Speaking Up

[Guest guest]

Kyla - I wanted to say that I'm proud of you for speaking up in your

book group AND for not apologizing at the end -- apologizing for what?

Having your own opinion? You go, girl! You HAVE those opinions and you

STATE those opinion and have faith that if you are disagreeing with

someone, chances are someone else out there disagrees too and you are

not only taking back your own power by expressing yourself (and

doesn't that always feel good, even if it's a small thing?), but

you're also modeling for other people how it's done, how to do it

right. I commend you.

>

> Good job!

>

> I would love to share what we talked about in my last group session

> that you might benefit from at this point:

>

> So many of us who were taught not to speak up -- thereby making us

> afraid to speak up in life -- need to learn to both speak up AND to

> let the chips fall without having a fit of nerves.

>

> I spoke up the other day during a spirited discussion in my book

> club. I was shaking inside -- I was strongly disagreeing with

> someone (something new for me!). Later, when we were all getting up

> to go home, that little voice inside me told me to apologize for

> getting everyone all riled up! For the first time, I IGNORED THAT

> VOICE. It was the old voice from my childhood that told me I wasn't

> entitled to an opinion or to speak my mind. My therapist told me we

> can rewrite or re-record over that voice with a NEW voice. You're

> finding your new voice.

>

> You have spoken your mind. GOOD!! You have taken steps to stop

> emotional blackmail of your child. GOOD!! Take a deep breath and

> steel yourself not to be afraid of what comes next. You don't have

> to hold the world up anymore and you have NOTHING to apologize for

> or be ashamed of. So tell the old fear to take a hike!! Let the

> chips fall. They're not ALL yours to pick up!

>

> Hang in there and tell yourself you're sick of being afraid of your

> mother's reactions to things.

>

> -Kyla

>