Re: [FSG]Need Support/ Sensitive Subject

[Guest guest]

Hello Friends,

Last night our world came crashing in. My 13 year old daughter was raped by and 18 year old man. I'm feeling so many different emotions that I can't put my finger on any of them! My daughter is doing remark-

ably well. We had a wonderful nurse last night in the ER. That made things a little easier to handle. She explained everything to Callie and spoke to her as a person. I've heard such awful stories about going thru this type of ordeal. One of the police that came to the hospital is the counselor at her school, and she felt very safe while he was there.

It seemed to me that they should be able to go and arrest this guy, but that's not how it works. First they are going to ask him to come to the police station to talk. If he refuses to come then they go to the DA and get an arrest warrant. We want him prosecuted to the fullest extent. I just can't believe this is happening to my baby. Most important is for me to be there for her. She's kind of business as usual right now and she was like that last night also. Maybe that's just her way of dealing with it right now. They also brought in a rape crisis counselor who was great. I was a little thrown when a lady from child protective services came up to us. (My husband and me) She was concerned that Callie was in a situation that this could happen. Let me tell you I did not need that! I've got to get my feelings out of the way so I can be there for my daughter tho.

I would appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers.

Kathleen in NC

[Guest guest]

First, punch the child protective services person... partially kidding. You are sooo right, you don't need that. Any of you.

Sounds like your daughter is in shock. I'm only speaking from experience, but I would get your daughter into counseling RIGHT AWAY! I don't just mean the rape crises counselor.... but a highly trained psychotherapist.

My heart breaks for all of you. I didn't tell anyone until almost 10 years after my incident. It was someone I knew, and I blamed myself... afterall, I got in the car with the guy. My ride had left me and he offered me a ride home... we didn't end up at my home... at least not for a long time.

I finally told my parents YEARS later... but only after my Mother asked my if I was embarrassed of her and my Dad because I never brought guys home. The thing is... I ALWAYS had to have a vehicle to escape when needed.

Boy, I wish there was something I could do to help. All I can do is give you my love and prayers. It is NOT going to be easy. Although supposedly we have come out of the dark ages... they still make it rough on the victim. Partly why I never told.

Hon, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayer. Be ready when the shock wears off... she is going to need her Mother.

Hugs and all my well wishes to get through this.

Tigger

Re: Need Support/ Sensitive Subject

Hello Friends,

Last night our world came crashing in. My 13 year old daughter was raped by and 18 year old man. I'm feeling so many different emotions that I can't put my finger on any of them! My daughter is doing remark-

ably well. We had a wonderful nurse last night in the ER. That made things a little easier to handle. She explained everything to Callie and spoke to her as a person. I've heard such awful stories about going thru this type of ordeal. One of the police that came to the hospital is the counselor at her school, and she felt very safe while he was there.

It seemed to me that they should be able to go and arrest this guy, but that's not how it works. First they are going to ask him to come to the police station to talk. If he refuses to come then they go to the DA and get an arrest warrant. We want him prosecuted to the fullest extent. I just can't believe this is happening to my baby. Most important is for me to be there for her. She's kind of business as usual right now and she was like that last night also. Maybe that's just her way of dealing with it right now. They also brought in a rape crisis counselor who was great. I was a little thrown when a lady from child protective services came up to us. (My husband and me) She was concerned that Callie was in a situation that this could happen. Let me tell you I did not need that! I've got to get my feelings out of the way so I can be there for my daughter tho.

I would appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers.

Kathleen in NC

1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the list as to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check with your dr. Some treatments are dangerous when given along with other meds as well as to certain health conditions or just dangerous in general.2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it is) pls don't be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to trying to make that situation better.Have a nice day everyone.

[Guest guest]

Kathleen,

OMG! How horrible for you and your daughter, your family to be going through that. I will light a candle for you and your family. The reaction your daughter is having right now is completely normal. Don't question her. I promise you that won't get responses. Just let her know that you are there should she want to talk. And when she does want to talk, listen, don't interrupt, don't gasp, don't go into hysterics, just listen and be the strong mom that she needs you to be. If you react poorly, she will clam up and she won't talk to you about it again.

Hmm...having concerns about posting this...I was molested (raped) as a child by the multiple men my mother allowed to buy me for rent money. If you have any questions or need to talk......I am here. Just let me know.

Katrina StilesOwner/OperatorStanding Stones Designshttp://www.standingstonesdesigns.comCo-Ownerhttp://groups.yahoo.com/group/Free-2-U-Recycle/Co-Ownerhttp://groups.yahoo.com/group/PascoCountyGarageSales/Ownerhttp://groups.yahoo.com/group/WestPascoHomeschooledTeens

[Guest guest]

omg, kathleen, i am SO VERY sorry. my prayers are definitely with you and your daughter, the entire family, for comfort and healing from this horrendous act. and, i pray justice is done and QUICKLY.

loving hugs,

lindy lou

Hello Friends,

Last night our world came crashing in. My 13 year old daughter was raped by and 18 year old man. I'm feeling so many different emotions that I can't put my finger on any of them! My daughter is doing remark-

ably well. We had a wonderful nurse last night in the ER. That made things a little easier to handle. She explained everything to Callie and spoke to her as a person. I've heard such awful stories about going thru this type of ordeal. One of the police that came to the hospital is the counselor at her school, and she felt very safe while he was there.

It seemed to me that they should be able to go and arrest this guy, but that's not how it works. First they are going to ask him to come to the police station to talk. If he refuses to come then they go to the DA and get an arrest warrant. We want him prosecuted to the fullest extent. I just can't believe this is happening to my baby. Most important is for me to be there for her. She's kind of business as usual right now and she was like that last night also. Maybe that's just her way of dealing with it right now. They also brought in a rape crisis counselor who was great. I was a little thrown when a lady from child protective services came up to us. (My husband and me) She was concerned that Callie was in a situation that this could happen. Let me tell you I did not need that! I've got to get my feelings out of the way so I can be there for my daughter tho.

I would appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers.

Kathleen in NC

[Guest guest]

Oh, I'm so sorry Kathleen! My thoughts go out to you and your family,

and especially your daughter!

-

On Thu, 6 Jan 2005 12:38:41 -0600, rosey lindy lou

wrote:

> omg, kathleen, i am SO VERY sorry. my prayers are definitely with you and

> your daughter, the entire family, for comfort and healing from this

> horrendous act. and, i pray justice is done and QUICKLY.

> loving hugs,

> lindy lou

>

> Hello Friends,

>

> Last night our world came crashing in. My 13 year old daughter was raped by

> and 18 year old man. I'm feeling so many different emotions that I can't

> put my finger on any of them! My daughter is doing remark-

> ably well. We had a wonderful nurse last night in the ER. That made things

> a little easier to handle. She explained everything to Callie and spoke to

> her as a person. I've heard such awful stories about going thru this type

> of ordeal. One of the police that came to the hospital is the counselor at

> her school, and she felt very safe while he was there.

>

> It seemed to me that they should be able to go and arrest this guy, but

> that's not how it works. First they are going to ask him to come to the

> police station to talk. If he refuses to come then they go to the DA and

> get an arrest warrant. We want him prosecuted to the fullest extent. I

> just can't believe this is happening to my baby. Most important is for me

> to be there for her. She's kind of business as usual right now and she was

> like that last night also. Maybe that's just her way of dealing with it

> right now. They also brought in a rape crisis counselor who was great. I

> was a little thrown when a lady from child protective services came up to

> us. (My husband and me) She was concerned that Callie was in a situation

> that this could happen. Let me tell you I did not need that! I've got to

> get my feelings out of the way so I can be there for my daughter tho.

>

> I would appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers.

>

> Kathleen in NC

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> 1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the list

> as to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check with your

> dr. Some treatments are dangerous when given along with other meds as well

> as to certain health conditions or just dangerous in general.

>

> 2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it is) pls don't

> be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to trying to make that

> situation better.

>

>

> Have a nice day everyone.

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you daughter. I hope she and you can come through it all as well as possible.

Hugs

Penny UK

> > Hello Friends,> > Last night our world came crashing in. My 13 year old daughter was raped> by and 18 year old man. I'm feeling so many different emotions that I can't> put my finger on any of them! My daughter is doing remark-> ably well. We had a wonderful nurse last night in the ER. That made things> a little easier to handle. She explained everything to Callie and spoke to> her as a person.> I've heard such awful stories about going thru this type of ordeal. One of the police that came to the hospital is the counselor at her school, and she felt very safe while he was there.> > It seemed to me that they should be able to go and arrest this guy, but that's> not how it works. First they are going to ask him to come to the police> station to talk. If he refuses to come then they go to the DA and get an> arrest warrant. We want him prosecuted to the fullest extent. I just> can't believe this is happening to my baby. Most important is

[Guest guest]

Hello,

Well last night my daughter wanted me to sleep with her. It was nice snuggling up to my baby, just like years ago when she was little. We have another issue. Of course the rape rumors are going around the middle school and the high school. Some people have expressed that they are going to beat her up. Of course there are a lot of people who don't believe it was rape. I have told her that no one wants to believe that this guy is a rapist because they are his friends. I stayed on the phone when a girl called last night saying she agreed to sex and when he didn't perform adequately she decided to call it rape. I told her that if she insisted on spreading rumors don't call here! I was so mad. She's being victimized all over again by hateful rumors.

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

Kathleen... I'm sooooo sorry you are going through this. It seems rape and molestation always get down to a "he said/she said" kind of thing. If you were dealing with normal people (not teenagers) they might understand that NO ONE wants to ever say they were raped or molested. It always opens the door for people to say things.

Please keep supporting your daughter and make sure she gets the counseling. Kids can be so cruel... and so can their parents sometimes.

Gosh I wish there was something to do to help you. Is there anyway you can record these phone calls... I know there are some legality issues, but maybe if you talked to someone they can give you ideas. Even just telling someone that you're recording may make them stop. I don't know... I'm grasping at straws here.

Much love and hugs to all of you. I'm so proud of you for being so supportive.

Hugs,

Tigger

Re: Need Support/ Sensitive Subject

Hello,

Well last night my daughter wanted me to sleep with her. It was nice snuggling up to my baby, just like years ago when she was little. We have another issue. Of course the rape rumors are going around the middle school and the high school. Some people have expressed that they are going to beat her up. Of course there are a lot of people who don't believe it was rape. I have told her that no one wants to believe that this guy is a rapist because they are his friends. I stayed on the phone when a girl called last night saying she agreed to sex and when he didn't perform adequately she decided to call it rape. I told her that if she insisted on spreading rumors don't call here! I was so mad. She's being victimized all over again by hateful rumors.

Kathleen1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the list as to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check with your dr. Some treatments are dangerous when given along with other meds as well as to certain health conditions or just dangerous in general.2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it is) pls don't be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to trying to make that situation better.Have a nice day everyone.

[Guest guest]

Kathleen: My heart goes out to your daughter.. and to you.. It is terrible to be rapped in the first place.. but then to half to go through the ridicule of people from the town. the accused and his so called friends and so on is just terrible.. But that is how it works when it comes to being raped.. The victim is always the one who end's up suffering 10 time's over..You need to talk too the school about your daughter and let them know she is being threatened..They half to protect her while she is on school property.. Gentle Caring hug;s to you and you daughter.. Gentle Caring Hug's Marie Marie A. Roomsburg P.O. Box 346 Ava, IL. 62907 E-mail marieava@... or marieava62907@... Messanger. aol. marieava. yahoo. marieava62907

[Guest guest]

Oh Kathleen - that is SO sad! Other kids being cruel things like that - that gives her a double whammy. It's just not right. I would get the names of the kids and call their parents if you can. ?

Also, think of some good comebacks for your poor daughter.

She was raped. Rape is rape and she is only 13 years old - someone needs to remind the harassers that having sex at 13, no matter if it was consentual or not, IS rape.

How on earth can these other girls be cruel to her?? My God...

Blessings and hugs to you all,

li

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[Guest guest]

Hi Marie,

Thank you for your support. It really is awful that she's having all these rumors going around. She was with some friends yesterday and a group of girls came up to her and threatened to fight her. Luckily she had the support of her friends there. I came a got her right after that.

She's still being pretty closed off about this and I know that's just her way of dealing with it right now. I did go to the school and told the principle what's going on. Luckily the school policeman has been a great support to Callie and he'll watch out for her. He came to the hospital that night too. Also I think the rape crisis lady said she would go to school with her. Of course I have to ask Callie first, but I would hope she'd let her come. She needs support. We see her therapist on Tuesday.

Hopefully we'll hear from the DA by the end of the week. We're afraid that the charge may be brought down to sex with a minor instead of rape.

We'll just have to wait and see.

Kathleen in NC

[Guest guest]

Hi li,

Sorry I always misspell your name. Actually my best friend has talked to my daughter and she was raped at the age of 11. She's coming to stay with us next week. My daughter really likes her. Also her cousin called yesterday and she was raped also. Callie really loves this cousin so I hope they had a good talk. Thanks for your offer. Your so sweet!

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathleen,

I was wondering... if it might benefit her if an adult who has been there, wrote to her or talked to her? Do you know anyone like that in person? I would be glad to write..

I would think it would make all the difference, if someone who has experienced it and survived, gone on with their life etc.. would be of some help to her, so she knows she is not alone. And can validate her cruddy feelings about it all. And the behavior of the other kids who want to harass her now.. I think that is just as damaging as the rape - it's like reliving it all over again plus she has more than just that creep against her now. I think that would have reallly helped me a lot, if i had, had that. As a matter of fact, I remember years later, talking to an older woman when I was still a teen, and my jaw hitting the floor when she told me she knows what that is like. It made such a difference for me to know someone like *her* had survived that etc.. - I looked up to her. My family is big on "forgetting" - don't talk about it. But I don't think that's the answer at all.

If I wrote, I would be careful what I'd say - not go into details about being raped or anything like that, but rather... I don't know - just tell her it happened to me too and that I know it's scarey, but that she won't have these feelings forever. And tell her a little about me, how I am an adult now, got married, got pregnant etc.. and had a normal life. [yeah - I'd have to leave out all the goobly gunk though, lol]. I just think it is so important to get support from others she knows *and* doesn't know...

Sometime's letter writing is really theraputic for some people. Or there's always the 'puter.

Oh well - just a thought if you thought she might be up for that but... I know, you know what to do. I just wanted to offer that just in case. ;-)

xo li

----- Original Message -----

Hi Marie,

Thank you for your support. It really is awful that she's having all these rumors going around. She was with some friends yesterday and a group of girls came up to her and threatened to fight her. Luckily she had the support of her friends there. I came a got her right after that.

She's still being pretty closed off about this and I know that's just her way of dealing with it right now. I did go to the school and told the principle what's going on. Luckily the school policeman has been a great support to Callie and he'll watch out for her. He came to the hospital that night too. Also I think the rape crisis lady said she would go to school with her. Of course I have to ask Callie first, but I would hope she'd let her come. She needs support. We see her therapist on Tuesday.

Hopefully we'll hear from the DA by the end of the week. We're afraid that the charge may be brought down to sex with a minor instead of rape.

We'll just have to wait and see.

Kathleen in NC

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[Guest guest]

:-D Well I am glad she has others to relate to - that's so important!

xo li

----- Original Message -----

Hi li,

Sorry I always misspell your name. Actually my best friend has talked to my daughter and she was raped at the age of 11. She's coming to stay with us next week. My daughter really likes her. Also her cousin called yesterday and she was raped also. Callie really loves this cousin so I hope they had a good talk. Thanks for your offer. Your so sweet!

Kathleen

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