Re: What would you think...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/2/02 8:19:07 AM Pacific Standard Time, Raena writes:

> " If I did to him what he does to me, they'd throw

> me in jail! " His response: " You're in jail now. "

>

> ???!!! How do you respond to a statement like THAT?

>

>

NO!!!

In the first place you are right, Raena.

Not only is abuse against the law, but

you will be reinforcing 's behavior

by modeling it to him.

I'm sorry Dad, but we moms have raised

autistic kids, some of us single-handedly.

I do think we have a prerequisite for giving

advice.

.......And that's what it is, advice.

You can take it or leave it. (c:

Barb

[Guest guest]

> I guess in a way we are 'jailed' by our kids behaviors, I mean look

at how

> many of us have given up social lives because of our kids. The

difference

> is in how we look at where we are. If we were to dwell on the

negatives,

> we'd be so completely depressed we'd be no good to anyone.>>

Sue,

Had to respond to this one, even after flooding the list with " What

would you think " replies...because you are absolutely right--if we

didn't take a positive angle on this insane life we live, we would

never survive.

Yesterday, I started reading a book my husband gave me with daily

inspirational readings, and I was really taken by part of the

introduction:

" I choose joy...I refuse the temptation to be cynical...I will refuse

to see people as anything less than human beings...I will refuse to

see any problem as less than an opportunity... " (Max Lucado)

I have to make those choices...find a way to make it all make sense,

or I couldn't do it from day to day. Now...wouldn't it be wonderful

if it was as easy as it sounds in the books?

Raena

[Guest guest]

> " I choose joy...I refuse the temptation to be cynical...I will refuse

> to see people as anything less than human beings...I will refuse to

> see any problem as less than an opportunity... " (Max Lucado)

Hey, we have some nice children's books by him!

Salli

[Guest guest]

>

> I don't think I could do it, though...and, unfortunately,

> doesn't understand well enough to " get " that things like this hurt

> other people. I'm not sure he understands the relationship between

> what he does and what is done to him...I remember one time years ago

> he did something and I slapped his hand away without thinking...he

> sat there stunned, wailing, slapping his own hand over and over.

> That was the last of that...if you hurt him, it just encourages him

> to hurt himself/others.

Yeah, you need at least some theory of mind to understand.

A psychologist explained to me that some stages of development are not ready

for punishment. I guess that is sort of the same thing.

Salli

[Guest guest]

Well, first of all...I think he's right, for an NT child who's trying to be

mean. I think that would work.

But, if the issue is sensory, then he would probably enjoy it if you bit

him. Then where would you be?

Even though he's your Dad, I think you just have to let comments like that

go in one ear and right out the other. He obviously understands that your

life is difficult with , and until he can come up with the ultimate

solution, he's probably going to keep saying things like that.

He's your Dad, you love him, let it go.

Penny

>>> " You're in jail now. "

???!!! How do you respond to a statement like THAT?

Raena

<<<<

[Guest guest]

When it's obvious someone doesn't get it, getting into

a discussion about it just makes it worse. Just tell

your dad that biting him back won't work and change

the subject. ASD kids just don't make the same

connections that NT kids do. And biting back doesn't

work with NT kids either.

Of course, it's easy to be rational now, if someone

had actually said that to me, I would have exploded.

Tuna

>I replied, If I did to him what he does to me, they'd

throw me in jail! His response: You're in jail now.<

& gt; <BR>

& gt; ???!!! How do you respond to a statement like

THAT?<BR>

<BR>

<BR>

Raena,<BR>

<BR>

He's basing his statements on what works for some NT

kids, and not taking 's needs into consideration

at all. & nbsp; I don't think he can help it; he's from

an entirely different generation where discipline was

harsher and special needs kids were usually put into

institutions to let their parents 'out of jail'.<BR>

<BR>

But THAT'S the removed, analytical view of it. & nbsp;

How would I have responded at the time? & nbsp; I would

have burst out crying, because sometimes I DO feel

like I'm in jail, and I know, though those people who

offer those suggestions don't, that there is no easy

way out.<BR>

<BR>

On one hand, it's comforting to know he knows how hard

you have it. & nbsp; On the OTHER hand, it's

heartbreaking to know that he thinks you're just not

helping yourself, when in reality you're doing

everything you possibly can.<BR>

<BR>

I really don't know what to say that is at all

helpful. & nbsp; I've faced this before, mostly with my

ILs, who still have the same ideas -- that if I just

'took control' everything would fall into place. & nbsp;

They SAY they understand about autism, but their

actions and their advice show the exact

opposite. & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; I've learned to not saying

anything to them, since it only upsets me more, and to

cry about it later. & nbsp; :-(<BR>

<BR>

(((hugs)))<BR>

<BR>

Jacquie<BR>

<BR>

</tt>

<br>

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/2/02 4:01:30 PM Eastern Standard Time, rgr4us@...

writes:

> Yup...just sat there...

>

>

I probably would have said something like " Dad, he is my son and I have to

protect him and deal with his problems..that is my job " .

Pam

Mom to and Conor

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