You're just being selfish by not letting us help you.

[Guest guest]

Today in the grocery store, I overheard from a pair behind me a variation on

that classic. Actually, it was phrased less elegantly, more like: " So I told

him, like, if he didn't let any of us help him, he was just being really

selfish. "

I finally figured out why it has always bothered me (I've gotten it a few

times, too). My response now could be:

" Do I have to do all the work? Are you so unimaginative that you can't figure

out some way to help me without my cooperation? It's enough I have to live

with this. So I now have to figure out HOW you can help me? Are you that

lacking in empathy? "

L, Mark

[Guest guest]

> " Do I have to do all the work? Are you so unimaginative that you

can't figure out some way to help me without my cooperation? It's

enough I have to live with this. So I now have to figure out HOW you

can help me? Are you that lacking in empathy? "

>

I agree. I find that sometimes the best help for me is when it just

happens, with no asking.

It's like when there is a death in the family and people say,

" please let us know if there is anything we can do " and no one ever

is in the shape to ask.

My dearest friend of 22 years separated from her husband a couple

years ago and she and her two young sons were moving out. So I

called her and told her that I was coming up to help her get her new

place fixed up. Now, I am not a whole lot of help physically. But I

was able to do things like wash out the kitchen cabinets and unpack

her dishes while she was out doing some errands. So when she got

home, she at least had a place to eat and could find her food and

dishes and stuff. I hung her shower curtain and did little things

that gave her one less thing to think about. And later she said that

she had been at the point that she was overwhelmed and didn't even

know where to begin. When my husband and I moved into our first

house a couple years ago, his mother came over and while we unloaded

boxes, she jumped right in and completely organized the kitchen.

When I was getting ready to come home from the hospital with our

daughter, my m-i-l picked up all our dirty laundry, washed and hung

up everything and did drycleaning. And it was amazing help. (much

more than my mother who only calls and tells me what I need to be

doing on a daily basis)

So to wind up this long tale, I agree. I wish that sometimes people

would just risk it and jump on in and do things.

Joy