Re: Money

[Guest guest]

> Sometimes Iwish she would just.. go away. Sometimes I want to help

> her. But mostly, I pity her. Im so glad I live on the other side of

> the country. But sometimes, 3000 miles isn't far enough.

>

It's ok...you can say it out loud. " Sometimes I wish she would just

die. " I've definitely felt that way about my mother. And I know lots

of other KOs have, too.

It sounds like you'd really like to not have contact with your mother,

especially not cards and presents. When my mom sends unsolicited and

unreasonably large money gifts, I usually just give it to my church or

some other charity. I don't send a thank you. Of course, having

learned about boundaries now, I guess I could just ask her to stop!

" sometimes 3000 miles isn't far enough " ...so profound. It's hard to

learn to create that kind of distance emotionally. Even with

LC/NC/death, our parents remain in our memories, and we retain our

defenses against them. That's most of what we deal with as KOs,

right? Learning to let go of it all and reclaim control of what goes

on inside our own heads?

Thanks for your post.

[Guest guest]

> I know this is insurance. Six months from now she will call and need

> money. (when i was 18 she asked me to co-sign on her apartment)

When

> I tell her no, she will pull this out... My husband says that I

should

> just accept it as a gift but it BUGS me so much...

If she regularly hits you up for money or is likely to in the future,

you have the option to refuse to cash the check. Tell her it is

because you care about her and know she expenses and the smaller check

is just fine. She can't MAKE you cash it. Granted she can rage or

dump guilt on you so it's always a trade off.

julie