RE: spectrum people lack empathy

[Guest guest]

>

>

> >>Huh. If it's true, that would explain why I cross my legs and lean

> against things a lot. I even got made fun of for it in gradeschool...

>

>

> -Simon..>>

I tend to curl one foot in back around one ankle and balance there. I have

pictures of me like that dating back to the eighties, not aware of it

really.

Deep pressure is wonderful, my daughter brushes me with a hairbrush.

[Guest guest]

> Deep pressure is wonderful, my daughter brushes me with a hairbrush.

Mm...must be nice. I wish I had one of those... whaddyacallims... oh

yeah. Girlfriends. That'd be nice. I'd pet it and play with it and

care for it every day!

-Simon

[Guest guest]

I've always liked pressure and confining feelings. Tight jeans, tight

shoes, tight watch, tight hairstyles...I like to sit cross-legged,

Indian-style, even on the couch, and I used to cram my legs up in front of

me on the school bus. I tend to sleep in weird positions, too.

Elayne

http://www.huntfamilyhome.net

" The government thinks you're an idiot. " -- Radley Balko,

www.theagitator.com

> -----Original Message-----

> From: Simon Belanger

> Huh. If it's true, that would explain why I cross my legs and lean

> against things a lot.

[Guest guest]

Elayne wrote:

>I've always liked pressure and confining feelings. Tight jeans, tight

>shoes, tight watch, tight hairstyles...

I don't like tight clothes except the right kind of tightness around

the waist is okay.

Jane

[Guest guest]

a wrote:

>...Even though it

>bothers my back if I do it too much, I have to sleep on my stomach at

>some point (at least to the point of feeling like falling asleep, if

>I'm having trouble sleeping, the stomach is the way to go) to feel the

>comforting pressure against my hips and legs.

That's true for me, too, though it is bad for me to resort to lying

on my stomach because it wreaks havoc with my neck. I'd love to have

one of those face-cradling extensions like on the end of a massage

table.

>... I love the feeling of

>having my hair brushed too, but I can't help but think that feels good

>to NT's as well. As a kid when I had hair down to my rear, all the

>girls wanted to brush it. I'd just be in heaven.

Ack! When I was a child, I *hated* having my hair brushed (or

combed). My scalp was exquisitely sensitive, and brushing *hurt*. The

sensitivity has eased over time, but I would not enjoy having anybody

brush my hair. When it was long, I could enjoy the sensory experience

of the hair through my own hands, but my head got no pleasure from

hair-brushing.

Variety is the spice of life. :-)

Jane

[Guest guest]

Jane wrote:

> I'd love to have one of those face-cradling

> extensions like on the end of a massage table.

I bet you could Make one, if you wanted to.

Clay

[Guest guest]

I wrote:

> > I'd love to have one of those face-cradling

> > extensions like on the end of a massage table.

and Clay responded:

>I bet you could Make one, if you wanted to.

I'd take that bet and win. Unless I took a class in that making that

specific item, a class that gave me lots and lots of help and

instructions and materials and guaranteed I'd emerge at the end with

the item in hand, there's no way in the world I could accomplish

something like that. Not to mention the difficulty of attaching it to

the futon.

Jane

[Guest guest]

> >...Even though it bothers my back if I do it too

much, I have to

sleep on my stomach at....

***

Your mattress is not accommodating your spine.

A water bed might enable you by supporting your back

while your cervical spine extends to allow you to lie

on your stomach.

Experiment with a thin, soft pillow under your stomach

or your groin. The pillow should be small enough so it

fits only in the part of your back that is

uncomfortable--that way you will still " feel the

comforting pressure against my hips and legs. "

You might need a corresponding cushion under your

chest.

***

***

....it is bad for me to resort to lying on my stomach

because it wreaks havoc with my neck.

***

Lie on a soft, thin body pillow from your collar bone

downwards. You could roll lengthwise an over-sized

bath towel or a small blanket to lie on. You need

something to conform to the shape of your stomach as

you lie on it.

Experiment with various dimensions of towels and

blankets to reach your purpose of elevating your body

so your neck won't be forced into extension.

If lying on your stomach for a short time--I mean not

sleeping all night that way--would satisfy you, you

could lie on your stomach with your head hanging down

off the foot of your bed (this wouldn't work with a

footboard). You would then support your head on a

pillow resting on a stool or small table. The height

of the stool or table would be whatever necessary so

that your neck is at the same angle it would be if you

were standing.

***

***

This is all about making your environment conform to

you instead of your conforming to the environment.

(I do this for a living when I have clients.)

~Bonnie

Bonnie Bonham

Certified Feldenkrais Practitioner(cm)

move with ease and elegance

Reiki Master

balance your vital essence

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> >...Even though it

> >bothers my back if I do it too much, I have to sleep on my

> stomach at

> >some point (at least to the point of feeling like falling asleep,

> if

> >I'm having trouble sleeping, the stomach is the way to go) to

> feel the

> >comforting pressure against my hips and legs.

>

> That's true for me, too, though it is bad for me to resort to

> lying

> on my stomach because it wreaks havoc with my neck. I'd love to

> have

> one of those face-cradling extensions like on the end of a massage

> table.

>

I find my back hurts if I lie on it or my stomach all night, but if

I sleeping semi-curled on my side it doesn't. However when I'm just

waking up I frequently want to lie on my stomach.

Though I turn to my side if a cat comes near. Hard to bend my arms

in order to pet a cat on my back.

> >... I love the feeling of

> >having my hair brushed too, but I can't help but think that feels

> good

> >to NT's as well. As a kid when I had hair down to my rear, all

> the

> >girls wanted to brush it. I'd just be in heaven.

>

> Ack! When I was a child, I *hated* having my hair brushed (or

> combed). My scalp was exquisitely sensitive, and brushing *hurt*.

> The

> sensitivity has eased over time, but I would not enjoy having

> anybody

> brush my hair. When it was long, I could enjoy the sensory

> experience

> of the hair through my own hands, but my head got no pleasure from

> hair-brushing.

>

I too hate having my hair brushed. When I was too young to properly

brush my own hair it was a frequent power satruggle between me and

(usually) Mom. My Dad developed a system of counting the strokes of

the brush by saying " one hair pulled out by the roots " , " two hairs

pulled out by the roots " and the fun of that made it possible to

tolerate my hair being brushed, but it still hurt. My scalp ached

afterwards, too (and started aching again just thinking about it).

When I started brushing my own hair, at first I was so gentle it

took ages and often my Mom would have to hurriedly brush her hair

just as we were about to get out of the car because it had taken so

long. But over time, what with being in control of my own brushing,

it seems my sensitivity lessened.

I also love the sensation of twirling a lock of hair in my fingers

and stroking it. I have a few rituals for it, hard to describe them

but one is having it in a loop with the end towards my head going

through the loop so there's one line of hair on one side and two on

the other and stroking the one line.

It's always the same region - the left side of my head, and my left

hand or both of them fiddling with my hair. When ?I first started

brushing my hair my parents kept reminding me to brush more than

just that one spot, as without realizing it I'd brush that spot over

and over and nowhere else.

I wanted hair " like a boy " at 5 (not just short, but brushed into a

certain arrangement), but ever since then I've had long hair.

Ettina

> Variety is the spice of life. :-)

>

> Jane

>

[Guest guest]

Jane wrote:

> I wrote:

> > > I'd love to have one of those face-cradling

> > > extensions like on the end of a massage table.

> and Clay responded:

> >I bet you could Make one, if you wanted to.

> I'd take that bet and win. Unless I took a class in that making

> that specific item, a class that gave me lots and lots of help

> and instructions and materials and guaranteed I'd emerge at the

> end with the item in hand, there's no way in the world I could

> accomplish something like that. Not to mention the difficulty of

> attaching it to the futon.

I thought maybe with your experience with making patterns for bears,

and all the sewing you do, you could do it; it just hadn't occurred

to you. ;-)

Back to the topic, about lacking empathy, I was really happy to

learn that they released Jill Carroll, the Christian Science Monitor

reporter today. When I saw it reported on CNN, I felt the emotion

welling up, as though feeling how happy she and her parents must be

about her being released, unharmed. That was some good news.

Clay

[Guest guest]

However Simon, might not want to call the whaddyacallim an 'it,' unless of

course she is AC, then she may understand.

:)

> > Deep pressure is wonderful, my daughter brushes me with a hairbrush.

>

> Mm...must be nice. I wish I had one of those... whaddyacallims... oh

> yeah. Girlfriends. That'd be nice. I'd pet it and play with it and

> care for it every day!

>

> -Simon

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> However Simon, might not want to call the whaddyacallim an 'it,'

> > I'd pet it and play with it and care for it every day!

Bah. That wouldn't sound nearly as funny.

-Simon

[Guest guest]

Re:

>Arthur C e, I think it was, 90 percent of everything is

>hogwash. (Might have been Theodore Sturgeon, I always confuse e's

>Law and Sturgeon's Law.)

Sturgeon's Law: " Ninety percent of everything is cr*p. "

e's Law: " Any sufficiently advanced technology is

indistinguishable from magic. "

Heinlein's Law: " Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity. "

Yours for better letters,

Kate Gladstone

Handwriting Repair and the World Handwriting Contest

handwritingrepair@...

http://learn.to/handwrite, http://www.global2000.net/handwritingrepair

325 South Manning Boulevard

Albany, New York 12208-1731 USA

telephone 518/482-6763

AND REMEMBER ...

you can order books through my site!

(Amazon.com link -

I get a 5% - 15% commission on each book sold)

[Guest guest]

I agree, I enjoy your sense of funny.

> > However Simon, might not want to call the whaddyacallim an 'it,'

>

> > > I'd pet it and play with it and care for it every day!

>

> Bah. That wouldn't sound nearly as funny.

>

> -Simon

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> > >...Even though it bothers my back if I do it too

> much, I have to

> sleep on my stomach at....

> ***

> Your mattress is not accommodating your spine.

>

> A water bed might enable you by supporting your back

> while your cervical spine extends to allow you to lie

> on your stomach.

I've tried water beds and they are torture! I do need to replace my

mattress (12 years old), which originally worked very well for me, but

not lately.

>

> Experiment with a thin, soft pillow under your stomach

> or your groin. The pillow should be small enough so it

> fits only in the part of your back that is

> uncomfortable--that way you will still " feel the

> comforting pressure against my hips and legs. "

>

> You might need a corresponding cushion under your

> chest.

I use a thin pillow under my stomach (and have used one under my chest,

which doesn't work so much), meant to raise the section of my spine

that is affected. (Sometimes in the unconsciousness of sleep, however,

sometimes things get moved, mind you I've got myself " trained " pretty

good and transfer pillows around as I change positions, for the most

part. On my side, I keep a pillow between my knees to keep my spine

aligned.) Actually, my problem is a tad complicated. I severely

ruptured one of the discs in my lumbar spine almost 18 years ago now,

which took about 5 years of rehabilitation to get myself functioning

again. Now, besides the osteoarthritis that developed in the

traumatized area, I was also diagnosed with Ankylosing spondylitis,

which effects the spine. Recently (the last two years or so) it's

really been acting up, has " kicked in " . When I was diagnosed, it

hadn't yet, but it's here now, I'm afraid. My neck and mid-back are

affected too.

a

[Guest guest]

It was 22 Mar 2006, when Rhonda commented:

> Hello,

> I haven't posted in quite a while, but I'm trying to get your thoughts:

>

> There is a big difference to me in having empathy and showing empathy. For

> example, you might be able to relate (either intellectually or by feeling)

> to a situation, but either not have the words to express it or be able to

> show through the socially expected action (for example, hugging).

<snip>

I think the issue here is the difference between Empathy and Sympathy.

Empathy is, as I understand it, understanding others' feelings by feeling

the same way. Sympathy is understanding others' feelings by having them

explained, or puzzling them out intellectually, but not necessarily having

the same feelings.

I do think we have trouble understanding other folks' feelings, because we

don't think the same way about many things. We also don't do that

" parallel processing " thing folks do, that amounts to following what

they're feeling by reading their body language and actions on an ongoing

basis. That's a trick we don't necessarily have the tools to perform.

That doesn't mean we don't care about others' feelings, their pain, their

sadness. We may not catch on right away to how they feel, or why they

feel the way they do, but once we understand, those feelings are just as

important to us as to NTs.

So, no, I suppose I'm not empathic. But I can be sympathetic -- possibly

more sympathetic than some NT folk I know, because I've known a bit more

pain than they may have.

Just my take.

--

B. , another satisfied user of

Pegasus Mail Client and Mercury MTA <http://www.pmail.com>

<ftp://ftp.usm.maine.edu/pegasus/winpmail/w32-431.exe>

[Guest guest]

> I think the issue here is the difference between Empathy and Sympathy.

My husband and I recently had this discussion over the difference

between empathy and sympathy.

empathy: identification with and understanding of another's situation,

feelings, and motives; understanding and entering into another's

feelings

sympathy: a relationship between people in which whatever affects one

correspondingly affects the other

So, empathy is one sided while sympathy is shared between the two

people. In conclusion, aspies would be more likely empathic than

sympathetic.

sara

mother anarchy http://motheranarchy.blogspot.com

[Guest guest]

RE: empathy & sympathy

I've sat through discussions on this topic before. There seems to be

no universally-accepted definitions of those words, much less of the

distinction between them.

Jane

[Guest guest]

It was 31 Mar 2006, when Kate Gladstone commented:

> Re:

>

> >Arthur C e, I think it was, 90 percent of everything is

> >hogwash. (Might have been Theodore Sturgeon, I always confuse e's

> >Law and Sturgeon's Law.)

>

> Sturgeon's Law: " Ninety percent of everything is cr*p. "

>

> e's Law: " Any sufficiently advanced technology is

> indistinguishable from magic. "

's Correlary to Sturgeon's Law: " Ninety percent of any sufficiently

advanced technology is indistinguishable from cr*p. " Ain't it the truth!

--

B. , another satisfied user of

Pegasus Mail Client and Mercury MTA <http://www.pmail.com>

<ftp://ftp.usm.maine.edu/pegasus/winpmail/w32-431.exe>

[Guest guest]

It was 31 Mar 2006, when P.C. MacNeil commented:

> of rehabilitation to get myself functioning again. Now, besides the

> osteoarthritis that developed in the traumatized area, I was also diagnosed

> with Ankylosing spondylitis, which effects the spine. Recently (the last

> two years or so) it's really been acting up, has " kicked in " . When I was

> diagnosed, it hadn't yet, but it's here now, I'm afraid. My neck and

> mid-back are affected too.

I'm currently studying to be a Medical Transcriptionist, which naturally

involves learning (how to spell) lots of medical terms. I have to admit

Ankylosing spondylitis is a favorite term for me. I'm sure you enjoy it

much less, naturally. <grin>

I also like the way hematemesis sounds. Well, not the sounds one makes,

but the sound of the -word-. Whole different thing.

--

B. , another satisfied user of

Pegasus Mail Client and Mercury MTA <http://www.pmail.com>

<ftp://ftp.usm.maine.edu/pegasus/winpmail/w32-431.exe>

[Guest guest]

It was 6 Apr 2006, when Sara McGrath commented:

> > I think the issue here is the difference between Empathy and Sympathy.

>

> My husband and I recently had this discussion over the difference

> between empathy and sympathy.

>

> empathy: identification with and understanding of another's situation,

> feelings, and motives; understanding and entering into another's feelings

>

> sympathy: a relationship between people in which whatever affects one

> correspondingly affects the other

>

> So, empathy is one sided while sympathy is shared between the two

> people. In conclusion, aspies would be more likely empathic than

> sympathetic.

But empathy requires identifying with and understanding, where sympathy

only requires being affected. I don't think Aspies can't be affected by

others feelings and pain, even if we can't necessarily understand or enter

into another's feelings. That was the point I was trying to make.

--

B. , another satisfied user of

Pegasus Mail Client and Mercury MTA <http://www.pmail.com>

<ftp://ftp.usm.maine.edu/pegasus/winpmail/w32-431.exe>

[Guest guest]

It was 6 Apr 2006, when Jane Meyerding commented:

> RE: empathy & sympathy

>

> I've sat through discussions on this topic before. There seems to be

> no universally-accepted definitions of those words, much less of the

> distinction between them.

>

> Jane

As someone once pointed out in a book I read, dictionaries don't contain

definitions, they contain usages -- not what words absolutely mean, but

what they mean relative to the way folks use them. For that matter, they

often have several different usages listed, some obsolete. I'm a bigger

fan of etymology.

So if people say that's the way they use the word, essentially they're

just as correct as the dictionary. May not be as popular a usage, but

just as valid IMHO.

--

B. , another satisfied user of

Pegasus Mail Client and Mercury MTA <http://www.pmail.com>

<ftp://ftp.usm.maine.edu/pegasus/winpmail/w32-431.exe>