Guest guest Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 you said " You may have felt hurt (which is an odd emotion in this situation -- I can > see anger, fear, but I can't see hurt. Perhaps you can explain more why you > felt " hurt " ) but her intent was to inform you of an upcoming change. " she was trying to make me feel bad is why. its the way she said it. she knows i dont like her and she likes to do things to push my buttons with it. for instance, she likes to talk about her when im in the room and tell me things about her that are trival. like she needs cough medication. you said " ** Don't take it personally. This is her dysfunctional way of coping and > relating. If your father was saying these things she would reply in the > same way. " however, she doesnt do this to my sister though. i dont understand why. i guess i have some ideas, but not quite sure. but, you are right she does it too my dad. she did it last night. i have learned not too be logical with her when she is angry because then she just flies from topic to topic trying to come up with something to hurt you with. and really doesnt make any sense. but, my dad still tries to explain after 25 years of marriage why its illogical and it hurts him. and then she keeps finding ways to hurt him and he has a bad temper and loses it. so if nothing is going to get solved through confrontation the best way seems to be to just use the same methods she uses, right? i also know that my family is a great deal of stress when my sister comes into it. its not great without her, but a lot better. its easier to handle the less sensitive i become. the whole dynamic changes when my sister comes in. she is a b----. but, if my mom wasnt the way she is it wouldnt be a such a problem. my mom always wanted her daughter to not take crap from anyone, esp. men. so she almost praises my sister for acting abrasive, passive aggressive and aggresive toward me and my sister knows this. so she throws huge fits when things dont go her way in the house. my mom will then act like a mother hen protecting her chicks and fight tooth and nail against you. for example if my sister had problems with body lotions my mom would throw all her's away and only buy stuff she wasnt sensitive too within a week. and if anybody wore anything, say i wore cologne. i would told to stop it right after my sister would throw a huge fit. and if i did it again i would be called a jerk and yelled at. i could probably get some of this pos. treatment in my favor too however. if i did things a little differently. my sister throws together these huge fake acts of kindness every once in a while. she says and does things that she knows my mom wants to hear and be a part of. and then she is usually good for a couple of months of getting whatever she wants. she is really good a manipulation. for instance when growing up if she would get mad at me she would call my mom just balling like she has been beaten and then right after she hangs up. she's bouncing around the house laughing. so i always not only had to take care of my needs, wants and desires. but, if my sister's werent fullfilled i was in trouble. i also cant trust her because she can switch on a dime if she wants something. im sorry for complaining so much. it is the way it is. i dont care so much about changing anything. i really am interested in just venting to feel better and looking for better ways of dealing with the situation. i think im past the point of really trying to form bonds and be honest and genuine as that just doesnt work. once i get another job here and make enough money i will move out. but, the world is a tough place for someone who is sensitive (a lot less, but still) from the drugs. not to mention the other damages like memory, fatigue, etc.... i need the security of home still. hopefully, that will end soon. i have seen some talk on here about a cbt group. however, i dont have a computer right now and when do you guys meet. i am doing a cbt program right now. but, it would be nice to interact with others about it. oh and if i showed my mom anything about drugs she would blow up. if i felt good and wasnt living under her roof. i would do it though just because she has been so negetive towards anything i say about it and get so emotional about it. jason > > Dear , > > > You said: > > > <<i didnt know if this belong on here or the socialward. but, i put > it on here because maybe others are dealing with things like this. > > last night my mom tried to hurt me a bit by saying you know your > sister is moving back in two weeks. >> > > > ** What I'm thinking here is how does letting you know what will be > happening in the house you live in trying to " hurt " you? > > > You may have felt hurt (which is an odd emotion in this situation -- I can > see anger, fear, but I can't see hurt. Perhaps you can explain more why you > felt " hurt " ) but her intent was to inform you of an upcoming change. > > > You said: > > > << i said thats fine just tell her > not to wear body lotion. well, it turned into a verbal abuse thing > again and for the first time i saw and realized how to respond when > she controls me by invalidating. she said something to the effect > that i will never get better unless i seek help. which, doesnt make > a lot of sense since im a lot better then i was even 6 months ago. >> > > > ** It doesn't make sense because she's coming from a non- logical place. > She defends the drugs because she takes them. If you have any problem, you > must need a drug. After all, that's what docs prescribe in these > situations. Her mind is controlled by these drugs. > > You said: > > <<but, i then said maybe if you seek help you will get better because you > are not normal. she got pissed and said she was normal and i > wasnt. i said according to who, you. and she said thats all in > just your head (she has used this a lot over the years and really > made me question myself). then i said maybe all this is in your > head. she didnt know what to do. this has been our relationship > for so long when she wanted to curb me. she would attack me and i > would just get down on myself. and it wasnt that bad in our > relationship until the withdrawl of paxil because for the most part > i was a really good kid and didnt do much wrong. so the jabs were > at things that werent so hard to deal with. > > i had a question of this? why me? why does, did she do this to me > because it worked? >> > > > ** Don't take it personally. This is her dysfunctional way of coping and > relating. If your father was saying these things she would reply in the > same way. > > You said: > > > <<i think its a main reason whenever anything > didnt go right i would just start beating myself up. instead of > finding the best way to deal with something neg. and building myself > up for going through tough times. i would do the opposite. i would > and do even beat myself up for things that are not my fault-- sinus > infection requiring surgery, colds, lost friendships, my recent > tooth problem requiring a root canal, etc... >> > > > ** It's good that you can see this now. This is the kind of thing that > the CBT group helps people with. > > > You said: > > <<another thing is my sister is moving back in a couple weeks and when > she is at home i just feel worse. she was home all day yesterday > and i just feel like crap. today i feel a lot better. i do think > im ready to take on another job as long as that job doesnt involve > body lotion and perfumes. but, i dont know if im ready to venture > out on my own yet sensitivity wise, competancy wise, etc...... i > just started to become unsensitive enough to handle the rest of my > family a couple months ago. > i may just try to find a place to give me a break from my sister and > then when she is gone at work go back home. that way i can still > get help if something goes wrong, i need food, etc....>> > > > ** I think you'd be better off on your own. Your family is a source of > a good deal of stress both physical and emotional. > > > Show this to your mother. Don't expect much, though. > > > > Chemical Sensitivities: a Global Problem, is a docment prepared in 1998 at > the request of the US Interagency Taskforce on Multiple Chemical > Sensitivities . > > > From the Task Force report: > > > III. Theories of Causation and Mechanisms > Introduction > The proposed theories of causation of MCS can only be summarized in this > report. Although these theories can be grouped into three broad categories > (immunologic, neurologic, and psychological), there are many variations. For > example, et al. (1997) proposed a theory of " toxicant- induced loss of > tolerance " (TILT), which suggests that acute or chronic chemical exposures > might cause certain susceptible persons to lose their tolerance for > previously tolerated chemicals, drugs, and foods. There is enough science > behind this for it to be plausible. > > > > Regards, > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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