Christmas presents, oh no.

[Guest guest]

UGH

So I was talking to my sister last night, who is getting SO fed up

with NADA its unbelieveable. Anyway, I've been NC for a little

while, but Susie is LC. NADA told my sister that she has some

presents for me, and she is going to give them to my sister to give

to me when the time comes. I really don't want to accept any

presents. If she thinks I'm such a horrible daughter, why would she

want to give me presents? Plus, if she wanted to really give me

presents out of the Christmas spirit wouldn't she want to give them

to me herself?

I was debating on whether or not i should send her a card. But she

actually has presents for me?

How to i avoid this issue? I told my sister that i am sorry she is

in the middle of this situation, that mom is treating her like

the " middleman " and to try and avoid it. I told my sister to tell

NADA if she wants me to have presents then she needs to give them to

me herself. But I don't want them.

What if she mails them? Then what do i do?

I hate trying to figure this stuff out

[Guest guest]

She's free to send you presents. If your sister wants to deliver

them, that's her decision. Then it's up to you whether to accept

them, leave them on the front porch, or pitch them right in the

trash. You can't control whether nada gets you gifts or not, you

can't control whether your sister delivers them or not. The only

thing you can control is your response. Unfortunately, I'm not sure

you can avoid the situation without re-establishing contact, which I

suspect is what she's trying to do. Reconnect if you want to but on

your own terms, not because she's trying to guilt you with presents.

>

> UGH

> So I was talking to my sister last night, who is getting SO fed up

> with NADA its unbelieveable. Anyway, I've been NC for a little

> while, but Susie is LC. NADA told my sister that she has some

> presents for me, and she is going to give them to my sister to

give

> to me when the time comes. I really don't want to accept any

> presents. If she thinks I'm such a horrible daughter, why would

she

> want to give me presents? Plus, if she wanted to really give me

> presents out of the Christmas spirit wouldn't she want to give

them

> to me herself?

>

> I was debating on whether or not i should send her a card. But she

> actually has presents for me?

>

> How to i avoid this issue? I told my sister that i am sorry she is

> in the middle of this situation, that mom is treating her like

> the " middleman " and to try and avoid it. I told my sister to tell

> NADA if she wants me to have presents then she needs to give them

to

> me herself. But I don't want them.

>

> What if she mails them? Then what do i do?

>

> I hate trying to figure this stuff out

>

[Guest guest]

First off, your nada is planning on using guilt to manipulate you.

She wants you to feel guilty because she is 'such a good mother, and

is still thinking about you even though you are NC. " Next, she is

triangulating - getting someone else to do something that she should

be doing - getting your sister to give the gifts. This also works

to her benefit in that she can hope that your sister also sees her

as 'long suffering and a loving mother'.

The one thing I think you shouldn't do is to give the gifts back to

your sister, cause then you are playing right into the triagulation

to. And although your mother has no qualms about using your sister,

you know this isn't right, and you can stop it with your actions.

If your sister is up to it, she can just refuse to be the middle

man, but that is her decision.

If you get the gifts, perhaps you will consider donating them to a

charity, if you think they are worthwhile. Or you could mail them

back to your mother.

I have received a few things from my parents over the last few years

that I was no contact. I never acknowledged them.

Take care,

Sylvia

>

> UGH

> So I was talking to my sister last night, who is getting SO fed up

> with NADA its unbelieveable. Anyway, I've been NC for a little

> while, but Susie is LC. NADA told my sister that she has some

> presents for me, and she is going to give them to my sister to

give

> to me when the time comes. I really don't want to accept any

> presents. If she thinks I'm such a horrible daughter, why would

she

> want to give me presents? Plus, if she wanted to really give me

> presents out of the Christmas spirit wouldn't she want to give

them

> to me herself?

>

> I was debating on whether or not i should send her a card. But she

> actually has presents for me?

>

> How to i avoid this issue? I told my sister that i am sorry she is

> in the middle of this situation, that mom is treating her like

> the " middleman " and to try and avoid it. I told my sister to tell

> NADA if she wants me to have presents then she needs to give them

to

> me herself. But I don't want them.

>

> What if she mails them? Then what do i do?

>

> I hate trying to figure this stuff out

>

[Guest guest]

First off, your nada is planning on using guilt to manipulate you.

She wants you to feel guilty because she is 'such a good mother, and

is still thinking about you even though you are NC. " Next, she is

triangulating - getting someone else to do something that she should

be doing - getting your sister to give the gifts. This also works

to her benefit in that she can hope that your sister also sees her

as 'long suffering and a loving mother'.

The one thing I think you shouldn't do is to give the gifts back to

your sister, cause then you are playing right into the triagulation

to. And although your mother has no qualms about using your sister,

you know this isn't right, and you can stop it with your actions.

If your sister is up to it, she can just refuse to be the middle

man, but that is her decision.

If you get the gifts, perhaps you will consider donating them to a

charity, if you think they are worthwhile. Or you could mail them

back to your mother.

I have received a few things from my parents over the last few years

that I was no contact. I never acknowledged them.

Take care,

Sylvia

>

> UGH

> So I was talking to my sister last night, who is getting SO fed up

> with NADA its unbelieveable. Anyway, I've been NC for a little

> while, but Susie is LC. NADA told my sister that she has some

> presents for me, and she is going to give them to my sister to

give

> to me when the time comes. I really don't want to accept any

> presents. If she thinks I'm such a horrible daughter, why would

she

> want to give me presents? Plus, if she wanted to really give me

> presents out of the Christmas spirit wouldn't she want to give

them

> to me herself?

>

> I was debating on whether or not i should send her a card. But she

> actually has presents for me?

>

> How to i avoid this issue? I told my sister that i am sorry she is

> in the middle of this situation, that mom is treating her like

> the " middleman " and to try and avoid it. I told my sister to tell

> NADA if she wants me to have presents then she needs to give them

to

> me herself. But I don't want them.

>

> What if she mails them? Then what do i do?

>

> I hate trying to figure this stuff out

>