response to xoxoprecious (?)

[Guest guest]

> Date: Wed, 31 Jan 2001 22:15:22 EST

> From: xoxoprecious@...

> Subject: my apppointment

>

> I just finally went to see a gynocologist. You know what she told me, that

> it was all in my head. I spoke with her before she did anything, and whne

> she checked she told me everything looks normal. She told my I just have to

> break my hymen, but it is normal, she inserted a qtip into me, and it hurt

> me, she said everything looked normal. Then she told me she was going to

> insert her finger, the second her finger touched me I was in pain. Then she

> inserted the metal thing, I forget what it was called, and when she used it

> it hurt me so badly, I could not deal with it. She told me there is nothing

> physically wrong with me, that it was all mental, and that I am not ready for

> sex at all. I was crying the whole time, I was telling her it hurts me

> whenever I try to insert anything, and she is looking at me with a

> straightface telling me it is mental. I am sooo confused, I do not know

> anymore what to do, am I crazy, should I just tell my boyfriend to force his

> finger into me? If it is all mental, then how come today I am sore from the

> little ammount that she did? I never have any pain, other than when I try to

> insert something. I really feel like I am going crazy already.

>

>

Sorry- I dont know who this is. But whoever it is, you need to mend yourself

here. It is soooooo well documented now that women have this pain disorder,

that you should simply disredgard what she said entirely, in terms of how

you feel about your won ability to know what your pain is and that it is

real.

Of course, you should never ever go to this person again. It sounds like

you got horrible treatment and that the person is actually incompetent.

Now her assessment that you are not ready for sex- I take it you are young?

ANd you have never had intercourse? There are women I know of in the

position of having had pain form the first intercourse, write me directly

and I can give you more info on that.

As for the question of whther to tellig your boyfriend to force his finger

in there, um, uh, no? Obviously if it hurts, dont do it. The reasons for it

hurting can be dealt with.

So, to me, obvious step one is dont do things that hurt so you dont damage

any tissue and possibl make things worse.

Step two- find a new gyn. This is absolutely ridiculous to have had to deal

with what you dealt with. It is unacceptable, and angering as Lona pointed

out, just to hear about it.

Step three- if you have not done so already, post a more complete post to

this list with your background, and how this all started, etc. This way you

can find people with similar problems. Thats what this list is for.

Most important- dont beat yourself up mentally for this. This is not your

" fault " and you are not defective. We all need to remind ourselves of this

from time to time. For a young woman with no real point of comparison, such

as a former history of pain free sex, it becomes even more confusing.

There is a subgroups of women on this list who are on another list for realy

onset vestibulitis, pain with sex or penetration only, that began very

young.This is a documented condition and it is not in your head. Ladies?

Whoever you are, please let this person know where you can be found. I bet

youve done so already by the time you read this. Thank you.

Hang in there.