5, 2002 In a message dated 1/2/02 4:01:30 PM Eastern Standard Time, rgr4us@... writes: > Yup...just sat there... > > I probably would have said something like " Dad, he is my son and I have to protect him and deal with his problems..that is my job " . Pam Mom to and Conor Check out our webpage! <A HREF= " http://www.geocities.com/oceangirl65/index.html " >Yahoo! GeoCities - oceangirl65's Home Page</A> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.