Re: despair

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

I can't tell you how many times I have felt like this.

I just keep repeating to myself " God only gives us

what we can handle " .

Tuna

--- The Hunny Family wrote:

That's it. I just dont' have anything left in me to

give.

jacquie

=====

______________________________________________________

Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

i know how you feel. When he's well, what would happen if you ignored

his demands to baby him or whatever demands he makes. I think youre

right in not wanting to cater to him, and you not going up there is

probably good instincts. When my comes into my room at night

insisting I stay with him until he falls asleep, I just tell him to

leave me alone after the 20 th time. I heard that when autistic

kids " get out of their shell " so to speak, they become complete

pests, just no boundaries. I cant even walk past him anymore without

him jumping on me. I find him sleeping in the bed next to me at 3

am. It just seems they cant get it right, figuring out others needs

and being sensitive. I guess that's something they need to learn

artifically maybe. I guess you could try some social stories (once

hes better) of some type.

Thea

>

> That's it. I just dont' have anything left in me to give. I am up

here, listening to eric yelling at me from the couch, his voice full

of tears...i know he's upset becuas he wants me to go down and

straightne up his fucking blanket or shomething stupid like that and

i'm sitting up here looking out the window at the grey sky thinking,

okay, this is it. this is forever. nothing is ever going to

change. i'm never going to get a break. i'm never going to have

enough time for myslef. i'm never going to stop being sucked up and

sucked in and sucked dry by this child.....i feel like complete bitch

for not going down there; like a neglectful excuse for a mother, but

it's so hard to be caring and kind and compassionate when you look at

this child and all you can see is a parasite, something that just

takes and takes and saps you without returning anything; it's not

even like a symbiotic relationship. it's all one way -- give give

give, take take take...give more, demand more...

>

> Ah, well. don't reply to this, you don't have to. and i apologize

for sounding so bleak. i just had to send this out to the lsit

hoping there's someone out theere who's felt like that this at some

point...

>

> jacquie

[Guest guest]

I'm not going to be reprimanded if I reply when you said not to, am I?

Seriously, yeah, I've definitely been there...more than once.

Don't feel like a bad mother because you don't feel like sprinting

down to straighten out the blanket of someone who's bellowing at you

like a moose. Or because you feel that you're being used up and dried

out.

When Crissy asked me how I was doing after a rough afternoon with the

kids (she was at work) last week, I told her I felt like a husk. A

shell-man. Empty. Drained. Finished.

For me, it was going out to rest on the front porch, sitting Syd down

at the computer, ignoring the sound of a large amount of liquid being

emptied onto the kitchen floor, yelling to Clay, " You work it out! "

through the screen door when I heard him complaining about

doing something, and a big mug of wonky tea.

You don't sound bleak, you sound totally worn-out. And depressed. And

*perfectly rational* in a situation which is physically and

emotionally draining.

Take care of yourself, we're all here for you.

Cheers,

> Ah, well. don't reply to this, you don't have to. and i apologize

for sounding so bleak. i just had to send this out to the lsit

hoping there's someone out theere who's felt like that this at some

point...

>

> jacquie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/8/01 5:28:33 PM Pacific Standard Time, vhunnius@...

writes:

> I went grocery shopping, but first I spent an hour at the dollar store (my

> idea of heaven), then took myself out for a sub.

Hey--good idea! That is my idea of relaxing!

:-)

kadnie

Kandie and (9 years)

* 's website: <A

HREF= " http://kidsactivities.homestead.com/spage.html " >spage</A> *

[Guest guest]

Jacquie !

Are you kidding??? Felt like that at " some point " ...eegads...WAY too

often.

It's like having an extra appendage sometimes, and YES it is VERY,

VERY draining...

and what's worse...is when you give and give and give...and

your " significant other " , for whatever reason doesn't " give " as much

as you do. Like when you play " little friends " , cuz you haven't

played yet today, and you play because if you don't, there will be

never ending clinging until you do....and you try to " involve "

significant other, and he ultimately FALLS ASLEEP.

I got even though...I squirted him in the face with water.

anyway, I understand.

Penny :-)

[Guest guest]

> Jacquie,

>

> I can't tell you how many times I have felt like this.

> I just keep repeating to myself " God only gives us

> what we can handle " .

>

> Tuna

------------------------------->ME

This is me stepping AWAY from that sentence.... LOL

Penny

[Guest guest]

>> I heard that when autistic kids " get out of their shell " so to

>speak, they become complete pests, just no boundaries.<<<

That sounds right on the nose, Thea. Perfect description.

Penny :-)

[Guest guest]

I heard that when autistic

> kids " get out of their shell " so to speak, they become complete

> pests, just no boundaries. I cant even walk past him anymore

without

> him jumping on me. I find him sleeping in the bed next to me at 3

> am. It just seems they cant get it right, figuring out others needs

> and being sensitive. I guess that's something they need to learn

> artifically maybe. I guess you could try some social stories (once

> hes better) of some type.

This is a very good description of some of what we deal with here

Thea. No boundaries, no sense, and yes, very pesty. It seems to be

a one or the other deal.

Jacquie, I think we have all felt that way at some point. It goes

with the territory.

[Guest guest]

>

> > and what's worse...is when you give and give and give...and

> your " significant other " , for whatever reason doesn't " give " as

much

> as you do. Like when you play " little friends " , cuz you haven't

> played yet today, and you play because if you don't, there will be

> never ending clinging until you do....and you try to " involve "

> significant other, and he ultimately FALLS ASLEEP.

>

> I got even though...I squirted him in the face with water.

>

> anyway, I understand.

>

> Penny :-)

And if he's anything like mine...he will have his head back

and his mouth open---creating a vacuum in the room.

Cinnamon

[Guest guest]

> And if he's anything like mine...he will have his head back

and his mouth open---creating a vacuum in the room.

Cinnamon <

hahaha, i'd be dropping stuff in there

hmmm, maybe that's why i'm single

" Why is it that everytime I think I know the answers, someone goes and changes

the questions?? " - Fox Mulder

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

Believe it or not, I know how you feel. Remember when I was moaning and

groaning about how these children were just the most selfish creatures on

the planet? Taking all they can... anything they want... all of our time,

and all of what used to be a good life... and giving hell in return?

Yes, I know how you feel.

I may not know the parasitic nature of a verbal child, and I trust that this

could drive a person mad in itself. But I do know the parasitic nature of

having two of these types of kids, and it ain't pretty sometimes.

But you know what - - you do have more to give. All we need is one or two

nice, decent, pleasant things to happen, every once in awhile, and we are

okay. That is what leads me to believe that we, as parents, are strong. We

don't need a full tank to chug along, we just need a reason... a whiff of

fuel, if you will.

<Close your eyes, men....> Whenever it's PMS time, I have definitely

noticed a pattern to my weepiness and shortness in temper. The same tiny

tantrum from yesterday will elicit a huge sob session tomorrow if I am

hormonal. The main difference between now and last year, now and even

several months ago, is that I can identify it.

For example.... the other night, I had some music going and I was cleaning

up. One sad song comes on, and my heart just broke. But while I was THAT

upset, I was conscious of the fact that although it FELT like the end of the

world, I am just being hormonal, and my world will NOT end. Nothing is THIS

bad, it just FEELS this bad right now. Sure enough, things always improve

when my hormones calm down. Question being: are you PMS-ing?

I was also thinking for awhile that the scariest prospect is that there is

nobody in the world who can help us. Not a single famous doctor, not Rupert

Murdoch or Bill Gates.... nobody. Neither money nor fame, intellect or

skill can help us.

But at the same time, I try to keep in mind two things:

1. Yes, this is forever, but my child(ren) are really quite wonderful for

the most part,

and

2. Yes, this is forever, but thank heavens, the sh*tty emotions I feel

right now, are not.

I hope tomorrow is better for you. It's a rough season for you, and I was

expecting a LOT worse, Jacquie. You are doing really well, all things

considered!

Grace

despair

That's it. I just dont' have anything left in me to give. I am up here,

listening to eric yelling at me from the couch, his voice full of tears...i

know he's upset becuas he wants me to go down and straightne up his fucking

blanket or shomething stupid like that and i'm sitting up here looking out

the window at the grey sky thinking, okay, this is it. this is forever.

nothing is ever going to change. i'm never going to get a break. i'm never

going to have enough time for myslef. i'm never going to stop being sucked

up and sucked in and sucked dry by this child.....i feel like complete bitch

for not going down there; like a neglectful excuse for a mother, but it's so

hard to be caring and kind and compassionate when you look at this child and

all you can see is a parasite, something that just takes and takes and saps

you without returning anything; it's not even like a symbiotic relationship.

it's all one way -- give give give, take take take...give more, demand

more...

Ah, well. don't reply to this, you don't have to. and i apologize for

sounding so bleak. i just had to send this out to the lsit hoping there's

someone out theere who's felt like that this at some point...

jacquie

_________________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

You mean like when Mitchel was screaming at the top of his lungs at the top of

the stairs for me. And not screaming like he's hurt. Screaming for me to come

there cause I was in trouble. Well I finished eating first. Cause what

difference would it make.

The big crisis??? he wanted a video tape in... All his tapes are in the play

room. I even bought him a TV/VCR combo so he could use it easier... He changes

tapes all the time by himself.. So why did he SCREAM and YELLLLLLL and SCREAM

for me to do it??? I have no earthly idea!???

(((((((jacquie)))))))

and I have to have hope it will improve... It's what gets me through each day.

Kerri

[Guest guest]

> I got even though...I squirted him in the face with water.

>

> anyway, I understand.

Penny.

You ARE mean.

LOL!!!

Grace

_________________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> Hey--good idea! That is my idea of relaxing!

> :-)

> kadnie

> Kandie and (9 years)

Welcome to the club, Kadnie!

[Guest guest]

> The big crisis??? he wanted a video tape in... All his tapes are in the play

room. I even bought him a TV/VCR combo so he could use it easier... He changes

tapes all the time by himself.. So why did he SCREAM and YELLLLLLL and SCREAM

for me to do it??? I have no earthly idea!???

>

YES YES YES!!!!!!!

We have that drama all the time!!!!!!!!!!!

(((Kerri)))

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

See, parallel lives!!

Only I have the advantage of occassionally saying... - give him the

cookie...

Except today when she tried to help him when something happened on the computer,

he was screaming NO MOMMY and she screamed, and had these huge red marks on her

arm. UG!!

Then I made him turn off the computer which royally pissed him off!!

I got him to go in the playroom, and I turned on a tape (I know, may see like a

reward, but I needed him to calm down and be by himself) and told to play

ANYWHERE else but near him for awhile. When he came back down hours later he was

perky Mitchel again.

Kerri

Re: despair

> The big crisis??? he wanted a video tape in... All his tapes are in the play

room. I even bought him a TV/VCR combo so he could use it easier... He changes

tapes all the time by himself.. So why did he SCREAM and YELLLLLLL and SCREAM

for me to do it??? I have no earthly idea!???

>

YES YES YES!!!!!!!

We have that drama all the time!!!!!!!!!!!

(((Kerri)))

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Jacquie:

I think you are feeling better today; I am so glad. Sorry you had such a

rough day.

Salli

[Guest guest]

I heard that when autistic

> kids " get out of their shell " so to speak, they become complete

> pests, just no boundaries.

Thea:

That is a very interesting piece of information. Can't imagine a

boudary-less Putter but right now it sounds nice.

Salli

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/9/01 3:42:42 PM Pacific Standard Time,

tloggie@... writes:

> Kandie I enjoy the dollar stores to. That is my idea of spending cheap

> money. I find when I am pissed or just bored I have to shop, and I end up

> there all the time.

>

> Lori

>

:-D

Yep. Lori, that's me too.

But I prefer the Thriftown first but after I'll go to a dollar store or Big

Lots.

(my first trip to the store was just last week, and you guessed it....I went

to the Thriftstore to test out my walking legs and spending cash!)

kandie

Kandie and (9 years)

* 's website: <A

HREF= " http://kidsactivities.homestead.com/spage.html " >spage</A> *

[Guest guest]

Kandie I enjoy the dollar stores to. That is my idea of spending cheap money. I

find when I am pissed or just bored I have to shop, and I end up there all the

time.

Lori

Re: Re: despair

In a message dated 12/8/01 5:28:33 PM Pacific Standard Time, vhunnius@...

writes:

> I went grocery shopping, but first I spent an hour at the dollar store (my

> idea of heaven), then took myself out for a sub.

Hey--good idea! That is my idea of relaxing!

:-)

kadnie

Kandie and (9 years)

* 's website: <A

HREF= " http://kidsactivities.homestead.com/spage.html " >spage</A> *

[Guest guest]

you guys are describing my dh to the tee.

Head back mouth open and the vacuum needs a tune up around here.

Lori

Re: despair

>

> > and what's worse...is when you give and give and give...and

> your " significant other " , for whatever reason doesn't " give " as

much

> as you do. Like when you play " little friends " , cuz you haven't

> played yet today, and you play because if you don't, there will be

> never ending clinging until you do....and you try to " involve "

> significant other, and he ultimately FALLS ASLEEP.

>

> I got even though...I squirted him in the face with water.

>

> anyway, I understand.

>

> Penny :-)

And if he's anything like mine...he will have his head back

and his mouth open---creating a vacuum in the room.

Cinnamon

[Guest guest]

My favorite is Liquidation World. I don't know if

these stores are anywhere outside of Alberta. If a

business goes bankrupt or can't move a product, it

goes to Liquidation World where they sell it at 70%

off or more. I get all my sheets, towels and kitchen

things there. I love to go there and just poke around

for a while.

Tuna

P.S. Kanide, nice to here you're out and about!

--- kandiedem@... wrote:

I prefer the Thriftown first but after I'll go to a

dollar store or Big Lots. (my first trip to the store

was just last week, and you guessed it....I went to

the Thriftstore to test out my walking legs and

spending cash!)

kandie

=====

______________________________________________________

Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca

[Guest guest]

> My favorite is Liquidation World. I don't know if

> these stores are anywhere outside of Alberta.

bought 2 packs of pokemon figures (team rocket and ashe & misty) there last

night for $1.99 each!

[Guest guest]

Isn't it funny how despair turned into dollar stores?

You know, the world is not such a bad place after all.

Salli